It Doesn't Go Down in the Mofo'n DM's

Sunday, July 16, 2017

What's up Mofo Fam?!

Don't even start..I know I'm triflin, we have established this time and time again, but yet here y'all sit with the judge-y eyeballs because a sista don't blog much these days. The point is, I'm here now, so let's all just embrace it and rejoice!

But you know, sometimes I wonder why I even respond when folks slide into the DM's--that's direct messages for the social media challenged, and for the even more short bus challenged, that means INBOX.




What happened Meik?

Oh I'm glad you asked!

Once-ta-pon a time I wished upon a star that THE ONE would grease his legs up with shea butter or cocoa butter and slide into my DM's and we'd skip happily ever after into the sunset.



But since it's me, YOU KNOW it doesn't work that way. It's usually the ones that I just cannot even fathom ever meeting in person.

Why Meik?

I'm glad you asked, because I decided to give a couple of helpful hints to keep my attention if you should slide into my DM's because after all this should be a pleasant experience for both of us..right? Before anyone gets their draws in a knot..this is just a blog.. take it as you will..if you are offended..well.. I'm pretty sure I don't care. :)

1. Spell check is your friend!
Nothing grates my nerves more than someone trying to holla at ME--the person that writes ALL DAY LONG and you have everything including my name and yours spelled wrong. Don't get me wrong, I understand that sometimes when typing, you may hit a wrong letter or two, but if EVERY SINGLE THING IS MISSPELLED..lawd go away! I get that you are trying to shoot your shot and want me to know that you are worth meeting, but telling me how you aren't "shollow" just makes me wonder if you fell and bumped your head on the way to your keyboard. IDK WTF that means.. shy and hollow? I don't have time to decipher what you are TRYING to tell me. I am BUSY.



2. If you don't know the right word..don't use it.
For example a brotha slid into the DM's asking me this "What do you like to get from the CONFESSION stand at the movies?" Well I can CONFESS I bring my own snacks but I'm sure that's not what you meant. See where the misunderstanding starts?



3. If I say NO.. I mean it. Don't keep tearing up my nerves asking repeatedly. No I don't wanna talk on the phone, no I don't wanna go out, no I don't wanna do ish but teach you how to spell! Anyone that knows me knows I'm like a brick arse wall. Too high to get over, too low to get under, so your arse will be stuck in the middle like an MJ song.. trying and trying and trying and I'll still keep saying NO.



4. Y'all... sliding into the DM's...I assume you are single, but I also know that most often that ain't the case. Be honest, don't wait til I say no to start posting pics of your new bae the next hour... cuz that probably ain't a new bae, it's the same bae that's been around and your arse is just triflin for sliding into someone's DM's trying to shoot a three pointer.

5. Lastly, please have more to say then "hey beautiful" or "hey sweetie".. first of all, I ain't your sweetie, you don't know me and I don't like bae names from someone I don't even know and have had ZERO interaction with. Yeah I'm an arse but I'm not for games. Hell, half the mofos that try that spell it SWEATIE so there's that.



I need intelligent INTERESTING convo to keep me interested, no small talk, instead make me laugh (and not just with your misspellings), and don't try to look at my pics and ASSume what I wanna hear. BE YOU!

I hope these lil pointers help somebody before sliding into DM's all across the social media spectrum. It's a shame more love connections aren't made over miscommunication and misspellings. I want us all to prosper outchea!

Shoot maybe I need to shoot my shot and slide into the DM's first.. see what happens!



What experiences have y'all had in your DM's? Anybody found love on a two way DM street?

As always I'm looking for guest bloggers! No I can't pay you but you get to blog on here with me and have folks think you are just as ignate as I am LOL! If interested..hit me up!

~Meik

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2 comments

  1. Love it! Whenever I someone contacts me through DM's, I always think they're gonna send me a chain letter. And, sadly, they usually do!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LOL!!! Hilarious! Thanks for reading :)

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