A Mofo and His Grocery List

Saturday, February 14, 2009

What's up fam?

I thought this was gonna be a mofo-free week...and just when I thought that..it was Friday the 13th and mofos was coming out the woodworkz.

I swear, I can't go any dayum where without some ish poppin off...

I decide to come out of my club retirement (as i do every other week or so but don't tell nobody) to attend a friend's party uptown..no immediate mofos in that vicinity..but I wonder why grown azz folks over the age of 25 still do the "boys on one side of the room and girls on the other and let's just stare at each other" thing..but that's a whole nother blog...

anyhoo....after sitting there for over an hour, I decide its time to move the party elsewhere..so me and my girl decide to walk to another bar...we barely get a good 30 steps in before Mofo Number one pops up...

He look like his name is Charlie Ray...so we gonna call him that...and he's a 43 year old security guard that thinks I'm in my 20's LOL...now im not making fun of it cuz its a job..but what I am sniggling at is How he gonna try to holla when he posed to be protecting folks in the parking deck? just asking...

Lemme give u a visual: Schmall man, lil peanut sized head, with a security guard outfit and some jacked up teeth...

So he hits me with that line...Where yo husband at? ****eyeroll*** can mofos be anymore original?

So I tell his dumb azz that I don't even live here and then not even 5 seconds later..I switch up my story and tell him I been in the QC for years...any smart mofo woulda caught that but not ole Charlie Ray...

He proceeds to inform us that he is from Chicago and has been here for years but has only been to a couple places in the area (WTF?...now i aint no dang tour guide..but im just saying).. anyhoo...Ole CR (charlie ray for the slow bus folks)...then asks if I can call long distance...


Yes I know how to dial a 1+ the number you stupid fool...

He then tells me he gonna give me his number...ok whatevs..

Fool grabs his f'in GROCERY LIST..yes ya'll hear me when i say GROCERY LIST..and im talking a FULL OUT LONG AZZ LIST and says "Imma write my number on here for ya...and umm well..its my grocery list so you can pick up this stuff too when you come over"




Now fam...I aint no rocket scientist and may not be the smartest cookie at all times..but dammit...WTF? Is this mofo trying to get me ...MEIK...to buy his f'in groceries??? puleeeze..I barely buy my own LMAO..

So I politely sniggle and say..naw bruh u gonna be hungry if u wait on me to do any dayum thing...

He gives it to me...(trust and believe that ish got tossed later..)

But before this mofo-ooolishness ends..he proceeds to tell me that maybe we can go out but he don't have a car or a license..but he working on it.




Now..I know..times are hard..but how in the hot hayle u gonna be 43 with no dayum license?!

I'm getting a headache thinkin bout mofos....

Today's lesson learned: Mofos over the age of 25 should be handlin biznass...not acting a donkey trying to get other mofos to buy their dayum groceries...and if u aint handlin biznass u aint got a dayum reason in hayle to be tryin to holla at someone...

Stay tuned for the follow up blogs to this ish..


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  1. You're hilarious! "acting a donkey" is gonna be my new phrase. For when my huzzband hands me that Party Bag of M&Ms for Valentine's Day...I'll smack him in the head with it and say, "QUIT ACTING A DONKEY!" lmao Can't wait for part 2!

  2. LOL...im glad my pain is humorous to u LOL..now how do i add folks on to the blogs i follow?!!!


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