Cheaters of a Feather Flock Mofo'n Together

*tip toes in* Heyyyyyy Mofo-ville! Let me start this off by saying I hates me a cheater, but we'll come back to that.




I know.. I ain't worth one ounce of ish. You don't have to tell me.. but listen let me explain my absence. A heffa been busy!

I've been writing and writing and ..well you get the point. So with that being said, if you are out and about, pick up the April/May issue of EBONY Magazine--because yours truly has an article in the issue on Global Decor and I'm just sooooo excited about it!




But I know that's not why y'all came over here today to hear me gush about my accomplishments n ish.. let's get to what I need to get off this big arse chest of mine.

What's wrong Meik?

I'm glad you asked! Mofo'n cheaters of a feather flock to dayum gether.

Whatchu mean Meik?

Ooooh stick with me now.. so back in February I decided to be bold and try something new and dip a toe into the dating waters by going to this speed dating event. While I didn't meet a nar soul DURING the event, I did discover that I do like coconut tequila! Judge your mammy not me!



Anyhoo, after the event is when I met Karl. *names have been changed to protect the lying arse cheaters of the world*

Now, mind you I was tipsy and from what I could tell Karl was handsome, tall, gorgeous light brown eyes, long eye lashes, could hold a convo and more importantly--he wanted to call me! *I was excited..most mofos these days just ask for your twitter handle and DM the living shit out of every nerve you have left.*



So lo and behold, he called and we agreed to hang out later that evening. Now mind you--he told me he was only at the event to support his friend who was there selling men's grooming products--he wasn't there to speed date. So we meet up to grab a drink (YES I DRANK ALL DAY DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THIS..I AM STRESSED!) and some ish comes pouring out from one of his female friends that's down to the bar and she is going off about how he used to cheat on his wife with one of her friends.

Yep. Read that line one more time. RED FLAG NUMBER ONE.





So I pull him to the side and ask him the following: Are you married? He says no. Are you divorced? Yes have been for awhile.
Do you have a chick? Girlfriend? A girl that thinks she's your bae? A jumpoff? Any of the above? He says no.
I ask do you live with a chick? Again the answer is No.

Pay attention to these answers y'all.

So I think to myself, "self, you gotta have an open mind, don't cut him off YET just see what happens."

So a couple weeks later, he hits me up to meet again at the same dayum spot..cool cuz it's by my house and apparently close to his. After about 3-4 times of meeting at the same place.. he tells me he's had thoughts of us sleeping together and talking in bed and all this other ish and yet I let RED FLAG NUMBER TWO walk on by like Issac Hayes sang.. and he tells me he doesn't want to see anyone else just me.. but here's the thing my dear beloveds, he tells me this ish on a Friday or Saturday night..then falls off the face of the earth the rest of the week or even two weeks.

Maybe it's the fact I don't have to pay for these drinks.. maybe I like the company..IDK but he's still cool to hang with so we agree to hang out again.

At this point it's April. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'm digging him or not because hell, he has YET to take me anywhere else.. or do what he says he's gonna do. I ask him again about having a chick--he claims NOPE.. I don't know WHAT you are talkin about. I just don't like talking on the phone or texting. RED FLAG NUMBER THREE and FOUR and FIVE.





Yet.. guess who decides to meet him down to the bar YET AGAIN? Yep. My dumb arse.. WHY? Well I'm like he buys drinks, and at this point I have YET to celebrate the fact I have an amazing article in a magazine that I've always wanted to write for and again, I like his company. So I get there--and as he is spouting this nonsense about us being exclusive I just keep thinking something ain't clean in the almond milk chile..there's a cashew floating around in it!





I notice that his friends are not with their "main baes" but instead with their "side baes" and as that RED FLAG NUMBER SIX THRU TEN pops up, I start thinking, WHAT IN THE HAYLE IS REALLY GOINGS ON? So I ask him again about this exclusive thing and he gets quiet.. and then the tequila shots must have been a truth serum because I ask him "do you have someone else-- what is with this ghosting for weeks and then hitting me up randomly and not wanting to go anywhere but his damn bar?"

Y'all........



"There was never a right time to tell you this..I do have a girl," Karl mumbles.

Let me tuck my hair behind my ear and scoot in cuz I could swear his black arse just said he has a chick.

Run that by me one mo' time playa..WHET?

He starts stammering and trying to say "I never thought I'd like you but I like you but I just could never find the time to tell you that I have a girl."

So now we go back to day one---so at no point before exchanging info..was that a good time to tell me you have a chick? At no point when I blatantly ASKED you this on day one was there a right time? He keeps trying to explain their on and off again relationship.. but..

