Hey Mofos! 

It's been a minute but I'm back. I was busy recovering from surgery but I'm ready to share my story. 

As you know, I had a long roller coaster of a ride with fibroids that ended with a hysterectomy in 2022. I decided to do something for me, and that meant going in for a breast reduction, because I was tired of lugging around a G cup and then while I was there decided to add on removing the shelf that was full of scar tissue and tears from all of my previous surgeries, and that resulted in a mini-abdominoplasty and some lipo. 

Whew chile, it's been a hard 3 1/2 months, but I decided to share the whole story on my podcast, Ladies Edition Podcast, so check it out here. Eventually I'll write a blog to give more tips as soon as I'm a lil further out in my recovery, because now chile, I'm still swollen and tired. 

Check it out:

Feel free to drop any questions in the comments and I'll answer them next time I write about this. 

 Hey mofos!

Whew-- funny how time flies when you're having fun and hot flashes--or whatever Janet Jackson sang. 

Can you believe a year ago this week, I had a melt down in the pre-op room and was knocked out before I even got to the operating room and I broke up with my uterus, cervix, and fallopian tubes?! 

So, how have me and my ovaries been since we ejected the issues causing the fibroids? I'm glad you asked! 

It has been a joy to not have a period every month, bleeding through my clothes and anything in my wake. It has been a joy to be able to leave the house and not worry about ruining my clothes and being embarrassed. I had gotten to the point where I had to change my double pads + a tampon every 30 minutes. That's no way to be. 

My stomach doesn't look 6-7 months pregnant, BUT I'd give it a 3-4 month look, unless the swelly belly decides to take place and then it's back to the 5-6 month look. Swelly belly is basically swelling like it would if you sprained your ankle and was on it for a while when it hasn't quite healed. So, if I'm standing up for a long time or stressed--hello swelling. My iron levels are AMAZING and holding steady and I was finally released from getting it checked every 3 months and no more iron infusions.. amen! 

Having iron levels steady and normal have allowed my hair to start growing back and it's THICK, my nails are stronger, my skin doesn't look so dried out, and my eyebrows are coming back in. So for those that wondered why I was wearing wigs when I have hair.. the point was I HAD hair but then I didn't so I resorted to wearing wigs and clip ins to cover it--now I don't have to but I still do for Check the Rhymes TV cuz I don't wanna do my hair half the time LOL. 

I decided to try HRT (hormone replacement therapy) because I still felt off, wasn't sleeping well, and the hot flashes were intermittent but they were fast and furious when they would occur, my skin was having the most random break outs, and shall we discuss the amount of dandruff and dismay, along with vaginal dryness (TMI but if you listen to the Ladies Edition Podcast you'll hear even more). I also found it was increasingly hard to lose weight no matter how hard I tried-- past the 11 pounds I lost a few months ago. (I put 4 of em back on). So I FINALLY found a doctor that tested my ish and I was low on progesterone, testosterone, and my estrogen was good (shout out to them good ovaries). So we tried a testosterone gel-- for me, it didn't do much, my skin wasn't absorbing it, but it does cause hair loss so I was like NAWL my ish just started growing back after fibroids and low iron damaged it so bad. We started me on progestin which is a bio-identical drug (yes I did my research and even talked to the Menopause doc about it since she was a guest on the podcast and prescribes natural remedies). Immediately I was sleeping at night, and my skin was clearing up, the night sweats weren't AS bad and lawd the dryness went away! AMENNNNNNNN now I guess you're wondering how the secks is? I don't know yet--I was scared to do it until I was SURE all the stitches were gone and everything was healed because I know too many stories about things going wrong when you ain't healed all the way EVEN if the doctor says it's okay. But to each her own, I ain't judging. Pelvic floor exercises are your friend--trust me!

Anyhoo, I also started a super low low low dose of estrogen--in the form of a patch because I was having some intense hot flashes when triggered (one person and their drama was sending me to the freezer to stick my head in it every time they called and call). The day I left the dentist office chair soaking wet and my clothes drenched, I knew I needed some help. Perimenopause can be hell on a girl. Some people have random pains, joint aching, and unexplained weight gain. I started to ease off the estrogen because of the insane mood swings, but realized my body just had to get used to that extra lil dose. Now, it seems to be all good. If only this belly fat would slide off, I'd be even better. 

