Hey Mofos! 

It's been a minute but I'm back. I was busy recovering from surgery but I'm ready to share my story. 

As you know, I had a long roller coaster of a ride with fibroids that ended with a hysterectomy in 2022. I decided to do something for me, and that meant going in for a breast reduction, because I was tired of lugging around a G cup and then while I was there decided to add on removing the shelf that was full of scar tissue and tears from all of my previous surgeries, and that resulted in a mini-abdominoplasty and some lipo. 

Whew chile, it's been a hard 3 1/2 months, but I decided to share the whole story on my podcast, Ladies Edition Podcast, so check it out here. Eventually I'll write a blog to give more tips as soon as I'm a lil further out in my recovery, because now chile, I'm still swollen and tired. 

Check it out:

 Hey mofos!

Whew-- funny how time flies when you're having fun and hot flashes--or whatever Janet Jackson sang. 

Can you believe a year ago this week, I had a melt down in the pre-op room and was knocked out before I even got to the operating room and I broke up with my uterus, cervix, and fallopian tubes?! 

So, how have me and my ovaries been since we ejected the issues causing the fibroids? I'm glad you asked! 

It has been a joy to not have a period every month, bleeding through my clothes and anything in my wake. It has been a joy to be able to leave the house and not worry about ruining my clothes and being embarrassed. I had gotten to the point where I had to change my double pads + a tampon every 30 minutes. That's no way to be. 

My stomach doesn't look 6-7 months pregnant, BUT I'd give it a 3-4 month look, unless the swelly belly decides to take place and then it's back to the 5-6 month look. Swelly belly is basically swelling like it would if you sprained your ankle and was on it for a while when it hasn't quite healed. So, if I'm standing up for a long time or stressed--hello swelling. My iron levels are AMAZING and holding steady and I was finally released from getting it checked every 3 months and no more iron infusions.. amen! 

Having iron levels steady and normal have allowed my hair to start growing back and it's THICK, my nails are stronger, my skin doesn't look so dried out, and my eyebrows are coming back in. So for those that wondered why I was wearing wigs when I have hair.. the point was I HAD hair but then I didn't so I resorted to wearing wigs and clip ins to cover it--now I don't have to but I still do for Check the Rhymes TV cuz I don't wanna do my hair half the time LOL. 

I decided to try HRT (hormone replacement therapy) because I still felt off, wasn't sleeping well, and the hot flashes were intermittent but they were fast and furious when they would occur, my skin was having the most random break outs, and shall we discuss the amount of dandruff and dismay, along with vaginal dryness (TMI but if you listen to the Ladies Edition Podcast you'll hear even more). I also found it was increasingly hard to lose weight no matter how hard I tried-- past the 11 pounds I lost a few months ago. (I put 4 of em back on). So I FINALLY found a doctor that tested my ish and I was low on progesterone, testosterone, and my estrogen was good (shout out to them good ovaries). So we tried a testosterone gel-- for me, it didn't do much, my skin wasn't absorbing it, but it does cause hair loss so I was like NAWL my ish just started growing back after fibroids and low iron damaged it so bad. We started me on progestin which is a bio-identical drug (yes I did my research and even talked to the Menopause doc about it since she was a guest on the podcast and prescribes natural remedies). Immediately I was sleeping at night, and my skin was clearing up, the night sweats weren't AS bad and lawd the dryness went away! AMENNNNNNNN now I guess you're wondering how the secks is? I don't know yet--I was scared to do it until I was SURE all the stitches were gone and everything was healed because I know too many stories about things going wrong when you ain't healed all the way EVEN if the doctor says it's okay. But to each her own, I ain't judging. Pelvic floor exercises are your friend--trust me!

Anyhoo, I also started a super low low low dose of estrogen--in the form of a patch because I was having some intense hot flashes when triggered (one person and their drama was sending me to the freezer to stick my head in it every time they called and call). The day I left the dentist office chair soaking wet and my clothes drenched, I knew I needed some help. Perimenopause can be hell on a girl. Some people have random pains, joint aching, and unexplained weight gain. I started to ease off the estrogen because of the insane mood swings, but realized my body just had to get used to that extra lil dose. Now, it seems to be all good. If only this belly fat would slide off, I'd be even better. 

So, I say all that to say I don't regret having the surgery at all. I just wish I had done it sooner. Sometimes I do think about what could have been if I had birthed some chirren but the way these fibroids sat on my bladder and caused intense cravings and on and on, but ultimately I had to choose me and that meant choosing a better quality of life. I am still working on the mental aspect of not having those parts anymore, but 99% of the time, I'm okay unless it's around when it would have been my time of the month and PMS hits (yes that still happens cuz I have my ovaries) then I'm ugly crying about WHYYYYYYYYYYY knowing damn hell well I don't mean that. 

