Mofo'n Suga Mama Counseling Session

Monday, November 30, 2015

Hey Mofo fam! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving and didn't have to resort to digging thru Black Twitter's #Thanksgivingclapbacks to hurt folks feelings over nasty arse potato salad and yams.

I ended my holiday at the dentist.. don't act like y'all ain't trying to use up them flex benefits and max out that insurance before the year ends..DO NOT ACT LIKE THIS.

Anyhoo.. something always happens when I sit in the dentist's chair.

What happened Meik? What they do?

Ooooooh I'm so glad you asked!

Now..I love my dentist..she's a soror and good at what she does..but I don't know where in the hot hayle she finds some of these dental assistants. I think I discussed this on twitter one day.. one of them..chile you could always smell when she was on that time of the month..and you KNOW I'd be in there holding my breath like this ain't natural.. it was rank y'all. RANK I SAY! I mean I don't know about y'all but I usually can't tell when someone is on their period unless they announce it.

Anyhoo...she was a talker.. we would talk about her relationships and kids..all that.. ok cool..then one day she vanished.. I assume fired for stankin.. cuz let's be real, if you are working with the public..can you make sure your pubic area is clean?

The next dental assistant..well.. chile..she was so nervous acting she had me nervous and was shaking until I had to throw a tantrum and sit there like a kid refusing to open my mouth until they brought someone else in there. I don't like nervous acting folks! How you making me comfortable in an already uncomfy situation by shaking and stuttering? Granted she tried to tell me about her and her live in boyfriend but I didn't wanna hear it. I ain't Dr. Phil.

Another one..well she was just hood and ended up ordering the wrong damn color crown for my mouth and well.. maybe I should be insulted she didn't get me a gold one like hers. hmmph.

So we've been through a cast of characters at this damn dentist office.

The newest one is a lady that's been in the dental industry for years.. she knows what the hell she is doing and makes you feel all warm and fuzzy the moment you walk in. Cool..I can deal with this. I don't know WHY when I sit in that literally transforms into a counselor's chair. I swear fo gawd I keep thinking I got my masters degree in the wrong dayum thing!

So 50-something year old Flo informs me that she moved here a few months ago and her roomie is trippin.


You in your 50's with a who?

I wish I would be in my 30's with a roomie, but that's just me and my anti-social can't live with nobody unless it's bae ways.

So she tells me that he is feeling her and is mad at her for setting thirst traps on Facebook.

I took the x-ray tray out of my mouth to discuss this one..

Ma'am. How old is this roomie using words like "THIRST TRAP?"

She puts that dayum x-ray thang back in my mouth and mumbles.. "he's in his mid 30's."

Now..I'm gonna assume she is only spilling tea because she thinks I ain't gonna respond while they are in my mouth. WRONG.

So..uh... this yo boyfriend or your jump off? You his suga mama?

She then says, "Girl, he is fine! But he needed a place to stay because the lady he was with that was giving him $3k to $5k a week cut him off."

Now.. I ain't proclaiming to be the smartest chick in the world or anything but does this sound right to ya'll?? I said um... do what now?

"Yeah he said he wasn't attracted to her and hated that he was whoring himself out for money but he needed it. Girl, he has a nice car..a maserati."

So let me get this straight Flo..this ninja in his 30's just left a suga mama.. took the money she gave him to buy an expensive arse car, and he was homeless..and don't sound like he has a job..and now he lives with you.. a woman in her 50's with a good job and a house--I mean I just wanna make sure I got this right.

"Girl he asked me what are we doing?"

Um.. well you his new suga mama boo. She shoves the cotton in my mouth at this point. WHAT I SAY?!

The dentist comes in and they do what they gotta do for my crown..and while she's working on my temporary crown..she decides it is a great idea to keep telling me more foolishness.

She says, you got facebook? Look him up, he's really attractive know..I could introduce you!

No the dayum hell you can't! I ain't made to be nobody's mama much less a dayum suga mama..BYE LADY!

So she then says she felt sorry for him but he did have a nice pair of shoes that cost a thousand dollars. Ma'am. I need for him to get his priorities in order and if you don't watch gonna be buyin him his next lil sports car. I sure hope Flo kicks that negro out if he don't start pulling his weight and paying some bills..cuz she don't have a roomie..she has a child living there.

I AM UNABLE. So this is what we have to look forward to in the dating world? Triflin Plus? Lawwwwd help me! Maybe singledom ain't so bad after all.

Would y'all have let this grown arse man with no job and a nice car park his arse on your couch cuz he ain't got nowhere to go? I ain't got time to be buying short sets for no grown arse man.

Lesson Learned: Dating foolishness continues as you get older. I got nuthin else on this one. I swear I need my degree in counseling with all the foolishness I listen to LOL

As always..if you want to guest blog..holla at me!

Stay classy!

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  1. All I can say is that she must have all book sense & no common sense! She is just about stupid!

  2. All I can say is that she must have all book sense & no common sense! She is just about stupid!

  3. Too funny. I ended up reading twice, cause I wasn't sure if you really said what I thought you said the first time about the 50 year old assistant, but I'll be damned if you didn't. It sounds like she's hoping for something with dude? I gotta believe she's getting something out of the deal, but then again, why'd she offer to introduce you to the roommate? Lol.

    I felt bad laughing at the assistant who couldn't escape smelling like that time of the month thing.

  4. Wow! She's trying to push that dead weight off!
    Great blog! Too funny!

  5. Wow! She's trying to push that dead weight off!
    Great blog! Too funny!

  6. I swear it's a comedy show every dang time I go to the dentist LOL I'd rather be laughing than in pain I suppose LOL


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