Mofo'n Heart on Ice

Monday, November 07, 2011

What's up fam?

This week's topic on The Social Hour (on Urban Soul Radio) poses the question: Are new-age women bred to be anti-relationship?

Of course I thought, why is it that WE as women have to be the anti-relationship mofos? Then I thought, well wait a minute, I'm sure most of us, both women AND men can attest to running like hell away from the commitment chains.. but have you ever thought about WHY?

Of course for some it could be how you were raised, the type of environment you were around, or you just might be trife. On the flip side, it could be a relationship gone all kinds of wrong that sends you running for the hills of solitude with an occasional booty call/jumpoff.

For me, I was never ever ever (u hear me?) EVERRRRRRR getting married.. I haven't witnessed the type of relationships you see on TV, and frankly, I don't know if those exist, so at the age of 10, it was pretty much declared ..I AINT DOING IT. I started to go into explaining why, but I'm not ready to share that but just know the actions of your parents can affect you in so many ways.


I've never had a lot of boyfriends, and never really dated a whole lot, in fact the majority of my 20's were spent with the one man that made me change my views on marriage.. UNTIL.. his arse cheated.. not once.. but twice that I know about and have proof of..

WHAAAATTTTT? Yes I said this mofo cheated. If you have been following my blog, then you already know most of the story..but what you don't know is the story about the first time I caught his arse.

Stroll with me down memory lane, around 2002.. we had been together about 4 or 5 yrs .. at this point we were shacking up, playing house in a city where we didn't know a whole lot of folks, but anyhoo.. I could tell things weren't 100% cuz hell he got on my nerves half the time and we did nothing but argue, but there were some times when he'd tell me he was going to workout at the apartment complex fitness center..and around 11pm...his arse is nowhere to be found, going on trips out of town, mofo'n hangups to the house phone when I answer, hush hush phone convos, ect...but in true "I love he oh so much there's no way he'd lie to me" fashion I chose to ignore the very ish that I KNEW wasn't adding up. Then one day, I'm doing laundry and checking his pockets b/c he had a habit of leaving ish in em..and lo and behold.. a receipt for somewhere that was in the opposite direction of where he told me he was going.. I asked him about it, got some ole bs answer which I accepted and kept in the back of my mind.. next thing that pops up is my best friend hears rumors that he has a jumpoff in Atlanta.. and I notice the same number keeps popping up on our caller id.. but i confront him yet again, and am told that I'm letting people try to break us up.. again, filed to the back of my mind.

Now trust me, I could kick my own arse at this point but hey, I was a dumb arse young girl in love so he could do no wrong. **insert Conrad Murray lip quiver**

Until I talk to a friend and she says check his email. Moi? Be Nosey? NEVERRR ehhh ok.. he went out of town, and I checked and BAM.. evidence right there.. emails back and forth between him and some chick that KNEW he was in a relationship and was so desperate for a man she was kool with being a side piece.. so I called her.. and she confirmed, and we called him and ninja was BUSTED. Needless to say..we broke up.. BUT ole Meik loved that man right down to his dirty draws and gave him another shot..even moved back to the great state of Tennessee for him where we'd spend another couple years together until the verbal abuse set in and the constant lying and eventually I found out he was sleeping with one of my MARRIED sorors that lived in the same apartment complex. (see a previous blog for that story)

Needless to say.. THAT was my final straw and I vowed to never let anyone get close..ever. If you have had your heartbroken then you know what I'm talking about when you put 100% trust in someone and even when you give them a second chance, they stomp on your heart and hand it back to you and dare you to trust them again. THAT mofo is another reason for why I replaced a big ole block of ice in place of my heart..thus making me anti-relationship.

My foray into the dating pool hasn’t been the greatest hence The Mofo Chronicles, but it also appears that women aren’t the only ones that have deep scars making them “anti-relationship”.. I can't tell you the number of men that have resorted to the “non-chasing, non-courting” rule because of ish they’ve been through. They no longer put forth the effort to do ish, but sit their arse there and wait for women to do all the work.

So I stepped away from it all and I decided its best to chuck the deuces before things get too close for comfort and almost 7 years later, I’m still single and look back wondering if I jinxed myself. As I get older, the biological clock is setting in (I'm bout to break the damn thing its ticking so f’n loud) and the thought of growing old alone and never experiencing true unconditional love, without a mofo cheating and lying n ish scares the piss out of me. Seeing one of my best friends marriage up close made me FINALLY realize that, not all marriages or relationships turn out to be drama filled, and that there are couples that truly love each other because they put God first in their relationship.

AH HA! Lightbulb.. THAT is what had been missing all along. God wasn’t a major presence in that raggedy relationship I was in, or any that I had seen, or heard about growing up.. so with that knowledge over the past few years, I can honestly say, I’m not 100% anti-relationship anymore, but I am and will always remain anti-mofo. I'd say the ice is slowly melting away.. but it's a work in progress.

So what makes you anti-relationship?

Tune into The Social Hour EVERY Tuesday from 7-9pm PST! We’ll dig into this topic a little further and take your calls and read your comments on the air!

Until Later..

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  1. Meik, you nailed it again, another great article, and as always you made it funny, interesting and informative!!! Keep them coming!!

  2. I'm not anti-relationship; however, I AM anti-BS in relationships. I'm impatient as hell, especially given all the bs I've been victim of in relationships, but I'm gonna hang in there.

  3. Well MOFO , I say mos def you have a first hand look on how BS from others and past relationships can linger on to create a pattern of belief; that says, “bump relationship I can do bad all by myself.” However as you said you must get to a point were God is first. Not just in your relationships but in your forgiveness; to allow you to Move forward with a greater outlook. Sadly some will never find and in turn it helps add to their unconscious anti relationship beliefs. (ie. "IM SO INDEPENDENT I DONT NEED ANYONE" but me and GOD) LOL but isn't GOD seeing other people too jk.

  4. Girllll I want to beat his ass! His loss. Men say they want a good woman and then when they get one they dog us out. Whew my blood pressure. I hope wherever he is he is constantly cussing himself for being an idiot.


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