A Wet Summer's Night..

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

What's happenin fam? I decided to break out my journals to find something to blog on and chile.. one of these days Imma need to do something with all the ish I have written ..but anyhoo.. let's take a stroll down memory lane.. twas the year 2005 in Knox-Vegas, Tennekee.. (that's Knoxville, TN for you special folkz)..

I had just broken up with KING MOFO after dayum near almost 8 yrs but I digress..(see previous posts for that story) and had just moved to K-town when I went to the club with some coworkers and met this cutie. (now u know I was drinking right?)

Now let me add in a disclaimer right now: I was naive..haven't dated a whole lot..and as you've observed..between the years of 2005-2006 I've gotten myself into some ish multiple times..but hey..it gives me stuff to write about and ya'll stuff to laugh at so don't judge me.

Anyhoo.. met this cutie..we talked back and forth for a few weeks on the phone getting to know each other.. he was all smart and stuff, in school, working, blah blah blah and blah. Problem here is.. I can't really recall much about what he looks like except he had a nice body and pretty eyes..it was dark, I was drinking..eh well you get the point. So..one day I ignorantly decide to invite him over to hang out, watch a movie and just chill..

He knocks at the door.. I'm nervous cuz like I said..I don't really know wtf he looks like..and u can't ask other drunk folkz to give u a description lol.

I open the door.


He still cute just like I had hoped LOL. BUT....

yes..there's ALWAYS a BUT..

this cute brotha had the AUDACITY to have grey contacts in his eyeballs. yes lawd. they were contacts. I asked. (Don't give me that bullshittah..ya'll woulda asked too!) But this grown ass black men with color contacts thing is a whole nother issue I can't get into right now.

Anyway..I decided to overlook it and just enjoy his company since he seemed kool..hell we can phase them contacts out later right?

So.. we watching tv, drinking some wine, laughing, talking..then I notice.. this mofo DID NOT just f'n spill wine on my NEW COUCH. naw. he didn't. yes he did. so I'm internally freaking out.. cuz i just got the mofo like 2 weeks prior..thank gawd it was white wine..but anyhoo..that ain't even the date crusher of the nite. The drinking continues..now at this point, I'm already a dayum near alcoholic cuz I'm still in mourning over my breakup so I'm not drunk atall.. this mofo is sitting here slurring and carrying on, spilling ish left and right after a couple of glasses and I'm just blinking. He finally manages to the stumble to the bathroom.

Now I'm thinking..I'm bored with him..ready for him to go.. he's no fun to drink with and those contacts are creepin me out.
He's gone for a really long time.. but finally he comes out and mumbles he needs to go..blah blah.. (thank gawd).. he says oh wait..I forgot my keys in the bathroom.. so I say no worries..I'll get it for you..

Ya'll ready for this ish?

Naw.. u ain't.

For real. Sit down.

I walk into the bathroom...see his keys laying on the sink..but look down and notice the floor is wet.



Now..my bathroom wasn't that big..so I DONT KNOW HOW THE F THIS MOFO MISSED THE F'IN TOILET!

I'm hyperventilating reliving this..

all I could do was stare down and blink.
and blink.
and blink.

now who the f gonna clean this ish up?!

I marched back out there..shoved his arse out the door.. and went back in there and was like.. naw..this mofo didn't really just leave piss all over my floor?!!!!

Needless to say.. I never spoke to that mofo everrrrrrrrrrrrrrr again.

Lesson Learned: If you can't control your piss standing up..MOFO'N MEN NEED TO SAT DOWN ON THE TOILET THEN lmao. yes. I said SAT DOWN. Ain't no sense in a grown ass man pissing all over a nice girl's bathroom floor cuz he cant handle his alcohol. That is all.

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  1. Karla "beat dat azz" StephensOctober 27, 2010 at 2:00 AM

    Ok, green contacts on a grown man, EPIC #fail. Skunk drunk off of a few glasses of wine, Check his ID. Finally, pissin in my bathroom floor, ##(#&@(. To 911 Operator: Yes ma'am, he hurt. #comegetus

  2. wow. so many "deal breakers" as we like to call them. I didn't know how you were going to top the grey contacts... and then, you did.
    Good blog. jmox

  3. Sis, you have the STRANGEST stuff happen to you, smh...lol.....

  4. Lord How Mercy!!! Can't believe that you didn't curse him out before shoving his tired, drunk &#% out the door!!!, but if he was drunk, he might have thought you were flirting with him...lol. This would only happen to you..

  5. Wow!! The eyes seem a little suspect to me. His butt would have been in there on his hands and knees scrubbing like he was a maid in the white man's house.

  6. ONLY YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LMFAO!

  7. To put it nicely...I would have made that ass lick it up. I'm betting it would never happen again....Nasty people...men...

  8. i have great aim and i have brown eyes ... that i like and are natural...lol

  9. why in the hell didnt you make that mofo clean up his own piss!!! LOL aint no way!!

  10. Great read. Great laugh. Too f'n funny. And, I agree with im_thicke. Should've made that dumbass clean up own his own piss.


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