A V-Day Mofo..

Sunday, February 15, 2009

What up fam?

Dang..Im convinced there's a FOOL moon out or some ish...and I never finished blogging on the Friday night escapades...but my Valentine's Day definately wins hands down...on the MOFO of the Month category..

So....I met this mofo Friday night while trying to get back to my car after dealing with Charlie Ray the Security Guard with the Grocery List...and he seemed like he had some sense and he even managed to unravel my lil white bedazzled lies so I figure..what the heck...he could be a cool guy and my girl that was with me agreed...even though he isn't my type...

*****now i break into our regularly scheduled programming here with a lil info: when I say he ain't my type..I mean it in all sense of the word, especially personality...but he could hold a convo...and these days that ish is rare...and i had promised myself to give folks a chance******

Without revealing too much info about him..long story short...I googled the hell out of him and he's legit so I proceed...with caution of course LOL...

we text back a forth a few times on v-day and then the first red flag pops up: mofo asks me out at 9:35pm...granted I work til 10pm but he don't know that ish...so after my lovely friends (and u know who ya'lls hateful azzez are) nudge me to go ahead and go..I agree to meet him at a tavern/bar wtf u wanna call it...

Now...keep in mind..I told him I'd be there by 10:15ish...fool aint left his house yet AND for some dayum stupid azz reason..he don't know his way around the QC and he been here for almost 2 yrs...but i digress...

Red Flag number...well hell, I lost count...but he shows up around 11..and at this point I've rounded up a couple of coworkers so I don't have to sit there alone and we have decided to just make it a singlez girlz nite out...

and in walks this mofo..snakeskin loafers and all...blink blink...

Now.....don't get me wrong...aint nothin wrong with being different..IF your azz can pull that ish off...not everyone is Andre 3 stacks or Kanye...

Again, I digress...

Now...to be fair, I ask mofo if he wants to stay there or leave and go somewhere else, he says this place is cool, then i ask him if he wants to sit at a different spot and he says no..let's all sit together...cool..no problem..

Now..I can be a bit of a loud mouth, so it's only natural the chicks I hang around are just as loud and crude LMAO...so while we hee haw and carry on..this fool sits there telling us its loud in the bar and he sitting there whispering and ish like we can hear him....

The waitress finally brings her slow azz over (whole nother story) and he says...get whatever you want...get a drink...food...whatever..

so all i order is my usual bacardi and an appetizer...(remember this..its a crucial part of the story)

Fast Forward a lil bit..

Another Red Flag: Fool never once says Happy VDay or any of that ish ESPECIALLY after we were all discussing it...and then he informs me that he's never ever in his 30 somethin years of life had a valentine. blink. blink. wtf?

This same fool asked me and I quote "Who is Chris Brown and what does he do?"

sigh....i just don't have the patience to school mofos..i really don't.

Anyhoo...Waitress comes back...says "Will this be all on one check or different ones?"

Of course my coworkers say they got theirs....then pure f'in silence....then mofo whispers...mine is separate..




Now..fam...I aint one to cause a scene..so I paid for my ish while my coworkers are giving me the side eye...

Now..as fool walks me to my car he asks me my plans for the week, and I give him my handy bs excuse, I have laundry and other ish i gotta do on my day off blah blah..

and just when I think he can't say anything else worth a dayum..he suprises me with this:

"oh u got a washer and dryer? well look if u let me know what time u gonna be doing whites or colors I'll drop mine off and you can add mine to yours"..

so i give my lil fake azz laugh...like mofo u crazy...only..he aint laughing...

wow..so i pull out my keys to give that ok im done and over this ish and he notices my AKA key chain , he gets all up in my personal space and then here comes some more stupid ish out his mouth...

"oh u an AKA? hmmm...they let you in and you darker than a brown paper bag..." now if ya'll don't know bout this ....google it cuz im getting ticked just typing it...

Needless to say..I IMMEDIATELY bounced and now i can't shake his azz..he won't stop texting and calling...


Lesson Learned:

You just can't be nice to folks...and here I thought Cupid was bringing me a nice lil V-Day date and all he did was shoot me straight in the azz with more of a MOFO magnet...

Until Later...


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  1. Text him back and tell him stop stalking you.

  2. LOL...this fool texted me talking bout I shoulda told him when I got off work...umm his azz is crazy..

  3. That's why he needs to get the clue earlier on. Or he's going to keep harassing you. I've had one of those.

  4. Is his name Keith? Sounds like crack head Keith that my homegirl used to date!

  5. He aint bothered me today..maybe he getting the hint LOL....and Yahra...no his name aint Keith....why crackheads always named Keith anyway LOL

  6. Where do you meet these people?? Got me shaking my damn head especially at the whispering part. Hate that.


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