Marriage Material

Monday, November 22, 2010

What's happening fam?

There’s nothing like that “light bulb” moment.. also known as the AH HA! EUREKA! Oh get the point. I went to see the play Marriage Material the other day.. And first, I applaud every person in Charlotte that took a chance and tried something new especially after I ranted the first time an I'm Ready Productions play came here, and those that supported black theater by coming to the show.. I think its important to support the very events that we want to see more of.

What is Marriage Material Meik? I'm oh so glad you asked!

The play Marriage Material is just that.. A play centered around three couples to determine if they are in fact ready to take that gigantic leap into marriage.
No it’s not a Tyler Perry Why Did I Get Married type of play (I know how some of ya'll mofos think).. It’s more of a play that makes you step back and look at the reasons of maybe WHY you’re not married, or why you can’t commit.

Why the AH HA moment? I’m glad you asked me another question.

Without ruining the plot, because I want you guys to see this play if it comes to your area (and you can find out the dates and cities by going to , I could identify with the message and more specifically one of the characters. One of the pivotal moments that made me look in the proverbial mirror was the question: “why am I so commitment phobic? What’s wrong with me that every guy that I have dated has cheated? Why am I so afraid to let go and let love in? Why do I sabotage every potential relationship?"

Well.. I had the chance to talk to the writer/director of the play, Mr. JeCaryous Johnson himself. I told him the same things. He told me that so often people settle for the idea of being in a relationship without truly ever getting to know each other, and more importantly yourself. He told me that you have to love you first..”you have to love you , and everything about you. You are God’s princess, and once you believe that, the world will believe it.”

I don’t know about ya’ll..but I tend to forget sometimes that love has to come from within. Just because the outside may be appealing to this guy or that guy doesn’t mean that it will make me love myself anymore. Many of you already know my ego, esteem and everything else that relates to it..took a HUGE hit and the downward spiral began in 2004..while I have dusted myself off, and climbed up the stairs..I'm still battered and bruised even in 2010..but what I couldn't figure out is WHY?

Too often people love to play the blame game for their commitment issues or lack of love. I’m guilty for blaming King Mofo (see previous blogs and then come back after you have caught up) for shattering my heart into a thousand pieces, but this play made me realize something. Granted..the light bulb is coming on 6 years later..but It’s NOT his fault that I have those issues. It’s my own because I’m still holding onto the anger and the hope of getting some kind of revenge or rather waiting on that heffa Karma to step in and do what she does.. But I learned that once I let that go, I can allow love in.

I say all this to say, if you have the opportunity to check out an I’m Ready Production, trust me when I say you won’t regret it. You will laugh, maybe even shed a tear, but you will walk away with an invaluable lesson. Mr. Johnson summed it up best..”when you check out one of our productions, you can guarantee getting a dose of comedy and you will be able to relate to the production. You will get your money’s worth.” I agree wholeheartedly. The bonus is learning how to take that message and apply it to your own life.

Will this make me run into the arms of the next man I meet, probably not. However I think I can exhale and let things happen as they may and maybe one day.. I will be Marriage Material.. (shoot..hopefully sooner rather than later..a sista is getting on up there in age lol)..

Don't worry.. I did ask JeCaryous what’s next for him .. He’s got two films on deck, plus two new sitcoms, and of course , new plays. One of the plays he is working on is a play centered around black love, and who better to showcase then our own President.. Mr. Barack Obama and First Lady Michelle. I CANNOT WAIT.

If you’re one of those lucky ones in Houston that can attend his school I strongly suggest you sign up for a course whether its acting or writing. This man is a force to be reckoned with and my favorite part.. He loves helping talented people get to where they need to go. To me..that is truly God’s work.

Without getting too mushy.. Thank you to JeCaryous Johnson and the cast of Marriage Material for helping me reach my AH HA moment.

