Mofos and Mourning Don't Mix

Friday, May 03, 2013

What's up Mofoville?!

Thank you to all those that expressed condolences and prayers regarding the loss of my beloved grandmother. I appreciate it so much.


This brings me to the point of this blog. While I appreciate the heartfelt condolences, thoughts and prayers, sometimes, those good intentions come off a lil well... WRONG. I'm not pointing fingers, and hell, I'm probably guilty of some of the same ish, but losing my grandmother has made me a little bit more sensitive to some ish.

What you mean Meik?

I'm oh so glad you asked, because I'm bout to tell you right nah.

Here is my list of things NOT to say to someone that is grieving the loss of someone..ESPECIALLY when it's someone that they were close to.

1. How are you? Are you ok?
- My answer: WTF do you think? I JUST lost someone extremely close to me that I talked to almost every day that helped raise me.. don't worry I'll wait until you figure it out.

2. Dang, it's been two weeks, when are you going to get over it?
- Listen, my entire world has been shaken up.. I have to figure out how to LIVE and FUNCTION without my grandma in my life. I shall NEVER get over it.

3. I'm having a bad day.
- Oh yeah? Well guess least you're alive and breathing. I personally have never known a BAD day until 4/19/2013 when my entire world changed. What I thought was a bad day was nothing compared to this.

4. When are you going to get back to normal?
- *blink* I'm not even about to justify this one.

5. Oh, you've been off work for awhile, how was your vacation?
-hmmm.. the schedule reflects BEREAVEMENT yet you think I was on VACATION. Well, if you think burying a loved one is a vacation then well.. Satan must dwell inside thee.

6. You should just get out of the house and party and you'll forget everything!
-I'm sorry, I personally don't feel like partying. I do well enough to get up out of the bed, shower, and put on matching clothes to get myself to work .. damn a partying..

7. You should drink.
-Now.. this one.. can be good advice, but it can also be a slippery invitation to hell.. once you crack that seal and start, you just might not stop, so no thanks, I fear I'll become an alcoholic if I start trying to drown my sorrows at the bottom of a liquor bottle.

8. Hopefully you will see her soon.
-Well, as nice as that sounds, I ain't looking to cross over anytime soon.

9. Let me know if I can do anything.
-Again a nice gesture, but really, WHAT can you do? Unless you have turned into God and can bring my grandma back, all you can really do is pray for me and my family to heal and get through this storm.

10. Let me burden you with ALL the issues in my life and forget that you are going thru something.
-As much as I never mind being a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on..NOW ain't the time.. The song "Lean on Me" comes to mind, I can't have folks leaning on me, because I can barely stand up myself. For once, it'd be nice to have someone around that I can lean on without it turning into well listen to my problems and help me solve them and forget that you just lost an influential person in your life.

And the bonus one.. It will get easier in time.

*blink* For who? I don't think it ever gets "EASIER".. the pain may lessen over time, but it probably won't get EASIER, but again, for some people, maybe it does, but it's funny some of the folks that have lost close loved ones have told me that is a lie LOL.. they say it doesn't get easier, the pain just becomes tolerable.

Now, those are just some of the things I had to get off my chest as big as it is, there is plenty more where that came from, but I'm tired of typing.

For those that still don't get it.. mourning and grieving for a loved one doesn't stop when YOU think it should- it's different for everyone. Again, I appreciate all of the concern and like I said, I'm probably guilty of saying some of these same things to folks and not thinking about it at the time just how it sounded. I also understand that people may not know what to say to someone grieving. I have found that I burst out into tears over a simple , Hey, how are you? instead of someone just talking to me like normal without highlighting the fact that I am grieving...shoot but the emotional roller coaster that I am on .. the next minute I may just want to talk about what's bothering me. Sometimes, a simple hug, or pat on the shoulder is all you have to do, no words needed. Sometimes, a simple, "I'm sorry for your loss," is all you have to say. I'm sure some folks are gonna be rubbed the wrong way from this blog..but take a moment and ask yourself.. Does Meik give a damn right now? .......................

Still grieving...

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  1. Great post! And....{{{hugs}}}}

  2. funny thing is....i never know what to say...i have tried saying some of the more 'positive' attempts of its good to hear that stating 'being sorry for the loss' is sufficient...i was being accused of being mean by not saying anything..but it was for all your stated reasons why i did not know what to say....i would like to take this time to say how sorry i am for your loss luv!

  3. Thank you Angel. I'm glad this blog helped :)

  4. Im with Angel, I say I'm here if you want to talk cry laugh or scream, and I pray for prayers or understanding. I cant bring anyone back but I always offer a shoulder to cry on a listening ear or a homemade dinner. A quick prayer of understanding, you have your own angel watching over you now more than ever.

  5. 1. I think 1 is just common courtesy. People handle death different my grandma was 83 when she does and before she passed she told me don't be acting all sad and depressed grandma almost 84 I've lived a long good life so celebrate me. I usually ask this question unless it's a child or young person under 60.
    2. Thru 5 & 8 & 10 get the blank stare gas face!

    6&7 I feel are just ways to temporary forget the pain you can make your own self sick from grieving.

    9. If it's a family member or real friend it could be something as simple as I have to work can you check on my grandaddy. If one is really down and don't feel like doing nothing can you make me something to eat, mail these bills for me or can you help my kids with.........

    Bonus: It most certainly gets easier with time although one persons time might be longer than another. I lost my dad in 2007 & it hurt he was 74. During that same week a doctor had his wife& 2 daughters brutally murdered and raped. At my dads funeral a voice said to me mourn for them not me. I have a friend who lost her daughter (6) to a out of know where freak illness and she echoed a lot of which you said so she started a grieving parents organization to help this cause. Just my thoughts! D.W.


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