What's up Mofo Fam?!

Don't even start..I know I'm triflin, we have established this time and time again, but yet here y'all sit with the judge-y eyeballs because a sista don't blog much these days. The point is, I'm here now, so let's all just embrace it and rejoice!

But you know, sometimes I wonder why I even respond when folks slide into the DM's--that's direct messages for the social media challenged, and for the even more short bus challenged, that means INBOX.




What happened Meik?

Oh I'm glad you asked!

Once-ta-pon a time I wished upon a star that THE ONE would grease his legs up with shea butter or cocoa butter and slide into my DM's and we'd skip happily ever after into the sunset.



But since it's me, YOU KNOW it doesn't work that way. It's usually the ones that I just cannot even fathom ever meeting in person.

Why Meik?

I'm glad you asked, because I decided to give a couple of helpful hints to keep my attention if you should slide into my DM's because after all this should be a pleasant experience for both of us..right? Before anyone gets their draws in a knot..this is just a blog.. take it as you will..if you are offended..well.. I'm pretty sure I don't care. :)

1. Spell check is your friend!
Nothing grates my nerves more than someone trying to holla at ME--the person that writes ALL DAY LONG and you have everything including my name and yours spelled wrong. Don't get me wrong, I understand that sometimes when typing, you may hit a wrong letter or two, but if EVERY SINGLE THING IS MISSPELLED..lawd go away! I get that you are trying to shoot your shot and want me to know that you are worth meeting, but telling me how you aren't "shollow" just makes me wonder if you fell and bumped your head on the way to your keyboard. IDK WTF that means.. shy and hollow? I don't have time to decipher what you are TRYING to tell me. I am BUSY.



2. If you don't know the right word..don't use it.
For example a brotha slid into the DM's asking me this "What do you like to get from the CONFESSION stand at the movies?" Well I can CONFESS I bring my own snacks but I'm sure that's not what you meant. See where the misunderstanding starts?



3. If I say NO.. I mean it. Don't keep tearing up my nerves asking repeatedly. No I don't wanna talk on the phone, no I don't wanna go out, no I don't wanna do ish but teach you how to spell! Anyone that knows me knows I'm like a brick arse wall. Too high to get over, too low to get under, so your arse will be stuck in the middle like an MJ song.. trying and trying and trying and I'll still keep saying NO.



4. Y'all... sliding into the DM's...I assume you are single, but I also know that most often that ain't the case. Be honest, don't wait til I say no to start posting pics of your new bae the next hour... cuz that probably ain't a new bae, it's the same bae that's been around and your arse is just triflin for sliding into someone's DM's trying to shoot a three pointer.

5. Lastly, please have more to say then "hey beautiful" or "hey sweetie".. first of all, I ain't your sweetie, you don't know me and I don't like bae names from someone I don't even know and have had ZERO interaction with. Yeah I'm an arse but I'm not for games. Hell, half the mofos that try that spell it SWEATIE so there's that.



I need intelligent INTERESTING convo to keep me interested, no small talk, instead make me laugh (and not just with your misspellings), and don't try to look at my pics and ASSume what I wanna hear. BE YOU!

I hope these lil pointers help somebody before sliding into DM's all across the social media spectrum. It's a shame more love connections aren't made over miscommunication and misspellings. I want us all to prosper outchea!

Shoot maybe I need to shoot my shot and slide into the DM's first.. see what happens!



What experiences have y'all had in your DM's? Anybody found love on a two way DM street?

As always I'm looking for guest bloggers! No I can't pay you but you get to blog on here with me and have folks think you are just as ignate as I am LOL! If interested..hit me up!

~Meik

*tip toes in* Heyyyyyy Mofo-ville! Let me start this off by saying I hates me a cheater, but we'll come back to that.




I know.. I ain't worth one ounce of ish. You don't have to tell me.. but listen let me explain my absence. A heffa been busy!

I've been writing and writing and ..well you get the point. So with that being said, if you are out and about, pick up the April/May issue of EBONY Magazine--because yours truly has an article in the issue on Global Decor and I'm just sooooo excited about it!




But I know that's not why y'all came over here today to hear me gush about my accomplishments n ish.. let's get to what I need to get off this big arse chest of mine.

What's wrong Meik?

