Hotel Motel not even the Mofo'n Holiday Inn Part 1

Tuesday, June 05, 2012

What's up Mofoville!

Yes it's me actually blogging! I couldn't dig up a guest blogger for ish so I figured I betta get back to it!

So, this past weekend I made the trek back to my old stomping grounds in the grand ole state of TN for a wedding..

Let me start off with the good portion of the trip.. The wedding was beeeee-you-tiful!

Ok.. on with the foolishness. Because you know, I can't just go somewhere without some ish popping off. This is gonna be a long one so I think I'm gonna break this down into a 2 part blog.. but here we go....

First up.. I am the QUEEN of procrastination so I missed the cut off date for booking a hotel room where everyone was staying and basically was SOL.. but never fear, Expedia is here.. lucky lil ole me found a hotel that had some vacancy.. called the 800 # for the actual hotel chain and booked a room.. hey for last minute ish I was pretty pumped! (I even checked out the pics and ratings online so I'm just glad to find what I thought was a decent place to stay for the night)

Lemme stop right here to 'splain this to you so u get a visual.. we were in a small rural town in TN..which apparently means there about 3 hotels, 3 gas stations, and a liquor store..oooh and fancy restaurants.. KFC and McDonalds..attached to the gas stations...

I pull up to the hotel.. or motel I should probably say..but anyhoo.. open my car door and bout faint.. it smells like hot piss on a warm spring day..oh wait..that's exactly what it was. My friend starts hee hawing and pointing out that there looks to be a truck stop and an outhouse right behind the hotel office/lobby. (Look at the pic.. that should tell you all you need to know..)Lawd jeezus.. but wait.. I see an office..but where are the rooms?! So we go into the office and ask for a room key so we can see the room, (at this point I'd rather sleep in the dayum car then lay my head on anything that smells like piss but I digress).. The guy at the counter says "well sure you can see the room, I don't blame ya"




Now what now? Sir if you are saying this, then I really know it's time to get the hell outta there. So he directs us to the rooms which are up a hill..and he says its facing the pool. I personally don't know if the pool was a mirage or what cuz I didn't see one..but what I did see was a grown arse man walking a cat on a leash and a car that had pink duct tape all over its trunk...lets just say the room looked like it hadn't been updated nor cleaned since the 70's. The place looked NOTHING like the pics..

So.. We try to cancel the reservation...this mofo'n man says.. "I can't cancel it, you gotta call the 800 # to cancel it".. So we try that.. they tell us.. nope.. the hotel has to cancel. This mofo'n country backwards arse bumpkin says ....are ya'll ready for this one?? Cuz I didn't know this was possible in 2012..

"I ain't got no 'puter to cancel a reservation"

now what now?

blink. blink. blink. blink. blink-ty blink.

Now, at this point, I know that if my black arse gets locked up in the state of TN or hell in that particular city I will never be heard from again, so I let my friend handle this because I can feel my Chris Breezy rage finTa erupt here..

We get in the car and out of no mofo'n where this Indian lady appears and is standing at the door glaring at us..and gives a slight nod like she just cast a got dayum spell on us.. we gave her arse the "Til you do right by me" Celie crooked fingers and peeled outta that joint..

Needless to say, I was able to cancel the reservation online (hell once I could get a good signal on my phone out there in the sticks)... but I learned an important lesson here.. DON'T PROCRASTINATE!!

Stay tuned for Part 2.. The Next Hotel Adventure in TN!

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  1. All I can say is, this would only happen to you!!! glad your friend was with you to handle things..


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