Doves Are Mofo'n Crying and So Am I

Posted by ~Meik on , , , , ,


Dig if you will the picture...

No.. there's no kissing going on but I do have several things running through my mind so bear with me.

What's wrong Meik?

I'm glad you asked!

Prince.is.gone. MY HAIR & SHOE IDOL DONE WENT TO GLORAAAAYYYYYY jeeezus




Even as I type that I can't believe it. Most of you know that I am a HUGE MJ fan, but you probably don't realize I do love me some Prince and I can say that I am absolutely glad that I got to see him in concert when he came to NC in 2011. Best concert ever.

When I heard the news I was getting ready to leave for work, and I started getting tweets asking me if it was true? Of course they were cryptic so I ASSume they meant something else..like did I find a bae? Is it true? Which we all know is a crock of ish. So I started scrolling thru my TL and see the mentions of Prince..I hop over to FB and see that TMZ has posted that the Purple One was indeed the one that was found dead at Paisley Park. *moment of silence as I slide down the wall again*

Prince may be the reason I have an affinity for pretty men...then you bring along El Debarge, Al B. Sure!, Christopher Williams, and Ginuwine and you understand right? Baby hair on a grown man.. chile...

Anyway.. needless to say SHOCKED...STUNNED... and any other word you can imagine is how I felt. This past week started off with the death of the ex's aunt that I told ya'll about before a few years ago, I adored that lady..she always treated me like family and I love her for that. Then the anniversary of the death of my grandma was next which always sends me into fits of WHYYYYYY CANT MY GRANDMA BE HERE?! .. then Prince died..ALL THIS IN THE SAME DAYUM WEEK!!!!! If you saw me walking around like a zombie with swollen eyes and bags under em..now you know why.

Back to Prince.. I can remember riding the school bus and the conversations would be "who is your boyfriend... Prince or MJ..pick one." Of course I always picked MJ but hell you can't go wrong with either choice. I think my love of MJ ran deeper since that is the music I heard the most in our house. My deddy played the Purple Rain album, had the poster in our basement and I would gaze at it.. wondering the story behind it because the poster was odd to me, but I knew I loved the Purple Rain album. My cousin was and is a die hard fan so whenever he came over, that's all we heard..Prince..Prince..Prince...hell even at his wedding..it was literally so much purple I thought doves were going to start crying.



Anytime Prince or MJ was on television my parents would let me watch their performance, but I think I was a little too young then to really understand just how talented Prince was as a musician, but I knew I wanted a Red Corvette cuz he sang about it, and I wanted to party like it's 1999 in the 80s cuz Prince said so. I wanted to see this Purple Rain he spoke off but when I went outside it was never that color..maybe it doesn't change colors here in NC chile but anyway..I was always super shy growing up but watching both MJ and Prince and hearing about how shy they were gave me some kind of push to drop that shyness when I cheered in front of hundreds of people every week for 12 years.. off the field, you couldn't get me to look you in the eye or speak more than "TREE" words (I'm sorry I gotta keep using Birdman's ignate arse language lol) but on the field..I stepped into my performer mode and transformed into a completely different person. Those two artists, showed me that it's okay to be different, and munk what people say about you...just study your craft and keep getting better at it. That's what I did.. most of the time, while folks were out being fast arses running the streets, I was at home trying to perfect new jumps, teaching myself how to aerials (it's a damn wonder I didn't break my f'n neck doing this ish on concrete but anyhoo)...u get the point.. just like the great artists--I wanted to be great in cheerleading.. and as I got older the same mentality with my writing. THAT is why I'm always like "I'm busy..I'm writing.. I can't..I'm writing.. Nawl.. I gotta write.." and why I constantly have my head in a book or at the WRECKA STOW.. I want to be the great just like they were. I had also hoped that one day in my lil writing career that I could interview Prince --but I knew it was a long shot but it was still a goal that will remain unfulfilled. The amount of artists that I have interviewed over the years that say Prince influenced them is amazing..even some of the old school artists tip their hats to him, so that tells you right there the man was talented.



