A mofo's diagnosis

Posted by ~Meik on

What's up fam?
I swear fo gawd on my favorite pair of stilettos.. mofos just gonna be mofos regardless of race, creed, color, degree, or profession.

What you mean Meik?

I haven't been feeling well, and my first visit to the doctor a couple of weeks ago resulted in some good ole antibiotics for a sinus infection..well lo and behold that ish just didn't seem to work. I felt like someone had taken their fist and punched me in the face repeatedly, and then I woke up with a swollen eye..now at this point I'm thinking.. "is there a mofo that sneaks in my window at night to whoop my azz then leaves before I wake up?" cuz good lawd.. anyhoo.. so I decide..enough is enough..time to see an Ear Nose Throat Doctor. ..

sounds like a good idea right? yeah I thought so also..but since I'm Meik..ish just never goes the way its supposed to.

So.. I tell the good lil doctor with the bowtie my symptoms of my face hurting, stuffy nose, sore throat, coughing..ill spare the details and politely ask him if a sinus transplant is possible? blink. blink. blink. what? I'm tired of this bullshittahhhh (I'm sorry.. but Daron Jones from 112 has no idea how much I love that word now lol)...

Anyhoo..this mofo.. doctor.. looks in my ears, tries to kill me with the tongue depressor (now..lemme tell u..that thing is the devil.. i REFUSE to cooperate with those things so needless to say.. he didnt get far).. then says.."well, you probably have a migraine."

In the best Joe Jackson stuffy nose voice I can muster up: "Do what nah??"

He says lets do a CT scan and I'll prove it.

Now..I aint no medical genius but I know I just told this mofo my head isn't hurting..MY FACE IS and my THROAT. But whatevs.. he's the doctor. So we do the CT Scan.. he rushes in.. throws the film on the wall thingie and announces this fool azz ish: "its a migraine. yep, you have migraines"

me: sniff, cough, cough, but my head isn't hurting.

Dr. Conrad Murray the second: (yes this is his new nickname..but I aint going out like MJ got dayum it) You have Migraines. I'm going to give you some meds for migraines.

me: blink. blink. sniff. sniff. cough. but my head isn't hurting. why is my nose stuffy, why does my face feel like i got the ish slapped out of me over a blog post, and why does my throat hurt and why the coughing?

Dr Murray the second: Migraines. It causes all that.

me: (to myself) this mofo thinks im stupid.

Dr Murray the second: Take this meds 3x a day.. it will help your head..and you need to see a neurologist.

me: FOR WHAT? MY HEAD DONT HURT.

Dr Murray the second: they can treat your migraines further. until then, take the meds. have a good day.

me: blink. blink. blink. did this mofo just dismiss me?

So.. I head to the pharmacy b/c i wanna know wtf this mofo just gave me..the pharmacist informs me that its meds for bad migraines and asks me my symptoms, I tell her and she says ..ummm why did he give this to you? EXACTLY MY POINT?!

see.. i think the conrad murrays of the world are out to get folks lol.. seriously.. WTF was this mofo doing prescribing this ish to me? wtf would have happened if i had taken it?

So I see my regular doctor a couple days later..tell him the story and he says..no.. your symptoms dont even point to migraines, lemme see the prescription. I show it to him and he says doctors don't even prescribe that particular medicine anymore b/c its so habit forming and has all these side effects and ish.

blink.

blink.

sniff.

cough.

So back to more antibiotics to clear this ish up..

the moral of the story is.. u can't trust mofos.. I'm glad I went with my common sense cuz I knew got dayum well I didnt have no dayum migraine. Beware of the mofos that are quick to diagnose u with ish to get u out of their office quick fast and in a hurry..

Until Later..(and hopefully 100% healthy)
Meik

6 comments:

Anonymous said...
August 2, 2010 at 8:30 AM

That is B.S. I hope you made a f/u call to that Doc and asked him WTF or atleast have your Doc do it.

Sha'lon'da' said...
August 2, 2010 at 2:59 PM

Well...I of all people know that doctors be on all that other ish...I think next time you should refuse to pay for the services, and that most likely won't work cuz they will throw that ish on your credit, lol..but you should file a complaint, which i do believe still won't do ish..but you can def do a word of mouth thing letting ppl know DO NOT TRUST THIS DOCTOR cuz he on dat BULL...From now on, just webmd your medical concerns, cuz it seems that webmd is more trustworthy than the live MDs...lol....glad you had sense enough to NOT get the prescription filled..good job!

Dekaynon said...
August 3, 2010 at 12:50 PM

Some doctors get kickbacks if they prescribe certain medications. He's tryin' to get his kids the new playstation this years. My LB is pharmaceutical salesmen. This is what he does on the regular.

Glad that you are headstrong. You would have been taking stuff that wouldn't even begin to scratch the surface of what is really going on with you.

Sorry that he tried to game you. Put that doctor's office on blast.

Chris said...
August 3, 2010 at 4:47 PM

Hmmm..firstly..keeping with the mofo theme..I'm going to refer to doc as "Doco Mofo". You should get your file that has your scan results for your records. If he has done this once...he's successfully done it before. I wonder how this ties into the 'HEalth Care Bill'...or maybe he just lazy and non-caring...be sure to write him a bad review on Yelp. Seriously, get you chart and consider reporting...mofo's like this need to be brought to light.

Coupon Diva......never pays full price! said...
August 13, 2010 at 2:12 AM

i be dayum lol I almost choked to dayem death reading this and trying not to bust out laughing and wake the baby up. I can't dayum take it, dont mess with Conrad no more!

Rhonda said...
August 23, 2010 at 12:41 PM

You went to a bad ENT, mine never did me like that. Hope you feel better.

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