He keeps trying to explain to me how I've got it all wrong. Now y'all....

I ask him if he lives with her.. he acts deaf.

Then mumbles sometimes..kinda.. sort of.. well hell, do y'all split the bills or...?

At this moment I realize I've been included in the circle of side baes. I realize that he introduced me to all of his friends and they all KNEW he had a chick at home! Now if you KNOW me.. u KNOW I don't play this mess especially after King Mofo ripped my heart out with his cast of side chick characters running in and out and I damn sure don't appreciate this ninja ASSuming that I'd be okay with being a side chick. In the words of one of my artist friends, "you must have forgot who the F I am."

So.. I grab my purse to head out and he's trying to stand in the way and apologize and tell me that we should hug it out and continue hanging out --uhhhh no.. where is SHE? He's like prob at the house wondering where I am.

SIR WHET?

So if she decides to do a drive by--and roll up here and walks in with your hand on my leg or catching you trying to lick the salt from tequila glass off my face.. then jeeezus y'all I CANNOT FIGHT..IDK WHET WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! I DO NOT DO DRAMA!

He keeps telling me "I don't understand why you are mad and looking at me with disgust..I apologized.

"


If you don't get out of here with this.

Then it hit me.. as I continue waiting for God to bring my husband round here, this foolishness just put me another step closer to finding the one. I wasn't hurt.. I wasn't even that mad, I am glad that I found out he wasn't ish NOW and things never progressed any further. WE shant be communicating any further. EVAHHHH.




Lesson Learned: When you see those red flags... take heed and RUUUUUUUUUUN! While I'm sure some chick would have gladly settled for any parts of him that he could share..I'm not that one. I feel for the girlfriend that was sitting at home wondering where his arse was and I hope she realizes she deserves better. I've been that chick sitting up half the night worrying and wondering and I admit doing drive bys past all my bae's fav places ..WHEN I WAS IN MY 20'S! I wish I would be bothered with that ish now. This is a 'break up' I'll gladly take. BYE MOFO.

Have y'all ever had an experience like this?


Pick up that EBONY Mag..let me know what you think!

~Always in Gratitude,
Meik

Some Mofo'n Dating Tips for 2017

What's up Mofos!



Yes I'm back.. ok hell it's been a minute AGAIN but don't judge me. I've got another guest blogger in the house this week and this topic is something WE can ALL learn from.

What's that Meik??

I'm glad you asked. Dating sucks... that sums is up, but as these new-fangled dating rules keep popping up on social media, sometimes it can help to hear from someone that is actually in a relationship that's looking at us poor singles like WTF is y'all doing?




So with that being said.. let me let my sister SP Boogie handle the rest of this blog:

*************************************************************************************************************************

So, let me start this off by saying, I’m by no means a relationship expert, however I am that person that is in a relationship and has been in a relationship for two years now, and counting. Granted we’ve had some struggles and ups and downs, but ALL relationships take work, so I’m going to discuss some of the common mistakes and struggles I see and may have personally experienced in this crazy world of dating.

Ok SP Boogie, let's see where this is going.. lemme put my purse down and sit for a spell.



Texting vs. Phone Calls:

We live in an era where technology and smart phones and tablets are at our fingertips and have virtually made life easier for us to navigate. We all know that texts and any form of written communication can be perceived the wrong way, right? So why not go back to the old fashioned ways of picking up the phone and talking to people?? Texting is cool if you’re at work, or busy doing something else, but how can you truly get to know someone via texting? I think this is the main reason why people are still getting “Catfished,” in 2017. Pick up the phone, talk, send pictures, FaceTime, video chat, do something other than texting.

Catfishing in the year of our Beyonce 2017 is not the biz.. but umm do folks know their phones actually dial out or nawl? The way some of these mofos are set up.....




Having Sex Early vs. Later

Many of us are very sexual creatures, I get it, but when you give up the goodies a little too early, what message is that sending? Now if your only agenda is to find a cut buddy, cool, go for it, but if you’re seeking more, like a relationship, then establish that before you give the goods. If you give the goods too early, you’re basically setting the tone for some men, that, that’s all you are good for. (Side Note: I’m writing this from a female’s perspective, so this blog isn’t for men, basically). Don’t give up the goods and then try to strike up that conversation that starts with, “What are we?” If you’re in your 30s or older, and looking to settle down anyways, make sure the person you are “talking to” is on the same page as you; don’t forget, they say women mature quicker than men, and some of these men are just not ready to settle down, if that’s the case, it’s okay, move on!

