Test Drive..Gone Wrong..

Friday, January 29, 2010

Fam.. when I tell you ish only happens to me.. BELIEVE ME. I don't go out seeking the ish it just finds its way to me like a moth to a flame.. Anyhoo..(deep breath).. here we go...its a long one..

So I decide to go look for a car at this dealership.. the guy that i spoke to on the phone seemed like a nice enough salesman and promised to help.. that's always good right?
Well... in the beginning the convo was very professional, business like and he pulled out a folder with an "About Me" section so you know who you're dealing with and has pics of his 6 month old twins .. so ok.. family man, gonna work hard to get the commission so he can feed his chil'ren right?

Lemme stop here and say.. he aint the least bit attractive (well to me anyway).. and run over shoes just aint what's up.. but i digress...

First Red Flag: "You look nice today, Miss" .. ok thank ya.. "No.. realllllllllllllly nice" blink blink..

Now before you go thinking I went to the dealership in my cutoff jean shorts and a tank with all my cleavage showing.. No.. its too cold LOL..

Fast Forward..Test driving the car..

Out of the damn hot hell blue this mofo says.. "I don't know if I really love my wife, I mean I love her but well I only married her b/c I THOUGHT she was preggo and then found out she wasn't. "..( mmmk. What's this button for?)

He ignores my question and proceeds " She's lazy.. just let herself go (now remember she just had twins but i digress), she don't cook, don't clean, and won't have sex.. (again.. just had twins and wtf is he telling me this?!) " You know.. I'm young, I'm in my prime and i have needs.. and I admit.. I cheat.. not on the Tiger Woods scale, but I do .. but not all the time, just sleep with a chick once or twice then move on".. (mmmmk.. again sir.. wtf does this button do.. can you tell me some ish bout this car?!)

(matter of fact im mad i didn't cuss his azz out..but as usual im tryin to be business like but yet im in disbelief and i smell a blog so i entertain his azz by talking)..

So I ask.. if you are oh so unhappy why cheat and why not just leave cuz u are hurting ur fam by doing this.. (Yes I was getting my damn Dr Phil on..DONT JUDGE ME).. he tells me cuz of the kids.. then says he wishes he didn't think about sex ALL the time.. (mmmk.. which way back to the damn dealership cuz i dont wanna drive NO MORE.)

He informs me that he has had TONS of groupies b/c at the ripe old azz age of 23, he used to play professional football for 4 years. Now I aint no mathematical genius and all but errrr ummmmmmmm HOW in the hot hayle does this add up? Negro tells me he played for Philly.. mmmmmk. Told me he graduated high school at 15. mmmmmk.. u a genius but u sell cars..ok.. if u say so.. but anyhooo...

As I pull back into the parking lot, he looks at me and says "Do you have guy friends?" (umm yeahhhh duh.. ).. "No.. I mean GUY friendssssssss" (wtf didn't i say yeah).. "No I mean well.. look, you're an attractive woman, so I was thinking maybe we could be friends with benefits."

ya'll know i laughed right?

Then I politely explained to his retarded unprofessional azz that I am a damn lady with standards and morals and am NOT in the biz of sharing a damn MARRIED man and I came to BUY a damn car.. he says.. "well lemme know if you change your mind cuz err i can take long lunches.. you know alot of women i sell cars to want to have sex with me." (negro..i aint one of them desperate bias mmmk)

So we go inside the dealership.. and he just keeps on testing my one good nerve..and yes im tweeting away about him.. lol. anyhoo he decides that i can't possibly see the paper he's writing on in front of my f'in face so he must drag his chair around the desk to damn near sit in my lap.. and touch my knee. (i think i threw up a lil bit).. So i keep scootchin away (yea i said scootchin).. and he keeps on..thanks gawwwwwwd someone needed him to do something..

long story short.. i told his ass to get me my keys tell me where the f my car is cuz I gots ta go..

That is all.

Lesson Learned here: mofos still aint learned ish from Tiger, Steve McNair, no damn body.. and until some of these mofos that are desperate for a man, any man.. aint ish us chicks with some dang sense can do.. but keep putting them in their place..

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