What's up Mofoville?!

Thank you to all those that expressed condolences and prayers regarding the loss of my beloved grandmother. I appreciate it so much.

HOWEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....



This brings me to the point of this blog. While I appreciate the heartfelt condolences, thoughts and prayers, sometimes, those good intentions come off a lil well... WRONG. I'm not pointing fingers, and hell, I'm probably guilty of some of the same ish, but losing my grandmother has made me a little bit more sensitive to some ish.

What you mean Meik?

I'm oh so glad you asked, because I'm bout to tell you right nah.

Here is my list of things NOT to say to someone that is grieving the loss of someone..ESPECIALLY when it's someone that they were close to.

1. How are you? Are you ok?
- My answer: WTF do you think? I JUST lost someone extremely close to me that I talked to almost every day that helped raise me.. don't worry I'll wait until you figure it out.

2. Dang, it's been two weeks, when are you going to get over it?
- Listen, my entire world has been shaken up.. I have to figure out how to LIVE and FUNCTION without my grandma in my life. I shall NEVER get over it.

3. I'm having a bad day.
- Oh yeah? Well guess what...at least you're alive and breathing. I personally have never known a BAD day until 4/19/2013 when my entire world changed. What I thought was a bad day was nothing compared to this.

4. When are you going to get back to normal?
- *blink* I'm not even about to justify this one.

5. Oh, you've been off work for awhile, how was your vacation?
-hmmm.. the schedule reflects BEREAVEMENT yet you think I was on VACATION. Well, if you think burying a loved one is a vacation then well.. Satan must dwell inside thee.

6. You should just get out of the house and party and you'll forget everything!
-I'm sorry, I personally don't feel like partying. I do well enough to get up out of the bed, shower, and put on matching clothes to get myself to work .. damn a partying..

7. You should drink.
-Now.. this one.. can be good advice, but it can also be a slippery invitation to hell.. once you crack that seal and start, you just might not stop, so no thanks, I fear I'll become an alcoholic if I start trying to drown my sorrows at the bottom of a liquor bottle.

8. Hopefully you will see her soon.
-Well, as nice as that sounds, I ain't looking to cross over anytime soon.

9. Let me know if I can do anything.
-Again a nice gesture, but really, WHAT can you do? Unless you have turned into God and can bring my grandma back, all you can really do is pray for me and my family to heal and get through this storm.

10. Let me burden you with ALL the issues in my life and forget that you are going thru something.
-As much as I never mind being a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on..NOW ain't the time.. The song "Lean on Me" comes to mind, I can't have folks leaning on me, because I can barely stand up myself. For once, it'd be nice to have someone around that I can lean on without it turning into well listen to my problems and help me solve them and forget that you just lost an influential person in your life.

And the bonus one.. It will get easier in time.

*blink* For who? I don't think it ever gets "EASIER".. the pain may lessen over time, but it probably won't get EASIER, but again, for some people, maybe it does, but it's funny some of the folks that have lost close loved ones have told me that is a lie LOL.. they say it doesn't get easier, the pain just becomes tolerable.


Now, those are just some of the things I had to get off my chest as big as it is, there is plenty more where that came from, but I'm tired of typing.

For those that still don't get it.. mourning and grieving for a loved one doesn't stop when YOU think it should- it's different for everyone. Again, I appreciate all of the concern and like I said, I'm probably guilty of saying some of these same things to folks and not thinking about it at the time just how it sounded. I also understand that people may not know what to say to someone grieving. I have found that I burst out into tears over a simple , Hey, how are you? instead of someone just talking to me like normal without highlighting the fact that I am grieving...shoot but the emotional roller coaster that I am on .. the next minute I may just want to talk about what's bothering me. Sometimes, a simple hug, or pat on the shoulder is all you have to do, no words needed. Sometimes, a simple, "I'm sorry for your loss," is all you have to say. I'm sure some folks are gonna be rubbed the wrong way from this blog..but take a moment and ask yourself.. Does Meik give a damn right now? .......................

Still grieving...
Meik

One of the toughest writing assignments that I have ever had to do was to write something to read at my grandmother's funeral. She passed away on April 19th. So with the help of my sister, and 4 cousins, I managed to pull it off.