Anyhoo.. seeing Under the Cherry Moon at 8 years old left an impression..eh well the first one being..did my mama n'em know what I was coming to see? The second was.. gawd dawg Prince is fine and how can he walk in those shoes?! LOL Fast forward years later.. over the weekend I finally got to see Purple Rain in the theater for the first time. I've seen it on television many times over the years but seeing it on the big screen was amazing. It felt like a concert with the audience up dancing in the aisles, singing, and shouting I LOVE YOU PRINCE! I was mesmerized by his performance in the film and walked away feeling like I needed to purify myself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka--because it hit me.. Prince really is gone. I didn't really cry until that night after reading that he had been cremated and I'm like I JUST SAW HIM IN PURPLE RAIN (leave me alone with my logic mmmmk?) and I sobbed..ugly crying thinking this amazing musician has left an incredible legacy for us..he had such an impact on the music of our generation and well I'm not even going there putting this trap music ish on him..but the influence he had on some of my favs is evident and I thank Prince for sharing his gift with us. I also thank him for the gift of shade..cuz BABBAYYYYYYY that man could shade the entire ish out of someone with one look and I was here for it. I already miss seeing his tweets on my timeline..and me wondering why won't someone teach him how to use twitter so he isn't replying to himself LOL but anyhoo.. part of our childhood is gone... MJ, Whitney, and now Prince...and for just a little while I have felt like music died..until I turned on the radio and realized it ain't dead..they left us alllllll this music to listen to so we aren't forced to listen to this generations weird non talented arse music.



I'm starting to ramble so I gotta wrap this up... Prince worked hard to protect his music and keep his ish off the internet..and the minute he died, mofos started posting ish up on YouTube--videos, performances, and more. I for one can't make myself even watch any of that stuff, it feels absolutely disrespectful after he fought so hard to keep it off there. While I may be in the minority in this.. that's my way of continuing to pay respect to an icon.

Rest in Peace Purple One :(


Do you have a favorite Prince song?

~Meik

Love, Peace, and Mofo'n Soul

Posted by ~Meik on , , ,
The Hippest Trip in America has come to a screeching halt.. well at least for me and several other writers for SoulTrain.com.



What happened Meik?

I'm glad you asked. Last week, BET Networks announced they had purchased Soul Train which signaled the end of a chapter for me and my fellow writers.



I started writing for Soul Train in 2011--Daron Jones from 112 was my very first interview. I recall sitting in his studio freaking out and sweating profusely, fumbling and not even knowing how to record the dang interview. He made it fun and I got through it and it was just what I needed to ignite my writing career for the next 5 years.

I always watched Soul Train growing up (and hell still do..if a rerun comes on--I'm glued to the television as if this is the first time I've seen the episode with the dancers, performances, scramble board, and the oh so cool Don Cornelius). I knew one thing from watching this show was that I wanted to be a dancer and go down the Soul Train line popping as hard as I can on stilettos wearing a sports bra and leggings like Rosie Perez with long hair to swing around hitting folks in the face like Cheryl Song.



I wanted to be in the audience watching the performers up close and personal..and if I couldn't do that, I wanted to be just like Don Cornelius and do allllll the interviews!



I guess in a way I got my wish. I could never have imagined that me..MEIK.. would have the opportunity to write for an iconic brand...a legend..I can't even put into words what this meant to me. I never would have thought that my ride with Soul Train would come to an abrupt end in 2016 and I'd be sitting here mourning like a close relative passed away. So instead of me sniffing and snotting I thought I'd write about a few memorable interviews and opportunities that I had thanks to Soul Train. From red carpets, to sneaking to do interviews in my car at work, to forming long lasting relationships and friendships. Soul Train has been so much fun! So here we go:



1. I interviewed my elderly bae in 2013 and if you follow me on social media then you already know this is Billy Dee Williams. The moment my phone rang and he said Hello.. I think I slid to the floor.. that man's voice is still so smooth and suave and I tried my hardest to come up with more questions just to keep hearing him talk. The best part..was he was so impressed that I knew about his jazz album that he released in the early 60s. Even better was the follow up email from his publicist saying they loved the article.