U KNOW folks don't hear you SP Boogie..they'd rather spread em and drop it and ride it then discuss relationships the next day and wonder why their feelings got cracked...and they wanna damn everything that mofo touches! Tho...u know what..nevermind. Proceed.



Understand When You Are Being Useful vs. Being Used

Oh shoot..now it's getting good!



What I mean by this is, there’s always a broke down dude, who sees you as his come up. Stay WOKE!! Some men want you for what you can offer them, as in a roof over their head, food on their plate, your car to drive and your money to spend, (tax season is in the air, don’t get duped into letting somebody “flip” your money aka steal your coins). Women are naturally nurturers usually, don’t nurture your way into a headache and an extra expense, just because you don’t want to be alone…it’s not worth it. Best way to identify if you’re being used, is basically look for reciprocity, are you getting back what you’re giving? If you aren’t, it’s time to reevaluate life.

Listen.. PREACH THIS GOOD WORD!




Airing All Your Business Out On Social Media vs. Being Private

For me personally, my relationship is hardly advertised on social media, and I feel like that has helped us maintain our relationship. Now when I did change my relationship status on Facebook just to “In a Relationship,” my inbox started jumping with the questions of who I’m with, do I want to get dinner or get up – nah bruh, I’m good, don’t come around now. I may make mention that I’m in a relationship but I never reveal his name or even tag him in stuff, if you’re my family or friend, then you know who is, and that’s all that I care about knowing. When you expose your business and yourself for the world to know, then you also open yourself up to petty arguments with your significant other, and tramps and hoes to inboxing your significant other to be messy. Private is better, at least until you get that ring, and then you can stunt on them hoes, lol.


STUNT ON THEM HOES! LMAO! Good one SP! Y'all could always share a page tho right? *ducks for cover*

Asking Your Friends For Advice vs. Just Giving It To God

Now, I do ask friends for relationship advice from time to time, not saying it’s a bad thing, but be careful of the advice that isn’t good advice, and that is for all aspects in life. Not everybody wishes you well, and not everybody will agree with what you do. Now some things, you know are just plain out stupid, you know you don’t have any business doing it, and you know your friends are going to look down on you for it, so just shut up or correct the issue and skip the lectures. But the main thing is, not everybody is going to have the same views and perspective on a situation, just pray about it, and use your common sense, but like if it’s a situation where your man is hitting you or something, you tell your girls and your homeboys, so they can go ahead and pull up on the kid and handle that, that’s different.

Pause. It absolutely TEARS my nerves up when folks go from person to person asking advice like they are asking until they find the answer they want you to give them. From now on my answer is, yeah girl, stay with his cheating ass. I mean, that's what you wanna hear right? As for me and my household, we'll take our major issues to the alter and let God work that thang on out.



High Self Esteem & Self Love vs. Low Self Esteem & Self Hate

I’m going to end this with something all humans deal with in some capacity. Often times we give too much of ourselves to people that don’t deserve it, because we struggle with low self-esteem, and self-hate. We try to compensate in other areas to try and mask how we truly feel about ourselves. The most important thing in dating and just in life in general, is to learn to love yourself. How can you expect someone else to love you if you don’t love yourself? I won’t lie and say this comes easily, I struggle with it myself, but once you can start to appreciate yourself, love yourself, and put your own self on a high pedestal, I think love will come to you naturally. Don’t get caught up in someone else and forget that you yourself, are worth it, and you are somebody. Practice by, if someone gives you a compliment, just reply with a “Thank You.” I feel like most people wear their hearts on their sleeves literally, and the opposite sex can pick up on if you are insecure, or if you do have low self-esteem, at least wear a good poker face, keep them guessing – otherwise, a mate can pick up on your insecurities and use you, don’t allow that!
I’ve got more that I want to add and say, but I won’t keep this entry too long, I’ll save it for another time, but I hope this helps someone.

Thank you SP Boogie for your lessons in dating. I know we all need a little help, kick in the flat booty or whatevaahhh to shake some sense into us. I hope folks understand that dating is allegedly supposed to be fun and I blame all of social media for these damn rules and regulations that make it hard for us outchea.. but anyway.. what lessons have you guys learned while dating? Share in the comments..and if you want to guest blog hit me up on Twitter @Mofochronicles!

Always in Gratitude
~Meik

Living the Single Life or Nawl?

Happy New Year Mofos!! To kick this year off --I have a guest blogger by the name of BeeVee joining me for this post.

What's she talking about Meik?

I'm glad you asked... y'all and this dayum new fangled dating ish. So let's hop into it shall we?



Guest Blogger: BeeVee:

After 13 (not so) delightful years of marriage, I find myself single---at 40. And judging by how well it’s been going, I’m due to become a crazy cat lady any minute now.



