What's up fam...as most of you know..writing is my outlet when I can't really verbally express how I'm feeling..so bear with me..I gotta get these thoughts out..so it maybe a lil all over the place..

I've always been the type to never really let anyone get too close, and yet I learned at an early age how to hide behind the mask and pretend everything is okay..

years later.. its really not okay.. the proverbial shit has hit the fan and my life as I know it will probably never be the same.. but the funny part is, I can remember every single night laying in my bed with my headphones over my ears begging God to fix it and He never did (and no this aint got ish to do with some sexual abuse before u get it twisted..).. and now, while there may be light at the end of the tunnel, it's weird.. Im not comforted by that..

I think its because for so long I didn't let anyone in to let them know what was wrong, and now that I need someone to talk to, listen, hear me scream, cry, curse and whatever else.. no one is there. All of the memories, all of the angst, hurt, pissitivity, regret ect is boiling over now, and ....i dont know..

I guess what I'm trying to say is keeping ish bottled up for so long only hurts you in the end.. unfortunately, I still don't trust anyone enough to start from the beginning and spill it..

On the other hand, I've always been big on redirecting my focus onto other things..hence probably the reason im always all over the place, blogging, writing, school, work, side hustling and anything else..just so i dont have to be alone with my thoughts..

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this blog anymore.. but I do want to reach out and thank every single person that reads my blogs, articles, crazy tweets, facebook, and myspace statuses.. You may not realize it, but every encouraging word goes a long way.. and right now.. I need that more than you know.. so Thank You..

~Meik.