Hey Mofos!

*note I wrote this in Dec--just didn't update it and hit post til now*

I started this blog 50'levum years ago to talk about my dating experiences with the worst of the worst. Along the way, I kept the stories close to the vest of the rare moments I fell hard for some questionable ones in hindsight. 

Everyone says dating is fun and I thought, my heart has been hurt so many times that maybe it's easier to date someone I already know. 

WRONG ANSWER! 

It's almost like they take it as a personal challenge to take your heart and stomp on it, twist it up then throw it back in your face. This last "relationship" had to be the 2nd craziest situation I found myself in. I had a crush on this man since I met him in the 90s. Enter Facebook and we reconnected and it was like the stars aligned and finally my crush liked me back! Getting to know him as an adult made me fall even harder. I think it also helped that he didn't run for the hills when I shared that I had fibroids, had to have iron infusions, couldn't wear heels because of fibroid surgery nerve damage and my weight was all over the place, plus, I couldn't have kids. He didn't care about any of that. 

We were long distance, so of course, I was okay with that, because I didn't want him to see my hair falling out, how exhausted I was from low ferritin/iron, the changes that took me thru, the uterus that made me look 7 months pregnant, and going for iron infusions like clockwork. When I finally decided to have the hysterectomy after another failed surgery, I didn't want anyone--not even friends to see me struggling to pick myself up and adjust to a new body with hormones bouncing all over the place. He asked me to be his girlfriend and it was all I had ever wanted to hear. We video called almost daily and we just clicked. 

Two days after my surgery-- he asked me to borrow some money--he was frantic, and while I barely had energy to get out of the bed and walk to the other end of my mama's house, I thought one time will be okay? Then I didn't hear from him again for weeks. Weird for a new boyfriend right? Why didn't he come visit after my surgery you ask? GOOD DAMN QUESTION.. not a flower, card, piss, boo, bye. NOTHING. 

He finally checked in around 3 weeks post op, told me he had quit his job blah blah blah and was in Florida. And no, he didn't pay me back. 

Long story short, that man had 50'levum jobs over the course of our 2 year relationship and I tried to be patient and understanding all while healing and building Check the Rhymes TV and soon Ladies Edition. But during the first year, we got closer, he got a job where he was on the road a lot, and  he was sending me money just cuz and there were promises of the future and  he kept telling me he loved me blah blah blah. Then, the worst happened, my granddeddy fell and things went downhill quick. During that time I was going back and forth to my hometown and he sent me gas money every time and made sure I had money to eat. But when my granddeddy passed in March 2023, my life changed and I was no longer the same person. I thought, my man will come and help me thru this right? NAWL. He kept running to Florida because of his house and his brother allegedly. Didn't come to the funeral-- which I didn't fault him for that since my family decided to have it literally 3 or 4 days after he passed, so a lot of people didn't get to come. BUT he managed to get his ass to Florida a couple weeks later. 

In July 2023, I had enough of the "I'm coming" and never seeing him. I was done. He then shows up with a layover on his way to go live in the Midwest. Yes, y'all I saw my boyfriend for a whole 15 minutes at the airport, a year into this ragglass relationship. 

Six months later, my niece was killed in a tragic car accident. Do you think this man comforted me at all? Nope, I found out a few weeks ago that while I was sitting in a church looking at my niece in a casket, he was busy cheesing and taking pics with some heffa in Florida. I kept asking him WHO is in Florida-- but it was always this house, my brother blah blah blah. 

Two years I kept listening to his promises of coming to visit or move back to NC. TWO DAMN YEARS. Actually more than that. 

I would get so excited and then disappointed. The roller coaster was too much. I was killing myself trying to look how I thought he wanted me to look and then he'd come. Spoiler alert-- he didn't.  He'd switch jobs, going to all other states, but avoided NC and me like the plague. 

