A Mofo Christmas Tale

Friday, December 17, 2010

Happy Holidays!

It's funny, as I realize that this makes 6 years that I've been single, the only freaking thing that I can think about is the Christmas when I thought my life was about to change. Have you ever been expecting one thing only to get your face cracked? Wellllp, you know I have. Every year around this time, I sniggle just a little bit..

Why Meik?

Stroll with me down memory lane.. the year 1999....snow is falling...and I'm in love...all is right in Meik's world.... sounds lovely eh? That's what I thought too.

My then boo..also known on here as KING MOFO.. asked if he could go home with me for the holidays, now, it was just odd, because he had never gone before on a holiday..but whatevs at this point, we'd been together almost 3 years.. A couple of days before we left I was at one of his family members house for some eggnog...as soon as he stepped outside, she leans over and says "he got you a ring...he's gonna propose..we all gave him money"..

****insert a squeal right here.. ME.. A PROPOSAL? A RING?! A WEDDING..ME A WIFE..HIM MY HUSBAND? JEEEEEZUS!! OMG!!****

Imagine my excitement..I couldn't wait..so I IMMEDIATELY called my parents to tell them that I was gonna get married.. but when that moment happens..we gotta get our surprised game faces on..(now here's where I should tell you the small smidgeon fact that said family member was on medication at the time for something, so I, in all my wedding planning glory in my head forgot that lil detail..mmk keep that in the back of your mind as I finish this story..)

Now, you've been reading the Mofo Chronicles long e-damn-nough to know.. ish sho nuff didn't pop off like it was supposed to..ONLY cuz it's me..

What happened Meik?

I'm glad you asked.

So fast forward to Christmas morning..I waited to open the gift that he got me last..it was in a HUGE azz box...fairly light..so I open it..

I reach inside..it's a leather jacket.. okay.. nice.. so my ring MUST be in the pockets right? Lemme put it on...put my hands in the pocket..nada.. take the jacket off and shake it.. nada..

While he sits there looking like boo boo the fool not saying a mofo'n word.

No problem...

Luckily..there's still stuff in the box: so I reach in and pull out ANOTHER jacket..same process.. try it on..check the pockets, shake it out...no f'in ring...ok I'm getting annoyed..so I'm giving him the what the hot hayle look..

He says there's one more thing in the box..ok, whew..

THIS HAS TO BE IT!! (the parents are looking a lil worried at this point)

So I reach back into that big azz box and pull out a purse..

Oh my ring MUST be inside right? Let's check..
so I'm digging all in it ..checking the pockets , shaking the hell out of it and everyone's looking like I have lost my ever lasting mind..and yet this mofo sits..still not saying a word..just smiling.

Sniff. well. hell. I ain't gonna cry ..YET..and the day isn't over either. So I pick my face back up and put a smile on because I KNOW he's gonna pop the question and gimme my ring anytime now..

and as the hours go by..still no ring.. I can't take it anymore.. and before I can stop myself, I ask:






Now I'm confused as to why he's sitting here looking confused so we just blinking the hell out of each other looking crazy.

Finally he says "A who? What ring?"

Damn him to hell and back 3x.. why is he playing with my emotions?!

So I politely explained through gritted teeth that I was looking for a ring because I was told by his family that he got me one and that the whole reason he came home with me was to propose. SOOOOO WHERE IS IT?

Do you know this mofo LAUGHED?

.... and laughed...and laughed...and laughed...fell out the chair and kept on laughing.. I'm sure this started my hatred towards him. I can't prove it..but I'm pretty sure that's the exact day it started. Anyhoo.. he called his mom, and she laughed..hell the whole damn family laughed at me....

Well, I guess he felt bad, as he kept laughing, but he ended up buying me a promise ring.. little did I know that just a few years later that bullshiitttahh didn't mean a damn thing..but I digress..and that's a whole nother blog..

Lesson Learned:
Never.. I say NEVER..hear me again..NEVER EVER EVER listen to a family member of a boo that is drugged the hell up on some form of medication..it results in getting your face and feelings cracked all to hell.

I hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

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  1. Girl u crazy! The family gettin dey laugh on with him is outta control Ha! I'll never get a woman a purse or leather coat jus for that reason alone!

  2. Wow. I'm so sorry to read this. This makes me so sad. I can't imagine what that felt like. Please write about something wonderful that has happened to you before I jump off the Key Bridge.

  3. Chris LMAO.. that family loves to laugh ..they taught me the importance of laughing ish off..

    Dekaynon.. chile.. its not meant to be a sad sob story..this ish IS FUNNY.. its just a hilarious story to me ..shoot I was only mad for about a day..next day I was laughing right with them.. but if you looking for a blog full of wonderful things..it aint here LOL..besides I've done my quota of nice and fuzzy stories for the month.. The silver lining: if I had married that mofo..there would be no Mofo Chronicles today.

  4. DEAD DEAD DEAD!!!! I probably would have went looking for drugged u Sally!!! Got you looking crazy shaking out pockets and ish!!! I still want to hit her...medication or not!!!

  5. Wow...no bueno...I sadly don't know what I didn't get a complimentary mention in this story...

  6. WOW, I'd would stayed pissed 4 a min... but nevertheless LOL!!!!

  7. OMG! L M A O! I mean, you called your momma when it wasn't even confirmed yet? Oh dear...!

    -P. Loyal


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