The Mofo Chronicles: healing

Weight Loss After a Hysterectomy

Thursday, August 18, 2022

Hey Mofos!

I hit my 6 month mark after evicting my uterus and I'm feeling pretty good.

I'm lying. People always ask, "do you feel back to normal?"

WTF IS THAT?! Normal certainly isn't bleeding all your iron out monthly and it certainly isn't normal to have your bladder squished and your uterus and fibroids sitting on other organs causing immense pain and uncomfortableness. I don't know what normal is.

I'm feeling like a stranger in my own body-- like this is the body I had when I was fighting with the fibroids off and on, low iron off and on, bloating and heavy disrespectful periods. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a body rid of all this, I still see this body. I see some progress with the hair loss--it's growing back in fully and THICK DO YOU HEAR ME?! AMEN!! My eyebrows are baaaack! Nails strong and I'm not itching like crazy cuz of low ass iron.

Anyhoo, I know some folks drop all this weight after they evict their uterus, but some gain. My weight stayed the same. As you know, I was so excited hoping my body would be cooperative and be in the number of releasing the fibroid weight, but despite my uterus + fibroids weighing 5'levum whatever it was.. nothing. Now, I will say I am still dealing with swelly belly so when I get up in the morning, I'm like YESSSSSS COME THRU STOMACH, but a few hours later.. it's like oh you back to looking pregnant.

So, I hopped back into working out at 4 months or so, went hard as hell close to the 5 month mark, and nothing. Not an ounce lost. Just more fatigue and tears. Clothes still looking like I need to buy the right size and more frustration. Wait, scratch that, I still can't wear my clothes with buttons comfortably, it's like my stomach doesn't want to be touched.

I'd had enough of not feeling good about how I look. I see myself on camera weekly with Check the Rhymes and I thought wow, my chins are chinning, my face is full, and if I sit a certain way, you'll see the tire around my waist, swelling the more stressed out I get, and the more I move around. I used to take tons of selfies and pics, but now that is rare and if I do take them, y'all ain't gonna see em. The acne is a whole other hormonal ass story.

Now, let me just say I started seeing a nutritionist right after I was told my fibroids had returned in 2020. MY WEIGHT NEVER CHANGED. IS IT MEEEE?! Or is it them? Either way, I knew it was time to break up with this nutritionist because it felt like a whole lot of yapping, me eating what they said and still nothing. So, I was getting desperate to feel some kind of new normal, feel cute, sexy, feel like a grown up Meik Meik and not like a PE teacher (no shade) wearing gym shorts, and tee shirts all the time and dreading if anyone invited me anywhere because that brought on a whole new anxiety of what to wear. I had resorted to wearing elastic everything.

So I found out my insurance would cover Medi-Weight Loss. So here I am, week 1 and while most folks get to do a version of Keto the first week to put them into Ketosis, my body said nawl sis, we got sugar issues so for my first week, I had to incorporate high protein, low carb things from a list they gave me and eating every 2-4 hours-- 6x a day. I remembered, this is how I lost weight in 2007 doing the reality show--so I KNOW this works. It's just a matter of prepping (which I didn't) and finding foods you like. Since I'm working from home, I decided not to prep the first week so I could figure out the combos of things I like. I still refuse to eat that rubber looking turkey bacon, but anyhoo. I also can't take the supplements they force on you-- because I can't swallow pills and they are expensive af. I do get the weekly b vitamins injection cuz I need all the help I can get.

I felt so proud of myself for sticking to it, despite getting frustrated.

*Resumes writing after weigh in*

For week 1, I have lost a total of almost 4 pounds (we round up over here for them point whatevers LOL) and 2 inches in my waist (measured before swelly belly kicks in cuz hysterectomy remnants). Talking to the nutritionist made me realize the entire reason I couldn't lose weight since 2020-- BECAUSE THE RAGGELY HOE ok lemme be nice, the nutritionist I had been seeing had me on a diet to MAINTAIN my weight with 50'levum grams of carbs daily vs now where I do under 50g. She had me eating beans, more beans, and more beans, products that had more carbs than protein, and the list goes on. The way she had me eating, I was eating out at least 3-4 times a week. So far with this diet, it's been 1x a week and that's only because of people's birthdays or special events. I also know what to order to stay on track.

So.. onto week 2, I'll keep y'all posted on the progress. Do what works for your body! It may take forever and a day to figure that out, but I knew when I wanted to drop this weight it was about being healthier, and getting my numbers down after fibroids and low iron skyrocketed everything, and I wanted to feel "cozy" in my skin. IFYKYK!