So, I say all that to say I don't regret having the surgery at all. I just wish I had done it sooner. Sometimes I do think about what could have been if I had birthed some chirren but the way these fibroids sat on my bladder and caused intense cravings and on and on, but ultimately I had to choose me and that meant choosing a better quality of life. I am still working on the mental aspect of not having those parts anymore, but 99% of the time, I'm okay unless it's around when it would have been my time of the month and PMS hits (yes that still happens cuz I have my ovaries) then I'm ugly crying about WHYYYYYYYYYYY knowing damn hell well I don't mean that. 

I do find that I no longer want to write about fertility ANYTHING and wish publicists would stop sending me press releases etc--but they don't know about me and my journey so I get it, they are just doing their job. 

Some of you may be asking if the Ladies Edition podcast is returning, and the answer is I'm not sure. We both had to choose healing and cutting drama and toxicity out of our lives before we can give you our best selves, but for now, those 10 amazing episodes are still available anywhere podcasts stream. 

Happy Anniversary to me choosing me and my health! 

~Meik

 

Hey Mofos!

It's been a minute, but I'm still here. I've been recovering and still recovering from throwing my uterus away aka a hysterectomy. I thought I would tell y'all about my experience and some helpful things in case you are about to undergo this major surgery. I will start off by saying.. THIS IS YOUR DECISION, do not let the "well, but you should" negative ass nancy's sway you from what is best for you and your body! Since I'm tired, I ain't gonna hold y'all long but I know some folks have this surgery coming up ASAP and I wanted to make sure I pass on some helpful info. Ready? Let's go! This is gonna be a long one that has taken me days to finish. 

First read this blog that will explain how I made my decision to throw the uterus in the trash. 

Done? Ok, let's proceed! 

Do not watch YouTube videos or in my opinion read all the negative things that happened to folks during surgery. I went down the rabbit hole of YouTube until my doctor snatched my ass back to reality. Here's the other thing, an OB/GYN is who did my myomectomy and jacked my leg up, so this time I was terrified but I went with a surgeon that does this ish 50'levum times a week and in his sleep. He is one of the best in the city and I appreciated how he even took the time to answer allllllll of my questions and even ease my fears. We talked through every single thing. Anyhoo, for me, talking to those that had the surgery helped and they gave me some helpful tips. Plus, what really helped seal the deal, was since I kept my ovaries, my doctor told me I could still retrieve my eggs if I wanted to. For me, that made getting rid of the uterus not seem so bad, if I could save some eggs for me and my future hubby to have chirren if we found a surrogate and had the money to do so. 

Before surgery

I had a couple of virtual/telehealth pre-op appointments where they tell you what not to do. For me, the doc said no heavy lifting--nothing over 10lbs for 8-10 weeks, driving is okay after a week or two, nothing in the vagina for 8 weeks and for some of you that includes your damn fingers (I read about y'all checking your cuff.. ew). My out of work time was slated as 4 to 6 weeks. What's a cuff you ask? When they remove your cervix, they gotta sew that area up so your ish don't slide out and end up in your drawls. Make sense? So you def have to be careful so you don't tear that ish and have a prolapse. 

Anyhoo, 3 hours before surgery, I was told to drink a 20 oz Gatorade. Lemme tell you what, when your bladder is being squished by an enlarged uterus and fibroids, that is the most uncomfy feeling cuz when you get to the surgery center they make your ass wait to pee. I swear I saw stars and I sat there crossing and uncrossing my legs and eyes. 

They wanna check your urine to see if you are pregnant. Lemme tell you, I was so shook and I had on a pair of glasses that I never wear, and as I squatted to pee, filled the cup, set the cup on the floor for a sec, my glasses fell off, hit the cup, pee went everywhere ..JEEZUS IS THIS A SIGN?! Luckily, I had enough pee still going that I could grab the cup and fill it up. TMI I know, but hell. You wanted to know the real right?

The nurse assigned to me, had me take a medicine to relax my bladder (now I can't swallow pills so she had to crush that ish and I know she hates me LMAO), NSAIDs, and Gabapentin. I also was given 6 sanitizing wipes to cleanse my entire body with. 