P.S. Did I mention how FINE Tank is on stage? **faints**

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  1. I havent caught up on the heartbreaker.. but i have been cheated on before. I like that you know the blame game and dont want to play it anymore..
    commitment phobic?
    Loving yourself is a good first step meik, but more importantly, you should try to recognize your defense mechanisms for what they are. Ways to push someone away - and tell yourself how smart your being, and that caution is the better part of valor and so forth and so on. If you dont ever realize how you push others away.. ?
    But.. if you push and they just go..(into another womans arms..) i dont think you should blame yourself either. Sometimes the hardest thing to accept is there is no blame - it is what it is - a failed love.. a broken heart and promise. It doesnt ease the hurt - or lessen the disappointment much does it?
    Its a many faceted problem - whether being the one cheated on - the cheater - the scars all of it leaves behind when you move on and let go.. because amen - We're not Jesus, and forgiving dont come easy to most of us.
    So - thats my opinion for what its worth. I dont know anything - even taking a long hard look in the mirror and knowing when you are ready to "sincerely" try again @ love is something no one else but you can help you with - much less all the other headgames you play with yourself - wondering if it was your fault - how things couldve been different - emptying the silos' and scorching the earth - leaving no life left on the planet the cheater However you react - deal - move on/get over... ?
    Time helps.. but at the same time.. it can hurt you more also. Just like a wound getting infected or a broken bone healing.. yeah.. it healed.. but if it wasnt set? if it healed broken - the best it could? ugh. if it only were a broken bone we're talkin about, snap - ow - reset- cast - couple weeks/month and your good. In the case of a badly healed (but i feel fine!) heart...
    yeah. i dont know what to say on that.

  2. Great summation of your experience, Meik. And even greater is the fact that you had your Aha! moment and didn't miss it. We often do. My big question in the proverbial mirror would have been, "Would I marry me?" Then wait to answer it for 24 hours. Pay careful attention to your attitude, character, temper, physical appearance, hygiene, etc in the next 24 hrs. Make notes and then answer that question the next morning. I promise 95% of us would go Whitney and say, "He(( to the naw I wouldn't marry me." And that is NOT a bad thing. Its a turning point. Now take that same list and work on putting it all in the right column. That way you are killing two birds with one stone; becoming marriage material is a process of getting yourself together...loving you! Thanks for the mirror check, Meik!

  3. Meika,
    This was one of the best articles that you have written and you hit the nail right on the head. Sometimes you have to stand back and take a moment to evaluate your true self in order to get an answer to your own questions and why things aren't happening for you and you just have to "LET GO AND LET GOD HAVE HIS WAY" and he will eventually direct you to that right person whom has always been right in front of you..Again, I commend you for a well written article and I hope one day that Mr Johnson will add you to his team of writers because you are a talented writer and you would be a great addition to his company!!!

  4. Meik,

    I really liked what you had to say in this one. I could really REALLY see my old self in what Mr. JeCaryous said about people idealizing being in a relationship without actually seeing the one they were in. I discovered that my big issue was meeting a man, thinking he was a great guy, but not really thinking about how we'd work in a relationship together. Now that I HAVE learned to think this way, I'm able to see that, even if a guy is great and he likes me too, I need to spend time to see how we'd work as a couple. Plus, that time spent helps me trust him and gives him the time to get to know me!

    As for self-evaluation, sure that's important for growth in general; one should always be bettering one's self (even after you get married). While you're trying to find a relationship, It's important not to be too hard on yourself or try to make yourself something you're not. It's like trying to squeeze my figure into a size 2 that's tailored for someone else. It ain't gonna work. I'm going to wait to find that marvelous dress meant for me. It will look SO MUCH better than the severe muffin top poking out every opening of a torn Gucci size 2.

    I heart a metaphor.

  5. Steph..I heart what you said.. I love how you put it and you're soooo right..self evaluation should be an ongoing process!

    Anonymous, Karla, and Larry..thank you so much for your comments..

  6. Thank you chica for your well written article! Your aha moment and the one I had after reading a commitment phobic book are what I like to call a great epiphany. It's a great feeling isn't it?

    Now if I can just get over him (and you know who it is) I'll be on my way! LOL

  7. I hope the sistas get a hold of the message. Y'all have to love yourself first, improve yourself first, before you try to do anything to of for any man. Same thing goes for men. We are broken people trying to find maintenance in others.


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