Holier than thou...

Posted by ~Meik on

Hey how you?! (thought I'd switch it up and bring it to ya'll Asheville style..after all I am a mountain gal)..

Now..with me being from the south and especially the mountains, sometimes mama's and grandma's give you that advice you never really pay attention to until something happens and you have that "AH HA! moment and realize..that's what they meant by that!"

What you talking bout Meik?
Welllllp.. I'm oh so glad you asked!
Take a trip with me down memory lane to the Winter of 2006.. dontcha just love doing that?

Once-ta-upon a time, I met this fine good got ole mighty make ya check ya crawlspace and slide down the nearest wall type of brotha.. ya'll know what I mean.. the kind that all you can do is look at him and say..GOT DAYUM I LOVE U and not even know his name lol. Anyhoo..I digress.. Imma make this short and sweet cuz I got ish to do..but anyway.. so dude and I spent quite a bit of time talkin on the phone, texting blah blah blah.. met up a couple times for lunch.. and ya'll know how it is.. you don't really notice something aint right if they are THAT fine til later..

So one night.. homie invites me over to watch movies (you'd think I had learned my dayum lesson by now wouldn't you?).. so I get to the crib..nice lil spot.. clean..
so anyhoo..we sit on the couch.. well..lil smooch here..lil smooch there.. and he pops up with the lamest line in the book "lemme give you a massage babe..you look tense".. now cuz he fine I'm thinking good got ole mighty PUT YO HANDS ON ME!! But I politely declined and said.. I don't think that's a good idea and I should probably leave..

So he pulls out lame azz line number 2: "lets just go lay on my bed and talk"..

blink.
blink.
blink.

Now for some of you on your lil hoe stroll that line probably does work..for me.. no sir..not happenin.. you fine..but I aint no dayum hoe.. So I ask to use the bathroom since he lived kinda far from me and I had a bit of a drive back..so I go in there.. and I notice he's got some bath and body works shower gel and soap and ish..

the hell?

mofo lives alone..swear he aint got no chick.. the hell?? So I'm thinking lemme get the hell up out this joint.. I come out of the bathroom and walk back into the living room..

are ya'll ready for this?

I swear..this just RUINT my "I love he" feelings in one swoop..

This mofo'n ninja has taken his clothes off.. all he has on is his boxers..
now.. this might be cute cuz he was fine..

EXCEPT...

I can't tell ya'll this.. I just can't.

Nope. I'm not.

Oh hell..you twisted my arm..

HE HAD 50-elevum (yes lawd I took it to the country on this one..) 50-elevum holes all in and thru them thangs with a stain in the back.

blink.
blink.
blink.

The fineness that stood before me was no longer fine. All I could do was blink, stutter, grab my ish and run.

He knew I was coming over.. He knew what the hell he had up his sleeve to try to get into my crawlspace .. HE KNEW..and he still wore what looked like someone took a shotgun and shot bb pellets thru them mofo'n boxers.. the hell?

Needless to say.. there were no more dates.

I don't know why I get myself in the craziest ish.


I blame ya'll.. cuz if I didn't.. I'd have nothing to write about.

Lesson Learned: Just cuz its pretty on the outside..don't mean it's gonna be pretty when a mofo take them clothes off.. owwwww....and like granny and nem said.. "make sho u got on clean underwear with NO HOLES at all times.. you never know what might happen" ah ha! I finally get what that means.

Stay classy and clean fam!
Meik

12 comments:

Christie Brookshire said...
October 18, 2010 at 11:51 AM

omg shameika this is why I can't read your blog at work! You kill me!! I don't even know what to say..better luck next time? LoL

Anonymous said...
October 18, 2010 at 12:15 PM

Those may have been his put it on you drawls... the stain could have been a natural aphrodisiac... LOL... but on the low, i used to get the black vanilla bodywash from bath and body works... lol... smells good on me... its the man's one, dont get it twisted

Kwana said...
October 18, 2010 at 12:17 PM

Haaaahaaaa! Just triflin! Talk about ego. It was bout time someone shut em down & I'm sure glad you did sis!! NEXT!

Tara M said...
October 18, 2010 at 1:33 PM

Girl i was laughing my butt off cleaning this salon you crazy but oh so right!!!! keep it going.....

Dekaynon said...
October 18, 2010 at 3:37 PM

I guess he thought his fineness would out shine his holes. Some people really put too much in their looks and overlook other things.

Dee said...
October 18, 2010 at 3:53 PM

LOL 2 funny.....

Kelly Griffin said...
October 18, 2010 at 6:08 PM

You are too damn much! I worked in the ER for years... And just let me say...some people are nasty as hell... Gag. My personal motto is: don't ever wear drawers you don't want the EMTs, nurses,doctors, X-ray techs to see. Cause yes we are gonna talk about your nasty ish... To quote you Shameika

Coupon Diva......never pays full price! said...
October 18, 2010 at 6:30 PM

oh my!!! I am getting over a cold, and if I laugh I cough. I should have know not to stop by and read this.....but oh no, I just couldn't resist. lol

uRban RoxtaR said...
October 19, 2010 at 2:08 AM

i just wanna go on the record and say that my draws are clean and hole free ... that is all .lol

Anonymous said...
October 19, 2010 at 5:56 AM

LMBO!!!! Really dude? REALLY?????????? Lord have mercy!

I AM said...
October 20, 2010 at 9:31 AM

LOL! Why is it that when you excuse yourself from a room you always come back to something WRONG!?

Karla ""don't make no sense" Stephens said...
October 27, 2010 at 2:09 AM

See, what had happen was, he knew he had to pull out the BIG GUNS when you went in the bathroom. So obviously he shot himself in the azz cuz of all of the holes were evidence...can't splain da stain. #nosescrunch

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