What has your experience been with losing weight after a hysterectomy or a myomectomy or UFE?

Also, be prepared to be sick of me wearing crop tops when I get to that point. Ok bye!

Oh yeah and listen to the Ladies Edition podcast for all things women's health and fibroids and other ish.

~Meik

Fibroids

Healing For My Soul and Other Thangs

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Hey Mofos!

I had a blog on my heart, I know that's rare LOL but here I am. As I come up on my 6 month anniversary since I ejected my uterus, I thought I'd give a lil update or at least talk about what's on my mind. This song was perfect for this blog by the way.

Post hysterectomy, I've been dealing with a lot of random things happening as my body adjusts and then you have one doctor misdiagnosing something and another coming to clean up behind them and pull me back from the ledge. Skin rashes, acne, new allergies, hormones jumping like a disco, weight gain, swelly belly, pelvic/hip pain, and the list goes on.

Then I realized-- I have to let my body heal from the traumatic experience of a surgery that has changed my life forever. A WHOLE ASS PART OF MY REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM IS GONE. My body has to learn how to function without it. I also realized the one thing that has been missing through my journey of fibroids, iron infusions, surgeries, especially this last one-- God.

I kept reading ish in this Facebook group, thinking that I had every single thing wrong with me that people kept complaining about. It was almost like I started manifesting every ache and pain until I got pushed to my breaking point. I'm so glad they kicked me out of the group but anyhoo, a doctor ran tests on me without my permission--we had only agreed to check a, b, and c, and they had the wrong chart, (that's another story),and had me on a whole downward spiral thinking I had made the wrong decision etc. I cried harder than I have ever cried and I swear that day is when I remembered that I hadn't gone to the one person that could heal everything-- Black Jesus aka God.

I reconnected with God in a way that I honestly hadn't bothered to do. I was so set in my ways of woe is me, I feel bad, everything is awful, blah blah blah. I think HE was trying to get my attention. He certainly got it. My friend reminded me to let go of trying to do the most and give it God. I began praying more and thanking God for the things I do have and how He brought me through this entire ordeal. It wasn't the doctors by themselves that got me through each surgery, every time my iron dipped dangerously low, it was God. When I walked into that doctor's office and they said, "your ferritin is so low, we don't even know how you are still walking around." God. That's how. One affirmation I tell myself every single day is that I'm grateful for my body and I am healthy.

I had my physical today, and I debated about asking about the prior diagnosis from another doctor, but then I said you know what, I know God and that isn't my story that the other doctor diagnosed me with. Y'all. This doctor today was like "you are healthy, and this isn't what the other doctor said, this is x,y, z and they never should have tested you for the other stuff." I knew right then it was nothing but God that changed that medical report. It got me to thinking that it wasn't the doctors that got me off that cane in 2014-2015... it was God. Nobody and I mean NOBODY could figure out what was wrong with my leg but one doctor that to this day, I still feel like that was divine intervention to how I ended up going to see him. It's a doctor that's in a whole other city over an hour away. Now, if God will slide this weight off.... AMEN?! AMEN!

Seriously, I just wanted to share that God is a healer and He has the final say. I'm not going to go into too much detail because I only share loudly about the fibroids and the hysterectomy, but I am so grateful that I have a primary care doctor that stays on my neck --because if she hadn't kept her foot in my tail, I never would have gone to the doctor she referred me to about my iron and I certainly wouldn't have known that I was about to be laid out somewhere because of those dang fibroids and heavy bleeding. I'm still here. I thank God for that.

Also, I thank God that my hair is growing back. AMEN.

I'm not gonna hold y'all (cuz this felt like a whole testimony and sermon), but prayer does work and so does stopping and allowing your body to do it's job and heal. Someone I was interviewing the other day said that sometimes you can manifest things in your body because you are holding things in. I've always felt like fibroids were a physical manifestation of some ish that I've been through but them mofos are gone so why am I still tripping?! There is no reason. Not one. I am healing and it's a process. I just have to let it do what it do.

I even get frustrated with my career and pout and stomp and have whole tantrums and I feel like God is always like "are you finished?" Then something magical happens. I still believe in manifesting things, but to me, it's like having faith that whatever you have asked for, it will be. I can't quote no scriptures cuz I ain't been back in church but a few weeks, but you get the point. I'm still a heathen.

I hope this helps somebody.

Until later,

~Meik

Check the Rhymes

The Mofo'n Mental Anguish of Fibroids

Wednesday, November 03, 2021

Hey Mofos!

