A dose of mofo'n advice

Monday, April 16, 2012

Hello fam! 'Tis time for another guest blogger (well frankly, I just haven't had time to write so I'm letting you guys tell your stories/opinions ect..)
Antyhoo..let's welcome my latest guest blogger to the fold.. ENJOY! And of course, my comments are sprinkled throughout..

Guest Blogger: The Good Doctor

...And an F was not given by all…

Sorry, that should be at the end of the story, right?

Everyone likes to say "they" whenever something bad happens to them. That's it, if there is no one else to blame but yourself, blame it on the Editorial THEY.

((I blame the mofos and Black Ty aka Tyrese for ish personally *shrugs*))

"None of this would've happened if THEY weren't walking down the
middle of the sidewalk," said the coke-n-smack fiend who mowed down a
group of school kids on a Tuesday afternoon when he saw bats flying
out of their book bags.

Or …

"You know, I could've been a doctor, but THEY say I should go into
porn because I have magnificent breasts," said the 50-year-old
leathery porn star to the nurse, just before her third breast
augmentation surgery and tummy tuck.

The Great and All-Powerful Editorial "THEY" is the cause of all our
problems. If THEY blah blah blah, then my life would be infinitely

That logic is faulty, at best, and downright bullish, at worst.

And I'll believe it when my ish turns purple and smells of rainbow sherbet.
((* blink blink* and you might wanna find a doctor if that happens cuz you’re insides might be shot to hell and back ya know))

We had an interesting discussion the other night about peen moves on
dates by dudes.

It was a discussion that progressed from the earlier topic: Debunking
the urban myth that if you blew an air bubble into a woman's vagina,
it would form in her bloodstream, move quickly to her brain and she
would stroke out.

((pause. Now what now? *crosses legs foreverrrrrr*))

First, just a cursory look at the female anatomy, you can see there is
only one way out, and that is the vaginal opening. The muscles in the
vagina are designed to force things out of the body, not to keep it
in. This is why it really is a miracle babies are made.
((Thanks a lot.. I still was hoping Storks delivered em.))

Second, who besides curiously dumb 10-year-olds actually believe that?
Yet, there we were, grown-ass men, discussing this seriously FOR THE
((well.. you already know how ree-donk-ulous it is..no need for my .08))

Ladies, if you didn't know by now, dudes never grow up. We will be in
wheelchairs at the nursing home, and whip out our old, wrinkly, hairy
balls to try and impress the hot blonde nurse who brings us our heart
medication before the 4:30 supper call. Get over it.
((why not the black nurse with the braids or the natural? HUH? ANSWER THAT ONE! Sorry.. I digress))

Anyway, we were discussing peen moves on dates.

One dude took a lady to a Chipotle for supper one time, decided it
wasn't going to work, got to the checkout, paid for his meal, then
turned to his date and said, "I'm gonna go grab a table."


Peen move.
((----insert my Blanket Jackson blank stare. HE DID WHAT NOW??!!! I mean first one..it ain’t like Chipotle was gonna break this mofo’s wallet, so he couldn’t spare a $20 cuz it wasn’t gonna work. WOW. JUST WOWWWWWWWWW.. blink blink blink blink))

He said he knew that it wasn't going to work out, that he wasn't going
to get any action at the end of the night, and, frankly, he was moving
anyway, so what was the point?
((Again, when did dating just become all about sex? This new-fangled ish twerk team dances on my last good nerve))

LESSON: Valid points, but still, you pay for the lady's meal. That's
just courtesy. If you ask a lady to a meal, no matter the expectation
for sex after or not, even if it is just a friendly thing, you pay for
the meal.

((SCREEEEEEECH!!!!!!!! Pump the breaks, run over the peen. No, those are not valid points. He shouldn’t have gone on the date EXPECTING a got darn thing but a good time meaning good convo, laughs, and at best a handshake and a church hug with maybe a promise of a next date. If he was moving, his raggely arse shoulda said that and maybe just have gone dutch..now I’m mad for the poor girl. ))

I know women are strong, independent and are perfectly capable of
paying for their food and booze, however it's just common courtesy. If
you initiate the date, you pay for both meals.
((least we agree on that))

The inverse is also true. If a lady asks a dude out on a date, which
is very acceptable these days, the dude should expect the lady to pay.
He can offer, as he should, because that is also courteous. But
ladies, you ask a dude out, expect to pay.
((it’s courteous if he offers, but even sexier if he just does it and tells her not to worry about it. Don’t get it twisted.. women have no problem (well most of us) paying for the date..or even throwing in the tip))


Dudes have hang-ups about ladies paying for ish when it's the dude's
place to pay. I can understand that. I've had that hang-up before. I
got over it. And you should, too. Nothing is more sexy than a lady who
can take care of herself.

((and a man that can appreciate it is sexy too *swoons*))

Have that conversation. It's awkward, I know, but man up and discuss it.

Now, onto the next peen move:

Have you ever been in the zone before? Like totally and completely in
the Wormhole of Concentration that everything around you melts away,
and nothing else matters in that moment in time?
((*I don’t like worms so I don’t know that I have a worm hole* I’m just sayin..))

And then someone walks up and invades your wormhole with their
presence and threatens to collapse it in an epic display of cosmic
proportions, like a sun going supernovae and filling the night sky
with bright streams of radiation.

Yet all you can see are pretty pictures of rage in your eyes.

"I really need to go out," she said. "I need to go out on a date."

((pause. When I say I need to go out on a date, I mean I need to go out on a date, I need a companion, good convo, laughs, and just someone to hang out with..WITHOUT the expectation of giving away my cookies..hell this bakery is CLOSED until further notice..but that’s another story))

To which I replied, "Well I would, but I'm too busy."

And I turned back to what I was doing, re-entered the Wormhole and
engaged the warp drive.

The poor girl turned around and walked away. Hours later, I realized
what I had done: I had shut that poor girl down in her moment of need
and denied myself what could have been a good time with a cute lady.

The first step in fixing a problem is admitting your faults.
((**nods..right right..))

LESSON: Always be aware of what's going on around you and don't shut
yourself off to possibilities. It's fine to get cold feet, or if
you're just not feelin' it. Be honest about it.
((wow..I agree again!))

But the worse thing you can do is to let things get in the way of a
good time, and good people. Work will be there in the morning. Go out,
have a good time. See people. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Get laid. If not
that, have fun anyway.

The only thing bein' a career dude or lady will get you is more money
and an empty house.

((yep, I’ve learned that the hard way..no one to share ish with is a lonely existence *sniff sniff*))

Some other thoughts: Even if your one-night stand wasn't that great,
be courteous anyway and respect their dignity. Don't make it more
awkward than it already is. Offer breakfast. If they just want to go
home, offer a ride back if they don't have their car. Or call a cab.

The sex may have been turrible, but if you are courteous, they will
leave feel in' better about the whole thing, and about themselves.

MOST OF ALL: Don’t give an f.
((Well, I think my guest blogger has hit on some important lessons and summed it up quite nicely, don’t you think?))

Until Later,

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  1. Keep on pushing,
    Its hard but its right there,
    This is "you boy from 95" ....ok a better hint .... "coon estates"........ hope all is well I would like to get back in contact if possible I miss you... let me know... peace

  2. I know who you are.. :-) hit me up.. not sure if you still have the number but u can email me and I'll send it.. etsuaka98@yahoo.com or shameika@themofochronicles.com


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