Hey Mofos, 

I just checked another screening, but this time I went to check out a film that is totally out of my wheelhouse. Ridley Scott's Napoleon. 

Chile, the film is basically a look at the military commander's origin and his ruthless climb to emperor, and his codependent volatile relationship with his wife and one true love, Josephine. 

I thought this was gonna be all war, bang bang, shoot em up cuz I walked in late and was ready to walk right back out of the theater. But, the moment Napoleon (Joaquin Phoenix) spotted his future bae Josephine (Vanessa Kirby) across a crowded room and decides to creepily stare her down, I was tuned in to see what was gonna happen next. Later, he meets her two kids from her late husband, and it's clear he's already jealous of a dead man. IS THIS WHERE Y'ALL GET "your king is short?" *giggles*

Now ole Josie (my new nickname for her) is clearly ready to slut him out cuz she warned him and there goes the power of the puss, cuz he couldn't shake his love for her for the rest of his life. 

Anyhoo, she seems to be content trying to keep him under her control while he is focused on an heir and his climb to power. Their sex scenes are cringy and what one would expect from a man with his short "king" complex, jack rabbit style and her being over it. But, she does find someone who can satisfy her the moment Nap Nap goes to Egypt or some dang where. 

One scene that tore my nerves up is him tearing into Josie at the dang table amongst other people about not being able to get pregnant. It reminded me of how little men think about fertility issues, all they want is what they want and be damned if there could be an issue. But baby, when she clapped back and called him fat, I let out the biggest screech. At times this film felt more like a comedy versus a historical account of this man's life. The disrespect toxic nature of it all reminded me of how some of y'all let y'alls relationships play out on social media when it's clearly none of our business. 

One other thing that made me cackle and reminded me I need to snatch back my own damn power is when Josie left that ass on read--well as much as she could in the 1700s/1800s by not writing him. WE ARE SICK OF THESE MOFOS. Wait, lemme get back on track. 

He never really interacted with her kids, and even when he had one --we never saw what happened to that child after what looks like a year or maybe 2. 

The battle scenes were interesting, tho I kept forgetting who had on what and what army was fighting who. I clearly slept during history class and this was about the same. Napoleon seemed like a short man fighting to be the tallest giant as the peacemaker and the one who saved France. 

I kee-keed a bit during this movie, but Napoleon made me so mad at times how he spoke to Josephine and other women, especially her daughter. When this mofo told her that he forgives her--I was ready to knock that hat off his head and exile him again. 

It was an entertaining 2 1/2 hour film, but for history buffs this may not be what you are looking for since I'm not so sure it gives the most accurate portrayal of the master of war. But remember I'm also the one that slept during history class so don't listen to me lol. On a random side note, I wondered if all that horseback riding caused hemorrhoids??

Apple TV and Sony Pictures will release Napoleon in theaters on 11/22. 

Let me know if you go see it! 

~Meik

Hey mofos! 

It's been a minute since I've had a guest blogger or talked about the ragglass dating streets. If you are interested in sharing your story, hit me up via email, DM, pigeon, whatever floats your boat! 

So, enjoy this post from a fellow writer who shall remain nameless (but it's a guy, it's not me pretending LOL) 

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When Shameika asked me to guest blog on the Mofo Chronicles, I was humbled and excited for the opportunity as we’ve had our discussions and conversations about what it’s like to be dating in our field and at this stage of our lives.

Or at least attempting to date, I should say.

I always compare myself to a divorced dad trying to put himself out there long after the end of his marriage, though in my case there was no marriage and there are no children; just a guy trying to find himself – and some companionship – after a long period of being down on himself and everyone else at the same time.

Needless to say, I absolutely agree with the sentiment that the dating pool is tainted because everyone is either trying to out-slick/out-sly each other, have unrealistic standards, or just completely out of their minds.

I have a pair of stories that sum up my Dating in 2023 experience in a way that supports the theory of not just pee being in the pool anymore.

The first takes place in the DMs of the app formerly known as Twitter. A woman from the Midwestern region of the country (I’m Mid-Atlantic, just to give full context) likes several of my posts, so a private conversation begins.

Before long, it turns from getting to know each other’s likes and dislikes to getting to know each other Biblically from a virtual standpoint. Pictures, videos, messages – you NAME it! Shout out to Shirley Caesar.

So, without any prompting from me, this woman says, “I want to fly out to you and have you [redacted] me silly.”

So we’re off to a good start, right? Wrong. Fly Girl expressed this desire in November of 2022 to meet in January this year.

January came. Nothing.

February came. Nothing.

March-June came. Nothing.

In July, I sent her a text message saying in so many words that it was rather cruel and unnecessary to gas someone up if you had no intention of following through. Plus, I didn’t ask her about flying out – SHE brought it up.

Her response was to mention custody of her children, a job promotion and that if I couldn’t understand, then there was no reason to continue.

Talk about hurtful. There’s something to be said for people who volunteer or offer something you weren’t thinking about and then play victim when addressed about not following up. None of it is good.

As cruel as that situation was, there was an annoying one that maybe didn’t hurt as bad because I suppose there was success in the short term.

This next story begins on an app called Tinder, but the prequel dates back to another, long-gone social media site where this woman and I connected originally, but signals got crossed and mixed, so we lost contact for well over a decade.