I do find that I no longer want to write about fertility ANYTHING and wish publicists would stop sending me press releases etc--but they don't know about me and my journey so I get it, they are just doing their job. 

Some of you may be asking if the Ladies Edition podcast is returning, and the answer is I'm not sure. We both had to choose healing and cutting drama and toxicity out of our lives before we can give you our best selves, but for now, those 10 amazing episodes are still available anywhere podcasts stream. 

Happy Anniversary to me choosing me and my health! 

~Meik

 Hey Mofos! 

The weight struggle and journey after a hysterectomy continues. 

I'm on week 2 of the medi-weight loss plan and it has gotten easier so that I'm adding in various meals but still able to stick to the plan. I even ate out a couple of times--I just had to find healthy options. 

I did notice this week, my need for electrolytes was a bit intense, but I also kicked up my workouts like a whole fool. Then.. nausea set in thanks to some new meds to bring my A1C down, so eating became challenging for a couple of days. 

This week I'm only down 1.2 pounds and while it's frustrating TO ME-- it's still a win because I lost. My fat mass and BMI came down, and my waist is half an inch down from last week. Progress is progress! I have been able to wear shirts that were too tight a few weeks ago, so yay!! 

I've also been working on releasing the traumas that I'm convinced led to my fibroids and cysts and ultimately my hysterectomy. We've been talking a lot about that on the podcast, so make sure you tune in! One of these days I'll share my before and after photo when I get to my goal! 

So that's the update. How are you guys doing out there??

~Meik

 Hey Mofos! 

I hit my 6 month mark after evicting my uterus and I'm feeling pretty good. 

I'm lying. People always ask, "do you feel back to normal?"

WTF IS THAT?! Normal certainly isn't bleeding all your iron out monthly and it certainly isn't normal  to have your bladder squished and your uterus and fibroids sitting on other organs causing immense pain and uncomfortableness. I don't know what normal is. 

I'm feeling like a stranger in my own body-- like this is the body I had when I was fighting with the fibroids off and on, low iron off and on, bloating and heavy disrespectful periods. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a body rid of all this, I still see this body. I see some progress with the hair loss--it's growing back in fully and THICK DO YOU HEAR ME?! AMEN!! My eyebrows are baaaack! Nails strong and I'm not itching like crazy cuz of low ass iron. 

Anyhoo, I know some folks drop all this weight after they evict their uterus, but some gain. My weight stayed the same. As you know, I was so excited hoping my body would be cooperative and be in the number of releasing the fibroid weight, but despite my uterus + fibroids weighing 5'levum whatever it was.. nothing. Now, I will say I am still dealing with swelly belly so when I get up in the morning, I'm like YESSSSSS COME THRU STOMACH, but a few hours later.. it's like oh you back to looking pregnant. 

So, I hopped back into working out at 4 months or so, went hard as hell close to the 5 month mark, and nothing. Not an ounce lost. Just more fatigue and tears. Clothes still looking like I need to buy the right size and more frustration. Wait, scratch that, I still can't wear my clothes with buttons comfortably, it's like my stomach doesn't want to be touched. 

I'd had enough of not feeling good about how I look. I see myself on camera weekly with Check the Rhymes and I thought wow, my chins are chinning, my face is full, and if I sit a certain way, you'll see the tire around my waist, swelling the more stressed out I get, and the more I move around. I used to take tons of selfies and pics, but now that is rare and if I do take them, y'all ain't gonna see em. The acne is a whole other hormonal ass story. 

Now, let me just say I started seeing a nutritionist right after I was told my fibroids had returned in 2020. MY WEIGHT NEVER CHANGED. IS IT MEEEE?! Or is it them? Either way, I knew it was time to break up with this nutritionist because it felt like a whole lot of yapping, me eating what they said and still nothing. So, I was getting desperate to feel some kind of new normal, feel cute, sexy, feel like a grown up Meik Meik and not like a PE teacher (no shade) wearing gym shorts, and tee shirts all the time and dreading if anyone invited me anywhere because that brought on a whole new anxiety of what to wear. I had resorted to wearing elastic everything. 

So I found out my insurance would cover Medi-Weight Loss. So here I am, week 1 and while most folks get to do a version of Keto the first week to put them into Ketosis, my body said nawl sis, we got sugar issues so for my first week, I had to incorporate high protein, low carb things from a list they gave me and eating every 2-4 hours-- 6x a day. I remembered, this is how I lost weight in 2007 doing the reality show--so I KNOW this works. It's just a matter of prepping (which I didn't) and finding foods you like. Since I'm working from home, I decided not to prep the first week so I could figure out the combos of things I like. I still refuse to eat that rubber looking turkey bacon, but anyhoo. I also can't take the supplements they force on you-- because I can't swallow pills and they are expensive af. I do get the weekly b vitamins injection cuz I need all the help I can get. 