2. I covered my first Red Carpet in 2012 in Atlanta--listen y'all... all my life I have wanted to be on somebody's red carpet doing interviews and thanks to Soul Train..that dream came true multiple times. This first time was very shaky, but luckily I had my homie that runs the Sound-Savvy blog close by and showing me the ropes. I got to meet and chat with several artists and luckily I left just in time because I do believe they started shooting at the awards that evening lawd. This is why we can't have nice things.

3. 2012 I also dragged Tevin Campbell out of his hiding place in to do an exclusive interview..and it's so funny it's coming full circle because he's finally releasing new music this week and guess who has an interview?! Tevin was one of the most humble people to talk to, I just wanted him to sing Can weeeeee talllllk?! But anyhoo..

4. Joe Jackson, La Toya Jackson, Jackie Jackson--Y'all know I LOVE MY MOFO'N JACKSONS! Being able to interview these three were definitely highlights for me. When the Jacksons launched the Unity Tour--I drove my arse to Atlanta with a 101 temp to sit out in the blazing sun to write a review. As for Joe Jackson, I'm kicking myself in the butt for forgetting to hit record during most of the interview..I was just sooooo drawn into what he was saying and the fact of THIS IS MICHAEL N'EM DEDDYYYYYY on this phone!

5. Big. Daddy. Kane. I don't need to say anything else.

6. L.C. Cooke--Sam Cooke's younger brother. This was absolutely one of my favorite interviews. Why? I love Sam Cooke duhhhh but seriously--I worked on this interview for years to set this up. His nephew told me LC was on his death bed, and I had just about given up hope when I got a message from his publicist to set it up. Mr. Cooke had so many amazing memories and recall everything just like it happened a year ago. I was so happy he finally released his album that got shelved after Sam's death.

7. Meeting Ron Isley lawwwd.. that was an experience I will never forget. Mr. Biggs was totally not Mr. Biggs at all and was so very humble and gracious. Through that meeting I found one of the folks that travels with him used to work for Jackie Wilson. Ya'll know I love me some Jackie Wilson so I was alllllllllll in for this convo.

8. Covering the Steve Harvey Neighborhood Awards was huge to me. I covered it for two years in Atlanta. I thought that I'd never get to be on a red carpet again thanks to my nerve damage, but when I tell you my leg and I worked that carpet on out in 2014 and was stronger and could last longer in 2015 bishhhhhhh I was soooo happy! I got kisses on the face from Shemar Moore.. and really that's all that needs to be said.



9. Writing for Soul Train also allowed me to reconnect with Case who was my very first celeb interview back in 199--err ya'll don't need to know the exact year. I was so excited to hear he was still putting out new music!

10. Covering Funk Fest and some other concerts and events allowed me to come face to face with some amazing artists--like MC Lyte, Tamar Braxton, Uncle Luke, Jodeci, Mint Condition, 2 Live Crew, Ginuwine, Noel Gourdin, Dennis Edwards, Otis Williams, Eric Roberson, Jeff Redd, Hi Five, H-Town, Glenn Lewis, Jon B, Keke Palmer, Big Bub, Me'lissa Morgan, Anthony Hamilton..the list goes on and on.

One of the things I loved about Soul Train is that I could tell the stories of those artists that were around in a time when the internet wasn't popping. I wanted to tell their stories so that folks today would know where the music hails from. I wanted to give these legends their flowers now..not later when it won't matter.

Now I didn't always chat with music folks, but I also chatted with some entertainment industry folks from Mr. Eddie Ray, to Devon Franklin, Orlando Jones to Bentley Kyle Evans and hearing their stories about their journey to success was inspiring.

