A Mofo's Recipe for Disaster

Sunday, August 29, 2010

What's up fam? (Dayum me to hell and back ..I used that LAME opening AGAIN.. lol..one day I'll blog on it so you will know why I keep harping on it.. )..anyhoo..shall we proceed with today's Mofo Lesson? This is a blog I wrote for Creative Loafing, but given the circumstances of some ish that has popped off over the past few weeks..I felt like it was a good time to repost it..

Here ya go..ENJOY!

We all love a good summer drink right? Sometimes, just because it has a smooth taste going down, and makes us feel good doesn’t mean that it’s the best thing for us.

Here’s a ‘lil recipe that I want to share:

• Get a glass

• Mix in about 5 oz of Bitchassness (refer to mofochronicles for the definition)

• 2 oz of red-koolaid: (that’s the cherry flavor for you uppity folk)

• A half teaspoon of ignate (oh let me clarify again, that’s the same as ignorance times five)

• About 2/3 oz of your favorite liquor

• A dash of WTF

• Add ice…and stir..

Voila! There you have it, a tall refreshing glass of what I like to call punk-naide!

I’m convinced this is what people have been sipping on as their beverage of choice this summer.

What makes me come up with this fabulous assumption?

Well let’s see here:

It has to be the punk-naide that makes folks do some of the dumbest ish ever.

For example, some folks have the audacity to try to holla at people, find out they are married and then don’t give a damn and proceed to pursue them, eventually ending up in a jump-off situation.

(I just really refuse right now to go into a full blown explanation of what a jump-off is, so if you don’t know, my best advice is to watch the news, there’s plenty of examples.)

I have a friend who told me about how in just one night, he had several women approach him, ask him if he’s married, he said yes, and every last one of them said they didn’t care. They just wanted to be the jump-off (ok so I’m paraphrasing). Thank goodness he’s that rare find called a “good catch,” and told them heffas to kick rocks.

Or how about that chick that has grandeur illusions that if you become the jump-off then you can eventually make wifey status.

What in the hot hell?! Put that damn cup down and back away slowly!

Can you say get some damn self-esteem and find a man that’s single?

I wasn’t going to go there — but did we not learn anything from Steve McNair?

Granted, it’s a two way street, but come on, married folks wouldn’t cheat if they didn’t have anyone to cheat with. They would be satisfied with the two hands God gave them and if that don’t do it, then the adult store might just have what they need.
I digress.

The damn grass ain’t always greener. Haven’t you heard of the 80/20 Rule? If not, go rent Why Did I Get Married.

Which brings me to the next batch of mofos that have been sipping on that punk-naide syzurp.

It’s not just married folks acting a donkey, it’s the people that are in committed long term relationships, boo’d up, engaged, whatever you want to call it.

How many of us have gotten a phone call, text message, email or whatever from someone that you ain’t thought about in years and they hit you up wanting to place you in that jump-off spot?

Again, reference the Steve McNair case one more time if you still just don’t get it.

How about those infamous “blocked hang-up calls?”

You know what I’m talking bout. The insecure mofo that goes through their significant other’s phone to see who they have been texting, or chatting it up. They see a repetitive number, call it (blocking their number, of course) then hang up when the other person answers or they sit there breathing listening to see how many damn times they’ll say hello.

Yep, just another fine example of fools sipping on that punk-naide.

Or better yet let’s address the grown ass men that are over the age of 28 but still think it’s cute to put their boys first and run the streets 24/7. Damn the wife, or boo piece, and/or the kids.

Really. Hmm. Partying is so much more important. Who knew?

I mean, I could be completely out of line here, but I thought at some point you just have to grow up and accept some responsibility for your actions.

Clearly I could go on and on for days, but these are just the cream of the crop that seem to have a steady supply of punk-naide in their refrigerator.

Lesson Learned: Instead of pouring out a ‘lil for the dead and gone, dump that entire damn cup of punk-naide out. Refill that glass with some good ole purifying water. That should at least clean up the majority of the punk azz mofo behavior that continues to rear its ugly head. The bonus is, water hydrates the skin and its better for your health. You can thank me later..

Stay classy!

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  1. I hate anything with 'ade' in it..cause I don't need any help! People are for they own self. They and even I don't care about being judged or even told to kick rocks..u gotta look out for yourself right..satisfaction doesn't just beat your door down all the time! You sometimes have to step on toes and over people at times to get what you want! Not saying I drank da ade all the time..but I think people might slip me a mickey-ade from time to time! IQhuman out!!

  2. shameika will you u date me please? i would should you a true man and a true relationship.

  3. These guys must be rich or very attractive. I can't imagine a woman approaching me if I were married, let alone approaching me at all. lol! I don't think this is the case for all men. I think athletes, wealthy, and powerful men have this problem. Us regular guys have to actually step out on our wives and make an effort to cheat.

    I'm glad I don't have to deal with that.

  4. rameika baby you are my one and only shining star. you make me drool from ur hotness and then evaporate so fast with your heat u never knew it happened. dayum girl....u fine as that silver metal vest


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