I would love to be dating someone.

**chile wouldn't we all?!" anyway continue girl..**

Someone smart and funny, warm and loving, someone who is curious about life and loves to try new things, who has friends, and who has, (I know, this is crazy talk) a job.

**PREACH THIS GOOD WORD BEEVEE!! Add in loves music and can read and I'm SOLD!**

But apparently, with such lofty criteria, I won’t be changing my relationship status any time soon. Why is that? Because dating is for masochists.

In the last month on Plenty of Fish, there was the guy who said hello, then immediately asked me if I was on birth control. There was the one who wanted to dress in women’s clothing and asked me which he should choose: yoga pants, thigh highs, or fishnets. There was the guy whose profile picture was him giving the camera the finger, wife beater and knuckle tattoos at the ready. There was the one who messaged me, “Wanna f*ck,” without any preamble whatsoever, followed two minutes later by the one who simply wrote “I’m looking for something sexual right now.” Be still my heart.





So when I met a man who wore a suit in his profile picture, who worked for the state, who asked me thoughtful questions like where was I from and what were my favorite foods, it was as if the clouds parted and the angels sang the Hallelujah chorus in three part harmony.

*I swear I need to know if this was a Steve Harvey church suit or nawl?*

For weeks I vetted him over text and the phone. No red flags. Seemed very promising. After hounding me to go out with him, I finally relented. We had had all the important conversations. He was single. 47. Never married. Had a long-time live-in girlfriend, but they’d broken up three years ago, and while he’d dated casually since then, he’d really like a relationship with the right person, and, oh by the way, he felt really good about me. I was feeling good about him, too.

So we met at a local bar. He was delightful. Sparks flew. I started to feel optimistic. After Christmas, we met up again for dinner, and then went to his place to hang out in his hot tub.

*pause* FLAG ON THE PLAY! WE MET? HOT TUB? HOLD UP *in my Beyonce voice*



But we couldn’t get in the hot tub until after 7pm, because his ex “might stop by unexpectedly,” and “that would be awkward.” Then he casually mentioned, the ex still kept a car in his garage, and oh yeah, did he mention that she stopped over on Christmas Eve and spent the night on his couch (although he was quick to deny touching her)? Just as my brain started to mentally mouth the words What the Everloving F***? my eagle eyes spied women’s shoes in his closet, intermingled with his sneakers and Sebagos.

“So,” I said, disguising my, now, simmering molten rage, “those shoes don’t look like they’re your size.”
“No,” he said nonchalantly, like he thought I was falling for his bullshit, “they’re the ex’s. I never bothered to do anything with them.”

*this mofo and his liesssssss*



Right. For three years, he’s tripped over his ex’s shoes in the dead smack center of his closet. They haven’t bothered him at all. He forgot they were there. Sure… And I’m Imelda Marcos.

At this point, the red flags were coming at me so fast and furious that I feel like I was stuck in center field during the Cardinals’ color guard half time spectacular.

*chile I'm still trying to under and over-stand why the hell you went to the house on the first date!!! But continue...*



On New Year’s Eve I confronted him. We were supposed to get together, and the last thing I wanted to do was see him again. He admitted that he hadn’t been completely honest with me. He saw the ex more than he initially let on. (No? Really?) You see, the ex and he broke up (uh huh…), but she was mentally unstable (I’m beginning to see why) and refused to accept the breakup (Oh, right! The breakup! That’s the part where you say “Don’t sleep at my house anymore! Take your car and your stuff and get out! I don’t want to ever see you again!” Right? Oh, wait…).
I didn’t let him finish. I didn’t want to hear any more excuses.


Guys, either you’re single or you’re not.

*let's repeat this for the folks in the back of the room in the cheap seats!*



Guys, either you’re single or you’re not.

Guys, either you’re single or you’re not.

Guys, either you’re single or you’re not.

*I think they have it now BeeVee..you can stop now! However if a mofo ain't sure if he's single..he prob ain't.*


Just so we’re all clear, if her shoes are in your closet, you’re not. So that potential relationship came to a screeching halt. But as disappointing as it was, I want to believe Mr. Right is just around the corner. Maybe he’s breaking up with his girlfriend as we speak.




And if he’s not, I’m putting the local cat rescue on speed dial, just in case.


*Chile BeeVee, girl, I hope you blocked that mofo with the quickness! Don't resort to the cat rescue, you still have time to find Mr. Right..and if all else fails, there's always the Golden Girls life --find you some roomies, grab some cheesecake and have a ball!*



For the rest of you..if you want to guest blog--hit me up! Shameika@Themofochronicles.com

~Always in Gratitude
Meik

A Year of Gratitude -Farewell 2016

2016..what a year.