However, I wasn't sure how it would be received, because ya'll know me, it has to have a smidgeon of humor in it. Anyway, after the funeral, people were coming up to me requesting copies of what I wrote/read at the fune and I thought, wow, I guess it was received fairly well. I was also asked if I would post it here for others to read, and after much thought and a come to Jesus meeting with myself, I decided to post it here. I just pray that my grandmother liked it (which means I don't care if y'all don't like it since it was for HER and not you. mmmk.)

Also, before I get into it.. Thank you again for all of your condolences. I truly appreciate it more than you know. HOWEVERRRRR- the worst questions to ask someone grieving: How are you? Are you okay? Are you feeling better? WTF DO U THINK IS THE ANSWER?! This will be a blog in the making.. for when I can really dig into some ish.. but for now.. Here's the piece I read at the fune. RIP Grandma Sue. I love and miss you so much.

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Lessons we learned from our grandmother (4/24/2013)

When I decided to write something to say during the funeral, I just kept staring at a blank piece of paper with tear drops on it. A coworker reminded me about a song her father once wrote, in the song it says when the days and months turn into years, your memories will still bring tears, and there is only a tear drop between when your loved one was there making you smile, laugh, and sometimes cry. The love is the same. The memories are the same. There is only a tear drop separating us.

Our Grandma Sue wasn’t just a grandmother, she was our role model, advice giver, and a teacher of sorts. So my cousins, sister and I have compiled a list of the lessons that she taught us all.

1. Work hard at everything you do, and it will pay off

2. Education is important, so always do your best in school.

3. Young ladies (as in those who share her bloodline) don't wear pants to church, you should always wear a dress/skirt and look lady like (good thing I didn’t tell her that I stay in a pair of pants)


4. Stand tall, pull up your pants, comb your hair, because when you are looking like you’re best, you will be your best.


5. No matter how hard life seems at times, don’t give up because brighter days are coming. Tough times don’t last, but tough people do.


6. Never be afraid to speak your mind, never wonder what if, when you can say well why not?

7. She taught the power of being positive. She always used to say if you just put it out of your mind, and think positive, then you’ll forget what’s bothering you and move past it.

8. Watch All my Children and General Hospital -Adam Chandler and Sonny are a mess.

9. How to share, because those biscuits and the pound cake were so delicious you didn’t want to have to give anyone a piece, but she made enough for everyone so you didn’t have a choice but to share.

10. Always wear clean underwear and be dressed like you have some sense out in public, you never know what could happen.

11. A switch doesn’t discriminate.. You act up, you can be dealt with

12. Assume everyone is crazy unless they prove otherwise, after all, you can’t even go to Wal-mart by yourself these days- watch the news (um grandma, I work in the news)

13. Stand up for yourself, don’t let anyone run over you, I can’t tell you the amount of times she tried to step in and handle stuff for us, by saying “You tell them I SAID..”

14. Grandma was also a detective, she would not let it rest until she figured out where I went wrong with my angel food cupcakes that evaporated in the oven, her conclusion weeks later---user error.

We want grandma Sue to know even though she thought we probably weren’t listening, we heard every thing she said and every lesson she taught we have applied to our lives. We thank her for loving us and guiding us. We love her and will miss her dearly, and everything she taught us lives on. Also, Granddaddy you must adjust your schedule and get up on your gossip game because now you will be receiving lots of phone calls when I’m wandering around Target or in Starbucks.


RIP Grandma Sue

Until I see you again..
Meik..



P.S. In case you're wondering..I swiped that flower from the floral arrangements sent to the family because it reminded me of my grandma, vibrant and bold, strong, and uplifting.

If you follow me on Twitter, then you already know..the worst possible thing I could ever imagine happened.. my grandmother passed away on 4/19.

If you've followed my blogs, then you already know she was an instrumental part of my life. She was more than my grandmother, she was my best friend, role model, teacher, and hype woman. So I wanted to just do a blog like letter to her so bear with me.




