Three is a Crowd, 50'levum People is Too MOFO'n Much

Sunday, February 01, 2015

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall..

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..

Humpty Dumpty got her face cracked all while thinking she was sitting on the wall of CHOSE-DOM.

What's going on Meik?

I'm oh so glad you asked! But first lemme tell y'all this.. I no longer write dating stories for Creative Loafing so if you still want to share your stories, feel free to send em my way.. I will post them here!

Back to the main event..

Sometimes I wish I would just listen to my gut instinct.. or that lil voice in the back of my head that says STAY YOUR ARSE AT HOME.. but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This dude that I had hung out with..kicked it...went on a date.. no.. hell I don't know what the right terminology is but we went out to eat a couple times and he was mad cool.. Anyway.. pay attention to these details because they are important..

I haven't seen this dude in forever.. probably only text every once in a blue moon, but in my book, he's still cool. I get that folks are busy and besides, there wasn't that much of a romantic NUFFIN goings on.. so there's that. Anyway he invites me to go to this kid friendly spot because he wants to take his children. YES.. that's plural..CHILD-REN. So, my first thought is WHY? U want me to help watch them chirren? WHY? But I'm trying to be nice this year and I haven't seen him in a while, so I agreed to meet them there. He says I'll text you the deets later in the week. I ain't heard ish. This new negro stuff..chile..

Day of..He texts me to tell me they are on their way there.. but at the time I was in Target buying groceries and still had to go home and put them away blah blah. So I debated.. 1. He never told a time, so should I go? My friend boy told me HELL NO. 2. I do want to see him since it's been a while, should I go? Again he says HELL NO! 3. After an hour of piddling around I ended deciding I was bored so I might as well go!

So I text him that I'm on the way, and he tells me where to find them. I get there..fight thru traffic, HELL and the HIGH WATER *in my Deddy Pope voice* and finally find a parking space in that dang beast of a lot. I walk in...

well wayment..are y'all sitting down?

I walk in ... and find him. There's a group of people, an older couple, some other dudes with some kids running around, and a couple of chicks, and since they aren't all sitting at one table, I assume they aren't all together right?

Jeeezus on the mainline..... lemme call Him up.. cuz chile...

Dude turns around and introduces me to the following:

1. His parents--uh ok this is weird, but they were super nice

yep u heard me. THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE. WTF have I just walked in on?!

3. A baby mama
4. The children
5. His friends

uhhh AWKWARD MUCH? How does he introduce me? Just as Meik.. not even friend, chick I hang out with from time to time, or even heffa..just my name.

Now.. I wasn't aware I was invited to a family reunion so I'm kind of thrown off a little bit, and not sure how to take this. LOVE OF YOUR LIFE? I didn't know he was seeing anyone..and WTF YOU INVITE ME FUH???? And the Baby Mama..chile I AM UNABLE. So here I stand looking all awkward as they both size me up and try to work out an escape plan in my head. Then one of the friends keeps sliding over to me asking me questions like how my knees hold up and ish.. ninja WHET?

So I did what any respectable face cracked mofo would do.. gather my coat, purse, and tell them I had a prior engagement to attend and it was nice meeting them. Inside I WAS FUMING!! Never in my life, would I invite a dude without giving him the details of who will be there and give him the opportunity to decide if he wanted to show up. Even if I had someone banished to the friend zone prison, I still would give them ALL the deets, like hey it's a family affair! I can't imagine springing a random person on my family and boo. Lawd I wonder what that convo was like when I left. I haven't spoken to him since and have no plans to.

Lesson Learned: Go with your gut instincts.. if you KNOW you ain't got no biz going.. don't. I am still not sure what kind of emotion to feel right now besides BLINK-TASTIC and ANNOYED but hey, it was a lesson learned. Next time someone invites me out.. get ALL the details in advance so I know WTF I am walking into. I could sit here and pull a Celie:

But instead I'm just gonna take the face cracking and keep it moving and wish him and his love of his life and baby mama all the best!

Tell me dear Mofos.. How would you have handled this situation?

Until later..


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  1. haha This headline had me rolling. 50'elevum of 'em is right! you need a body guard to go with you on these adventures and rectify things. Can't leave these deeds folks do unaddressed.

  2. LMAO Well Damn....Not laughing at you tho

  3. You could have cracked his face back and said something like. " Love of your life?! That's not what you said last night." Buuuutttt I don't know how fast you can run right now so... Lol

  4. LOL @ Cm Writer's comment!!!!

    I think he was sizing u up 2 see how u roll and figure out if u down for the family affair get-2gethers while being a friendly side piece.

  5. you did good b/c everything I felt would've shown on my face...


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