I debated on blogging on last time for what most of can agree on a ragg-lass kind of year. I thought there's not much else for me to say, my heart was shattered this year over and over.. and I just fell into a funk so deep that I wasn't sure how to snap out of it. Until I learned exactly how to have gratitude and appreciate the things and the people that I have in my life.

How so Meik?

I started the year with a present from a friend which was a gratitude jar. The jar's purpose was for me to write down something daily or weekly that I was grateful for. At first, I went through the motions, but as things started changing this year, from my last living grandmother passing away, to my steady writing gig at SoulTrain.com getting snatched, to losing my beloved Kashif and some other friends, I realized that I indeed have a lot to be grateful for.

So for my last post for 2016--I thought instead of sharing lessons I've learned, I would share a few things from my gratitude jar.



1. I am so grateful for my granddeddy- his laughter and shade thrills me so.
Since my grandma passed away in 2013, my granddad has become my phone buddy and can throw shade with the best of em. He makes me so proud.

2. I'm grateful for being able to spend time with my family on an actual vacation.
This year my family and I went to Charleston, South Carolina for a family vacay..our first since I was in high school and lawd help us we all survived and didn't scratch each other's eyeballs out. We enjoyed each other just grateful to be able to spend time together.

3. I'm grateful I can walk even when my leg aches and hurts like the dayum debbil.
Nerve damage is everlasting it seems and I still have my good and bad days, but when those aches and stabbing pains set in, I can now thank God that I can walk without a cane, and I can wear my baby wedges amen!

4. I am grateful I have been able to re-introduce my first love of cheerleading back into my life.
I tumbled back into the cheer world as an All-Star Cheerleading judge in Dec 2015 and the experience this year alone of being picked to judge the Summit (which is THE BIGGEST competition for these gals) in Orlando was amazing especially for a first year judge.

5. I am grateful for my freelance hustle.
This year alone, I have had some of the most AHHHHHHHmazing interviews. Being able to talk with the very ones that inspired me still has me on a level 1000000000000+. I chatted with Arsenio Hall and Donnie Simpson! I interviewed folks like Deon Cole, Patti LaBelle, Melba Moore, Tevin Campbell, Vanessa Bell Calloway and my uncle in my head Tito Jackson! So I am super grateful that JET Magazine gave me an outlet and a chance once SoulTrain.com shut down. I also rocked a piece for Vanity Fair this year! WOO HOO! More things are coming in 2017!

6. I am grateful for my friends.
I keep my circle small but those I let in are the ones that keep me grounded, keep me laughing, sane, and ain't afraid to check me when I'm going left.
I found one slip of paper dated Feb. 17th and it must have been after a convo with Kashif. It reads: I am grateful for friends like Kashif.
I am just so glad I got to know him and be considered a friend. I will love this man forever and ever. Rest in peace friend.

7. I'm grateful to have a job.
This is important because I have fought and struggled with not growing where I am professionally. I realized it's not the job's fault. I should embrace the lessons there--so I learned how to make my interviews more concise, learned how to network better, learned how to share my knowledge, and accept criticism and feedback. Now.. 2017 MOVES NEED TO COME THRU! LOL

8. I am grateful that my sister and I can hang out with out fighting all the time.
We used to go IN.. and couldn't stand each other but our weekly sister dates make me so happy :)

9. I am grateful that I finally learned HIM DON'T WANT ME!
Finally, in the latter part of 2016 I have FINALLLLLLLLY learned that if he ain't interested, you ain't gonna make him interested. After yearssss of holding onto this crush and dropping bread crumbs hoping he'd follow em and pick up on what I was dropping, to finally sliding in the dm's only to be curved repeatedly.. yeah I got me some self respect, picked up my face and realized.. move on sis.

10. I am grateful for my supporters and readers.
Without ya'll I don't know if I would write as much over here (ok don't do that, I know I don't write much as is LOL) but I really do appreciate all the comments, shares, retweets, requests, and ideas. It truly means more than you know. When I was going to stop writing completely a few months ago, it was YOU that kept me going. Thank you!




I hope you all have a blessed wonderful gratitude filled 2017! Happy New Year!

Always in Gratitude,
~Meik

Getting into the Holiday Spirit

What's up Mofoville?!

Yeah yeah, don't look at me like that I already know I'm trifling...no need for you to co-sign!



Thank goodness this year is almost over, because as most of us have found 2016 is no friend of ours! But, it is still the holiday season, and as my inner Grinch continues to screech NO CHRIMUS MUSIC..NO GIFTS..NO HOLIDAY PARTIES.. I realize, that's not the way to be and well...I figured I might as well TRY to get into the holiday spirit, while it may be lacking a little bit of cheer as I deck the halls.