I felt so proud of myself for  sticking to it, despite getting frustrated. 

*Resumes writing after weigh in*

For week 1, I have lost a total of almost 4 pounds (we round up over here for them point whatevers LOL) and 2 inches in my waist (measured before swelly belly kicks in cuz hysterectomy remnants). Talking to the nutritionist made me realize  the entire reason I couldn't lose weight since 2020-- BECAUSE THE RAGGELY HOE ok lemme be nice, the nutritionist I had been seeing had me on a diet to MAINTAIN my weight with 50'levum grams of carbs daily vs now where I do under 50g. She had me eating beans, more beans, and more beans, products that had more carbs than protein, and the list goes on. The way she had me eating, I was eating out at least 3-4 times a week. So far with this diet, it's been 1x a week and that's only because of people's birthdays or special events. I also know what to order to stay on track.  

So.. onto week 2, I'll keep y'all posted on the progress. Do what works for your body! It may take forever and a day to figure that out, but I knew when I wanted to drop this weight it was about being healthier, and getting my numbers down after fibroids and low iron skyrocketed everything, and I wanted to feel "cozy" in my skin. IFYKYK! 

What has your experience been with losing weight after a hysterectomy or a myomectomy or UFE? 

Also, be prepared to be sick of me wearing crop tops when I get to that point. Ok bye! 

Oh yeah and listen to the Ladies Edition podcast for all things women's health and fibroids and other ish. 

~Meik

Hey Mofos!

I had a blog on my heart, I know that's rare LOL but here I am. As I come up on my 6 month anniversary since I ejected my uterus, I thought I'd give a lil update or at least talk about what's on my mind. This song was perfect for this blog by the way. 

Post hysterectomy, I've been dealing with a lot of random things happening as my body adjusts and then you have one doctor misdiagnosing something and another coming to clean up behind them and pull me back from the ledge. Skin rashes, acne, new allergies, hormones jumping like a disco, weight gain, swelly belly, pelvic/hip pain, and the list goes on. 

Then I realized-- I have to let my body heal from the traumatic experience of a surgery that has changed my life forever. A WHOLE ASS PART OF MY REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM IS GONE. My body has to learn how to function without it.  I also realized the one thing that has been missing through my journey of fibroids, iron infusions, surgeries, especially this last one-- God. 

I kept reading ish in this Facebook group, thinking that I had every single thing wrong with me that people kept complaining about. It was almost like I started manifesting every ache and pain until I got pushed to my breaking point. I'm so glad they kicked me out of the group but anyhoo, a doctor ran tests on me without my permission--we had only agreed to check a, b, and c, and they had the wrong chart,  (that's another story),and had me on a whole downward spiral thinking I had made the wrong decision etc. I cried harder than I have ever cried and I swear that day is when I remembered that I hadn't gone to the one person that could heal everything-- Black Jesus aka God. 

I reconnected with God in a way that I honestly hadn't bothered to do. I was so set in my ways of woe is me, I feel bad, everything is awful, blah blah blah. I think HE was trying to get my attention. He certainly got it. My friend reminded me to let go of trying to do the most and give it God. I began praying more and thanking God for the things I do have and how He brought me through this entire ordeal. It wasn't the doctors by themselves that got me through each surgery, every time my iron dipped dangerously low, it was God. When I walked into that doctor's office and they said, "your ferritin is so low, we don't even know how you are still walking around." God. That's how. One affirmation I tell myself every single day is that I'm grateful for my body and I am healthy. 

I had my physical today, and I debated about asking about the prior diagnosis from another doctor, but then I said you know what, I know God and that isn't my story that the other doctor diagnosed me with. Y'all. This doctor today was like "you are healthy, and this isn't what the other doctor said, this is x,y, z and they never should have tested you for the other stuff." I knew right then it was nothing but God that changed that medical report. It got me to thinking that it wasn't the doctors that got me off that cane in 2014-2015... it was God. Nobody and I mean NOBODY could figure out what was wrong with my leg but one doctor that to this day, I still feel like that was divine intervention to how I ended up going to see him. It's a doctor that's in a whole other city over an hour away. Now, if God will slide this weight off.... AMEN?! AMEN!

Seriously, I just wanted to share that God is a healer and He has the final say. I'm not going to go into too much detail because I only share loudly about the fibroids and the hysterectomy, but I am so grateful that I have a primary care doctor that stays on my neck --because if she hadn't kept her foot in my tail, I never would have gone to the doctor she referred me to about my iron and I certainly wouldn't have known that I was about to be laid out somewhere because of those dang fibroids and heavy bleeding. I'm still here. I thank God for that. 

Also, I thank God that my hair is growing back. AMEN. 