My self esteem plummeted, but I had a show to do, Soulibration was born and I had to focus on that dream. I kept listening to his promises, and his borrowing of money became too much and he'd pay me back on the rare occasion. Then I heard from some others that he was doing the same thing to them (not other chicks-- but friends we had in common). I was concerned, but he kept on promising he was coming and would gaslight and manipulate me into believing he really wanted to be with me. 

I started to get embarrassed of always talking about a boyfriend and realized, this man could barely remember my birthday, wouldn't say ish on any holiday, never introduced me to anyone but random people. I was becoming more and more frustrated, and I kept praying and hoping things would turn around. 

Then I found out this house he kept talking about belonged to an ex and it was an ex in the photos I saw, and even the car he was driving and showing off on Facebook, wasn't even his. It's interesting how on social media, all of his followers think he is some millionaire and he ain't got a pot to piss in, and has to borrow $5 just to get a slice of pizza--allegedly. It's sad that a man that's almost 50 years old has to play in y'alls faces too online to let you think he's something he totally isn't and hasn't been for awhile.  

How did I get here? Well, once all of that came out that he had no time to visit me but could see this chick and he admitted he didn't tell her about me because SHE is insecure. Bitch, you need to worry about ME. But anyhoo, once he said he was coming here to surprise me for the 100000000th time I said don't worry about it, you ain't been coming. I sent a text the next day breaking it off and realizing I deserve better than being someone's layaway telephone girlfriend. His response was that I was overreacting. I asked for my money back and 7 months later, I still don't have it.  Months went by before he finally apologized. It came after he thought showing his support of my career was a thumbs up on an IG post.  It sounded like he struggled with more than a mental health issue, but the thoughts of some kind of addiction started to appear in my mind. We spoke on the phone here and there, until the day of my Soulibration anniversary, he asked me for money right before I went live. I was LIVID. He knew this show meant a lot to me and I was beyond hype that I poured my heart and soul into a show that helped others. He didn't even congrats, nothing, just I NEED... 

Some other stuff happened and if I share that, then some of you will know who it is lol 

Memorial Day it hit the fan, he tried buttering me up all day long, with this speech of wanting to make it work, and going to handle the loser that sexually assaulted me in 2008 as a way to protect me, and blah blah. Little did he know, I found a therapist that got my ass together which is how I even had the strength to walk away and build my self worth months prior. I was ready this time. I knew how to spot the holes in his stories at this point. He asked me for $5, I fired back and asked why he always needs money?

The gaslighting response: "You look for any opportunity to keep an n-word down, and you just hate men."

Oh? I hate men now because I won't give into your demands now? Okayyyy sir. That comment fired me up and I lit into him and he threw back some hateful stuff even throwing the assault in my face. I remembered during his apology a few backs back, he shared that he wanted me to hate him. Game on. He succeeded. 

What pisses me off even more is that I allowed this to go on so long, and I didn't even go into ALL of the things. Maybe grief prolonged it so I was focused on that and work, or maybe a tiny part of me felt like things could change for the better. I want to get married so maybe it was the fact that he kept yapping about that that gave me a mustard seed amount of faith. 

I deserve better. No more bare minimum, no more narcissists, addicts, liars, ect.. and I'm throwing in athletes, personal trainers, and truck drivers just cuz. 

I'm tired of choosing wrong y'all. I literally don't have it in me to do this again. 

So I'm hanging up my dating hat for a while. I'm picking my crown back up and realizing my worth. Hell the one before that was verbally abusive and an alcoholic that went to jail for 30 days, but that's another blog. BUT how dare these ragglass mofos treat me like trash? I really just try to be their cheerleader and treat them the way I want to be treated and it's like they can't handle someone treating them right. They always go back to the toxic hell they love being dragged back to. 

Anyhoo, I wish this last mofo and the "ex" well --tho she prob never was an ex. I was just the dumb ass ATM and you know, she prob is too. Also, I'm not saying I'm the best looking but why come they always wanna run to someone that looks dusty?

