Healing For My Soul and Other Thangs

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Hey Mofos!

I had a blog on my heart, I know that's rare LOL but here I am. As I come up on my 6 month anniversary since I ejected my uterus, I thought I'd give a lil update or at least talk about what's on my mind. This song was perfect for this blog by the way. 


Post hysterectomy, I've been dealing with a lot of random things happening as my body adjusts and then you have one doctor misdiagnosing something and another coming to clean up behind them and pull me back from the ledge. Skin rashes, acne, new allergies, hormones jumping like a disco, weight gain, swelly belly, pelvic/hip pain, and the list goes on. 

Then I realized-- I have to let my body heal from the traumatic experience of a surgery that has changed my life forever. A WHOLE ASS PART OF MY REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM IS GONE. My body has to learn how to function without it.  I also realized the one thing that has been missing through my journey of fibroids, iron infusions, surgeries, especially this last one-- God. 

I kept reading ish in this Facebook group, thinking that I had every single thing wrong with me that people kept complaining about. It was almost like I started manifesting every ache and pain until I got pushed to my breaking point. I'm so glad they kicked me out of the group but anyhoo, a doctor ran tests on me without my permission--we had only agreed to check a, b, and c, and they had the wrong chart,  (that's another story),and had me on a whole downward spiral thinking I had made the wrong decision etc. I cried harder than I have ever cried and I swear that day is when I remembered that I hadn't gone to the one person that could heal everything-- Black Jesus aka God. 

I reconnected with God in a way that I honestly hadn't bothered to do. I was so set in my ways of woe is me, I feel bad, everything is awful, blah blah blah. I think HE was trying to get my attention. He certainly got it. My friend reminded me to let go of trying to do the most and give it God. I began praying more and thanking God for the things I do have and how He brought me through this entire ordeal. It wasn't the doctors by themselves that got me through each surgery, every time my iron dipped dangerously low, it was God. When I walked into that doctor's office and they said, "your ferritin is so low, we don't even know how you are still walking around." God. That's how. One affirmation I tell myself every single day is that I'm grateful for my body and I am healthy. 

I had my physical today, and I debated about asking about the prior diagnosis from another doctor, but then I said you know what, I know God and that isn't my story that the other doctor diagnosed me with. Y'all. This doctor today was like "you are healthy, and this isn't what the other doctor said, this is x,y, z and they never should have tested you for the other stuff." I knew right then it was nothing but God that changed that medical report. It got me to thinking that it wasn't the doctors that got me off that cane in 2014-2015... it was God. Nobody and I mean NOBODY could figure out what was wrong with my leg but one doctor that to this day, I still feel like that was divine intervention to how I ended up going to see him. It's a doctor that's in a whole other city over an hour away. Now, if God will slide this weight off.... AMEN?! AMEN!

Seriously, I just wanted to share that God is a healer and He has the final say. I'm not going to go into too much detail because I only share loudly about the fibroids and the hysterectomy, but I am so grateful that I have a primary care doctor that stays on my neck --because if she hadn't kept her foot in my tail, I never would have gone to the doctor she referred me to about my iron and I certainly wouldn't have known that I was about to be laid out somewhere because of those dang fibroids and heavy bleeding. I'm still here. I thank God for that. 

Also, I thank God that my hair is growing back. AMEN. 

I'm not gonna hold y'all (cuz this felt like a whole testimony and sermon), but prayer does work and so does stopping and allowing your body to do it's job and heal. Someone I was interviewing the other day said that sometimes you can manifest things in your body because you are holding things in. I've always felt like fibroids were a physical manifestation of some ish that I've been through but them mofos are gone so why am I still tripping?! There is no reason. Not one. I am healing and it's a process. I just have to let it do what it do. 

I even get frustrated with my career and pout and stomp and have whole tantrums and I feel like God is always like "are you finished?" Then something magical happens. I still believe in manifesting things, but to me, it's like having faith that whatever you have asked for, it will be. I can't quote no scriptures cuz I ain't been back in church but a few weeks, but you get the point. I'm still a heathen. 

I hope this helps somebody. 

Until later, 


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