During my tenure with Soul Train I also learned a lot about myself. Every interview was an opportunity to absorb and grow, every interaction was a chance to learn a lesson to carry me through to the next time, and as my writing improved, so did my interviewing skills (when I tell you it was painful in the first year chile..). More importantly, I learned that this is what I love. Not just writing and interviewing, but actually being excited to share these stories with y'all and hope that you too can take away something more than just ooooh they got a new song, or oooooh they have a new show. There is a lesson in everything but y'all don't hear me tho!

So while my ride with Soul Train may have pulled into the train depot for a stop.. I'm hoping BET revives the website to keep the brand alive. If not, I know that I can at least say I am grateful to have had the opportunity to write for such a legendary brand that has been around for years.


Thank you Soul Train. Thank you to all of the artists and everyone I interviewed, all of the publicists and managers..hell just anyone who contributed to my ride on Soul Train. I appreciate you more than you know!

As for my next move: "It's gonna be a stone gas, honey!" stay tuned.



~Meik

Dating While Mofo'n Degreed Up

Posted by ~Meik on , , , ,
Happy April Mofos!



I guess since I asked bloggers to get off their arse and post THREE blogs to their personal blogs this month, I should do the same huh?

Who knew being educated could throw a kink in the dating matrix?

What you mean Meik?

I'm so glad you asked!

About a year ago, I met this cutie while I was moving..he was one of the guys that came to pick up my Goodwill donation--and could hold a convo and seemed like he had some sense. After all, he had saved me from the neighborhood rapper named Mac N Cheez that wouldn't get out of my driveway. (That's a story for another day chile) So we exchanged info with plans to go out.



For the next couple of weeks, we chatted on the phone, he hit me with "Good Morning" texts every morning.. it was cute. Then I realized, we never really talked outside of his work day. So I would hit him up in the evenings while I was work around 7pm...and he wouldn't answer until the next day claiming he went to sleep when he got off work at 4pm.



So anyway one day he was asking me about my writing and what I hoped to do with it. I was explaining to him how I got started blogging and took a break once I was in grad school but have been slack ass ever since.

Crickets....

HELLO???

Him: Uhhh, You went to Grad School? You have a Master's Degree?

Me: Yeah I did and I do.

Him: I gotta go.

Click and Curved.

W
T
F
????????????????

This is new. I've never been cut off and hung up on for having a degree..let alone TWO of them mofos. I mean, wow.. welp NEXT.



About a week goes by and he hits me up and says he's been going through some things, and wrecked his car and blah blah blah. No mention of the degree, but then he keeps talking about how much he wants to own his own trucking company..now I'm all for someone bettering themselves so I played cheerleader and gave him the Rah Rah You Can Do It speech...and then I thought wayment..this mofo hung up on me cuz I have the nerve to have degrees and he made the choice not to go to college...so is that my fault? We never discussed it because..first he FINALLY told me that he does have a child... at the time the baby was about 2 months old and chile you know where there's a baby...there's a mother not too far behind and now it's making sense so I brought up the fact that he was never available after 4pm..and we had still not gone out on this so called "date."

Me: So why is it we never talk except when you are at work?

Him: You know what ..we gonna have to change that.



That's the last time we talked LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I figured this was more about his arse tryin to be a playa playa and not really about the education level gawd.

Anyhoo I went to an event last night called Saved Single and Serious...and got into a discussion with a guy I met there along with a couple of my blogger buds and he told us that we all sounded the same. "Y'all sound alike." HUH?! We ain't even from the same places sir..whatchu mean?

"Y'all sound (he looks around) you know.... like y'all are educated and that can be very intimidating to men."

Jeezus..here we go.

I'm fed up. I can't get ahead in my personal life cuz mofos intimidated by some education and I can't find a new mofo'n job cuz I have too much education according to some of the mofos. HELP.

My longest relationship was with a guy that didn't have his degree and it wasn't an issue.. his peen being stuck in everybody was the problem but I digress. I'm not that chick that is stuck on a mofo having 50'levum degrees.

