A Mofo'n Double Blind Date

Posted by ~Meik on

What's da BIZnass fam? (see I changed it up..I'm getting awfully fancy now huh? **note all the sarcasm in the world at this point right cheaaaaa***)

Anyhoo, have you ever had someone want to hook you up with someone that's just "perfect" for you "allegedly"?
Stroll with me down memory lane.. the year: 2006..in sunny Charlotte.. eh..you get the point..

One of my besties took it upon herself to attempt to hook me up..she calls and says that she met this fabulous chick at her hubby's party for work and she has a brother that's single..and we have oh so much in common blah blah blah..

Imma wait one sec to see if you see anything wrong with this scenario..

I'll wait.

Still waiting..

SHE HAS NEVERRRRRR seen this man before!

Keep in mind I'm still in my "naive just broke up with King MOFO but tryin to get out and be sociable" mode so I took the man's number...

Ya'll know I didn't wanna call right? But my bestie and this chick were just oh so excited thinking that they had made a match made in heaven..so after a week of hemming and hawing..I called..

Ok.. convo's cool..he had a job..no kids..had his own place.. seemed ok ..so I agreed to meet him for lunch.


I get to the restaurant first and he calls me and tells me he has arrived..so I get out the car..wait lemme back up.. ok I'm about 5'5 and that particular day I had on flats..keep that in mind..

As I stand there in front of the restaurant waiting on him.. I see a short guy walking up.. and in my head I'm thinking.. OH HELL TO THE MOFO'n NAW.. this betta NOT be him.. now don't get me wrong..there's nothing wrong with short men.. but errr I like to wear heels and I don't wanna be towering over a mofo.. but when he got right up to me...chillllleeeeee honey booo..he came to my chest.

blink.

blink.

blink.

Really bestie? REALLY? oooh the thoughts I was having woulda landed me on SNAPPED.

But I just looked down and told him I was ready to go inside the restaurant.

JEEEEZUS.

So..we get seated and that heffa hostess had the nerve to sniggle.. I shoulda tripped her but I digress.. now, we are at Applebee's so you know how high those chairs are near the bar right? sigh.. that's all imma say.

So anyway..I decided stop being stankazoid and be nice..I mean hell he could at least turn out to be a friend right? So again, the convo is okay, and for a moment I even forget he's 2feet tall..til I dropped my napkin and had to go under the table to get it and see his feet swinging.

Under the table I'm having the internal convo with myself of ..do I fake like I'm going to the bathroom and leave..or do I sit here and finish this meal then throw the deuces ..OR do I call this heffa and cuss her out for this ish!

I decided to stick it out.

So I sit back up and the waiter has brought our food to the table. I ate a few bites then laid my fork down to take a sip of my drink. ya'll aint ready for what happens next.

Are you?

THIS MOFO HERE.. leans his lil azz over..picks up MY fork..digs all in MY plate and proceeds to eat then with a mouthful says.."this right here is good..you want some of my food?"

blink.

blink.

blink.

DO WHAT NAH? MOFO. DID YOU...NAW..WAS THAT..NAW.. HELL NAW.. DID THIS MOFO JUST EAT MY FOOD WITH MY FORK AND WE JUST MET 2 SECONDS AGO?

I AM DRY HEAVING AND VOMI-GAGGING all at the same time ..and as I write this.

I politely informed him that I wasn't really hungry and that it was getting late and time for me to leave..

Needless to say..that was our FIRST AND LAST DATE.

Lesson Learned: Don't ever go out on another blind blind date.. its a double blind date cuz neither me nor miss heffa matchmaker knew wtf he looked like or how tall he was. AND learn some manners..you don't go eating off folkz utensils and plates ..especially folkz u don't even know. eww.

Until Later..
Meik

2 comments:

Dekaynon said...
September 1, 2010 at 11:11 AM

wow. With the internet, proper questioning, and research, that should have never happened. Your girl could have done more leg work for you and got general descriptions. Because I think it is universally known that the ladies like tall men. I'm sure that would have been one detail that came through the "woman wire", had your girl asked properly.

I'm glad you stuck it in there and considered the dude's feelings. I'm glad he overstepped his boundaries. That gave you a perfect opportunity to bounce. I hope both of you find someone who rocks your worlds.

Anonymous said...
September 2, 2010 at 2:50 AM

dont be rude shameika and play mice

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