I had a breakdown before they took me back. It was so bad, because the nurse I had triggered me and had me questioning my decision. I sobbed asking my mama if I made the right decision, then after she calmed me down, I got on the bed, and said if y'all don't take me back there now, I ain't going. That's the last thing I remember. They knocked my ass out IMMEDIATELY LMAO.

After Surgery:

I believe the surgery lasted 3 hours or so. I had a lot of scar tissue/adhesions that was stuck to damn near everything, my uterus was 5x the normal size, there were cysts, fibroids and hell all in there. I also had adenomyosis. So basically I had my uterus, tubes, and cervix removed, keeping my ovaries. I could tell I had to pee so bad after surgery but I couldn't go. They gave me a bed pan.. nothing. Finally they did a quick catheter so I could go and whew.. relief. I went home right after that-- so one day surgery.. in and out. 

Now, bishhhhhhh-- just cuz you kept the ovaries, doesn't mean you won't have some of those menopause symptoms because the ovaries have been traumatized. Hot flashes, body changes, night sweats, YOU NAMMMMME IT! As I turn the corner in week 5, those things have calmed down, but popsicles have helped and a stronger clinical strength deodorant. 

The first 3 days felt like a breeze ---well cuz they put on some numbing medicine that lasts that long, but when it wears off, chile, you feel it! 

Before you throw out all your pads and panty liners.. don't. You'll still need them for a while for spotting. For me, it lasted a couple of weeks. 

Helpful Tips:

1. Get some nightgowns, you want to be comfy and aren't gonna want tight ass pajama pants or shorts around your abdomen. My surgery was laparoscopic and I have 4 incisions-- night gowns are my new fav things. 

2. Some folks suggested an abdominal binder. I didn't use one--that ish hurt based on the location of my incisions. I did have one when I had a myomectomy, but I found that just wearing some good ole granny panties helped me feel secure and not like my insides were swooshing around. But, you can grab one off Amazon if you choose to. My doctor said I didn't need it and he was right. 

3. GAS X. Chile, them gas pains are a donkey and you can't just be trying to push a poot out. Miralax or some kind of stool softener is necessary--again, you don't want to push when you need to go poop. I will say-- your pain meds will cause constipation, so the trick the nurse told me is to get some glycerin suppositories, prune juice, and milk of magnesia and BOOM-- it works! (This was after day 4 of not going). 

4. WALK. Girl, let me see you waaaaalllllk. My doctor told me to make sure after surgery I walked every hour that I was awake. I'm not saying walk a mile, but you want that gas pain to move, and you want your bowels to get going and walking even to the bathroom and back to the bed helps! As the weeks progress--I would increase my walks by 5 minutes.. so right now I'm up to 15-20 minutes depending on how my iron levels decide to behave that day. 

5. REST. The first 2 weeks, your ass betta not do nuthin and I mean nuthin. You get one chance to heal right and why risk it by trying to be fast having the secks before you've been cleared? THAT MOFO CAN WAIT. If he can't.. then he don't care about you or your health chile. If it's you that can't wait, then I'm side-eying you and wondering do you even care about yourself?!

6. Heating pad and ice packs. Now, I had bad sciatica nerve pain the first two weeks, and apparently this is normal. Heating pads worked wonders on my lower back and while laying down, I would flex and point my toes and that helped too. (Ok I found that trick on YouTube). I used and am still using ice packs on my stomach--it feels good, especially these random stabbing nerve pains that keep reminding me I had surgery, plus your stomach is still swollen for a while, and IDK if it's helping but in my head you put ice on swollen ish. 

7. Prep meals and clean your house before surgery. I didn't do the meal prep ish because I wasn't staying at home the first week and a half, I was at my mom's house, so why should I cook?! LOL But I did clean the house and rearranged my kitchen and bathroom so I could reach things without bending over. Some people say they lose their appetites, I am not one of those. However, I did discover that some foods I craved and ate with the fibroids, I no longer wanted. I also can't handle certain foods--like anything that's gonna cause gassiness is a nope.. leave it. Spicy--nah sis, and fried foods--do it at your own risk. Start out gentle with soups and things and experiment with what works for you. At this point in my recovery, I've found that I no longer like french fries and gimme a moment.... I'm still mourning. 