I guess I don't get the new fangled ish... are we supposed to be dumb and pretty b/c if so..I'm gonna have to pass. I worked hard for my degrees and bruh, I'm not going to apologize for it. Nor do I walk around with it on my sleeve that I have those degrees.. if you ask, I'll tell you..the end. Men, what are you NOT intimidated by? From the event, I gathered that men are intimidated by large groups of women, they scurred of rejection, scurred to ask chicks out these days, scurred of someone being smarter, making more money, and on and on.. goooooood got ole mighty!

Lesson Learned: Hell I don't know. I got nuthin for y'all except mofos need to stop being so scary acting. A lil education ain't never hurt a soul..and who cares if you have one or you don't.. your character and whether or not you are triflin as hell and have goals and some sense matter. Hell help me pay these student loans so I know it's real :)




So.. lemme know what have been your edu-ma-cated dating experiences?

Until Later
-Meik

Mofo'n Stood Up Shenanigans

Posted by ~Meik on , , , ,
I.
AM.
TRIFLIN!



Now that we've gotten that out of the way..HEYYYYYYY MOFO-VILLE!

I know it's been a minute but hey when you have 50'levum paying jobs, your personal blog takes a bit of a back seat. However, I see that I'm not the only one so I'd like to issue a challenge to my fellow bloggers.. for the month of April..let's vow to do at least THREE blogs next month! You in? Tweet and lemme know @Mofochronicles or post in the comments...let's hold each other accountable!

Now..in today's post..I want y'all to turn to the Book of Mofos That Don't Do What They Say They Gonna Do, Chapter:5 Scripture1: THOU SHALL NOT SET UP A DATE IF THOU DO NOT PLAN TO GO ON IT.



Raise your hand when you get there.

What happened Meik?

I'm glad you asked.

So, since I've entered the dating arena since King Mofo ruined all my marriage plans (LOL) and dreams of marrying in my 20's n ish.. I've seen my share of mofo-ish antics, well hell the blog is the proof. I've been asked on dates, and while they may not have been the best dates, they were dates that showed up and showed the f out. I've been asked on dates that well, have left me sitting here waiting and waiting and waiting...and..well you get the point. The mofo is a no call, no show.

Let's dig into this "let's stand my date up" phenomenon. WHAT IS THE DAYUM POINT?

1. If you don't want to go out, here's a thought; DON'T ASK FOR A DATE!

2. If you do want to go out and plans change, say your babysitter cancels, you get hit by a truck, teeth fall out (thanks twitter lol), or you get called into work unexpectedly, or you have the boo boo's and can't leave the toilet--a simple text, call, smoke signal will do. DO NOT TWEET OR FB THAT ISH! Make is personal :)

3. If you have a bae, but you aren't willing to claim that bae, your arse shouldn't be asking nobody to go no dayum where but that bae.

4. Falling asleep is not an excuse. If your arse is that tired, then you need to cancel that date well in advance (hours prior) and take yo arse to bed. WE betta not see you making it rain on IG.

5. Prior to the date, confirm the deets--time, place, who gonna pick up who..or if you are meeting.. or here's a thought..if you need to change some ish!

I recently got asked to go to lunch by a guy I've had a crush on for years! I was ELATED! He finally noticed that I am potential bae!



Well, I knew what was up when I didn't get a confirmation or anything prior to, I knew what was coming because I admit, this ish has happened multiple times with this dude...but just like Charlie Brown gets the okey doke from Lucy and that football.. I am the same dayum way. bless.

Long story short, he was a no call, no show. After being stood up multiple times over the years by various f*ck boys I have learned not to waste my gas driving anywhere until they text or call they are leaving their house and on the way. Otherwise, I'm sitting there staring at the ceiling blinking back tears wondering why I wore my suck the fat in panties and can't breathe for nothing.



So when I did I hear from this mofo? 12 hours later AFTER the fact and his response was CALL ME. Uh no sir..NO. You mofo'n pick up the phone and call me, YOU asked me to lunch YOU stood me up.. NOPE.



Here we are weeks later.. still no call...no show...no explanation.. just me....finally getting it-- he just ain't that into me..and lemme pick up my football and go home.