I'm not gonna hold y'all (cuz this felt like a whole testimony and sermon), but prayer does work and so does stopping and allowing your body to do it's job and heal. Someone I was interviewing the other day said that sometimes you can manifest things in your body because you are holding things in. I've always felt like fibroids were a physical manifestation of some ish that I've been through but them mofos are gone so why am I still tripping?! There is no reason. Not one. I am healing and it's a process. I just have to let it do what it do. 

I even get frustrated with my career and pout and stomp and have whole tantrums and I feel like God is always like "are you finished?" Then something magical happens. I still believe in manifesting things, but to me, it's like having faith that whatever you have asked for, it will be. I can't quote no scriptures cuz I ain't been back in church but a few weeks, but you get the point. I'm still a heathen. 

I hope this helps somebody. 

Until later, 

~Meik

Hey Mofos!

As you know I have had quite the fibroid journey which ultimately ended up with me kicking my uterus out and the fibroid drama with it. After I shared my story, I realized how hard of a time I had finding others in the same boat, because we just don't talk about the ish publicly. WHY YA'LL SO SHY? F THAT FIBROID FILLED UTERUS. I clearly am still mad. Anyhoo, another friend of mine, Chelley Cheyenne, also experienced fibroids and had her own journey so we decided to join forces and create a podcast called "Ladies Edition."

Lemme answer a few questions:

Where did the name Ladies Edition come from?

My favorite album of all time. If you know, you know. 

How many episodes on the podcast?

Hell if I know, until I or Chelley get bored with it. We busy. shit. 

What do y'all talk about?

Glad you asked! Our mission is to educate and empower women when it comes to our reproductive health. We want to arm you with the info you need, and hopefully answer some of the questions you have whether you are looking at surgical options or not. We aren't doctors, but we'll have some on the show, but what we can do is give you our real life experience. We scour the internet and find the most burning questions from people, and we had those ourselves. Don't worry, we talk about sex in future episodes. 

Where can I listen to the podcast?

Chile, where else do you listen? Just kidding! Catch the links here: 

Spotify - https://spoti.fi/3PWHJC0
Apple - https://apple.co/3zgtqlX
Suite929 - https://bit.ly/3GDuK3K

Make sure you subscribe! 

How often are there new episodes?

Chile, subscribe and find out. 

Do you need guests?

We do! We want to create a safe space for you to share your story and be heard! WE SEE YOU! WE UNDERSTAND! 

If you'd like to share your story (and you can even write in and share it and we'll read it) please email us! If you are a medical expert, please hit us up! You can hit me here on the blog shameika@themofochronicles.com 

Also, tell us the topics you want to hear about! Is there something about fibroids, endometriosis, adenomyosis, hysterectomy, myomectomy, and on and on that you want to know about? If we don't know the answer,best believe we'll find someone that can shed some light! WE GOT YOU! 

Because I promised to link my hysterectomy check list blog--here it is. 

No, I'm not giving up on Check the Rhymes TV-- it's still on and popping with lots of new content!

 Now, head on over and check out the first episode of Ladies Edition. We'll see you soon! 

~Meik

Hey Mofos!

It's been a minute, but I'm still here. I've been recovering and still recovering from throwing my uterus away aka a hysterectomy. I thought I would tell y'all about my experience and some helpful things in case you are about to undergo this major surgery. I will start off by saying.. THIS IS YOUR DECISION, do not let the "well, but you should" negative ass nancy's sway you from what is best for you and your body! Since I'm tired, I ain't gonna hold y'all long but I know some folks have this surgery coming up ASAP and I wanted to make sure I pass on some helpful info. Ready? Let's go! This is gonna be a long one that has taken me days to finish. 

First read this blog that will explain how I made my decision to throw the uterus in the trash. 

Done? Ok, let's proceed! 

Do not watch YouTube videos or in my opinion read all the negative things that happened to folks during surgery. I went down the rabbit hole of YouTube until my doctor snatched my ass back to reality. Here's the other thing, an OB/GYN is who did my myomectomy and jacked my leg up, so this time I was terrified but I went with a surgeon that does this ish 50'levum times a week and in his sleep. He is one of the best in the city and I appreciated how he even took the time to answer allllllll of my questions and even ease my fears. We talked through every single thing. Anyhoo, for me, talking to those that had the surgery helped and they gave me some helpful tips. Plus, what really helped seal the deal, was since I kept my ovaries, my doctor told me I could still retrieve my eggs if I wanted to. For me, that made getting rid of the uterus not seem so bad, if I could save some eggs for me and my future hubby to have chirren if we found a surrogate and had the money to do so. 

