Hotel, Motel, still no Holiday Inn Part 2

Thursday, June 07, 2012

Hello Mofoville! Yes it's me again.. twice in one week..shhhh don't tell anyone! LOL.

By now it's safe to assume that you read part 1 of my TN Road Trip.. so here's part 2.. and trust me, if you thought the first one was bad.. you really don't know me at all now do u?

Let's proceed..

So after high tailin it out of the Pissy Hotel and cancelling that reservation we were able to get a room with a discount at another hotel..and trust me, while this one isn't fancy, it's 10x better than that piss hole we just left.

Let me give you a visual.. It's a Super 8. That really should be the only explanation I have to give you, but again, compared to the piss pot we just left..this was Marriott material ya hear me?

BUT.. it wasn't without its issues.

What you mean Meik?

Ohhhhh allow me to give u the brief rundown without dragging this blog out mmk..

1. Step into the dining area where they serve the continental breakfast and have snacks sitting out.. sounds great huh? It is..if you like cat fur and cat spit all over ish.. they had the BIGGEST fur ball I've ever seen just chillin in the chair at one of the tables.. I don't know about you..but I'll just starve thank you.

2. Step outside to walk to the rooms, and we notice a nice little garden. OR SO WE THOUGHT.
Are ya'll sitting down? Go ahead, I'll wait......

We get a little closer to see what kind of ish is in there and lo and behold we see a lil tombstone. blink. blink. blink. It says: "RIP FREEWAY 2001-2008" now me, being the observant one that I can be says well, isn't that strange, surely they didn't bury a child here. (shhhhhh don't judge me, I'm going thru some thangs remember?!) So being the nosy, messy black folks we are... we go back inside to the lobby to ask.

My Friend: "Who is Freeway and how did he die?"

Worker: (cuz I'm not really clear on what you call Super 8 folks that ..never mind).."Freeway the rapper?? HE DIED?!"

Me: wall slide in hysterical laughter.

My Friend: "Well, now I really hope that Freeway the rapper didn't die, but I don't think that's who ya'll have buried out there in the front"

Worker: "Hmm. I don't know any other Freeway except the rapper and the one you drive on"

Me: OH GOOD LAWD.. is it an f'n child or what???

Worker: blank stares at me.. then a light bulb comes on " said Free-waaaaay?? oh that's the owner's cat. I think. maybe, man I hope the rapper didn't die, I really like him."

Me: blink. blink. blink.

So because time is running out and we have a wedding to haul arse to, we don't really have the time to dig into this convo like I want to..

3. Shall we discuss the shower curtain rod being held up by pieces of wood? no? ok. we'll move on.

4. Wanna talk about the room not having a working alarm clock or an iron? no? ok.

5. I bet you wanna talk about the safe in the well dang ya'll are hard to please around cheaaa. geez.

Fast forward to after the wedding when we pull up in the parking lot of the hotel.

6. Now, again, I don't claim to know e'rythang, but when did it become okay to bring your own grill to a hotel and.. oh I don't know.. grill food and have a cookout in the parking lot? When did it become okay to bring your own table for a spades game? I'm just asking.. maybe it's a TN thang. *shrugs* yes, that picture that you see is proof that I am not lying bout this ish.

Antyhoo we pull up, and see this foolishness going on, two black men playing spades, and hell I'm just so excited to see more black folks in this gawd awful town that I don't know what to do with myself. (yeah.. we were the only blacks at the wedding but that was fine) The two men throw the universal head nod and we do it back and keep it moving.

5 minutes later.. I hear screaming and yelling and cards being thrown down so of course we run to the window to look, well, my nosy friend opens the door and goes outside. These ninjas are fighting. One had his got doggone hands around the other one's throat! Ya'll.. they was arguing over who was gonna get a Chrysler 300 first.




*sigh* no wonder these bumpkins in this town don't like us.

We decide to leave and hang out with some other wedding folks at their nice hotel next door.. and when we returned these two ninjas are sitting there playing nicely. They even told me they were just having bible study.


Sirs, I can see that ya'll have several beer cans, liquor and you're smoking, but hey, who am I to judge. Have fun.

5 min later, the cursing and screaming resumes, we again rush to the window, hell open the door.. and hear them fighting over what they would rather do than have sex with x,y,and z. Now, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that ain't in any scripture's I've ever read.

Let's just say this nonsense went on til 5am. I'm betting these fools live at the hotel and do this ish on a nightly basis. I don't.... I can't..... I'm really just...

You know.. again the lesson learned here is.. DON'T PROCRASTINATE and MIND YA BIZNASS!

Ya'll stay classy and remember..if you want to guest blog..hit me up!


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