F Fibroids and everything they stand for period. F everybody that has no idea what a woman dealing with fibroids goes thru and making pregnancy assumptions and on and on. If you are utterly confused about what fibroids are, then read more here.

What's wrong with you Meik????

I'm glad you asked! I'm fed up.

If you recall in 2013 I had a myomectomy for fibroids which led to the nerve damage in my leg. Fast forward to 2020--them mofos returned. I swear I didn't leave the welcome mat out, but they have camped out in my and on my uterus making themselves at home, draining my iron and well.. I'm not going into that story either.. read it here.

But I'm not about to go into my medical history here--what I do want to address is the mental anguish that one goes thru with this ish.

I've been working with a dietician, working out, all the things you're supposed to do and my stomach keeps expanding. I know it's the fibroids causing bloating and everything else because the uterus is larger than it should be. Hell the first time I had fibroids, my uterus was the size of someone that was 5 or 6 months pregnant. This time, it's not AS big, but it's still outchea. I was at an event a few weeks ago, not realizing the more stressed I was getting, the more my stomach kept bloating--weird, but it does that. I hate wearing dresses because of my stomach, but I pushed that fear aside and thought I was cute..only for someone to walk up to me during intermission and ask if I was pregnant. Knocking down any ounce of self esteem I had built up for myself before I left the house in that outfit.

I went thru about 50'levum emotions and wanting to run and hide was at the top of the list. First of all, you don't ask someone if they are pregnant. If they are and they want you to know, they will tell you. This even reminds me of another event a few years ago, I posted a photo on social media and the first thing a guy said (notice it's always the dumb ass men) was that I looked like I had been eating a ton.

Now, if you have ever been out to eat with me, you already know I barely eat as it is so no, I was not eating a ton but even if I was, that's not for a mofo to point out! RUDE.

I realized thru my EFT Tapping that these fibroids have literally had me hiding behind them for years. Every guy I dated put me down-- but in my head, that's okay, I'm fat cuz of fibroids, so I get it. Each one constantly commented on my weight--making me feel like I was never good enough, pretty enough, and then they would never commit. Spoiler alert-- they didn't and I wasted my time for years with this last one but that's another story. I took that on as my burden to bear that I deserved to be treated like that because fibroids (ok well that ill-skilled doctor), my leg, and anything else I could come up with. (WROOOOONG--thank gawd for healing and therapy). One even told me I was shaped funny before I even knew I had fibroids. That comment never left, it just got louder in my head. All of their comments became who I was. Scared and convinced that nobody would want me if I was fat. Let's not even get into the fact that I haven't worn heels really since 2013, but mofos be so loud on social media and in person about how their woman MUST wear heels and must have this length of hair and you get the point. My hair was coming out, and all the other issues that the anemia I had developed thanks to the fibroids were wreaking havoc on me. I was failing in all those areas.

Meeting new people would freak me out sometimes because I wondered if they are thinking why is her stomach so big and the rest of her isn't? IS she pregnant? WHAT IS GOING ON?!

I started to self-sabotage because I couldn't handle the thought of someone asking me anything, even on-air job opportunities. I just hid, behind these fibroids. So why am I talking about this? My EFT practitioner told me I need to own the story and not to let the fibroids run it anymore.

So.. no more hiding. F THOSE FIBROIDS.

With or without fibroids, I'm me. I'm the one interviewing your favs, I'm the one writing some of the articles you are reading, running this blog and writing it, working a jobby job, and putting myself back out there in the dating world. I've gotten my confidence back, building it one brick at a time over the years, there are still those days where my stomach has me so uncomfortable that I'm ready to remove the fibroids my damn self. But here's what I know, these fibroids don't run my damn life--I run it. They just happen to be inside of me for the time being. These fibroids don't determine my worthiness, nor do they dictate if I would make a great wife or step mammy. I'm still me. These extra pounds and the number on the scale don't determine if I'm good enough or if I'm talented, or even if I'm worth being in a relationship with. I also am working on ignoring the chatter and the rudeness of those that don't know any better. I can't let people's opinions get in my head. Check the Rhymes needs me and I need it, so there's no room for so and so thinks this or that. F YO OPINION! If a guy can't accept this is how I look right now.. f him too. hell.

When I get these broids removed.. It's over for you hoes! LOL Imma be out here in crop tops all year round LOL. Just kidding.. or am I?

Anyway, I just hope this encourages others that may be dealing with fibroids and the mental gymnastics it does. Keep your head up sis. We got this! And for everybody else, you never know what people are dealing with-- don't assume ish.

~Meik