As I look back on the relationship, it never really was one. It was a 90s crush that went down a wrong windy road and a reminder that sometimes you can't circle back cuz mofos may be the same, or they may have had a hard life and take it out on you. My wish for him is that he gets the help he needs before he wrecks someone else's life and bank account. I also wish he'd run my coins back. Now, he didn't get me for thousands upon thousands, I'm just grateful I woke up before that happened. 

Lesson Learned: Pay attention to the red flags. Actions speak louder than words. If they can't even do the bare minimum, fuck em. I have since revisited my deal breakers and boundaries because  I'm too old to be being a dummy like this even if it was the crush I always wanted. 

Sadly or maybe luckily, I no longer have a crush on this man or anybody from the past. (well I'm not counting my General Hospital crush). 

Picking up my feelings.. so until later.. 

~Meik

Tis' that time of year where the weather will be turning cooler, and you'll need someone to keep you warm. I've invited guest blogger Sha to school us on the rules for a successful "cuffing season!"

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“Hey Stranger,” text messages are in full effect right now…..Why? Because we are in the midst of Cuffin Season.

What is Cuffin Season? It is not to be confused as a quest to find a long term permanent relationship, but recognized as a temporary cuddle buddy/cut buddy season for the fall and winter months.


Before beginning the search for a Cuffin Season partner, one must be honest with themselves and their partner or partners, and understand that you absolutely CANNOT develop any feelings. This is a temporary situation that comes with guidelines, and a cutoff date. As we all know, all seasons come to an end, so save yourself heartbreak and understand there will be an end as soon as it gets warm.

You can find one person to rock with for the season or you can juggle a team. It’s whatever your inner Thot is screaming to be for the cold months, you decide.
Nevertheless, let’s get started on what this season is about……

Let us navigate the above chart to break down the above listed dates.

September 4th, Draft Day – What this means, start with your roster of potentials. I suggest starting with a team of 3, no more than 5. This is when the initial applications should be submitted to even determine if they are even worth the time. A sample application:



September 6th-September 19th, Training Camp- This is when you narrow down your choices, by getting to know your team a little bit better. Whether it is cup caking on the phone via phone calls and texts, going out on dinner dates, or whatever your screening process might be, start utilizing this time to see which of these candidates you could see yourself with over the next few months.

September 20th, Preseason Begins- At this point, you should have some people or maybe one person who is really at the forefront of the race. You’ve really got to narrow things down at this point, and start figuring out who the lucky winner or winners is about to be. Continue to put in work and getting to know the potentials, but steer clear of those feelings, because you can’t catch any.

October 18th, Preseason Ends- You’ve had a little over a month now to figure out who you truly want to rock with for the cold months. This day also subsequently is Sweetest Day, so your decision should be made at this point on who the lucky winner is to be your Cuffin Season mate.

On Sweetest Day, one typically gives gifts of candy, Hallmark Cards, or flowers to their loved ones, but in the Cuffin Season Game, you want to give your final candidate or candidates something to symbolize what the cold winter months are going to be like with you.

Suggested gift ideas: love coupons (customize these coupons to partake in fun activities during Cuffin Season, be creative), create a romantic CD (include a playlist of songs that will be relevant to what you want to go down during the season), and who doesn’t love a home cooked meal (cook a meal that shows that you can do more than cuddle/cuff). The whole point is, you want to show your finalist or finalists that you have picked them as your winner; this is equivalent to submitting your final application for approval.

October 25th, Final Roster Cuts – Now that you’ve turned in your final application aka your gift, the recipient has had time to think about and review your submissions. You then find out if the feelings are mutual and you have your final roster for your top picks.

November 5th, Free Agency- If there is the sad possibility that you have no potentials or anybody on your roster at this point you’re going to have to hustle, and put in some speedy work to find someone. Hopefully you started out with 3 to 5 candidates so you won’t be in this predicament, but if you find yourself here, you have to quickly find someone or revisit some of the people who were on the roster from the beginning. Life throws curveballs sometimes, your application could have been rejected, just use this time to figure out for sure what’s about to happen, because your time is running out.

