The Blame Game

Monday, November 14, 2011

“Now I’m the kind of guy who don't believe
That chivalry is dead, no
'Cause I believe a woman should be treated
With the utmost respect,
Don't be afraid, don't turn and walk away
I wanna get to know ya, well
Don't be ashamed, don't say that love's to blame
Just come and look me over
You'll find a heart that you've always been looking' for
How could anybody ask for much more,
Now I like opening' doors
Picking' up [Yeah] her hanky [Yeah] off the floor
Treat her like a lady [Treat her like lady]
Light her cigarette if she smokes
Even [Help her with her coat], well
Treat her like a lady [Treat her like lady]
In this world of liberation
it’s so easy to forget
that it's so nice to have a man around
to lend a helping hand, you can bet, bet you can, baby
When I was young, my mama used to say, Boy
A woman's like a flower, with love on her you shower
Ever since that day, her words never went away
I always will remember to treat my baby tender

You'll find a heart that you've always been looking' for
How could anybody ask for much more …”

Do these lyrics look familiar? It’s from the song Treat her like a lady by the Temptations. If you don't know it.. find it on youtube and take a listen.. for the rest of us that are up on our old school music game..let's continue shall we?

This week on The Social Hour we are discussing whether or not chivalry is dead, and in fact, who killed it? Was it the liberated, independent woman? Or was it the lazy arse men that just don’t give a got darn anymore about putting forth their best effort?

Personally, I think chivalry is on life support, and Conrad Killa Murray ain't too far behind it ready to finish it off.. I'm just saying..

It’s funny as I’ve re-entered the dating world with baby steps I’m reminded daily from men I encounter, whether it’s in person or online on Twitter, Facebook, or blogs, that a lot of them don’t give a got doggone darn about chivalry, in fact, they don’t quite seem to know the definition.

I was thinking about dating in high school and college versus now and it’s sad to say, that my experiences in my teens and early 20’s were much more “chivalrous”. Maybe it’s the geographical location of being in smaller cities back then, I don’t know... for example, one guy that I went out with in college, didn’t come at me off the bat with the “lemme get them panties blah blah bullshittah”.. Instead he took the time to get to know me, by dating me, and while we were dating, he always treated me with the utmost respect.

How Meik?

Well, you know I'm oh so glad you asked! First of all, no matter where we were he would always open doors, he would open my car door FIRST and close it, he would even care about whether or not it was too hot or too cold in the car, or his home etc.. He would always let me order first at restaurants, always pull my chair out, in fact, he would help me with my jacket, it boiled down to one thing... he had manners and he was raised to treat women with respect.

Now some of you are saying, girl you were grown, why couldn’t you do that ish yourself?

Well hell, now days you have to. Can I tell you how many times I have gone out over the past few years and mofos will walk straight through a door and will damn sho not even bother to notice that the ish slammed in my face, they will order first b/c they are hungry, and if it’s cold outside, you betta hurry up and get yo arse in the car because he ain’t got time to wait out in the cold, and lawd don’t let it be raining and he has the umbrella..Consider your hair WET and F’d.

I was at a Waffle House in Atlanta last year and a bunch of guys were standing outside the door, not ONE mofo moved a muscle to open the door. I had to f’n say, “sooooo ya’ll see a lady approaching and nobody is going to open the door?!” One responded, “Ooooh my bad, nobody has EVER said anything so I just don’t think about that”.. ninja opened the door, and I thanked him, when I came back out, same thing, opened the door and I thanked him again. Now what does he mean NOBODY ever said a thing?!

WHY is this?

OOOOOOOOOh according to some comments from my Facebook page and twitter:
“Chivalry is dead, and women nowadays don’t deserve it”

“Chivalry is all about being romantic, and we want to feel appreciated, and when we aren’t we just stop putting forth the effort”

“Chivalry, ain’t that dealing with horses and shyt?”

“Women are the ones that should be doing all the chivalry stuff”


SMH WHY LAWD WHYYYYYYYY Didn’t I snatch up one of those men that knew how to act right when I had the chance?!

Sorry. I had a moment. I’m back now, but honestly, I don’t have the answer as to why folks have just decided to toss all good sense out the window.

