Kissing a Mofo'n Frog

Tuesday, January 29, 2019

Happy New Year Mofos!

Imagine that.. I am actually posting a blog close to the start of 2019. Yay me!

Have you ever been kissed a frog?

What you mean Meik?

I'm glad you asked, but I'm not talking about a literal frog. I know the stories of the princess kissing the frog and he turns into a prince, but since this is me--that ain't that kind of fairy tale.

As most of you know, I love covering red carpet events. So a couple of years ago, I found myself on a red carpet about to interview a certain old school artist. While he wasn't THE MAIN singer of his group, it was still awesome to chat with him. I knew things were a little strange when the first thing he said to me was:

"OMG, you are really real!"

Me: Excuse me?

"I mean, I've seen you on social media but like you are real!"

Me in my head: I wasn't aware I was a unicorn bruh.

Me in real life: tee hee hee *sniggles* thank you I think, uh so tell me... *insert whatever question I asked him that pertained to his performance in the event we were there for*

"But, you're so pretty and real in person!"

Me in my head: I think we've established that I'm real negro.

Me in real life: Oh thank youuuuuuu!

So then to gas him up a little more--I ask for a selfie and his fingers continue rubbing my arm.

Me in my head: STOP TOUCHING ME.

Me in real life: Thanks for the pic! Good luck tonight! *steps away and directs my attention to the next artist coming down the carpet*

He just stands there staring with a little drool on his lip.

Don't look at me like that. If you go back to any pic of this dude--it always looks like there is drool and crust in the corner of his lip. I ain't lying--however I ain't telling you who it is either. :)

Fast forward to the after party that I had absolutely no business going to.

Dude walks in and sees me and me being polite I walk over and tell him his performance that evening was awesome and he hugs me. He then says he wants to introduce me to a couple of other artists and so we walk over--chit chat with two other old school artists--one of them a former Bad Boy artist that my ex King Mofo so wanted to be but that's another story.

I notice my sidekick aka my mama (yes I took my mama with me--judge your own mammy not me and mine)

and she is kee-keeing it up with Kid from Kid N Play--again another story for another time, but I step over to ask her if she's ready to go and she nods yes.

So I step back over to my mini-circle of old school artists to do my nice to meets, have a good night pleasantries--shaking hands--exchanging info. I turn to leave and the one that discovered I'm a real live whole ass person asks for a hug--so I oblige..but before I can break away or even turn my head....he mumbles.. "GIMME A KISS!"

His crusty drool filled lips are on mine and I can feel my entire body tense up, my mind is saying don't slap the shit out of him in front of all these people and don't curse in front of your mama.

I'm thinking is this fool really doing this in front of these other artists, and I know that my "employer" is also in the room and I don't want to act a donkey. That 3 seconds was the longest 3 seconds of my life and all I could do was push him firmly to remove his lips from my face.

He FINALLY backs away and smiles and says "keep in touch."

Ew. No. Thank. You.

Now if you know KNOW chapped/dry lips are a pet peeve, and for him to put his DRY CRUSTY LIPS WITH DROOL IN THE CORNER ON MINE.. gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaag.

I am dry heaving now as I write this. He wasn't even cute. This makes me even more sad.

Lesson learned: Clearly I didn't learn a damn thing cuz I have many many stories of encounters with the old school famous. Wait for the book! HOWEVERRRRR don't go putting your lips where they aren't wanted or requested. Thank yew, Amen.

Have you ever kissed a frog?

Until later..and still vomi-gagging,

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