Would You Date You?

Sunday, August 10, 2014

I just got back from the Steve Harvey Neighborhood Awards/State Farm Expo in Atlanta. It was a grand time from seeing movie screenings, to the Freedom Friday party, to the Blue Carpet.. met some celebs, grinded on ..well nevermind..lemme get back to the point of this post.

One seminar that I did get the chance to check out was "Would You Date You?"

Now I had to dig down deep in my own soul to answer the question--I suggest some of you doing the same. Of course my first answer was a resounding HELL YEAH I'd date me! But when you really step back to look at EVERYTHING.. would you really?

What you mean Meik?

Well first lemme start by saying Stephen A. Smith hosted the seminar..and the ish was late just like Kandi's wedding on Bravo.. not 4 hours late, but 45 minutes is enough to have us starting a mini-riot.

I can feel y'all giving the same look that I gave..

The panel consisted of Kandi (RHOA) and Dr. Laura (the #secks lady)--I sense a sex theme here.. a sex expert and a sex toy seller.. see..

Now.. I would have loved to have seen a couple like Tamala and David Mann sit on the panel..they been married forever and could provide some kind of insight and let Dr. Laura or Kandi host. But, I don't put the ish together, I'm just press.

Of course Stephen A Smith had to remind us all that he is sorry for the way he "misspoke" on ESPN and Twitter about the domestic violence bruhaha and that he would never promote domestic violence blah blah blah blah. Now while Smith gets on my everlasting nerve just from talking, I appreciate that he did speak out on why he said he WOULD NOT date him. (I could list some reasons including that smushed receding hairline baby fro but anyhoo) He went into some explanation about how he was raised in a household full of women.. his mom, 4 sisters and he just had to get out of that "women telling him what to do everytime he turned around" type of mode, but he loves women.. (u see where this is going..this is ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLL about him) and he loves women, but as a kid he wanted freedom and still does because he hasn't found a partner he can still have that freedom with. Now.. I'll let y'all take from that what you will.

Kandi said she wouldn't have dated herself.. Of course my first thought went to Mama Joyce. She said that because there are things about herself that she does, but doesn't like a man to do, for example, she gets so busy with work, she doesn't call at times, but if a man did that, she would be pissed and cut him off. She did mention a meddling mother as a reason to not date herself, but we all agree that Todd is a trooper and a half for hanging in there cuz chile.... She also said she married Todd because he is a supporter and teammate for her, and a great communicator.

Dr. Laura said she married her husband because he was her partner in everything and he stimulated her mind and body. (where do we sign up for a man like that girl?!)

My fav quote came from Dr. Laura "Sex is like pizza, any sex is good." when she was referring to men that will get sex from anywhere and anybody.

Of course back to Stephen..he says a man's job is to provide and protect so they have to feel needed. He said "Give a man what wants and he will lead you." Maybe it's just me, but when will the man give the woman what she wants? I don't know about y'all but honesty and loyalty and acting like a mofo'n man doesn't seem like much, but some can't get that together so.....

Ok I can see that, but some men don't know how to provide OR protect, they just know how to have sex and get on someone's nerves..but anyhoo..

Dr. Laura said there are several ways that women make mistakes..
1. Women have to be who they are on their own.. for example, why wait on a man to get that house, car, or follow a certain career path? Get the stuff on your own, be happy on your own.

2. When you are blissfully complete, then you find love. (This must be where I have gone left because something is missing and I thought it was the love thing.. )

3. Women often confuse power with the need to control everything. She explained that she was a recovering alpha woman and had to reassess some things. She says we turn men off when we confuse power with control. You can be a powerful woman but you don't have to control everything, let it go. Kandi chimed in with "let the man be the man".. she said Todd will check her when she is on a power/control trip by saying, "I don't work for you." I myself have heard that my producer/reporter side carries over into my personal life and I am so used to barking orders and being well .. bossy that it bleeds over into a need to control ish to have it done the way I want it done the end. So this for me was revealing.

At this point Smith started rambling about a career story to the set of The View so I got the hell up outta there.. along with several others ..but the question remains..

Would you date you?

My answer is a couple of years ago, No. Last year? Absolutely not. Right now in present day? I would get to know me. I know before I had baggage that I still hadn't checked at the door and left it in the past, I know that I also had a lot going on medically and my nerves were bad and trying to communicate..forget it. Now I'm willing to let the wall down, for the right person that is trying to get around or over the wall. Unfortunately, I haven't met that person that wants anything more than sex.. which leads me to wonder.. what's wrong with them that, that is all that they want? Or is it me? So many questions pop up outta this dating thing but one thing is for sure, we all have to examine ourselves before throwing ourselves out there. A lady standing behind me in line said, "you can't have a long list of stuff you want, and you don't meet any of the stuff on that list." I agree.. so ladies and gents..maybe we should take another look at the list of our WANTS and figure out what we NEED.

Finally.. Dr. Laura said you won't find love until you KNOW that you are WORTHY of love. I think I have some homework to do.

Until Later..

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  1. I attended a single and saved workshop a few years ago that asked that same question. Your post reminds of it and that I also have work to do.

  2. I feel like all this really asks is: Are you an impediment to your own relationship success. The "would you date you" thing is about how you work in relationships and not so much who you are. Would I date me? Meaning someone who behaves exactly the same as I do? No. We would be bored stiff.

    Would I date someone with my heart, compassion, character? Yes.

    Overall I'm a dope chick. I have fun with life...and have learned forgiveness, how to communicate, how to consider the feelings of others (this took a lot of work LOL)... but I figured me out...so that what I have to offer is ME...not some version of myself designed to get what I want.

  3. When I look at all the negative things about me, I say no. When I look at all the positives, I say yes. We will never fully be that perfect individual and with that I am saying yes, I would date me. Me looking from the outside in, I know he has to be strong willed, forgiving, persistent, consistent and very loving. That is what I am when it comes to that right connection.

  4. Interesting. I think one thing sometimes folks don't look at is if they just jumped out of a relationship..would they want to date someone that just got out of one and hasn't dealt with whatever went on? That's where I was.. and granted it took me yearssss to deal because I tend to stay busy and shove stuff under the rug until it's staring me in the face. I think we all just have to take a step back and decide if we are dateable and that doesn't mean changing who you are as a person.. it might mean realizing that there are some things that you could work on.

  5. Great Post! I was one of the ladies sittinge behind you. I mentioned to you I had a Style & Beauty Blog. It was nice chatting with you and your post reminded of some of the points I forgot.

    Thanks for posting!


  6. Hey TeRea! Thanks for reading!! :) I'm heading to your blog later today!


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