Imagine if our parents, grandparents, great grandparents had this attitude of why even bother? Hell, most of us probably wouldn’t be here. Growing up, my deddy wouldn’t even let a nucca sit outside blowing the horn for me to come out, if a mofo didn’t have enough respect for me to get his black arse out the car and come to the door, then I wasn’t allowed to go outside to meet him, much less go on the date. Even the thuggish ruggish bone thugs in our city opened doors n ish.. So I ask you fellas, WHY can’t you open doors and just do what should be a form of manners and stop placing emphasis on who deserves it? If you can throw dollars at a chick sliding up and down a stripper pole, and then pick the dollars up to make sho she see em, why the f can’t you open a mofo’n door?!

Would you want your mother or sister getting a door slammed in their face? No, you’d want them to be treated like a lady. All this bs about women not deserving to be treated like a lady is absolute ridiculousness, and THAT is why the independent woman has to be independent and take matters into her own hands. In 2011, women don’t have time for you to sit there and come up with janky arse reasons as to WHY you can’t pull out her chair, open a door, and light her cigarette/cigar/blunt or whatever she smokes, so instead, they do it themselves. Why bother with listening to a brotha moan and groan about what she doesn’t do for him? Tha hell? When did it become all about keeping score? I swear I don’t understand, maybe parents quit teaching these types of things or maybe we as women stopped demanding and expecting these types of things.

On the flip side, women have got to let the men be men. If women continue to step into the man role by doing the pursuing, chasing, opening doors, pulling his mofo’n chair n ish out, what the f else do you expect him to do but start acting girly and not wanting to put forth an ounce of effort?! Then when it’s time for him to move onto the next one, he’s expecting that from every chick he meets... and I tell ya right now, he won’t get far ova cheaaaa with that ish.

Is chivalry really dead? Or has it just phased into every man and woman for themselves? I vote we resurrect the ish before Murray gets a hold of it.. *shrugs*

I don’t know fam, life would probably be a lot simpler if mofos would let go of these ‘new age’ ideas and we go back to the days of the things they sang about just like the Temptations, Treat her like a lady.. I still EXPECT and DEMAND to be treated like one, and one day, maybe I’ll find that rare guy that knows how to treat a woman like she is supposed to be treated.

So what do you think? Shall we continue pointing fingers at each other to determine who KILT the ish? Or shall we find a solution to bring chivalry, respect, expectations, and standards back to the forefront? Or just let the ish continue to die a slow triflin death?

Tune into The Social Hour on Tuesdays from 7-9pm PST check us out on and weigh in on the topic.

Until Later,

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  1. Chivalry isn't dead. You just have to meet the guys that still practice it.

    This is what I believe happened:

    1) You had the women with the feminist mindset saying "I don't need a man to do anything".
    2) Then you do have some men that were never taught this
    3) You have some women that don't expect it and don't say anything.
    None of that means it's dead though.
    I do agree about location. Up north, that was never expected and probably never taught. But here in Atlanta, a good bit of these men have manners and good home training. I guess it's that good ole Southern Hospitality.

  2. Chivalry isn't dead. It is more about supply and COMMAND.

    A number of men do not know how to supply it and a number of women do not know how to command it.

    People do not understand that you get what you require. And there is a return on a good investment when you invest it in a good market.

    Men who want to say women don't deserve chivalry probably should stop dating undeserving women.

    Women who are not receiving chivalry should command it from whomever they deal with, if he doesn't supply, then she probably should find a new distributor.

  3. Times have surely changed and one of the ways chivalry as quickly lost its tail wind is by the up bringing. I believe that the lack of men in the house hold to tell the up coming women what is exceptable by a man in general; with his speech, looks, actions, and intentions have been lost. And that up coming men have been lead by one another and the image of the unreal (TV/ hip hop). The woman's independent area has played a role also. With single parent mothers insure that their female seed will make it with or with out a man. And inturn has forgotten to show her the requirements of what respect is. All the while that same mother teaches the male seed to do what a man do. Lol with out explaining what a man real does. Chivalr has now become that old book in the bookstore that's way way way in the back with all the dust and cobwebs on it; and its teaching have gotten mishandled through grapevine teaching. Its time for someone to get the dust mask, flash light, and gloves; go way way way in the back to clean it off and set it right in the front door on the book of the month display.


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