What you mean Meik?

I'm glad you asked! I have put off listening to anything that remotely resembles a holiday tune but I figured hey, why not pull myself out of this funk for a few and share some of the songs I like to listen to during the holiday season?

So without further ado..here's my list of Chrimus jams:

1. At my parents house, it ain't Christmas until you hear this song (we're going to ignore the fact that my deddy plays this album all year round cuz that ain't the point right now). If you don't drink your egg nog or brown liquor and sway with me right now as the Temptations sing Silent Night to us:



2. Hang all the mistletoe, I'm going to get to know you better, This Christmas! Sing y'all! Donny Hathaway did this!



3. Auntie Patti takes you to church on O'Holy Night! *flaps wings*



4. Y'all gonna get into this Marvin Gaye Christmas song.. come on and slow drag with me..



5. It only makes sense the one with the angelic voice slay a jazzy like Christmas song. SANG WHITNEY!



6. All I want for Christmas is yewwwwwww... but the way my Santa is set up... LOL Mariah sang her face off on this one and it's a fun bop to decorate the tree to!



7. This song gets me in my feelings every. single. year. YET Luther's voice on this one is sooooo silky smooth..but I'll be here...every year...every Christmas listening to this song ugly crying.



8. Y'all KNOW I love me some H-Town, and I don't care if Dino sang Merry Christmas over and over, I'd listen to it. That voice is hypnotic dripped in honey or something chile *body rolls* wayment..can you body roll to a Chrimus song?



9. Noel Gourdin is an amazing talent. I love his version of The First Noel. *lights a candle*



10. YOU KNEW this list had to include my family in my head.. the Jackson 5. Little MJ's voice was everythang!



11. Because I couldn't just let ONE J5 song be on this list..



12. Cuz you need some Eartha Kitt music in your life.. a sessy chrimus song that translates into gimme some coins!



13. Chrimus was made for the chirren ayyyyyeeee!



14. Turn up! Fiiiiiive fresh gold chainssssss!



15. This list wouldn't be complete without a soulful song from Anthony Hamilton! *shameless plug I interviewed him last year for SoulTrain.com about his Christmas album*



The list could go on and on but this is enough to get y'all into the holiday spirit right? I was in here wanting to decorate the Christmas tree that I don't have. LOL

What's your favorite Christmas song?

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

~Meik

Gratitude is the Mofo'n Attitude

Hello my dear Mofo readers! I took a bit of a hiatus with blogging (AGAIN) but I'm back! (At least for this month!)



Let's get some biz out of the way:

First thank you for all of the nice things you commented about my blog post about my beloved Kashif--I know it was all over the place but I'm glad you got the gist of it and just know that I appreciate those heartfelt condolences as I am still trying to grasp and come to terms with his death.

Second, I issued a blog challenge on social media and this time I got more specific-- the first blog for this month has to be about gratitude. The second blog is a funny story, and the third is a free for all- write whatever is in your heart. These blogs go on YOUR personal blogs, facebook, websites, wherever you post your ish..if you want.. I'm always open to guest bloggers.. just hit me up!

Now that is out of the way--- sometimes life just hands you a bunch of lemons and an invisible hand squishes them bitches in your eyeballs.

What does this have to do with gratitude?

I'm glad you asked...absolutely nothing really..I just needed a transition here. Bear with me.

So two weeks ago I found myself still reeling from learning of Kashif's passing, and making the decision not to go across the country for his memorial, but instead I watched it from the courtesy of my own home where I could ugly cry to my hearts content..fling myself in the floor and wonder WHYYYYYY didn't I pick up the damn phone when I thought of him the day before he died? I found myself wondering what can I do to honor an amazing man that probably thought I didn't listen to half of the lessons he taught me.. a man that lived his life without fear, a man with a ginormous musical legacy--what could lil ole me do to remember him and make myself feel better?
So I started going through old emails, text messages--his social media posts..looking for a word.. a hidden message..something to guide me.

WELP--that led me down to the tattoo spot down the street. How is this gratitude Meik? Hang on I'm getting there!

I was torn --do I get a tattoo with my Virgo sign? Do I get his name tatted across my chest with hearts? (Just kidding on that one!) Or do I go by one of the principles that he always believed in--and the more I thought about it--the word GRATITUDE just kept jumping out at me...every single email...I replayed conversations in my mind, the theme was the same.. GRATITUDE--

I walked into the tattoo spot.. guy asked me what I wanted to get...

Me: I want ALWAYS IN GRATITUDE on my arm.

