Red attention

Saturday, February 21, 2009

What up fam?

Hope all is you know I'm the main one rocking that single ladies jam...cuz mofos round here are LAME lol...

Ya'll know dayum well this month wasn't bout to slide by without some type of dating drama right? And if you read this on my other page..well munk u it again LOL...

Well, I decide to take the high road once and for all and be open minded and give a brotha a chance...but ladies, ladies, ladies...we must pay attention to the red flags that pop up...I saw them, but I said.."No..Meik...give this mofo a chance..."

Let me back up...How you meet Tee, Meik?

One night hanging out with my girls, I was walking thru the parking lot coughing up a lung cuz i was sick and he hit me with the "oh i know you aint getting sick, you too pretty for that" bs...and i gave him the eyebrow raise and the WTF u talkin to look but it didn't work so I figured he got ballz to keep talking to I entertained him...

First Red Flag: He telling me he 36 but dressed like he 21 running the damn streets...

Second Red Flag: In a 30 min convo upon a first meeting I should not know who in ur family is a crackhead and why they living with you and the hatred that you have for mofos in ur fam and how much money you have and why your car is in the shop and why the sun is bright ..well hell u get the point...

Third Red Flag: If you educated..great..but imma need u to know how to pronounce shyt correctly..ESPECIALLY the damn school u say you went to...IONA COLLEGE IS NOT IOTA COLLEGE. ugh. (yeah i googled it lol)

Fourth Red Flag: Should a mofo be hugging on someone they just met that is clearly sick?

SOOOOOO...despite all this..I gave him an old biz card with the wrong number on it..but Tee is a hustler with stalker tendencies needless to say...that mofo found I had to give a brotha credit for that right? ****stop giving me the sidewayz eyeballz***

So I give in and decide to meet him up at Hickory Tavern with the rest of my crew for good ole Friday Night Karaoke.. flags left and right..mofo lying telling me he on his the time he shows up...half my crew done left...and the remaining ones think im being stood up but im tipsy and not really giving a shyt either LOL..but he shows up an hour late...AN HOUR!!

Now..because this story is about to get long..Imma hit the highlights of the evening in bullet point style with how mofos SHOULD NOT ACT on a first date:

* Don't show up late as hell and try to lie about why you late..

* In a Karaoke environment, I personally don't want u in my ear "freestyling" to every beat that comes on...and damn sho don't wanna hear..GIVE ME SOMETHING TO RAP ABOUT...imma bout to go in the studio blah blah.....umm mofo u 36 yrs old...ARE U SERIOUS WITH THAT RIGHT NOW?

* If we on a date...can you talk to me like an adult and not rap your answers to me? I don't understand half the shyt mofos say ...this fool asked me do I like Goons? WTF IS THAT???!!!

* Imma need mofos to make sure their shirts are buttoned correctly...I hates nothing more than mofo that cant bother to look in the mirror and dress his ass correctly. again...36 yrs old..ARE U SERIOUS?

* Pay close attention to this one:
I get that men have rough azz hands...but if your hands feel like sandpaper and have black callouses on them..DONT F'N TOUCH MEIK...don't grab my hand and rub yours on top of it..i personally don't want my shyt bleeding..

* First date etiquette..don't come at me talkin bout we need to get AIDS tests so oral sex is in our future...(im vomiting in my mouth right now)

* I'm sorry if you don't know the meaning of some words..DONT USE THEM. fool don't know the difference between A LOUD and ALLOWED.

* I certainly don't want to hear a lecture on how much of a sexy scrong woman I am...yes..fool said SCRONG. he couldnt seem to pronounce shyt with that S-T-R combo ....screet, scrong..u get the picture...

* Gawd, I hate mofos that just talk on the phone like u aint sitting there..I mean go to the bathroom like I do and talk LOL...hell...its just rude to do that shyt when on a date...ugh...
* Don't ask me how much of a tip to leave..that's just in poor taste..

Good thing someone left a magazine on the table cuz my head was buried in that mofo laughing and rolling my eyes..I would have left but I knew this would make a great blog the devil i know..but the shyt was funny...

Needless to say we aint going out again, but in usual form...he's a mofo that's hard to shake...

Lesson Learned:
Stick with that closed works out a helluva lot better than an open least in my case...and pay close attention to the red flags...or else someone might put u on a scrong pedalstool and stalk the shyt out of ya...


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  1. Ima hafta stop readin you, cuz I startin to
    talk like a mofo, or a bitchassness old momma
    who can't quite pull it off due to her major
    whiteness, but I jus keep on readin cuz you
    is soooo funnnnny.


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