Hey mofos!
It's been a minute since I've had a guest blogger or talked about the ragglass dating streets. If you are interested in sharing your story, hit me up via email, DM, pigeon, whatever floats your boat!
So, enjoy this post from a fellow writer who shall remain nameless (but it's a guy, it's not me pretending LOL)
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When Shameika asked me to guest blog on the Mofo Chronicles,
I was humbled and excited for the opportunity as we’ve had our discussions and
conversations about what it’s like to be dating in our field and at this stage
of our lives.
Or at least attempting to date, I should say.
I always compare myself to a divorced dad trying to put
himself out there long after the end of his marriage, though in my case there
was no marriage and there are no children; just a guy trying to find himself –
and some companionship – after a long period of being down on himself and
everyone else at the same time.
Needless to say, I absolutely agree with the sentiment that
the dating pool is tainted because everyone is either trying to out-slick/out-sly
each other, have unrealistic standards, or just completely out of their minds.
I have a pair of stories that sum up my Dating in 2023 experience
in a way that supports the theory of not just pee being in the pool anymore.
The first takes place in the DMs of the app formerly known
as Twitter. A woman from the Midwestern region of the country (I’m
Mid-Atlantic, just to give full context) likes several of my posts, so a
private conversation begins.
Before long, it turns from getting to know each other’s
likes and dislikes to getting to know each other Biblically from a virtual
standpoint. Pictures, videos, messages – you NAME it! Shout out to Shirley
Caesar.
So, without any prompting from me, this woman says, “I want to fly out to you and have you [redacted] me silly.”
So we’re off to a good start, right? Wrong. Fly Girl
expressed this desire in November of 2022 to meet in January this year.
January came. Nothing.
February came. Nothing.
March-June came. Nothing.
In July, I sent her a text message saying in so many words
that it was rather cruel and unnecessary to gas someone up if you had no
intention of following through. Plus, I didn’t ask her about flying out – SHE
brought it up.
Her response was to mention custody of her children, a job
promotion and that if I couldn’t understand, then there was no reason to
continue.
Talk about hurtful. There’s something to be said for people
who volunteer or offer something you weren’t thinking about and then play
victim when addressed about not following up. None of it is good.
As cruel as that situation was, there was an annoying one
that maybe didn’t hurt as bad because I suppose there was success in the short
term.
This next story begins on an app called Tinder, but the prequel
dates back to another, long-gone social media site where this woman and I
connected originally, but signals got crossed and mixed, so we lost contact for
well over a decade.
Imagine my surprise on April Fools Day (which should’ve told
me this was going to be jokes) when this woman liked my Tinder profile. I knew
who it was instantly, so out of curiosity I swiped right to start a
conversation. Either she was pulling my leg the whole way or I just wasn’t
paying attention, but she said she’d seen me improve from a distance (guess she
meant my physical appearance or something) so we started catching up on each
other’s lives and naturally, that turned into “You know…you could’ve gotten it
back then…still can.”
Important to note that again, this was something that was
brought up to me; I didn’t bring it up.
This time, no flights or feelings were necessary since she
lived just across the bridge from me, so I drove over to her place because she
wanted to meet before she went to an event. Of course grown folk things did
happen and I thought it went rather well.
Wrong again.
Later on in the spring we’re texting and she mentions her
demisexuality and how that went against our hookup. I couldn’t believe it. I
already knew what demisexuality was (attraction to someone based on feelings,
for the record) so I didn’t think she had a reason to lie, but there was still
something dishonest about it. She said we could continue chatting and hopefully
meet up, but sex was off the table until I proved myself to her.
She hasn’t gotten a text from me since.
Now here’s where I’m honest to a fault about my faults –
yes, I very much am trying to play ho-phase catch-up for the years I was out of
the game because of a lack of self-confidence and serious self-hatred for
myself, envy of other men and resentment for women who liked the men who
weren’t me.
After physical improvement and inner-improvement that
includes on and off therapy (because healthcare in this country is still
cheeks), I felt like I was ready to see who and what was out there, explore a
bit and hopefully create new memories and experiences that would prepare me for
something different.
Reader, that has not happened.
So as a hot summer turns to a not-as-cold-as-it-used-to-be
winter (thanks, climate change), I’m considering taking a step back from all
things dating and sex because as much as I want to be successful at those two
things, it seems like a long shot at the moment.
Of course, I say that now, but with one swipe and
conversation, I could be starting this chase all over again. To use the tagline
from the esteemed creator of this blog, “My Nerves Bad.”
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Whew chile, it sounds like dating ain't been right since.. well ever. Thank you guest blogger for sharing your stories with us! My advice: well, I really don't have any except get back out there and in the words of Aaliyah, "dust it off and try again."
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