Before surgery

I had a couple of virtual/telehealth pre-op appointments where they tell you what not to do. For me, the doc said no heavy lifting--nothing over 10lbs for 8-10 weeks, driving is okay after a week or two, nothing in the vagina for 8 weeks and for some of you that includes your damn fingers (I read about y'all checking your cuff.. ew). My out of work time was slated as 4 to 6 weeks. What's a cuff you ask? When they remove your cervix, they gotta sew that area up so your ish don't slide out and end up in your drawls. Make sense? So you def have to be careful so you don't tear that ish and have a prolapse. 

Anyhoo, 3 hours before surgery, I was told to drink a 20 oz Gatorade. Lemme tell you what, when your bladder is being squished by an enlarged uterus and fibroids, that is the most uncomfy feeling cuz when you get to the surgery center they make your ass wait to pee. I swear I saw stars and I sat there crossing and uncrossing my legs and eyes. 

They wanna check your urine to see if you are pregnant. Lemme tell you, I was so shook and I had on a pair of glasses that I never wear, and as I squatted to pee, filled the cup, set the cup on the floor for a sec, my glasses fell off, hit the cup, pee went everywhere ..JEEZUS IS THIS A SIGN?! Luckily, I had enough pee still going that I could grab the cup and fill it up. TMI I know, but hell. You wanted to know the real right?

The nurse assigned to me, had me take a medicine to relax my bladder (now I can't swallow pills so she had to crush that ish and I know she hates me LMAO), NSAIDs, and Gabapentin. I also was given 6 sanitizing wipes to cleanse my entire body with. 

I had a breakdown before they took me back. It was so bad, because the nurse I had triggered me and had me questioning my decision. I sobbed asking my mama if I made the right decision, then after she calmed me down, I got on the bed, and said if y'all don't take me back there now, I ain't going. That's the last thing I remember. They knocked my ass out IMMEDIATELY LMAO.

After Surgery:

I believe the surgery lasted 3 hours or so. I had a lot of scar tissue/adhesions that was stuck to damn near everything, my uterus was 5x the normal size, there were cysts, fibroids and hell all in there. I also had adenomyosis. So basically I had my uterus, tubes, and cervix removed, keeping my ovaries. I could tell I had to pee so bad after surgery but I couldn't go. They gave me a bed pan.. nothing. Finally they did a quick catheter so I could go and whew.. relief. I went home right after that-- so one day surgery.. in and out. 

Now, bishhhhhhh-- just cuz you kept the ovaries, doesn't mean you won't have some of those menopause symptoms because the ovaries have been traumatized. Hot flashes, body changes, night sweats, YOU NAMMMMME IT! As I turn the corner in week 5, those things have calmed down, but popsicles have helped and a stronger clinical strength deodorant. 

The first 3 days felt like a breeze ---well cuz they put on some numbing medicine that lasts that long, but when it wears off, chile, you feel it! 

Before you throw out all your pads and panty liners.. don't. You'll still need them for a while for spotting. For me, it lasted a couple of weeks. 

Helpful Tips:

1. Get some nightgowns, you want to be comfy and aren't gonna want tight ass pajama pants or shorts around your abdomen. My surgery was laparoscopic and I have 4 incisions-- night gowns are my new fav things. 

2. Some folks suggested an abdominal binder. I didn't use one--that ish hurt based on the location of my incisions. I did have one when I had a myomectomy, but I found that just wearing some good ole granny panties helped me feel secure and not like my insides were swooshing around. But, you can grab one off Amazon if you choose to. My doctor said I didn't need it and he was right. 

3. GAS X. Chile, them gas pains are a donkey and you can't just be trying to push a poot out. Miralax or some kind of stool softener is necessary--again, you don't want to push when you need to go poop. I will say-- your pain meds will cause constipation, so the trick the nurse told me is to get some glycerin suppositories, prune juice, and milk of magnesia and BOOM-- it works! (This was after day 4 of not going). 

4. WALK. Girl, let me see you waaaaalllllk. My doctor told me to make sure after surgery I walked every hour that I was awake. I'm not saying walk a mile, but you want that gas pain to move, and you want your bowels to get going and walking even to the bathroom and back to the bed helps! As the weeks progress--I would increase my walks by 5 minutes.. so right now I'm up to 15-20 minutes depending on how my iron levels decide to behave that day. 

5. REST. The first 2 weeks, your ass betta not do nuthin and I mean nuthin. You get one chance to heal right and why risk it by trying to be fast having the secks before you've been cleared? THAT MOFO CAN WAIT. If he can't.. then he don't care about you or your health chile. If it's you that can't wait, then I'm side-eying you and wondering do you even care about yourself?!

6. Heating pad and ice packs. Now, I had bad sciatica nerve pain the first two weeks, and apparently this is normal. Heating pads worked wonders on my lower back and while laying down, I would flex and point my toes and that helped too. (Ok I found that trick on YouTube). I used and am still using ice packs on my stomach--it feels good, especially these random stabbing nerve pains that keep reminding me I had surgery, plus your stomach is still swollen for a while, and IDK if it's helping but in my head you put ice on swollen ish. 