He blank stared and said uhhh ok--that's cool. Give me 15 minutes..

I kept thinking should I do this? What does it really even mean? I have time to walk back outta here and forget I ever walked in here.. but I couldn't move. See, Kashif always signed his emails --Always in Gratitude-- and while I never really asked him about it I always noticed it-- he would sign off on his social media the same way.

So I decided this is it.. Kashif would want me to remember to always be in gratitude-- be grateful for the things you have. He always stayed in my arse when I was having a pity party by reminding me of all the things I had to be grateful for.

Oh hell tattoo dude is back. *deep breathe* I'm ready..

He asks where I want to put the tatt.. I point to my right arm.. sideways.. above the scars I got when I was in high school. So this tattoo now has a deep layered meaning..I went in trying to pay homage to a friend..and ended up with a message AMEN!



I was in a car accident--it was like early summer before my junior year. I had FINALLY convinced my parents to let me go on a date with a boy in a car *HALLLUJJJERRRRRR*



The plan was to go to the movies, dinner, and brang my arse back to the house by 11pm. Well this ninja decides hey let's go visit some folks on the other side of town and see what they are up to. So I was cool with the folks so I didn't see anything wrong with it and I was crushing HARD on my date so he could have suggested going to the city dump to watch the sunset and I would have said that's so romanticals.. like a fool. Anyhoo--so we go and I'm there chatting with a classmate while he and her boyfriend decide to run down the road for something--well I realize that after a while has passed, that my curfew is coming up soon and I'm freaking out-- this was before cell phones so I couldn't call his arse and he didn't have a pager..don't look at me like that.. you don't know my age! LOL



Anty-hoo my classmate says let's go drive around and look for them. So I get in the car with her and we end up on this curvy road--now I didn't have my seat belt on until something told me I should put it on. Next thing I knew she lost control of the car..and the details are fuzzy but I remember seeing a fence and I covered my face up with my arm..and the window shattered. Chile I thought her arse was dead the way she was slumped over the steering wheel..she didn't have her seat belt on..and I just kept thinking this car is gonna blow up like they do on tv and I can't move her arse outta here but I gotta save us..but oh crap my arm is covered in blood..


Long story short.. my date is the one who was actually driving behind us..saw our car flip several times before it landed upright --I don't remember the car flipping but I assume when you see your life flash before your eyes, you kinda block ish out and all I cared about was that we were alive. Mind you, I didn't see the light of day for most of the summer because my parents were LIVID as if I were the one driving the car..something about me lying or some ish..chile IDK --shouldn't they have just been glad I made it through?! lawd I still wanna know what I missed that summer...




But, what I do know is after the doctors picked the glass outta my arm-- it healed..but the scars that run about 3 inches on my arm are a reminder that life is precious.. I am grateful to have made it out of that accident.

Fast forward to my most recent drama with my leg -- I would think sometimes WHY ME? But then I realized why not me? I have a platform to educate folks on how to do your research when electing to have surgery-- especially when it comes to fibroids--I am a walking testimony that I didn't let the fact that I could barely walk stop me from going hard in pursuit of my dreams..and I damn sure wasn't going out with just being satisfied with just walking with a cane. I am grateful that over the weekend..my leg was strong enough to hold me up in these damn wedge heeled boots I insisted on wearing as I went bar hopping.

I'm grateful that I was pushed out of my comfort zone because I would have stayed writing for SoulTrain.com forever so being pushed out led me to Jet which led me to Vanity Fair..and has landed me some amazing interviews and connections. However I also know that without SoulTrain.com I never would have met Kashif.



Most of all, I am grateful that I had Kashif in my life, even if for a short time, to remind me to Always (be) in Gratitude--appreciate what you have..where you have been..and look forward to where you are going.



So now, when I get mad or frustrated when things aren't going my way.. I just look down at my arm..and see my tattoo...my tattoo that reminds me of Kashif.. and the things that I am grateful for like family, life, friends.. my readers.. everything! While things aren't where I want them to be right now--this is my reminder to stay encouraged.. stay positive.. so for that-- I thank you Kashif for the reminder. I miss you so very much!

Add these songs to your gratitude playlist to get you started on your gratitude blogs!










*don't say ISH about these old school songs either!*


What do you guys have to be grateful for?

Until Later..
~Meik

Memories of My Friend Kashif

This ish hurts.

What you mean Meik?



I just learned a few hours ago that super producer, songwriter, singer Kashif passed away Sunday.(Asking me how is gonna result in a blank stare, a succession of blinks, and a none of your biz). In a nutshell, my heart is shattered into a thousand itty bitty pieces.




