*tip toes in* Heyyyyyy Mofo-ville! Let me start this off by saying I hates me a cheater, but we'll come back to that.




I know.. I ain't worth one ounce of ish. You don't have to tell me.. but listen let me explain my absence. A heffa been busy!

I've been writing and writing and ..well you get the point. So with that being said, if you are out and about, pick up the April/May issue of EBONY Magazine--because yours truly has an article in the issue on Global Decor and I'm just sooooo excited about it!




But I know that's not why y'all came over here today to hear me gush about my accomplishments n ish.. let's get to what I need to get off this big arse chest of mine.

What's wrong Meik?

I'm glad you asked! Mofo'n cheaters of a feather flock to dayum gether.

Whatchu mean Meik?

Ooooh stick with me now.. so back in February I decided to be bold and try something new and dip a toe into the dating waters by going to this speed dating event. While I didn't meet a nar soul DURING the event, I did discover that I do like coconut tequila! Judge your mammy not me!



Anyhoo, after the event is when I met Karl. *names have been changed to protect the lying arse cheaters of the world*

Now, mind you I was tipsy and from what I could tell Karl was handsome, tall, gorgeous light brown eyes, long eye lashes, could hold a convo and more importantly--he wanted to call me! *I was excited..most mofos these days just ask for your twitter handle and DM the living shit out of every nerve you have left.*



So lo and behold, he called and we agreed to hang out later that evening. Now mind you--he told me he was only at the event to support his friend who was there selling men's grooming products--he wasn't there to speed date. So we meet up to grab a drink (YES I DRANK ALL DAY DO NOT LOOK AT ME LIKE THIS..I AM STRESSED!) and some ish comes pouring out from one of his female friends that's down to the bar and she is going off about how he used to cheat on his wife with one of her friends.

Yep. Read that line one more time. RED FLAG NUMBER ONE.





So I pull him to the side and ask him the following: Are you married? He says no. Are you divorced? Yes have been for awhile.
Do you have a chick? Girlfriend? A girl that thinks she's your bae? A jumpoff? Any of the above? He says no.
I ask do you live with a chick? Again the answer is No.

Pay attention to these answers y'all.

So I think to myself, "self, you gotta have an open mind, don't cut him off YET just see what happens."

So a couple weeks later, he hits me up to meet again at the same dayum spot..cool cuz it's by my house and apparently close to his. After about 3-4 times of meeting at the same place.. he tells me he's had thoughts of us sleeping together and talking in bed and all this other ish and yet I let RED FLAG NUMBER TWO walk on by like Issac Hayes sang.. and he tells me he doesn't want to see anyone else just me.. but here's the thing my dear beloveds, he tells me this ish on a Friday or Saturday night..then falls off the face of the earth the rest of the week or even two weeks.

Maybe it's the fact I don't have to pay for these drinks.. maybe I like the company..IDK but he's still cool to hang with so we agree to hang out again.

At this point it's April. I'm still on the fence as to whether or not I'm digging him or not because hell, he has YET to take me anywhere else.. or do what he says he's gonna do. I ask him again about having a chick--he claims NOPE.. I don't know WHAT you are talkin about. I just don't like talking on the phone or texting. RED FLAG NUMBER THREE and FOUR and FIVE.





Yet.. guess who decides to meet him down to the bar YET AGAIN? Yep. My dumb arse.. WHY? Well I'm like he buys drinks, and at this point I have YET to celebrate the fact I have an amazing article in a magazine that I've always wanted to write for and again, I like his company. So I get there--and as he is spouting this nonsense about us being exclusive I just keep thinking something ain't clean in the almond milk chile..there's a cashew floating around in it!





I notice that his friends are not with their "main baes" but instead with their "side baes" and as that RED FLAG NUMBER SIX THRU TEN pops up, I start thinking, WHAT IN THE HAYLE IS REALLY GOINGS ON? So I ask him again about this exclusive thing and he gets quiet.. and then the tequila shots must have been a truth serum because I ask him "do you have someone else-- what is with this ghosting for weeks and then hitting me up randomly and not wanting to go anywhere but his damn bar?"

Y'all........



"There was never a right time to tell you this..I do have a girl," Karl mumbles.

Let me tuck my hair behind my ear and scoot in cuz I could swear his black arse just said he has a chick.

Run that by me one mo' time playa..WHET?

He starts stammering and trying to say "I never thought I'd like you but I like you but I just could never find the time to tell you that I have a girl."

So now we go back to day one---so at no point before exchanging info..was that a good time to tell me you have a chick? At no point when I blatantly ASKED you this on day one was there a right time? He keeps trying to explain their on and off again relationship.. but..

He keeps trying to explain to me how I've got it all wrong. Now y'all....

I ask him if he lives with her.. he acts deaf.

Then mumbles sometimes..kinda.. sort of.. well hell, do y'all split the bills or...?

At this moment I realize I've been included in the circle of side baes. I realize that he introduced me to all of his friends and they all KNEW he had a chick at home! Now if you KNOW me.. u KNOW I don't play this mess especially after King Mofo ripped my heart out with his cast of side chick characters running in and out and I damn sure don't appreciate this ninja ASSuming that I'd be okay with being a side chick. In the words of one of my artist friends, "you must have forgot who the F I am."

So.. I grab my purse to head out and he's trying to stand in the way and apologize and tell me that we should hug it out and continue hanging out --uhhhh no.. where is SHE? He's like prob at the house wondering where I am.

SIR WHET?