I'm glad you asked! Mofo'n cheaters of a feather flock to dayum gether.

Whatchu mean Meik?

Ooooh stick with me now.. so back in February I decided to be bold and try something new and dip a toe into the dating waters by going to this speed dating event. While I didn't meet a nar soul DURING the event, I did discover that I do like coconut tequila! Judge your mammy not me!



Anyhoo, after the event is when I met Karl. *names have been changed to protect the lying arse cheaters of the world*

Now, mind you I was tipsy and from what I could tell Karl was handsome, tall, gorgeous light brown eyes, long eye lashes, could hold a convo and more importantly--he wanted to call me! *I was excited..most mofos these days just ask for your twitter handle and DM the living shit out of every nerve you have left.*



So lo and behold, he called and we agreed to hang out later that evening. Now mind you--he told me he was only at the event to support his friend who was there selling men's grooming products--he wasn't there to speed date. So we meet up to grab a drink (YES I DRANK ALL DAY DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THIS..I AM STRESSED!) and some ish comes pouring out from one of his female friends that's down to the bar and she is going off about how he used to cheat on his wife with one of her friends.

Yep. Read that line one more time. RED FLAG NUMBER ONE.





So I pull him to the side and ask him the following: Are you married? He says no. Are you divorced? Yes have been for awhile.
Do you have a chick? Girlfriend? A girl that thinks she's your bae? A jumpoff? Any of the above? He says no.
I ask do you live with a chick? Again the answer is No.

Pay attention to these answers y'all.

So I think to myself, "self, you gotta have an open mind, don't cut him off YET just see what happens."

So a couple weeks later, he hits me up to meet again at the same dayum spot..cool cuz it's by my house and apparently close to his. After about 3-4 times of meeting at the same place.. he tells me he's had thoughts of us sleeping together and talking in bed and all this other ish and yet I let RED FLAG NUMBER TWO walk on by like Issac Hayes sang.. and he tells me he doesn't want to see anyone else just me.. but here's the thing my dear beloveds, he tells me this ish on a Friday or Saturday night..then falls off the face of the earth the rest of the week or even two weeks.

Maybe it's the fact I don't have to pay for these drinks.. maybe I like the company..IDK but he's still cool to hang with so we agree to hang out again.

At this point it's April. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'm digging him or not because hell, he has YET to take me anywhere else.. or do what he says he's gonna do. I ask him again about having a chick--he claims NOPE.. I don't know WHAT you are talkin about. I just don't like talking on the phone or texting. RED FLAG NUMBER THREE and FOUR and FIVE.





Yet.. guess who decides to meet him down to the bar YET AGAIN? Yep. My dumb arse.. WHY? Well I'm like he buys drinks, and at this point I have YET to celebrate the fact I have an amazing article in a magazine that I've always wanted to write for and again, I like his company. So I get there--and as he is spouting this nonsense about us being exclusive I just keep thinking something ain't clean in the almond milk chile..there's a cashew floating around in it!





I notice that his friends are not with their "main baes" but instead with their "side baes" and as that RED FLAG NUMBER SIX THRU TEN pops up, I start thinking, WHAT IN THE HAYLE IS REALLY GOINGS ON? So I ask him again about this exclusive thing and he gets quiet.. and then the tequila shots must have been a truth serum because I ask him "do you have someone else-- what is with this ghosting for weeks and then hitting me up randomly and not wanting to go anywhere but his damn bar?"

Y'all........



"There was never a right time to tell you this..I do have a girl," Karl mumbles.

Let me tuck my hair behind my ear and scoot in cuz I could swear his black arse just said he has a chick.

Run that by me one mo' time playa..WHET?

He starts stammering and trying to say "I never thought I'd like you but I like you but I just could never find the time to tell you that I have a girl."

So now we go back to day one---so at no point before exchanging info..was that a good time to tell me you have a chick? At no point when I blatantly ASKED you this on day one was there a right time? He keeps trying to explain their on and off again relationship.. but..

He keeps trying to explain to me how I've got it all wrong. Now y'all....

I ask him if he lives with her.. he acts deaf.

Then mumbles sometimes..kinda.. sort of.. well hell, do y'all split the bills or...?