7. Prep meals and clean your house before surgery. I didn't do the meal prep ish because I wasn't staying at home the first week and a half, I was at my mom's house, so why should I cook?! LOL But I did clean the house and rearranged my kitchen and bathroom so I could reach things without bending over. Some people say they lose their appetites, I am not one of those. However, I did discover that some foods I craved and ate with the fibroids, I no longer wanted. I also can't handle certain foods--like anything that's gonna cause gassiness is a nope.. leave it. Spicy--nah sis, and fried foods--do it at your own risk. Start out gentle with soups and things and experiment with what works for you. At this point in my recovery, I've found that I no longer like french fries and gimme a moment.... I'm still mourning. 

8. A Grabber is your bff. I didn't think about this, but my mom got me one to use, because when I got back home, I needed to pick up things that I dropped. You never realize how much you are dropping things until you can't bend over to pick the shit up. I was also squatting to pick stuff up so I didn't have to bend, but I also just went thru physical therapy for months and these quads and hamstrings gonna get this work. 

9.  Some women have some kind of magical healing potion I'm convinced and could immediately get back into their jeans. I ain't them. I wore nothing but nightgowns the first 2 weeks, eased into some shorts that didn't squeeze my stomach, and by week 3 1/2 I could button my jeans, but couldn't wear them comfortably, but found some leggings that don't hurt. I haven't been able to wear my sweat pants because of the elastic, but if you can, you are a chosen one. 

10. If you need help from family and friends, don't be so independent and try to do everything on your own. If it wasn't for my mom, I wouldn't have clean clothes, there was no way I could do laundry and even now it's still a struggle. Let people help! I was able to shower the next day, but I think only because I didn't have to lift my leg to get into the tub, it was a shower I could just walk into it. I also didn't let the water hit me directly in the stomach, because that just seemed like it might hurt. 

11. Pillows! I got a pregnancy C-pillow to sleep with--I still can't sleep on my side without feeling like my insides slid to the side, but it is comfy for me to sleep on my back feeling like someone is hugging me, it provides support on both sides and under my legs. When I'm sitting on the couch, I have a wedge pillow because sitting straight up isn't the most comfy. You will need a pillow to act as a buffer between you and a seatbelt, so make sure you have one in the car day of surgery. 

12. I prepared emotionally. I did multiple EFT Tapping sessions and therapy sessions to wrap my brain around a hysterectomy. It felt like my womanhood was being snatched away, like no one would want me because I wasn't complete anymore. Then I realized, was I ever complete with fibroids? No. I was miserable as hell. I worried that the guy I was seeing wouldn't want me and I was terrified to even tell him about this procedure, but I also realized, it ain't got shit to do with him or anybody else, this is my body. This is for me to reclaim my life and body. I cried and bid my uterus a goodbye, and even ugly cried thru messages to the child I thought I would carry one day (this was before I was told I could retrieve my eggs after surgery). I struggled through seeing others being pregnant and joyful just as I was about to take that away. So my EFT lady got me together and reminded me that I was getting rid of all the trauma and negativity, and getting a clean slate to discover myself. When I walked into the surgery center, I was calm, nervous yes, but calm because I had changed my perspective on this surgery and what it meant for me. I saw it as a second chance and a chance to erase all the bad decisions of men I had ever been with LOL. I told myself that I'd get to my goal weight soon and wear the crop tops, scars and all. 

After surgery, yeah there's been crying for no reason, but it's hormones out of whack. I have no regrets at all. NONE. Yes, it's still hard to celebrate pregnancies of others right now while I'm still kind of mourning what could have been (tho could it, because of all the drama that was inside my body?!), I've had to re-examine friendships because the folks I thought would show up for me--they simply didn't, and the ones that did, I had to realize they are truly the ones that have been in my corner for a while. I also learned that men are truly clueless when it comes to hysterectomies and that's okay.

I've also had to draw boundaries to keep my stress levels down-- I noticed that when I get stressed, the hot flash starts and jeezus, I want to sit in the freezer and be left alone. I'm learning that don't have to respond to every text, answer every call. LEAVE ME BE! LOL

This is the first break from work and writing that I've had in a long time and it gave me time to get closer to my mom, since she took care of me and I'm forever grateful to her. 

I'm 5 weeks as I write this blog, and I don't have all the answers. My iron levels are still janky, so I'm exhausted at even getting out of the bed, I'm healing, but know that everybody's body is different, so while I may have felt great the first two weeks, you might not. My appetite has waned, which has affected my glucose levels and has me dizzy and looking crazy, but I AINT LOST NO WEIGHT YET LMAO.. and with that I will say-- the scale might not be your friend while you are still swelling. I weighed one thing in the morning, and by the end of the day, I weighed 5lbs less, but then the next day I was up 3lbs. So, if you like having your emotions played with, by all means weigh yourself lol. I still have PMS symptoms, I'm emotional, and cry at the smallest thing. 

