Love and War or Divorce

Sunday, May 04, 2014

April showers bring May flowers and the warm weather brings out the mofos that forget they are still married.

What you mean Meik?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

Once upon a time, there was a man that put his ring in his pocket, and decided to pretend he was single for the night. Man meets girl, woos her , buys her drinks, and ends up hunching her..and hunching her..and hunching her (not all in the same night..well..if he's good maybe..but you get the point) and as girl falls head over heels, she realizes she never sees him on holidays, never sees him after 9pm at night, and certainly doesn't talk to him on the phone late at night..why?? The mofo is STILL MARRIED.

Now that we have that ugliness out of the way..let's take this a step further. Let Meik Meik tell you about the time I dated a man that said he was separated.

The year was 2005, I had just moved to Charlotte, NC--obviously still young, dumb, naive, and still very much heart broken over King Mofo. So, one of my associates invites me to a house party at some doctor's house (which was super nice by the way) anyhoo.. we get there and I'm standing outside minding my own biznass when this chocolatey brotha steps to me.. and says...

"I wanna know what your cookie tastes like"...

except substitute cookie for the p word that I refuse to use.

Yes. He said that ish. Yes I stood there tipsy smiling like a FOOL. Remember I was coming from Tennessee where I wasn't used to this aggressive sexual I figured I'd go with the flow and maybe this is how it works ..after all, I've been out the game for 8 years.

I think I did inform him he was nasty, but the convo switched to some other bs and ended up that we exchanged numbers. He told me then he was separated and going thru a divorce and he was just getting out there dating again. Cool right? ;-/

Fast forward to our first date. We went to a restaurant..there was no sex touching, no rubbing, no nothing..just went to grab lunch. Anyway.. I found it odd that all he wanted to do was talk about his dog and all the time they spend together and he showed me 50'levum pics about the dang thing.. sidenote..if you know me, then you KNOW I have not one dayum to give about any animal..they scare me, so I'm not interested in seeing pics or hearing stories, but I was trying to be polite so I choked down my food and nodded and grinned and oooh'd and aww'd like a good lil date.

I finally get around to asking him about his separation, he tells me it's complicated.

Now.... they had been married 5 years, no kids, just that dayum dog. He said things just weren't working out, they couldn't get along. Me, coming from a shacking up situation could understand how things just don't work out.

Fast forward to a couple phone conversations later, I ask how often he sees his estranged wife.

Are you sitting down?? If not..I'll wait.


I just looked at the phone. Now what now???

He responds with.. well I live upstairs in the house and she's downstairs.

Here's when I regain some sense...and realize no good can come from this..but yet.. I refuse to hang up the phone .. call me nosy.. call me messy.. call me trying to get to the bottom of this ish..don't judge me.


He says well, I can't afford to move out, and she didn't want to leave so we are just sharing the house for now.

Here's where I neglected to ask the important question from jump.. but I ask it now.. how long you been "separated but living in the same house?"

Him-- a month.

*looks at phone* then I hear sniffling..and sobbing..


This. Ninja. Is. On. This. Phone. CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lawd.. I can't hang up on a brotha in need.. or can I? Or... umm Hello?? umm are you okay??

sniff..sniff...sniff.. (he answers a weak whispery) no..

Um, I think maybe you need to talk to your wife and maybe work things out..I think you jumped the gun on the dating thing.. so it was nice to meet you and good luck.

sniff...sniff.... noooooooooooooooooooooo.. don't hang up, we can go out again.

Sir. No. Absolutely not. You aren't emotionally ready and my nerves can't take this.

Needless to say, we did NOT go out again, and hell I barely remember his name, but I do hope he and his wife worked things out.

My question to you.. would you date someone that is separated or would you wait on that final divorce decree before dating??

Lesson learned: Do what you do.. but I don't think I can date someone that's separated living in the same house with their wifey.. that don't seem natural. Every case is different so I'd take it as it comes, but I prefer a SINGLE man .. not one pretending to be single and not one that isn't emotionally available because they are still MARRIED.

y'all behave..


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  1. Yikes! I've been in that situation and, as they say on Shark Tank, for that reason....I'm out! Nope. I never date anyone who's separated. There is is always some drama.

  2. I've been in this situation before but we were BOTH married and separated. I know, messy messy. There was no hope for reconciliation on my end but there was some hope on his end. We ended up breaking up so he could work on his marriage and give it another shot. They didn't work out and when he got his divorce papers he called me. It took a while for us to begin dating again cause I was going through my own divorce. Almost five years later and we're together and both happily divorced. I think us not having kids with our ex spouses helped, although with my boyfriend there was a step daughter involved that he loved dearly.

  3. I could do it if the seperations were legal. I understand the need to stay with someone due to financial restraints and kids!

  4. Animals are precious especially baby animals. How could you not like animals? ... I know im off topic but had to go there


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