Dear Grandma Sue,

It seems just like yesterday that I was begging you to let me taste your cup of coffee and you instead compromised and let me drink my hot chocolate out of a coffee mug. It seems like yesterday that you would do my hair while I sat in that little yellow chair and screamed for anyone to help me cuz I hated getting my hair combed. I remember dragging all of the books off the bookshelf wanting you to read to me, and when you were too busy I'd just sit in that little yellow chair and attempt to read it myself. I remember all of the trips we took to visit my aunt at Gardner Webb and how I would tell you that I'm going to college one day. I recall dragging every last barbie doll I owned to your house so the neighbor could come over to play (if you only knew how I plotted and planned just to be able to come to spend the night at your house you would laugh), I also recall you introducing me to Sunday School. Oh how I loved learning about the Bible and feeling so proud of my deaconess grandmother and deacon grandfather. I recall how you would always stick up for me when my aunt would torture me with her evil ways. Yet you would just shake your head and laugh at me, everyday at 3pm I'd be right there in the door waiting on my aunt to get off the bus to come and play, knowing she was just going to be mean and tell me to get on somewhere. You let me learn on my own instead of babying me. It only took 50 tries of the same thing day after day before I understood..she did not want to be bothered with a 5 year old lol.

I remember showing you everything I learned at cheerleading practice and you would say good job. When I was sick, you were there to heal me, when I was playing sick, you just went along with it and pretended to heal me. I loved our grocery store trips, and the many trips to Mills River to visit other family. I loved watching All My Children, One Life to Live, and General Hospital with you, so much I ended up scheduling my college courses around them (shhhh I don't think you knew that part.)

Grandma you were there for many pivotal moments in my life, such as graduating from high school, graduating from college, getting my masters degree and when I got baptised just to name a few. You were there to help me pick up the pieces of my heart after a few failed relationships. You showed me what it means to be a strong God fearing woman that doesn't take any mess from anyone. Every single birthday, without fail, you always remembered to send a birthday card, with $5 in it, I looked forward to those cards every year.
You even became my ride or die chick.. my hype man, telling me what I need to tell folks that were messing with me at work or wherever, and I loved hearing you say, "You tell them I SAID..you ain't doing it!" -Lawd how many times I probably could have been fired over that line alone LOL..

Over the years, we became closer, and talking on the phone at least once a week. The past few weeks, the frequency was more like 3-4 times a week. I looked forward to our chats, even if we had nothing to talk about, we would still manage to talk for at least an hour. I'd call you while I'd wander around Target and hear you laugh everytime I ended up at Starbucks ordering a frappuccino, or even just going on my morning walks I'd call you so it was just like you were walking with me for that 2 miles.

The advice you gave me was priceless, from the don't get your hair done when you're sick lecture, to the you need to wear an undershirt between October and May convo, to even the try to put your mind off of the bad things and think of good things only reminder. I will never forget any of it.

I'm so glad that I got to see you a week before you passed away, and hug you and let you know that I'm here as you were experiencing health issues. I'm so glad that every day that you were in the hospital I let you know that I loved you with all of my heart. I just wasn't expecting you to leave so soon, especially since I was coming to see you the next day, but when I got the call that you were gone, my entire world just shattered.. in one quick moment. Right now, I don't possibly see how this hurt can ever go away, and I wish you were still here waiting on my phone call so we can catch up on church gossip, talk about recipes, and discuss Michelle Obama's latest outfit. I wish I could hear your voice one more time. I'll always remember you telling me last month that you were proud of me. That made me feel like I wasn't the complete failure I thought I was professionally and in my personal life. I'm so glad that I was able to really make you proud of me and didn't make quite the mess of my life that I thought I did. I promise I won't be a "spinster" forever like you used to say and I will not become a golden girl living with my sister in a house in Florida with tons of cats lol. I'll remember that you told me it's okay to be picky because these men these days don't want anything but for someone to do everything for them. AMEN GRANDMA AMEN. I just pray that I can find someone like my grandfather and have a long healthy marriage like the two of you had, but I have to find someone I want to be bothered with for 62 minutes, let alone 62 years. :)

Anyway, I'm starting to ramble, sniffin and snotting and can hear you telling me to stop all this crying. Heaven has a new angel and I know you are reunited with your mom, and dad and siblings now. I believe that you are my guardian angel now and I'm sure you'll be in my ear as you always were, telling me what to do, how to do it, and when to do it. I refuse to say goodbye, so instead I'll just talk to you later, like I always told you on the phone.


I love you grandma and will remember everything you taught me, after all you raised me to be the person that I am today, smart mouth, sarcasm and all :)

Love Always,
Your Shameika