It's a process, and your body just went thru a major trauma, be kind to yourself and your body. I'm learning to be patient. I'm excited to learn who I am without fibroids, without a heavy period that holds me hostage in the house for several days. I'm excited to see what my body looks like after the swelling goes away and my iron levels are normal again. I'm excited to learn who I am and what my normal is. I know this, NO MORE PERIODS AND I CAN WEAR WHITE! 

This isn't a complete guide or anything, but hopefully this helps someone.

Let me know in the comments if you have had a hysterectomy and what other tips or questions you have! 

Keep healing and stay positive! 

~Meik

Hey Mofos! 

I hate fibroids and every single thing they stand for. Whew, I had to get that off my chest. I'm a couple weeks away from throwing the entire uterus away aka a hysterectomy. Transparency time: I'm nervous, I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm anxious, I'm all the things, but at the same time I'm excited to have some relief. These damn things literally have mimicked what I assume pregnancy feels like-- cravings, sweats, back pain, and an enlarged uterus. The first go around my cravings were all about the Ben & Jerry's banana and peanut butter ice cream (gaaaag--I can't even look at that ish now). I would literally buy a container every single night after work and inhale it like nobody's business with a bag of M&M's. Not the lil packet, the BIG BAG. But this time, I've craved pickles, Pringles (the amount of cans I have in my cabinet is absolutely disrespectful), and debbie cakes--swiss cake rolls if you're being nosy. My acid reflux is outta control and well, I have to pee every two seconds since one is pressing on my bladder. The first time around my cycle completely stopped, this time around it's a crime scene every time it comes around, and clothes and anything else in its path gets ruined. 

But aside from the blood bath, experiencing the joys of pregnancy without ever being able to have a child--woooooooo. This is just MY experience, I'm sure you all have your own to share if you have experienced fibroids. Do I want kids? I've been asked this many times and the dream I had was to have the husband, have a kid, and a white picket fence. Instead, something went wrong somewhere and I got none of that but 20+ fibroids and heartache. BUT, what I did learn was because my ovaries will be left, I can still retrieve my eggs and have that dream.. so BRING YOUR ASS HUSBAND! Adoption is an option and I would even be okay with being a great step mom. I really really realllllllly just want a husband and to be married but that's another blog.

Back to the broids... 

I wanted to share something I learned from my EFT Tapping session as we tapped about my anxiety over the hysterectomy. 

Each fibroid to me represents another heartbreak, trauma, pain from some form of rejection. It's just how my body decided to manifest that trauma. From growing up around domestic violence and drugs/alcoholism, to being cheated on by who I thought was the love of my life (and watching him go off and have kids after he claimed he never wanted em.. he just didn't want them with ME), to being raped by a washed up athlete with a gold tooth, to career rejection and being knocked down more times than I can count, and every crush that rejected me, every situation that didn't work out, and the toothless mofo that ghosted me (I know..y'all want that story and I'll give it to you cuz baaaaabbaaaayyyyyyy when the self esteem is low..the things you will do LOL)-- but basically alllllll of these things and more.. I got a new fibroid or cyst after every bit of pain I experienced. My fibroids came back with a vengeance after I left TV News and started up a situationship with someone that had no business even being in my space. He broke me in ways that I let happen and next thing you know the doctor is telling me I have 2 cysts and all these fibroids, severe anemia, and need iron infusions. As each strand of hair fell out and my body grew bigger, I literally had to to pull myself up and outta that situation and get my self-esteem back on track so I could deal with these broids and the aftermath head on. 

If you've followed my journey, you know I've already tried to shrink them by changing my diet, exercise, 2 surgeries, and frankly, I'm tired, and uncomfortable. The only option for ME is to throw the whole uterus away. 

Tapping thru this made me realize, this hysterectomy is about getting rid of all this pain and heartache. Getting rid of all the mofos and the pain they inflicted on me..all the rejection. I'm reclaiming MY body back, I'm reclaiming ME back. I will be wearing a mofo'n crop top soon as my stomach deflates back to the size it's supposed to be without the broids.  Tapping helped me realize that I'm now able to make room and space to allow true love to flow in and to finally allow myself to see my full complete and whole self. I thank my uterus for being that protector that didn't allow me to get pregnant by any of these mofos , and I thank my uterus for taking on the trauma that I didn't know what else to do with or how to handle it. But, I'm okay now. I got it from here. 