How do you deal with being stood up? It is an ego buster for sure, but I think over the age of 30, your arse should not be standing folks up. Be a man or a lady and pick up the phone and say "we ain't going." As for the standupee--all we can do is shake it off and not hold it against the next one..but as for me and my petty ways, I won't give another shot to a mofo that stands me up the first time.



Lesson Learned: Once a stander upper..always a stander upper-- move on. If you are actually at the spot sitting alone..hell just make it look like you meant for that to happen, order some drinks and have yourself a good arse time! Hell you never know..he or she may have been lame company anyway! :)



Until Later
-Meik




Farewell to Mofo'n 2015

Posted by ~Meik on , , ,
Well Mofoville...another year is coming to a close and I'm still just as trifling with the spotty arse blog postings LOL



I kept thinking what do I want to say in my last post for 2015? I could rant and rave about all the things I didn't accomplish or even fight the air over the fact I'm still single but it all boils down to one thing:

I don't care.

What?! Why not Meik?

I'm glad you asked.

This year for me was about CHANGE.

I'm a stubborn ole heffa and old and set in my way so I don't fancy much change, hell joining instagram was like ripping off all my nails and pouring peroxide on em. But anyhoo... here we are.. the end of 2015.

The start of the year for me brought about a change I wasn't ready for..but I ended up being forced to move out of the townhome that I had lived in for 9 years because the owner wanted to "sell it" and ended up letting her sister move in. I cried and boo-hoo'd but in the end I realized..it was time to embrace change and besides, I had moved there.. healed my broken heart, semi-healed my leg, lost my grandma, some material items, and found me again. It was time to move on.

I moved and I'm still getting used to being in an apartment complex and it hasn't been without its challenges but hey, nobody ever said change was easy.

I still dealt with my leg issues this year--for those that don't know the story.. go back a few blogs and catch up. However, I was able to get out and cover several events from CIAA, to the Spring Jam, to Funk Fest Columbia, to the Steve Harvey Neighborhood Awards and more. Me and this leg WERKED it out ya'll hear me?! Part of that time I had a heavy boot to drag around on that leg thanks to tendon issues..but I did it!

I didn't meet my goal weight but I am ending the year 12lbs lighter than I was last year and a lot leaner with my ass kinda in a size 8 so I cannot complain amen!

Dating..well let's just skip that topic.

However I did venture to TN for homecoming for the first time in years and got to see some familiar faces and some I had no plans of seeing but God said "chile you finna deal with this NOW!"

It's been years since I have spoken one word to King Mofo since our horrid breakup and after thought fights and I hate you squabbles.. years of me wondering "what if?" "could it work again?" "do I miss him or the thought of having someone?" I got all that answered as soon as I walked smack dab into him and his entire dayum family at an event.. and I walked away feeling vindicated, feeling like I am really good and I can finally forgive, and put his non-apologetic ass in the past and move on. I wondered why he wouldn't look me in the face while talking to me, but then I realized who cares.. I's FREEEEEE!!!

Once that weight was lifted..I realized that not all change is bad. I changed my way of thinking this year..not everything is negative and bad... I find the humor and the bright side in things. I found that for me..I can embrace change and not run from it errr well walk as fast as I can with a slight limp I mean. Hell I even got bold enough to strike up a convo with my crush and well we're still at baby steps of hello and how ya doing..the small talk that I can't stand but hey it's something chile!

I started writing for Sheen Magazine, Charlotte Five, and continued on with Soul Train and WEtv and was able to meet and talk with more legends this year from Gerald Alston with The Manhattans, to Otis Williams with the Temptations and Duke Fakir with the Four Tops, shoot.. who else can say they got hit on by Otis this year! LMAOOOOOOOOO That's a whole other blog right there chile! Meeting artists like Uncle Luke, Noel Gourdin, MC Lyte, Tamar Braxton, actors and writers like Omar Gooding, Bentley Kyle Evans, Kym Whitley and more.. I have truly been in my element this year.

I say all that to say.. 2015 wasn't all bad at all. Hell, 2013 was the worst year in my book when I lost my grandma..but this year, I just remembered her words of wisdom, and thought of her every single day and realized she would want me to get off my arse and get out the house and live a little. Change ain't never hurt a soul!