November 12th, Trade Deadline- This is the absolute last moment to get rid of people if you need to, make adjustments, add someone new to the roster, or remove someone from the roster.

November 16th, Season Begins- This is when the season officially begins, you’ve selected your person or persons to begin Cuffin Season with, and you’re set. I suggest making sure you have a clear understanding of what this means with yourself and your partner or partners. What I mean is, set clear guidelines on expectations so nobody gets hurt or expects more or less. You can have more than one person on your team for the season, so you’ll have to establish the days you spend together, what you plan to do when you spend time together, and when the season is going to end.


Imperative questions to ask your Cuffin Season partner:

1. Will we be going on dinner dates, if so will we take turns paying the bill, will we go 50/50, or will we go dutch?
2. What days of the week will we spend with each other during the week? If you have more than one Cuffin Season partner, you’ll need to juggle what days of the week you’ll spend with each partner, so that there is no confusion, however if you have more than one partner, understand you are a borderline Thot.

3. Will we be exchanging Christmas Presents? (I suggest no, but you can if you really want to, you can, just keep it inexpensive).

4. Will our dates consist of home dates and sex? It’s pretty much understood that this is going to be your cut buddy, so of course make sure you keep it safe, but beyond that, establish if Netflix and cooking are going to be the main things you do, if that’s the case then being with someone that knows how to cook is probably going to be key.

5. Will we be exchanging Valentine’s Day gifts? (It doesn’t hurt to give some candy or go out to dinner; after all, this is someone you have been spending a lot of time with).
6. What are the rules on social media? You don’t want to post pictures of the other person or tag them on social media if they don’t want this relationship to be public. This is a temporary situation, similar to how things are if you are a side chick or a side dude.

When do you want to end the season?

April 1st, Season Ends- This date could possibly be altered depending on the agreement you have with your partner or partners. This should be discussed as stated above.
Now that the Cuffin Season is over, it means that warm weather is approaching, and you’re back to going out with your friends and mingling. Now there is an off chance that you and your Cuffin Season partner, or one of your partners have developed a real relationship, and have chosen to make things permanent. Anything is possible.
Come September, if you find yourself alone again and you don’t want to weather the season alone, then repeat the above steps, and start the Cuffin Season over again for 2015. You can make your own rules along the way, the main focus is to have fun, don’t catch feelings, and establish a relationship with someone to keep you entertained and warm during the cold months, so get to cuffin!

-Sha
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So, ladies and gentlemen, looks like you have some cuffin to do! Good luck!!

-Meik

What's up fam?

This week's topic on The Social Hour (on Urban Soul Radio) poses the question: Are new-age women bred to be anti-relationship?

Of course I thought, why is it that WE as women have to be the anti-relationship mofos? Then I thought, well wait a minute, I'm sure most of us, both women AND men can attest to running like hell away from the commitment chains.. but have you ever thought about WHY?

Of course for some it could be how you were raised, the type of environment you were around, or you just might be trife. On the flip side, it could be a relationship gone all kinds of wrong that sends you running for the hills of solitude with an occasional booty call/jumpoff.

For me, I was never ever ever (u hear me?) EVERRRRRRR getting married.. I haven't witnessed the type of relationships you see on TV, and frankly, I don't know if those exist, so at the age of 10, it was pretty much declared ..I AINT DOING IT. I started to go into explaining why, but I'm not ready to share that but just know the actions of your parents can affect you in so many ways.

ANTYHOO....

I've never had a lot of boyfriends, and never really dated a whole lot, in fact the majority of my 20's were spent with the one man that made me change my views on marriage.. UNTIL.. his arse cheated.. not once.. but twice that I know about and have proof of..