At this moment I realize I've been included in the circle of side baes. I realize that he introduced me to all of his friends and they all KNEW he had a chick at home! Now if you KNOW me.. u KNOW I don't play this mess especially after King Mofo ripped my heart out with his cast of side chick characters running in and out and I damn sure don't appreciate this ninja ASSuming that I'd be okay with being a side chick. In the words of one of my artist friends, "you must have forgot who the F I am."

So.. I grab my purse to head out and he's trying to stand in the way and apologize and tell me that we should hug it out and continue hanging out --uhhhh no.. where is SHE? He's like prob at the house wondering where I am.

SIR WHET?

So if she decides to do a drive by--and roll up here and walks in with your hand on my leg or catching you trying to lick the salt from tequila glass off my face.. then jeeezus y'all I CANNOT FIGHT..IDK WHET WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! I DO NOT DO DRAMA!

He keeps telling me "I don't understand why you are mad and looking at me with disgust..I apologized.

"


If you don't get out of here with this.

Then it hit me.. as I continue waiting for God to bring my husband round here, this foolishness just put me another step closer to finding the one. I wasn't hurt.. I wasn't even that mad, I am glad that I found out he wasn't ish NOW and things never progressed any further. WE shant be communicating any further. EVAHHHH.




Lesson Learned: When you see those red flags... take heed and RUUUUUUUUUUN! While I'm sure some chick would have gladly settled for any parts of him that he could share..I'm not that one. I feel for the girlfriend that was sitting at home wondering where his arse was and I hope she realizes she deserves better. I've been that chick sitting up half the night worrying and wondering and I admit doing drive bys past all my bae's fav places ..WHEN I WAS IN MY 20'S! I wish I would be bothered with that ish now. This is a 'break up' I'll gladly take. BYE MOFO.

Have y'all ever had an experience like this?


Pick up that EBONY Mag..let me know what you think!

~Always in Gratitude,
Meik

What's up Mofos!



Yes I'm back.. ok hell it's been a minute AGAIN but don't judge me. I've got another guest blogger in the house this week and this topic is something WE can ALL learn from.

What's that Meik??

I'm glad you asked. Dating sucks... that sums is up, but as these new-fangled dating rules keep popping up on social media, sometimes it can help to hear from someone that is actually in a relationship that's looking at us poor singles like WTF is y'all doing?




So with that being said.. let me let my sister SP Boogie handle the rest of this blog:

*************************************************************************************************************************

So, let me start this off by saying, I’m by no means a relationship expert, however I am that person that is in a relationship and has been in a relationship for two years now, and counting. Granted we’ve had some struggles and ups and downs, but ALL relationships take work, so I’m going to discuss some of the common mistakes and struggles I see and may have personally experienced in this crazy world of dating.

Ok SP Boogie, let's see where this is going.. lemme put my purse down and sit for a spell.



Texting vs. Phone Calls:

We live in an era where technology and smart phones and tablets are at our fingertips and have virtually made life easier for us to navigate. We all know that texts and any form of written communication can be perceived the wrong way, right? So why not go back to the old fashioned ways of picking up the phone and talking to people?? Texting is cool if you’re at work, or busy doing something else, but how can you truly get to know someone via texting? I think this is the main reason why people are still getting “Catfished,” in 2017. Pick up the phone, talk, send pictures, FaceTime, video chat, do something other than texting.

Catfishing in the year of our Beyonce 2017 is not the biz.. but umm do folks know their phones actually dial out or nawl? The way some of these mofos are set up.....




Having Sex Early vs. Later

Many of us are very sexual creatures, I get it, but when you give up the goodies a little too early, what message is that sending? Now if your only agenda is to find a cut buddy, cool, go for it, but if you’re seeking more, like a relationship, then establish that before you give the goods. If you give the goods too early, you’re basically setting the tone for some men, that, that’s all you are good for. (Side Note: I’m writing this from a female’s perspective, so this blog isn’t for men, basically). Don’t give up the goods and then try to strike up that conversation that starts with, “What are we?” If you’re in your 30s or older, and looking to settle down anyways, make sure the person you are “talking to” is on the same page as you; don’t forget, they say women mature quicker than men, and some of these men are just not ready to settle down, if that’s the case, it’s okay, move on!