8. A Grabber is your bff. I didn't think about this, but my mom got me one to use, because when I got back home, I needed to pick up things that I dropped. You never realize how much you are dropping things until you can't bend over to pick the shit up. I was also squatting to pick stuff up so I didn't have to bend, but I also just went thru physical therapy for months and these quads and hamstrings gonna get this work. 

9.  Some women have some kind of magical healing potion I'm convinced and could immediately get back into their jeans. I ain't them. I wore nothing but nightgowns the first 2 weeks, eased into some shorts that didn't squeeze my stomach, and by week 3 1/2 I could button my jeans, but couldn't wear them comfortably, but found some leggings that don't hurt. I haven't been able to wear my sweat pants because of the elastic, but if you can, you are a chosen one. 

10. If you need help from family and friends, don't be so independent and try to do everything on your own. If it wasn't for my mom, I wouldn't have clean clothes, there was no way I could do laundry and even now it's still a struggle. Let people help! I was able to shower the next day, but I think only because I didn't have to lift my leg to get into the tub, it was a shower I could just walk into it. I also didn't let the water hit me directly in the stomach, because that just seemed like it might hurt. 

11. Pillows! I got a pregnancy C-pillow to sleep with--I still can't sleep on my side without feeling like my insides slid to the side, but it is comfy for me to sleep on my back feeling like someone is hugging me, it provides support on both sides and under my legs. When I'm sitting on the couch, I have a wedge pillow because sitting straight up isn't the most comfy. You will need a pillow to act as a buffer between you and a seatbelt, so make sure you have one in the car day of surgery. 

12. I prepared emotionally. I did multiple EFT Tapping sessions and therapy sessions to wrap my brain around a hysterectomy. It felt like my womanhood was being snatched away, like no one would want me because I wasn't complete anymore. Then I realized, was I ever complete with fibroids? No. I was miserable as hell. I worried that the guy I was seeing wouldn't want me and I was terrified to even tell him about this procedure, but I also realized, it ain't got shit to do with him or anybody else, this is my body. This is for me to reclaim my life and body. I cried and bid my uterus a goodbye, and even ugly cried thru messages to the child I thought I would carry one day (this was before I was told I could retrieve my eggs after surgery). I struggled through seeing others being pregnant and joyful just as I was about to take that away. So my EFT lady got me together and reminded me that I was getting rid of all the trauma and negativity, and getting a clean slate to discover myself. When I walked into the surgery center, I was calm, nervous yes, but calm because I had changed my perspective on this surgery and what it meant for me. I saw it as a second chance and a chance to erase all the bad decisions of men I had ever been with LOL. I told myself that I'd get to my goal weight soon and wear the crop tops, scars and all. 

After surgery, yeah there's been crying for no reason, but it's hormones out of whack. I have no regrets at all. NONE. Yes, it's still hard to celebrate pregnancies of others right now while I'm still kind of mourning what could have been (tho could it, because of all the drama that was inside my body?!), I've had to re-examine friendships because the folks I thought would show up for me--they simply didn't, and the ones that did, I had to realize they are truly the ones that have been in my corner for a while. I also learned that men are truly clueless when it comes to hysterectomies and that's okay.

I've also had to draw boundaries to keep my stress levels down-- I noticed that when I get stressed, the hot flash starts and jeezus, I want to sit in the freezer and be left alone. I'm learning that don't have to respond to every text, answer every call. LEAVE ME BE! LOL

This is the first break from work and writing that I've had in a long time and it gave me time to get closer to my mom, since she took care of me and I'm forever grateful to her. 

I'm 5 weeks as I write this blog, and I don't have all the answers. My iron levels are still janky, so I'm exhausted at even getting out of the bed, I'm healing, but know that everybody's body is different, so while I may have felt great the first two weeks, you might not. My appetite has waned, which has affected my glucose levels and has me dizzy and looking crazy, but I AINT LOST NO WEIGHT YET LMAO.. and with that I will say-- the scale might not be your friend while you are still swelling. I weighed one thing in the morning, and by the end of the day, I weighed 5lbs less, but then the next day I was up 3lbs. So, if you like having your emotions played with, by all means weigh yourself lol. I still have PMS symptoms, I'm emotional, and cry at the smallest thing. 