WHAAAATTTTT? Yes I said this mofo cheated. If you have been following my blog, then you already know most of the story..but what you don't know is the story about the first time I caught his arse.

Stroll with me down memory lane, around 2002.. we had been together about 4 or 5 yrs .. at this point we were shacking up, playing house in a city where we didn't know a whole lot of folks, but anyhoo.. I could tell things weren't 100% cuz hell he got on my nerves half the time and we did nothing but argue, but there were some times when he'd tell me he was going to workout at the apartment complex fitness center..and around 11pm...his arse is nowhere to be found, going on trips out of town, mofo'n hangups to the house phone when I answer, hush hush phone convos, ect...but in true "I love he oh so much there's no way he'd lie to me" fashion I chose to ignore the very ish that I KNEW wasn't adding up. Then one day, I'm doing laundry and checking his pockets b/c he had a habit of leaving ish in em..and lo and behold.. a receipt for somewhere that was in the opposite direction of where he told me he was going.. I asked him about it, got some ole bs answer which I accepted and kept in the back of my mind.. next thing that pops up is my best friend hears rumors that he has a jumpoff in Atlanta.. and I notice the same number keeps popping up on our caller id.. but i confront him yet again, and am told that I'm letting people try to break us up.. again, filed to the back of my mind.

Now trust me, I could kick my own arse at this point but hey, I was a dumb arse young girl in love so he could do no wrong. **insert Conrad Murray lip quiver**

Until I talk to a friend and she says check his email. Moi? Be Nosey? NEVERRR ehhh ok.. he went out of town, and I checked and BAM.. evidence right there.. emails back and forth between him and some chick that KNEW he was in a relationship and was so desperate for a man she was kool with being a side piece.. so I called her.. and she confirmed, and we called him and ninja was BUSTED. Needless to say..we broke up.. BUT ole Meik loved that man right down to his dirty draws and gave him another shot..even moved back to the great state of Tennessee for him where we'd spend another couple years together until the verbal abuse set in and the constant lying and eventually I found out he was sleeping with one of my MARRIED sorors that lived in the same apartment complex. (see a previous blog for that story)



Needless to say.. THAT was my final straw and I vowed to never let anyone get close..ever. If you have had your heartbroken then you know what I'm talking about when you put 100% trust in someone and even when you give them a second chance, they stomp on your heart and hand it back to you and dare you to trust them again. THAT mofo is another reason for why I replaced a big ole block of ice in place of my heart..thus making me anti-relationship.

My foray into the dating pool hasn’t been the greatest hence The Mofo Chronicles, but it also appears that women aren’t the only ones that have deep scars making them “anti-relationship”.. I can't tell you the number of men that have resorted to the “non-chasing, non-courting” rule because of ish they’ve been through. They no longer put forth the effort to do ish, but sit their arse there and wait for women to do all the work.

So I stepped away from it all and I decided its best to chuck the deuces before things get too close for comfort and almost 7 years later, I’m still single and look back wondering if I jinxed myself. As I get older, the biological clock is setting in (I'm bout to break the damn thing its ticking so f’n loud) and the thought of growing old alone and never experiencing true unconditional love, without a mofo cheating and lying n ish scares the piss out of me. Seeing one of my best friends marriage up close made me FINALLY realize that, not all marriages or relationships turn out to be drama filled, and that there are couples that truly love each other because they put God first in their relationship.

AH HA! Lightbulb.. THAT is what had been missing all along. God wasn’t a major presence in that raggedy relationship I was in, or any that I had seen, or heard about growing up.. so with that knowledge over the past few years, I can honestly say, I’m not 100% anti-relationship anymore, but I am and will always remain anti-mofo. I'd say the ice is slowly melting away.. but it's a work in progress.

So what makes you anti-relationship?



Tune into The Social Hour EVERY Tuesday from 7-9pm PST! We’ll dig into this topic a little further and take your calls and read your comments on the air! www.thesocialhr.com


Until Later..
Meik