Burying the Mofo'n Lead

Posted by ~Meik on , , ,
What's up Mofos?! Yeah.. Don't look at me like that.. I already know I'm trife for neglecting the blog, but hey.. you knew this when you decided to read it right?



Let's catch up.. I have been writing, writing, writing, and more writing, still trying to lose weight..oh and STILL single. The end.

Glad we got that out of the way.

Today I wanna talk about asking people for advice.

What you mean Meik?

I'm so glad you asked. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with leaning on your pals for a little advice every now and then..but let me just get into this story.

So .. my friend..hmm let's call her Elle, anyway, so Elle's friend/coworker/someone I don't know had a loss in their family. Lemme pause this for a moment to address this ish right now..

"I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS" VS "I AM SORRY FOR YOUR LOST"

LOSS--> detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep, have, or get vs LOST---> no longer possessed or retained I mean I can see where things can get a little tricky.. BUT WHY JEEEEZUS CAN YA'LL NOT GET THIS RIGHT?! Not to mention "SO AND SO PAST AWAY" VS "SO AND SO PASSED AWAY" I just... I look at facebook, and other social media and wonder if some of y'all finished the 4th grade. Anyhoo..

Let's continue..

So Elle hits me up via text message and asks the following:

Is it appropriate to wear jeans and a tank top to visit the family?

Me: Sure, folks wore any and everything when they came to visit us after my grandma died. Just make sure you take some cake, pie, or chicken because that's what we do.. we eat when in mourning.

Elle: Ok thanks!

I'm at work minding my own biz when I get another text from Elle 30 min later..

It's at the funeral home, does that mean we have to view the body?

Me: Yes, probably..if this is the wake.

So I continue on with my workday..an hour later during my break, I'm on the phone with my mama and I'm telling her about my good deed of telling Elle to make sure she takes some chicken to the family.



WAYMENT.

WAYYYYYYYYYMENT.

Uh oh.

OH SHIT.

WHAT. DID. I. DO?!!!!!!!!!!

My mama says: "Um, I hope you didn't tell that girl to take that chicken to the funeral home, because that would be quite embarrassing."

UH I GOTTA GO!

LAWD ... all I can think is.. I just told her to wear jeans and a tank top and grab a bucket of KFC to take down to the fune home.

WAYMENT.

AND IT IS A WHITE PEOPLE FUNE?! *slides to the floor*



I don't even know the white people fune rules!!!!!!!!!!!! Lawd do they eat chicken when mourning? Lawd, I hope she didn't get all the fixins..but damn that sounds yummy.. if I had time on break to run...FOCUSSSSSSSSSS... ok.. so I'm pacing back and forth like wtf do I do? The wake probably started half an hour ago..but knowing black folks.. maybe she's late..cuz after all..she had to go get that bucket of chicken right?

So I start with a text:

Hey. you gone yet?

no response

crap.

So I wait about five minutes..send another text:

Hey girl.. Hey... ummm.... what time is the wake?

No response..

Now I'm freaking out.. totally imagining the horror of the white folks in this fune home and the smell of KFC chicken..or maybe she got a box of Bojangles chicken..cuz their biscuits are really delish..FOCUSSSSS *side note.. this diet is making me so hungry and I am craving some chicken for some reason* Anyhoo.. so I do what any respectable friend would do at this point..send another text..

ABORT CHICKEN MISSION ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT TAKE THE CHICKEN INTO THE FUNE HOME!!

Now I'm hyperventilating thinking what have I done?! She is prob ignoring me cuz she is PISSED.

Still no response.

Okay... so I get on twitter and ask 4000 of my closest friends what to do? These mofos just laugh. Some help y'all are.

I'm checking my phone every few minutes..okay..maybe she left the phone in the car.. I can't call down to the fune home cuz IDK which one..and wtf am I gonna say?? "Can I speak to the black chick that just brought the chicken in??" or "Can the negro that brought the chicken in to y'alls nice white people fune come to the phone?" I mean... so meanwhile my mama calls back asking have I gotten in touch with her.. NOPE.. oooooooooh this is bad. Thanks mama.. THANKS.

So one more time.. another text:

LEMME KNOW WHEN YOU ARE OUT THE FUNE HOME!

still no response for like 2 more hours.

Y'all.. at this point I have had so many images in my head, even her falling over the darn casket with the bucket of chicken.. to touching the casket with greasy chicken fingers. lawwwd. Maybe just maybe she took a cake or pie instead..but that's still bad.. cuz ... I ain't never seen folks bring food into a fune home before. LAWD.

*rocking back and forth humming* WHAT AM I GONNA DO!?!

Fast forward to damn near 3 hours later...

Elle FINALLY texts back:

I was very under dressed for the wake, everyone else was dressed up.

Now I'm thinking to myself at this point..is it MY FAULT YOU BURIED THE LEAD? No pun intended.

So I say oh, well ummmm so... did you get my abort chicken text?

Elle: I didn't take the chicken inside. I figured I'd leave it in the car.

ME: JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON MY GOOD LEG HALLLLLLEEEELUJAHHHHHHHHH!! Whew.. I just knew the stench of chicken would be in that poor deceased person's hair and clothes.. and the family would be sideeyeing her or escorting her and that bucket right on outta there to the the parking lot. Thank goodness everything was all good..but y'all I laughed til I cried about this ish LOL LOL LOL

The lesson here is this: Don't ask advice without giving all the important deets up front. I work in television news..I need the WHO, WHAT, WHEN, WHERE, and HOW before I can fully give you allllll of this expertise. Had I known she was going to the funeral home up front, the advice woulda have been a bit different.. and I guess on my end, I shoulda asked the important info of WTF YOU GOING? before dispensing my .08. Since I love leaving you with songs.. here ya go:






Stay Classy--

Meik

4 comments:

Anonymous said...
August 17, 2015 at 1:21 PM

Too funny!!!!

Tyler Young said...
August 17, 2015 at 1:25 PM

ABORT CHICKEN MISSION ASAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO NOT TAKE THE CHICKEN INTO THE FUNE HOME!! #dead lmbo great storytelling!

Serena Guest said...
August 17, 2015 at 1:33 PM

LAWDDDDDD I'm not doing this with you today! I had to walk out of the office! All I could picture is chicken falling into the casket. Sweet baby Jesus!!!

You got me wanting chicken lol.

~Meik said...
August 22, 2015 at 12:13 AM

LOL!! thank y'all for reading :)

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