I'm totally rambling and freestyling this blog so hopefully it helps you if you are dealing with this. I'll be posting about my hysterectomy, because after all, I'm a writer that loves to share what I'm going through in case it helps others. 

Stay tuned... 

~Meik

Hey Mofos!

F Fibroids and everything they stand for period. F everybody that has no idea what a woman dealing with fibroids goes thru and making pregnancy assumptions and on and on. If you are utterly confused about what fibroids are, then read more here. 

What's wrong with you Meik????

I'm glad you asked! I'm fed up. 

If you recall in 2013 I had a myomectomy for fibroids which led to the nerve damage in my leg. Fast forward to 2020--them mofos returned. I swear I didn't leave the welcome mat out, but they have camped out in my and on my uterus making themselves at home, draining my iron and well.. I'm not going into that story either.. read it here.  

But I'm not about to go into my medical history here--what I do want to address is the mental anguish that one goes thru with this ish. 

I've been working with a dietician, working out, all the things you're supposed to do and my stomach keeps expanding. I know it's the fibroids causing bloating and everything else because the uterus is larger than it should be. Hell the first time I had fibroids, my uterus was the size of someone that was 5 or 6 months pregnant. This time, it's not AS big, but it's still outchea.  I was at an event a few weeks ago, not realizing the more stressed I was getting, the more my stomach kept bloating--weird, but it does that. I hate wearing dresses because of my stomach, but I pushed that fear aside and thought I was cute..only for someone to walk up to me during intermission and ask if I was pregnant. Knocking down any ounce of self esteem I had built up for myself before I left the house in that outfit. 

I went thru about 50'levum emotions and wanting to run and hide was at the top of the list. First of all, you don't ask someone if they are pregnant. If they are and they want you to know, they will tell you. This even reminds me of another event a few years ago, I posted a photo on social media and the first thing a guy said (notice it's always the dumb ass men) was that I looked like I had been eating a ton. 

Now, if you have ever been out to eat with me, you already know I barely eat as it is so no, I was not eating a ton but even if I was, that's not for a mofo to point out! RUDE. 

I realized thru my EFT Tapping that these fibroids have literally had me hiding behind them for years. Every guy I dated put me down-- but in my head, that's okay, I'm fat cuz of fibroids, so I get it. Each one constantly commented on my weight--making me feel like I was never good enough, pretty enough, and then they would never commit. Spoiler alert-- they didn't and I wasted my time for years with this last one but that's another story.  I took that on as my burden to bear that I deserved to be treated like that because fibroids (ok well that ill-skilled doctor), my leg, and anything else I could come up with.  (WROOOOONG--thank gawd for healing and therapy). One even told me I was shaped funny before I even knew I had fibroids. That comment never left, it just got louder in my head. All of their comments became who I was. Scared and convinced that nobody would want me if I was fat. Let's not even get into the fact that I haven't worn heels really since 2013, but mofos be so loud on social media and in person about how their woman MUST wear heels and must have this length of hair and you get the point. My hair was coming out, and all the other issues that the anemia I had developed thanks to the fibroids were wreaking havoc on me.  I was failing in all those areas. 

Meeting new people would freak me out sometimes because I wondered if they are thinking why is her stomach so big and the rest of her isn't? IS she pregnant? WHAT IS GOING ON?! 

I started to self-sabotage because I couldn't handle the thought of someone asking me anything, even on-air job opportunities.  I just hid, behind these fibroids.  So why am I talking about this? My EFT practitioner told me I need to own the story and not to let the fibroids run it anymore. 

So.. no more hiding. F THOSE FIBROIDS. 

With or without fibroids, I'm me. I'm the one interviewing your favs, I'm the one writing some of the articles you are reading, running this blog and writing it, working a jobby job, and putting myself back out there in the dating world. I've gotten my confidence back, building it one brick at a time over the years, there are still those days where my stomach has me so uncomfortable that I'm ready to remove the fibroids my damn self. But here's what I know, these fibroids don't run my damn life--I run it. They just happen to be inside of me for the time being. These fibroids don't determine my worthiness, nor do they dictate if I would make a great wife or step mammy. I'm still me. These extra pounds and the number on the scale don't determine if I'm good enough or if I'm talented, or even if I'm worth being in a relationship with. I also am working on ignoring the chatter and the rudeness of those that don't know any better. I can't let people's opinions get in my head. Check the Rhymes needs me and I need it, so there's no room for so and so thinks this or that. F YO OPINION! If a guy can't accept this is how I look right now.. f him too. hell. 

When I get these broids removed.. It's over for you hoes! LOL Imma be out here in crop tops all year round LOL. Just kidding.. or am I?

Anyway, I just hope this encourages others that may be dealing with fibroids and the mental gymnastics it does. Keep your head up sis. We got this! And for everybody else, you never know what people are dealing with-- don't assume ish. 

~Meik