Let me explain.

I've always heard that you have to maintain a business relationship/code of ethics bs when interviewing folks--so I tried not to mix professional with personal but dang it, sometimes folks slip thru the cracks and you end up with a beautiful friendship.

I reached out to Kashif in 2012 on Facebook, and I wasn't expecting a response, but he sent me his email address and we set up the interview. What started out as a 10-15 minute interview turned into nearly an hour and he made me promise to reach out if I ever came to Los Angeles.

Here's that interview

Well, it just so happened I ended up in Los Angeles the following month just a few days after Whitney Houston had passed away and was totally expecting him to be like NEW PHONE WHO DIS? but instead, he invited me to come over and now listen y'all I thought I was going over to his studio or office but nawl --I navigate my way over and am thinking uhhhh this looks like a place where he probably lives. He met me down in the lobby and we chatted and then I suppose I passed his crazy test lol and he invited me to his condo --now I probably should have said no this lobby is fine, but I trusted him and hell he didn't know me either. Sitting in his home studio, watching him light up as he was explaining his entire setup and showing me some of his work..I was blown away and pissed that my phone had broken so I had no way to really take pics --the only pic I got was from his balcony overlooking the water cuz that raglass phone didn't wanna cooperate. Anyhoo.. I asked him if he was on Twitter--and it turned into a social media lesson, I showed him how to tweet and I believe his first tweet was about Whitney Houston and his work with her (if you aren't aware--GOOGLE please)..we ended up chatting on the balcony for a while about everything--from music to life in North Carolina.. he gave me a copy of his book and said this is the beginning of a new friendship.

In my head "yeah right."

Over the past few years, Kashif became one of my really good friends. You know you are a special friend if I don't go off on you or ignore your calls when calling me at all times of the night. When Kashif moved to Hawaii shortly after meeting--he called me to tell me he was moving and invited me to come visit, but I never went. I cannot fly over a bunch of water cuz my nerves are bad and then I ended up with the nerve damage drama so I couldn't hardly walk anyway, so he'd send me pictures and tell me about his life there, the friends he was making, his spiritual connections, healthy lifestyle and even riding his bike everywhere. He knew the time difference was like 6 hours but do you think he gave a darn about some time difference? If he was up, he was gonna call, I think for a few weeks straight he would call me at 7am and I would answer every single time. We'd talk about everything, from my grieving over my grandma, to him encouraging me to keep writing.I was always baffled like how did I end up friends with THE KASHIF? I loved learning about Kashif the man, the friend--the person behind the hits. I can rattle off his resume sure, but to actually know him--wow.

Kashif would call me in the middle of my work day I would say "I'm at work Kashif," and he would keep on talking like "how is my Meika doing?"

To not be able to hear him say those words again breaks my heart. To not get anymore phone calls at random times of the morning, day, night..and don't let me NOT answer..he would call again and again and a text like u see me calling lol. Our conversations on dating would often have me HOLLERING.. my favorite was when he told me about a blind date someone had set him up on and all I remember from that convo is he said he told her "Do you know who I am?" but the way he said it had me snort-giggling hysterically.

I know I'm all over the place with this blog. Anyway, I was so excited when Kashif told me about his History of R&B Music documentary--he asked if I would help him and of course the answer was always YES especially for a topic that I love and he's my friend--except when he wanted to hire me and I was like bruh I don't wanna bust up our friendship over us butting heads-- when he asked if I would write something about his singing lessons he was offering..I did it. I asked him for help finding a writing job..he did it. That's what friends do. When he told me he was going to release another album and tour again, I was so excited like YESSSSSSSS I can finally see him perform live and he will be putting out new music?! I'm so there.. he did a concert in June (chile me trying to talk him thru how to make a facebook event and invite folks was hysterical--but we got thru it and he did it so if you got an invite..YOU WELCOME)--unfortunately in June, due to scheduling on my end I wasn't able to make that show. I sent him a text asking how it went and then later asked if he was going to bring the show to the east coast and he said he was working on it.

We probably chatted a couple more times on the phone since then. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever imagined that would be the last time I heard his voice say "my Meika." One thing I do know is I'm glad he left us his receipts of music--his legacy that will live on forever. I do hope that his documentary and his new album will be released at some point so that this generation can also understand just how important Kashif was to the music industry as a whole.



I had hoped to get out to LA to see him this year and finally get some pics together--I thought we had all the time in the world, but I was wrong. I am so glad that I got to know Kashif the man. I truly loved that dude. I have to figure out how to stop looking at the phone waiting on his calls and texts. I hate goodbyes so I'll just say I'll see ya later.

Rest in peace Kashif.