It's a process, and your body just went thru a major trauma, be kind to yourself and your body. I'm learning to be patient. I'm excited to learn who I am without fibroids, without a heavy period that holds me hostage in the house for several days. I'm excited to see what my body looks like after the swelling goes away and my iron levels are normal again. I'm excited to learn who I am and what my normal is. I know this, NO MORE PERIODS AND I CAN WEAR WHITE! 

This isn't a complete guide or anything, but hopefully this helps someone.

Let me know in the comments if you have had a hysterectomy and what other tips or questions you have! 

Keep healing and stay positive! 

~Meik

Hey Hey Mofos!! I'm back! Grab a chair.. stay awhile..



"You'll never break me, 'cause I'm UNBREAKABLE"--- The late great King of Pop Michael Jackson sang those words in the song UnBreakable and honestly.. after all I've been through over the past two years... I may just be that..UNBREAKABLE.

What you mean Meik?

I'm glad you asked! June 25th is a date that sends me on an emotional roller coaster and not just because of the anniversary of the death of my beloved Michael Jackson. It's also the date when my life changed.

June 25, 2013-- I walked just as normal as I please into CMC Main Hospital to have 8 fibroids removed.. and when I woke up, little did I know I was about to embark on a hellish long yellow brick road to recovery that may never end up at the Wizard's mofo'n doorstep to get whatever it is I needed..hell by the time I get there I will have probably forgotten. For those that are new to my blog or you just need a refresher.. you can catch up on what happened several posts ago here: http://www.themofochronicles.com/2014/07/a-mofon-test-and-lessons-learned.html

Caught up? Good.. let's continue. I lost my grandmother in April 2013--that was the first swing life took at me, and I'll be damned if a couple months later it didn't swing and hit me right in the leg..fast forward to 2015.. I could sit here and rock in a corner, which I had honestly fully absolutely planned to do, bought beer and wine and had my "woe is me kit" ready with a box of tissue.. but then after talking to my granddeddy..the King of Don't Let Life Kick You Down.. I had to rethink some things. So two years later... here it goes..and forgive me if I'm all over the place..this was originally a facebook post gone awry..

Imagine.. being a single person of 20 something years old (U LET ME HAVE THIS..THIS IS MY STORY!) and waking up after what you think is a normal routine fibroid surgery.. and not being able to feel your leg.. move your leg.. and it just keeps getting weaker and weaker and no one can tell you what happened?? why it happened? how it happened? While the doctor is shoving the blame on you and then you feel like you don't really have someone to lean on--well that's what I thought I was..but CHILE.. I have to say..without God, I don't know how I could have even started to take the first steps to figuring out how to deal with not being able to use my darn leg. I have to say I relied heavily on my family and the few friends I let in--because it's hard when you are going thru something that nobody else understands. I could sit here all day and tell you I CANNOT FEEL MY LEG--I CANNOT LIFT MY LEG ..I CANT WALK NORMALLY and unless you have been thru it.. then I think it's hard to get. So I thank them for pretending they got it and listening and not trying to shove unsolicited advice on what I should do down my throat --they knew I wasn't gonna listen..LOL
Thank you to those that call, text, fb, tweet, or whatever to check in on lil ole me. I appreciate it a lot. I have to say my fam and friends are the best..not being embarrassed to be seen with me (hell if u were u didn't say anything so thank u for that), waiting for me and walking slow to get to wherever we were going and not complaining, holding my cane so I could try to be cute in front of a ole sessy dude and get ignored, and not saying DAMN YOU GOT FAT! (that one meant A LOT!!) And just encouraging me to keep a positive 'tude and to keep pushing and allowing me to just deal with this in MY way and not yours. :)