Imagine my surprise on April Fools Day (which should’ve told me this was going to be jokes) when this woman liked my Tinder profile. I knew who it was instantly, so out of curiosity I swiped right to start a conversation. Either she was pulling my leg the whole way or I just wasn’t paying attention, but she said she’d seen me improve from a distance (guess she meant my physical appearance or something) so we started catching up on each other’s lives and naturally, that turned into “You know…you could’ve gotten it back then…still can.”

Important to note that again, this was something that was brought up to me; I didn’t bring it up.

This time, no flights or feelings were necessary since she lived just across the bridge from me, so I drove over to her place because she wanted to meet before she went to an event. Of course grown folk things did happen and I thought it went rather well.

Wrong again.

Later on in the spring we’re texting and she mentions her demisexuality and how that went against our hookup. I couldn’t believe it. I already knew what demisexuality was (attraction to someone based on feelings, for the record) so I didn’t think she had a reason to lie, but there was still something dishonest about it. She said we could continue chatting and hopefully meet up, but sex was off the table until I proved myself to her.

She hasn’t gotten a text from me since.

Now here’s where I’m honest to a fault about my faults – yes, I very much am trying to play ho-phase catch-up for the years I was out of the game because of a lack of self-confidence and serious self-hatred for myself, envy of other men and resentment for women who liked the men who weren’t me.

After physical improvement and inner-improvement that includes on and off therapy (because healthcare in this country is still cheeks), I felt like I was ready to see who and what was out there, explore a bit and hopefully create new memories and experiences that would prepare me for something different.

Reader, that has not happened.

So as a hot summer turns to a not-as-cold-as-it-used-to-be winter (thanks, climate change), I’m considering taking a step back from all things dating and sex because as much as I want to be successful at those two things, it seems like a long shot at the moment.

Of course, I say that now, but with one swipe and conversation, I could be starting this chase all over again. To use the tagline from the esteemed creator of this blog, “My Nerves Bad.”

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Whew chile, it sounds like dating ain't been right since.. well ever. Thank you guest blogger for sharing your stories with us! My advice: well, I really don't have any except get back out there and in the words of Aaliyah, "dust it off and try again."

Hey Mofos!

I went to check out the film The Marvels last night and let me tell you, I want to be a super hero. Director Nia DaCosta has me convinced that I just need a knee brace or two, an ankle brace, a power bracelet and some super power then I too can be a Marvel. Let's get into the film shall we?

Here's the synopsis: 

Carol Danvers aka Captain Marvel has reclaimed her identity from the tyrannical Kree and taken revenge on the Supreme Intelligence. But unintended consequences see Carol shouldering the burden of a destabilized universe. When her duties send her to an anomalous wormhole linked to a Kree revolutionary, her powers become entangled with that of Jersey City super-fan, Kamala Khan aka Ms. Marvel, and Carol’s estranged niece, now S.A.B.E.R. astronaut Captain Monica Rambeau. Together, this unlikely trio must team-up and learn to work in concert to save the universe as “The Marvels.” Marvel Studios’ “The Marvels” stars Brie Larson, Teyonah Parris, Iman Vellani, Zawe Ashton, Gary Lewis, Seo-Jun Park, Zenobia Shroff, Mohan Kapur, Saagar Shaikh, and Samuel L. Jackson. Nia DaCosta directs with Kevin Feige producing. Louis D’Esposito, Victoria Alonso, Mary Livanos Jonathan Schwartz and Matthew Jenkins serve as executive producers. The screenplay is by Nia DaCosta and Megan McDonnell and Elissa Karasik. 

My review: 

Captain Marvel (Brie Larson) shows more emotion than I've ever seen in the Marvel Universe. It's like she's human or something. That cat Noodles, Goose. or whatever its name was, tore my nerves up and maybe that's because I'm not an animal person. Monica Rambeau (Teyonah Parris) was Black Girl Magic personified and I loved her natural big hair, and Ms. Marvel (Iman Vellani) and her family stole the damn show along with Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson). 

The comedy of proportions of Ms. Marvel aka Kamala and her family are hilarious and probably how many parents would behave when their daughter is in and out of the universe and they have no clue wtf is going on. The villain of the film, Dar-Benn (Zawe Ashton) scared me plain and simple. She is the survivor of the Kree Civil War and her home Hala is dying thanks to Captain Marvel's destroying the Supreme Intelligence. Dar-Benn is with the shits and ready to do whatever she has to in order to bring peace, love, and soul to her beloved Hala. I did feel like the Marvel Universe should have done more with that character and the people of Hala. But she simply served as the reason The Marvels were thrown together by well, you'll see. 

One thing I loved is the diversity of the cast and all of the girl power. I also loved that it wasn't just about Captain Marvel, because let's be for real, her movie was a snore and it took me all of ten tries to get thru it. Sorry but it did. 

But here, all three leads get their chance to shine and we get to see their full arcs come to sort of a completion whether it's peace, turmoil, or utter chaos as this chapter of their adventure ends. 

I haven't seen every single Marvel movie, but what I do know, stay after the credits, because judging from the audience reaction, it's gonna make you squeal with excitement about the next chapter of the Marvel Universe. 
I loved the kee-kee's I got from this film and the feeling of feeling like my imagination, just like Kamala's, can take me anywhere I want to go. It also showed the power of compromise, keeping promises, promises (sorry I started singing Christopher Williams' song), and taking a leap of faith into the unknown to help others. 

I think this is a great film and can't wait to see what lies ahead in the future for these three super heroes. Also, please know this film is probably the shortest one in the MU. At least you'll be home early! 

Marvel Studios’ “The Marvels” opens in U.S. theaters on November 10.

Let me know what you think if you go! 
~Meik