I hope you all have a happy new year and an amazing 2016!

Cheers!

Meik

Mofo'n Suga Mama Counseling Session

Posted by ~Meik on , , ,
Hey Mofo fam! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and didn't have to resort to digging thru Black Twitter's #Thanksgivingclapbacks to hurt folks feelings over nasty arse potato salad and yams.



I ended my holiday at the dentist.. don't act like y'all ain't trying to use up them flex benefits and max out that insurance before the year ends..DO NOT ACT LIKE THIS.

Anyhoo.. something always happens when I sit in the dentist's chair.

What happened Meik? What they do?

Ooooooh I'm so glad you asked!

Now..I love my dentist..she's a soror and good at what she does..but I don't know where in the hot hayle she finds some of these dental assistants. I think I discussed this on twitter one day.. one of them..chile you could always smell when she was on that time of the month..and you KNOW I'd be in there holding my breath like this ain't natural.. it was rank y'all. RANK I SAY! I mean I don't know about y'all but I usually can't tell when someone is on their period unless they announce it.

Anyhoo...she was a talker.. we would talk about her relationships and kids..all that.. ok cool..then one day she vanished.. I assume fired for stankin.. cuz let's be real, if you are working with the public..can you make sure your pubic area is clean?



The next dental assistant..well.. chile..she was so nervous acting she had me nervous and was shaking until I had to throw a tantrum and sit there like a kid refusing to open my mouth until they brought someone else in there. I don't like nervous acting folks! How you making me comfortable in an already uncomfy situation by shaking and stuttering? Granted she tried to tell me about her and her live in boyfriend but I didn't wanna hear it. I ain't Dr. Phil.

Another one..well she was just hood and ended up ordering the wrong damn color crown for my mouth and well.. maybe I should be insulted she didn't get me a gold one like hers. hmmph.

So we've been through a cast of characters at this damn dentist office.

The newest one is a lady that's been in the dental industry for years.. she knows what the hell she is doing and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy the moment you walk in. Cool..I can deal with this. I don't know WHY when I sit in that chair..it literally transforms into a counselor's chair. I swear fo gawd I keep thinking I got my masters degree in the wrong dayum thing!

So 50-something year old Flo informs me that she moved here a few months ago and her roomie is trippin.

*REWIND FLO..RE-DAYUM-WIND!*

You in your 50's with a who?

I wish I would be in my 30's with a roomie, but that's just me and my anti-social can't live with nobody unless it's bae ways.

So she tells me that he is feeling her and is mad at her for setting thirst traps on Facebook.

I took the x-ray tray out of my mouth to discuss this one..

Ma'am. How old is this roomie using words like "THIRST TRAP?"

She puts that dayum x-ray thang back in my mouth and mumbles.. "he's in his mid 30's."

Now..I'm gonna assume she is only spilling tea because she thinks I ain't gonna respond while they are in my mouth. WRONG.

So..uh... Flo..is this yo boyfriend or your jump off? You his suga mama?



She then says, "Girl, he is fine! But he needed a place to stay because the lady he was with that was giving him $3k to $5k a week cut him off."



Now.. I ain't proclaiming to be the smartest chick in the world or anything but does this sound right to ya'll?? I said um... do what now?

"Yeah he said he wasn't attracted to her and hated that he was whoring himself out for money but he needed it. Girl, he has a nice car..a maserati."

So let me get this straight Flo..this ninja in his 30's just left a suga mama.. took the money she gave him to buy an expensive arse car, and he was homeless..and don't sound like he has a job..and now he lives with you.. a woman in her 50's with a good job and a house--I mean I just wanna make sure I got this right.

"Girl he asked me what are we doing?"

Um.. well you his new suga mama boo. She shoves the cotton in my mouth at this point. WHAT I SAY?!



The dentist comes in and they do what they gotta do for my crown..and while she's working on my temporary crown..she decides it is a great idea to keep telling me more foolishness.