One other thing that got me thru.. listening to MJ-- as my leg kept getting weaker... my self esteem plummeted and my weight ballooned so I listened to "P.Y.T" on repeat to remind myself that I'm still a pretty young thing..now that ish didn't really work, but I do love the song. "Beat It" gave me the fiyahhhhh I needed under my arse to beat this plexopathy (I couldn't spell the other word that goes along with this condition but hell u get the point LOL) and "Unbreakable" because what I was NOT about to do was let this thing break me. So I pushed.. pushed.. never gave up.. when one doctor told me nothing was wrong I went to another..and another and another.. lemme tell you what.. DO NOT LET SOMEONE TELL YOU NOTHING IS WRONG WHEN U KNOW UR BODY IS OUT OF SORTS.. I'm glad I didn't give up -- I went to physical therapy to work on my gait, I got my arse in the pool to work on my leg strength, and I may have had to go out of town for my neurologist..but dammit.. this man got me to a point where I no longer needed to carry a cane. For that he gets ALLLLLLLL the love! There were days when I shut myself off from folks..didn't wanna talk or I just didn't want to pretend that things were okay so "Leave Me Alone" became my anthem as I snuggled with my peanut butter M&M's and Starbucks..but I had to remind myself sometimes that "You are Not Alone."

I'm not going to lie.. I'm human..and "Scream" is another song that stayed on repeat and still does..shoot there are days that I cried and still cry, scream, and ask God, my leg, the nerves in my leg, and back to God, hysterically screaming for my grandma to come back and help me thru this, then the doctors WHYYYYYYYYY? Nothing is more frustrating than thinking you are making some strides towards getting better only to end up with jacked up tendons from limmping for so long so now you're stuck in a boot that's too dayum big that makes the most obnoxious noises so you can't even spy on folks. Can't sneak up on NOBODAAAYYYY. I listen to "Human Nature" and "Man in the Mirror" a lot because I don't understand how people can be so cruel sometimes. I have dealt with folks that I thought were friends that made fun of me when they thought I wasn't around, imitated how I was walking when I could barely walk thinking it was funny, making up nicknames, (chile middle school ish), and even those I passed in the hallways/aisles/parking lots that couldn't respond to a friendly smile and hello, instead they stared at my cane, my leg and JUDGED. Dammit now I'm crying writing this. *fights air* While I may make jokes.. it's kinda like my family.. I can talk about em but nobody else betta say one dayum word--unless you know me well enough to know WHEN to joke and HOW. Most times I'm just offended by some of the remarks that have been made, or I just don't respond because honestly I don't know how without cursing a mofo out. Even the weight comments had me not wanting to leave the house except for work, grocery store, etc.. but bishhhhhhh I can walk now so I'm all over the place limping or dragging this boot along.. I am tryin to get my social groove back--ok when my leg cooperates but I'm no longer using it as an excuse! Who knows, maybe I'll *gasp* start dating again. Jeezus. Shoot if MJ can get on stage and do an entire hellified performance sitting in a chair on the Soul Train Awards cuz of a hurt ankle, I can get my arse out the house and do what I gotta do. NO EXCUSES.



So now that I've gone all around the world and back the main point I wanted to make is this.. life throws you curve balls that hit you dead in your dayum face or the throaK.. it's all about how you decide to hit back.. you can be "Bad" and "Keep the Faith" or you can sit in a corner and "Scream" -- I chose to keep "Lookin Thru the Window" and look ahead to the future..in my Sophia from the Color Purple voice "I know dey is a Gawd and I will walk again in these heels!!" 2 years later.. I can walk better than I could last year at this time.. I can lift my leg a little higher, I even see a lil muscle definition returning to my thigh, calf muscle still numb as hell, and there are days my entire leg/foot says f it and decides to blank out and become numb..or decides to remind me it's still recovering with a few love shocks known as nerve pain.. but hey, I take what I can-- small victories mean a lot in this case. I'm even rockin baby wedges..when I couldn't even THINK of anything more than flats or sneakers last year.. the journey continues..this is my new normal for NOW and it's "Another Part of Me" and you know, one thing is for sure, I have found that I am stronger...and definitely unbreakable. My grandma's words ring true.. "It sure feels nice to know when someone cares something about cha." Indeed Grandma..Indeed.. I see exactly what you mean.

Lesson learned: Never give up on YOU! That is all.

Now I gotta go blast some Michael Jackson and moonwalk --okay..shuffle around the room like I'm moonwalking..SAME THING DON'T U JUDGE ME! :)



-Until Later..

Meik