The Mofo Chronicles

Interviews: "All The Queen's Men"

Saturday, August 06, 2022

In Memory Of....

Tuesday, August 02, 2022

Hey Mofos!

One of my second cousins passed away and I've been thinking a lot about how it's always best to give folks their flowers while they are still here. This blog is gonna be a lil random and all over the place as I'm writing as memories come back so forgive me.

Resa is my mom's first cousin. She moved onto our street when I was either in middle school or high school, I can't remember, but I always thought she was so glamourous. Her house is always what I imagined Sandra Clark from 227's house would look like if she had one. Sometimes, I'd slip away from the drama at my house and walk over to hers to just sit and talk about nothing. She thought of all of us as her kids and I think she had the good snacks too so that's probably another reason I kept coming over. LOL

I'm fuzzy on details but I remember she asked if I wanted to be in a fashion show and at that time I wanted to be one of the models in the magazines I read. I wanted to be the JET Beauty of the week or on the cover of Seventeen or even YM (that's a throwback for your ass ain't it)? So being in a fashion show was IT! I remember it was at the BB&T building in downtown Asheville. I got to model a wedding dress and at that time, I remember thinking this is scary yet exhilarating all at once. I wanted more. I went on to college and did a few more fashion shows, but Resa is the one that opened the door and I walked thru it.

IDK why I'm cackling, but I remember the time she tried to hook me up with this young man and while it didn't work out, I thought that was nice of her to try. I can't even remember if I went on a date with him, or if he was one of the WYD'n me non-stop but he had to call to say the ish cuz we didn't have cell phones yet. I'm old. Yeah.

I was on the homecoming court my senior year in high school, and at our school, you had to get a convertible to ride around the track and wave blah blah. Where was I going to find that? I knew my cousin had a green and gold mustang with gold rims, that thing was a beauty. I wanted it. Resa reached out to him and got the ball rolling. Everyone still remembers that, and yeah I got the crown too!

My senior prom, my date wanted to borrow my uncle's yellow Lincoln and chile, that thing scrubbed the ground and I was like no, absolutely not. NO. You cannot and I mean CANNOT go to a prom on Biltmore House grounds like that. NO.

So I was telling Resa about it and she said, "do you want a limo?" I said, yes but "I can't afford it." Her response, "I didn't ask you that, it's done. You will have your limo for prom." I didn't realize literally until today, she owned a limo service. Yes that's a blonde streak in my hair. Don't you worry about it. But my friends and I and our dates felt so grand arriving to prom in a limo. Wait, my date was late and got left, but that's another story.

The biggest thing I remember and will always love her for is her being one of the only ones that tried to help with the domestic violence situation I wrote about a year ago and deleted cuz some of y'all don't know how to read. I'm grateful to this day.

I'm fast forwarding a few years here, but when I created Check the Rhymes TV and decided to sell merchandise. She called me and could barely talk, but she said she wanted to support and wanted to make sure ALL the money was going to me and not to someone else. Always super supportive and I was so appreciative.

I feel like I'm starting to ramble, and there's so much more to say. Resa fought a good fight and we are all going to miss her light so much.

I know she's no longer in pain and reunited with family. Resa, if you see my grandma, and I'm sure she is standing there right next to your mom, tell her hello for me, would you?

I gotta wrap this up before I start ugly crying and reallyyyyy rambling.

Rest in peace Resa. We love you.

~Meik

Cheating

Interview: Tami Roman

Friday, July 22, 2022

Baby-Sitters Club

Essay: Remember Your First Mofo'n Period?

Sunday, July 10, 2022

Hey Mofos!

After having my hysterectomy over 4 months ago, I've been thinking a lot about an essay I wrote in 2020 that never saw the light of day because the outlet I submitted it to never published it. The essay is about when I got my period and how scary that moment was--but here I am 50'levum years later and no longer having to worry about having a period, ruining clothes, sleeping on a towel so my sheets don't get ruined, and making sure I have enough pads and tampons to get me thru one miserable bloody cycle. So I thought I'd share the essay with you. I wrote it after watching The Baby-Sitters Club (BSC) on Netflix. I'm also mad they didn't renew this nostalgia filled series. *forgive me with the formatting-- it did not want to transfer over correctly and I'm not technical so I quit trying after the 50'levumth time.. you can still read it tho hell).