She says, you got facebook? Look him up, he's really attractive ..you know..I could introduce you!



No the dayum hell you can't! I ain't made to be nobody's mama much less a dayum suga mama..BYE LADY!

So she then says she felt sorry for him but he did have a nice pair of shoes that cost a thousand dollars. Ma'am. I need for him to get his priorities in order and if you don't watch it..you gonna be buyin him his next lil sports car. I sure hope Flo kicks that negro out if he don't start pulling his weight and paying some bills..cuz she don't have a roomie..she has a child living there.

I AM UNABLE. So this is what we have to look forward to in the dating world? Triflin Plus? Lawwwwd help me! Maybe singledom ain't so bad after all.



Would y'all have let this grown arse man with no job and a nice car park his arse on your couch cuz he ain't got nowhere to go? I ain't got time to be buying short sets for no grown arse man.



Lesson Learned: Dating foolishness continues as you get older. I got nuthin else on this one. I swear I need my degree in counseling with all the foolishness I listen to LOL

As always..if you want to guest blog..holla at me! Shameika@themofochronicles.com

Stay classy!
~Meik

Mofo'n WHET?

Posted by ~Meik on , , ,
What up Mofos?!


I know .. It’s been forever since I’ve posted, but listen…a sista been busy writing, and writing, and writing some more..and about to start judging competitive cheerleading so..there’s that.

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Some folks can tear a nerve up like nobody’s business.

What you mean Meik?

I’m glad you asked. You ever been around someone so stupid at times, that their confidence in their logic has you questioning everything you have ever known in life?

Chile.. stroll with me to last week.

Most folks mammys have taught them to drink 7-up, sprite, or gin-gell (ginger ale for the slow folks) when they have an upset stomach or hell trying to fight the bubble guts til you can get home and handle things in peace. I mean, I don’t know about ya’ll but ain’t it rude to blow up a bathroom that ain’t yo own??

Anyhoo so I go to the vending machine because eating this greasy arse pizza has my stomach doing all kinds of back flips and my first attempt was a FAIL. Damn machine took my lil bit of change and said f yo drink. Lawwwwd.. and the stairs leading to the other vending machines.. I might don’t make it. So I decide to put another dollar in and pray that God hears my prayer to deliverT me some gin-gell.
Listen.. TWO GIN-GELLS came out the machine! GLORRRAAYYYYY! So me being the friendly person I am..I offer one of the cans to my “friends.” Why do I have "friends in quotes? Cuz..they ain't really my friends but.. hell it made the story easier to tell.

Y’all..when I tell you that I just… I can’t find the words.. I am still unable..

Patti responds with “Uhhhh that’s not ginger ale..that’s Canada Dry.”

I swear I want to fight her.



Bish whet?!

Y’all I had to look up to the heavens and back at the gin-gell can because Patti said this ish so confidently that I thought maybe I misread the damn ish.

I look down.. can looks like this:



I respond with..hmm that’s weird.. it says ginger ale.. and this heffa says “naw..that’s Canada Dry, and I know ginger ale, that’s not it.”




Jesus. Was she dropped on her head 50’levum times? I mean.. or is it me that’s confused?

So I check the can again, because maybe my stomach hurting is causing my eyeballs to play tricks on me..
Yep.. still says gin-gell

So uhhh you don’t want this? Patti responds with “ewww nooo.. besides you only drink real ginger ale when you are sick, not for fun! Even tho that’s not ginger ale, I’m not a fan of Canada Dry.”
I just…….. IS IT ME? AM I SLOW?



So I ask a couple other people..hell one of em even googled and we all touched and agreed that she indeed is boo boo the mofo’n fool.

I can’t take it.

At this point I just sit down.. drink my gin-gell and rock.. hoping someone or something will hit her in the head.

I guess the lesson here is if you gonna be dumb.. stand in your truth and own it. Bless.

I KNOW y'all have some dumb arses you have come in contact with.. tell me about it in the comments!

Ya'll stay classy and smart!

-Meik