U KNOW folks don't hear you SP Boogie..they'd rather spread em and drop it and ride it then discuss relationships the next day and wonder why their feelings got cracked...and they wanna damn everything that mofo touches! Tho...u know what..nevermind. Proceed.



Understand When You Are Being Useful vs. Being Used

Oh shoot..now it's getting good!



What I mean by this is, there’s always a broke down dude, who sees you as his come up. Stay WOKE!! Some men want you for what you can offer them, as in a roof over their head, food on their plate, your car to drive and your money to spend, (tax season is in the air, don’t get duped into letting somebody “flip” your money aka steal your coins). Women are naturally nurturers usually, don’t nurture your way into a headache and an extra expense, just because you don’t want to be alone…it’s not worth it. Best way to identify if you’re being used, is basically look for reciprocity, are you getting back what you’re giving? If you aren’t, it’s time to reevaluate life.

Listen.. PREACH THIS GOOD WORD!




Airing All Your Business Out On Social Media vs. Being Private

For me personally, my relationship is hardly advertised on social media, and I feel like that has helped us maintain our relationship. Now when I did change my relationship status on Facebook just to “In a Relationship,” my inbox started jumping with the questions of who I’m with, do I want to get dinner or get up – nah bruh, I’m good, don’t come around now. I may make mention that I’m in a relationship but I never reveal his name or even tag him in stuff, if you’re my family or friend, then you know who is, and that’s all that I care about knowing. When you expose your business and yourself for the world to know, then you also open yourself up to petty arguments with your significant other, and tramps and hoes to inboxing your significant other to be messy. Private is better, at least until you get that ring, and then you can stunt on them hoes, lol.


STUNT ON THEM HOES! LMAO! Good one SP! Y'all could always share a page tho right? *ducks for cover*

Asking Your Friends For Advice vs. Just Giving It To God

Now, I do ask friends for relationship advice from time to time, not saying it’s a bad thing, but be careful of the advice that isn’t good advice, and that is for all aspects in life. Not everybody wishes you well, and not everybody will agree with what you do. Now some things, you know are just plain out stupid, you know you don’t have any business doing it, and you know your friends are going to look down on you for it, so just shut up or correct the issue and skip the lectures. But the main thing is, not everybody is going to have the same views and perspective on a situation, just pray about it, and use your common sense, but like if it’s a situation where your man is hitting you or something, you tell your girls and your homeboys, so they can go ahead and pull up on the kid and handle that, that’s different.

Pause. It absolutely TEARS my nerves up when folks go from person to person asking advice like they are asking until they find the answer they want you to give them. From now on my answer is, yeah girl, stay with his cheating ass. I mean, that's what you wanna hear right? As for me and my household, we'll take our major issues to the alter and let God work that thang on out.



High Self Esteem & Self Love vs. Low Self Esteem & Self Hate

I’m going to end this with something all humans deal with in some capacity. Often times we give too much of ourselves to people that don’t deserve it, because we struggle with low self-esteem, and self-hate. We try to compensate in other areas to try and mask how we truly feel about ourselves. The most important thing in dating and just in life in general, is to learn to love yourself. How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? I won’t lie and say this comes easily, I struggle with it myself, but once you can start to appreciate yourself, love yourself, and put your own self on a high pedestal, I think love will come to you naturally. Don’t get caught up in someone else and forget that you yourself, are worth it, and you are somebody. Practice by, if someone gives you a compliment, just reply with a “Thank You.” I feel like most people wear their hearts on their sleeves literally, and the opposite sex can pick up on if you are insecure, or if you do have low self-esteem, at least wear a good poker face, keep them guessing – otherwise, a mate can pick up on your insecurities and use you, don’t allow that!
I’ve got more that I want to add and say, but I won’t keep this entry too long, I’ll save it for another time, but I hope this helps someone.

Thank you SP Boogie for your lessons in dating. I know we all need a little help, kick in the flat booty or whatevaahhh to shake some sense into us. I hope folks understand that dating is allegedly supposed to be fun and I blame all of social media for these damn rules and regulations that make it hard for us outchea.. but anyway.. what lessons have you guys learned while dating? Share in the comments..and if you want to guest blog hit me up on Twitter @Mofochronicles!

Always in Gratitude
~Meik