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“It was almost as if nothing was different, but then, everything changed in the blink of an eye.”
These are the words 13-year-old Kristy Thomas says as she gets her first period (on her mother’s wedding day, no less) in the eighth episode of Netflix’s newest series, The Baby-Sitters Club (BSC).
Watching BSC on is a walk down nostalgia lane, but in episode 8, “Kristy’s Big Day,” not only did her mother get married, but it was the day Kristy got her first period. In lieu of her mother to help her through that pivotal moment, she had her BSC crew by her side. As Kristy realized something was happening, she ran from the wedding reception to the bathroom, and her friends followed. As they huddled outside the door, Kristy assured them she was fine, but Mary Anne knew immediately what was wrong, and pulled out a pad, handed it to her through the door and instructed her on the placement. Claudia and Dawn were there to cheerfully embrace their leader into their growing adolescence circle. In watching this episode, I realized I’m a little envious of Madame President. Not because of her status in the BSC, but because when I got my first period, I felt shame rather than excitement; I also saw it as a part of life to hide, along with the bra I wasn’t ready for, rather than one that transitioned me into womanhood.

Who can forget the CIA-level mission of quietly easing that little white or yellow square packet or pink wrapped applicator from your book bag to clutch tightly in one hand, while raising your other hand to ask your middle or high school teacher if you can use the bathroom hall pass? We’ve all been there suffering the embarrassment of having to take the long walk down the aisle of desks past our crushes just to go to the restroom to change your pad or tampon because of your period. Somehow, it always felt like everyone knew just what was happening.

I was 11 years old when I first got my period. My mom and little sister were running errands, leaving me home with my dad, who was grilling with his friends on the deck. I was wearing my favorite pair of white shorts and watching my reflection in the screen door as I practiced the chants and moves needed to nail the upcoming cheerleading tryouts. I had just hit my last high-V, and heard my dad yell loudly, “What the hell is all over the back of your shorts?”

I hadn’t sat on the ground, so I thought something might have splattered from the grill. But my dad kept shouting that there was something red on my shorts and I needed to go change. I went to the bathroom and, sure enough, there was a bright red spot in the seam of my shorts. At first, I couldn’t figure out where I could possibly be bleeding from? Does this mean I can get pregnant, because there was a girl in my 5th grade class that had just excitedly told everyone she was expecting a baby. Then it hit me: this was probably my period; the thing the other girls in my neighborhood had been talking about in hushed whispers that always made me feel left out and confused?

I needed answers. I didn’t want to ask my dad, because I couldn’t handle any more embarrassment for the day. Honestly, he probably wouldn't have been able to answer me and would have just gotten more agitated that I was keeping him from drinking. I couldn’t call my mom, because cell phones didn’t exist yet. So, just like Kristy, I had to turn to my friends to talk me through the process. Like Mary Anne did for Kristy, my friend instructed me on proper pad application, instructing me to “peel the back off and stick the wing things on the sides of your underpants.” Funny enough, when I decided to switch to tampons in high school, this same friend talked me through that process too. "JUST PUSH IT IN," she yelled over the phone as I kept yelling back "PUSH IT WHERE?!"

When my mother finally got home, I had so many questions that my friends couldn’t answer, like where the blood was coming from? How often does this happen? When will it stop? Aren’t I too young for this? Why is this happening now? I’m not ready to be a grown woman yet! But when she got home, all I got was a promise to go buy more pads and some books about women and health.
At least Kristy’s mom Elizabeth provided some enthusiasm about the monumental event. During a heartfelt conversation, Kristy blurts out that she started her period. Her mom Elizabeth is excited and hugs her tightly before asking if she’s OK and if she knows what to do. And she did — because of her friends.

