Gratitude is the Mofo'n Attitude

Sunday, November 06, 2016

Hello my dear Mofo readers! I took a bit of a hiatus with blogging (AGAIN) but I'm back! (At least for this month!)

Let's get some biz out of the way:

First thank you for all of the nice things you commented about my blog post about my beloved Kashif--I know it was all over the place but I'm glad you got the gist of it and just know that I appreciate those heartfelt condolences as I am still trying to grasp and come to terms with his death.

Second, I issued a blog challenge on social media and this time I got more specific-- the first blog for this month has to be about gratitude. The second blog is a funny story, and the third is a free for all- write whatever is in your heart. These blogs go on YOUR personal blogs, facebook, websites, wherever you post your ish..if you want.. I'm always open to guest bloggers.. just hit me up!

Now that is out of the way--- sometimes life just hands you a bunch of lemons and an invisible hand squishes them bitches in your eyeballs.

What does this have to do with gratitude?

I'm glad you asked...absolutely nothing really..I just needed a transition here. Bear with me.

So two weeks ago I found myself still reeling from learning of Kashif's passing, and making the decision not to go across the country for his memorial, but instead I watched it from the courtesy of my own home where I could ugly cry to my hearts content..fling myself in the floor and wonder WHYYYYYY didn't I pick up the damn phone when I thought of him the day before he died? I found myself wondering what can I do to honor an amazing man that probably thought I didn't listen to half of the lessons he taught me.. a man that lived his life without fear, a man with a ginormous musical legacy--what could lil ole me do to remember him and make myself feel better?
So I started going through old emails, text messages--his social media posts..looking for a word.. a hidden message..something to guide me.

WELP--that led me down to the tattoo spot down the street. How is this gratitude Meik? Hang on I'm getting there!

I was torn --do I get a tattoo with my Virgo sign? Do I get his name tatted across my chest with hearts? (Just kidding on that one!) Or do I go by one of the principles that he always believed in--and the more I thought about it--the word GRATITUDE just kept jumping out at me...every single email...I replayed conversations in my mind, the theme was the same.. GRATITUDE--

I walked into the tattoo spot.. guy asked me what I wanted to get...

Me: I want ALWAYS IN GRATITUDE on my arm.

He blank stared and said uhhh ok--that's cool. Give me 15 minutes..

I kept thinking should I do this? What does it really even mean? I have time to walk back outta here and forget I ever walked in here.. but I couldn't move. See, Kashif always signed his emails --Always in Gratitude-- and while I never really asked him about it I always noticed it-- he would sign off on his social media the same way.

So I decided this is it.. Kashif would want me to remember to always be in gratitude-- be grateful for the things you have. He always stayed in my arse when I was having a pity party by reminding me of all the things I had to be grateful for.

Oh hell tattoo dude is back. *deep breathe* I'm ready..

He asks where I want to put the tatt.. I point to my right arm.. sideways.. above the scars I got when I was in high school. So this tattoo now has a deep layered meaning..I went in trying to pay homage to a friend..and ended up with a message AMEN!

I was in a car accident--it was like early summer before my junior year. I had FINALLY convinced my parents to let me go on a date with a boy in a car *HALLLUJJJERRRRRR*

The plan was to go to the movies, dinner, and brang my arse back to the house by 11pm. Well this ninja decides hey let's go visit some folks on the other side of town and see what they are up to. So I was cool with the folks so I didn't see anything wrong with it and I was crushing HARD on my date so he could have suggested going to the city dump to watch the sunset and I would have said that's so romanticals.. like a fool. Anyhoo--so we go and I'm there chatting with a classmate while he and her boyfriend decide to run down the road for something--well I realize that after a while has passed, that my curfew is coming up soon and I'm freaking out-- this was before cell phones so I couldn't call his arse and he didn't have a pager..don't look at me like that.. you don't know my age! LOL

Anty-hoo my classmate says let's go drive around and look for them. So I get in the car with her and we end up on this curvy road--now I didn't have my seat belt on until something told me I should put it on. Next thing I knew she lost control of the car..and the details are fuzzy but I remember seeing a fence and I covered my face up with my arm..and the window shattered. Chile I thought her arse was dead the way she was slumped over the steering wheel..she didn't have her seat belt on..and I just kept thinking this car is gonna blow up like they do on tv and I can't move her arse outta here but I gotta save us..but oh crap my arm is covered in blood..

Long story short.. my date is the one who was actually driving behind us..saw our car flip several times before it landed upright --I don't remember the car flipping but I assume when you see your life flash before your eyes, you kinda block ish out and all I cared about was that we were alive. Mind you, I didn't see the light of day for most of the summer because my parents were LIVID as if I were the one driving the car..something about me lying or some ish..chile IDK --shouldn't they have just been glad I made it through?! lawd I still wanna know what I missed that summer...

But, what I do know is after the doctors picked the glass outta my arm-- it healed..but the scars that run about 3 inches on my arm are a reminder that life is precious.. I am grateful to have made it out of that accident.

Fast forward to my most recent drama with my leg -- I would think sometimes WHY ME? But then I realized why not me? I have a platform to educate folks on how to do your research when electing to have surgery-- especially when it comes to fibroids--I am a walking testimony that I didn't let the fact that I could barely walk stop me from going hard in pursuit of my dreams..and I damn sure wasn't going out with just being satisfied with just walking with a cane. I am grateful that over the leg was strong enough to hold me up in these damn wedge heeled boots I insisted on wearing as I went bar hopping.

I'm grateful that I was pushed out of my comfort zone because I would have stayed writing for forever so being pushed out led me to Jet which led me to Vanity Fair..and has landed me some amazing interviews and connections. However I also know that without I never would have met Kashif.

Most of all, I am grateful that I had Kashif in my life, even if for a short time, to remind me to Always (be) in Gratitude--appreciate what you have..where you have been..and look forward to where you are going.

So now, when I get mad or frustrated when things aren't going my way.. I just look down at my arm..and see my tattoo that reminds me of Kashif.. and the things that I am grateful for like family, life, friends.. my readers.. everything! While things aren't where I want them to be right now--this is my reminder to stay encouraged.. stay positive.. so for that-- I thank you Kashif for the reminder. I miss you so very much!

Add these songs to your gratitude playlist to get you started on your gratitude blogs!

*don't say ISH about these old school songs either!*

What do you guys have to be grateful for?

Until Later..

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