So if she decides to do a drive by--and roll up here and walks in with your hand on my leg or catching you trying to lick the salt from tequila glass off my face.. then jeeezus y'all I CANNOT FIGHT..IDK WHET WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! I DO NOT DO DRAMA!

He keeps telling me "I don't understand why you are mad and looking at me with disgust..I apologized.

"


If you don't get out of here with this.

Then it hit me.. as I continue waiting for God to bring my husband round here, this foolishness just put me another step closer to finding the one. I wasn't hurt.. I wasn't even that mad, I am glad that I found out he wasn't ish NOW and things never progressed any further. WE shant be communicating any further. EVAHHHH.




Lesson Learned: When you see those red flags... take heed and RUUUUUUUUUUN! While I'm sure some chick would have gladly settled for any parts of him that he could share..I'm not that one. I feel for the girlfriend that was sitting at home wondering where his arse was and I hope she realizes she deserves better. I've been that chick sitting up half the night worrying and wondering and I admit doing drive bys past all my bae's fav places ..WHEN I WAS IN MY 20'S! I wish I would be bothered with that ish now. This is a 'break up' I'll gladly take. BYE MOFO.

Have y'all ever had an experience like this?


Pick up that EBONY Mag..let me know what you think!

~Always in Gratitude,
Meik

*sigh* One of these days.. I swear fo gawd I am going to lock myself inside my room and never come out.



What's shakin Mofoville???? What's wrong Meik?

I'm so glad you asked! Have you ever decided to step outside your comfort zone only for it to explode in your face? Just me??

Friday night I decided to attend this touring show called The Great Love Debate: Why is everyone still single?? .. and you can read my recap right here on the Carolina Style Magazine website about the things I took away from it http://carolinastylemag.com/2014/05/17/men-vs-women-the-fight-to-end-being-single-in-the-queen-city/

Anyhoo..after the event we all headed down the street for a mixer, because after all we're all single, and allegedly looking to mingle right?

So.. I head over with a friend and she introduces me to some dude that I recognize from the event that stood up to express his opinion about how to approach a woman.. it didn't impress me then and he sure wasn't really impressing me now, but I'm stepping out of my comfort zone remember? He tells me he is going to school to be a producer/director..I tell him what I do, he informs me that he is also a barber and rambled off a few other jobs, but I stopped breathing momentarily because his breath smelled like hot dog water mixed with fried bologna.. ewww sir what you been eating?!!!!




Anyhoo..so we continue chatting about..hell I don't know..I think I lost consciousness.. so once I can turn my head to gasp for air.. he then says "Can I buy you a drink?" So I see this as my escape for air.. sure.. let's go to the bar.
Well, my friend that had promised to drive me to my car has to leave so she tells yuck mouF to make sure I get to my car safe and sound. He assures her he will and I'm giving her the WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME look but she clearly isn't paying me any attention.

I turn to the bar and he's leaning over me talking.. I just wanna slide to the dayum floor and rock in a ball. I grab the menu and bury my head in it, he leans over asking me about the drinks and says "You should get the Apple Martini--it's the special.. and it's $7." I say, maybe but I really like the creme brulee martinis here because no other place in the city makes them like this. It's $10. He says okay, let's both get one. So we order. He tells me that his ex wife's bday was in September and I say oh mine is in September..he says "it's my destiny to be with a woman born in September"...




Do what?!!!! mmmk. Bartender hands us our drinks. I turn to talk to this lil elderly german lady behind me because during the event she said she knew why white men don't pursue black women so I had to ask.. she informed me that it's because the white baby looks up at it's mother while breastfeeding and sees a white face and because they love their mother so much, they won't pursue a black woman. Hmm. Does Robin Thicke know this ish? That whole theory alone is just pure utter foolishness but anyhoo... this ain't the point of the story.. dude taps me and says ummmmmm "she says it's $22 for the drinks".. me: okay.. thank you. I turn back around and the lady has walked away. I turn back to the bar to get my drink... I hear him asking the bartender.. "Is that $22 A PIECE ..like PER DRINK??" *sigh* Bartender says no.. it's the total. He whips out a crumpled $10 bill and a $1 bill and says ummmmmmmmm and sideeyes me.
"what is the problem?"

Him: She said it's $22

Ok we've established that.. so pay her.

Him: *looks at his crumpled up money and back at me and back at the money and back at me*




sigh.. I'll pay for my own drink..

He starts to put his money up and says are you sure??

YES. I WILL PAY FOR MINE!!! You need to pay for YOURS.

Him: oh, so..

I hand over my card and pay for mine.. add a tip.. done.. sipping carefree trying to figure out how to ditch him..

I mean..how you gonna offer to buy me a drink if you don't have barely enough to buy your own?

He informs me that he has to go to the bathroom.. I think thank gaaaaawd now I can ditch him and go on my merry lil way..

I saw him a few minutes later breathing dragon fire into some other chick's ear..

Fellas.. and ladies also.. hell EVERYBODY..if you don't have the funds.. don't offer to do ish you can't afford.. it only embarrasses you and makes you look like a Mofo. Not to mention, you won't be getting the digits either. My guy friends said this mofo probably thought this was how you get a chick to buy a drink but listen..he got the right one..cuz I didn't need his arse to buy me a drink and I certainly was NOT about to purchase his..mmmk. Shenanigans like this..is exactly why I'm STILL single. I didn't need the Great Love Debate to answer that for me.

So have you had this experience before?

This song seemed appropriate.. kinda..





y'all stay classy!
Meik