But helping a young woman navigate her menstrual cycle shouldn’t be left to friends, who may not have all the accurate information. Furthermore, girls aren’t the only ones who should be educated about menstruation. It’s a time that should be celebrated and in recent years, people are shedding the stigma that it’s something to be embarrassed about. According to KidsHealth.org, parents should talk to daughters and sons about reliable information regarding periods. The site says that children, regardless of gender will see their moms’ buying pads and tampons and may have questions, or they may want to know where babies come from. Although the site does not specify an age to have this talk, it does suggest starting the conversation early and building upon your child’s understanding as they age.
In fact, according to a menstrual study on hygiene in low-income countries, even as recently as 15 years ago there was little public discussion about the period management related challenges girls and women face. Girls in low-income countries received limited puberty guidance, couldn’t afford sanitary materials, or even clean water. The study also mentions that the topic of menstruation has often been pushed to the background, even here in the United States because, “menstrual blood itself (and its management) has frequently been perceived as polluting and taboo.” Maintaining a sense of secrecy regardless of income status is the period etiquette girls and women were taught to adhere to and that includes discreet management of discomfort and blood flow, being vocal about that time of the month, and as a woman, to keep it hidden from boys and men. The study adds that even countries, like the U.S. that have available guidance on puberty and sanitary measures, there’s still this stigma that continues, “throughout their reproductive years, girls and women in most societies strictly follow this [menstruation] etiquette.” In addition to providing more information and having public discussions, celebrating periods is important to removing the shame and stigma surrounding them.
Perhaps parents of the past were coping with their own internal shame of periods or doing their best with the (mis)information they were given, and parents of the present are coping and relearning with easier access to information thanks to the internet. The Kids Health site even suggests that if parents are uncomfortable talking about periods, then ensuring there’s another way they get the correct information is important whether it’s watching a video or getting a doctor or trusted family member to handle the talk. But parents of today seem to be stepping up. They are talking to their children, shedding the stigma, and celebrating periods. Some quite literally. Social media has normalized talking about cramps and getting advice from others on how to handle it. It’s no longer a subject that makes you scared to pull a pad or a tampon out of your purse or walk proudly down the hallway at school or even at work with it in your hand. There are even coloring books like Adventures with Toni the Tampon, with period themes to help with the conversation and destigmatize menstruation.

Period parties have also become a popular way to mark the transition into adolescence.
These celebrations range from dinner parties with red foods, to festivities, uterus decor and even menstrual product party favors. Even Supermodel and CEO Tyra Banks wrote in her book, Perfect is Boring, that her mother threw her a period party when she was 15. She wrote, I appreciate that my mother never wanted me to be ashamed of anything, or to think that there was something bad or dirty about my body. ... Most of [the girls there] had never talked about their periods so openly before, and in between the ‘yucks’ and giggles, they asked questions about everything from whether using tampons takes away your virginity to wanting to know if other people can tell if you’re on your period.”
I wish this had been the approach to periods when I was a confused 11-year-old girl wondering what was happening to my body. I wish I’d been armed with information instead of shame. I wish I’d be able to have an open conversation with my mom — or really, anyone — about my period, instead of having books shoved in my arm. But I’m glad things are starting to change and it’s becoming more popular to not only talk about periods, but celebrate their arrival. By honoring the occasion, it shows other young girls that there is no reason to feel shame about becoming — and being — a woman.

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So with all that said-- when did you get your first period and how did you learn about what to do, what it meant, all the things?

I don't miss my period AT ALL but I still have the PMS symptoms so it's almost like she never left, especially since I do have phantom periods.. but that's a story for another day.

Make sure you check out my new podcast with my co-host Chelley Cheyenne called "Ladies Edition" where we talk about the ADVERSITY and ABSOLUTE foolishness that comes with women's health.

~Meik

Interviews: "All The Queen's Men"

In Memory Of....

Interview: Tami Roman

Essay: Remember Your First Mofo'n Period?

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