*sigh* One day mofo friends.. I shall learn to just STAY in the house!!!

What happened Meik?

I'm so glad you asked.



Grey is back. Who is Grey? Well if you are an avid reader of this blog then I shouldn't have to refresh your mofo'n memory, but because I'm sugar and spice and everything that's kinda nice..here's a refresher:

http://www.themofochronicles.com/2013/02/but-he-nice-thopart-1.html



http://www.themofochronicles.com/2013/02/stuntin-like-my-deddy-part-2.html

Caught up now? Good let's proceed.

So here I am 8 weeks out from surgery and heading to my first physical therapy appointment. (mind you.. I didn't have ish done to my leg in surgery..but it's janky and hey that's another story for another time) So I arrive early for my appointment..SHOCKER..cuz I never get anywhere on time..much less early. Anyhoo.. whip Thriller into the parking space, roll out the car (yes it's a roll..thanks to a janky hip and leg..I can't just get out of the car like normal people right now) And I begin my long journey across the parking lot..ok I'm parked in front of the building but when your leg is f'd.. it seems like a long walk.

I hobble along..I hear my name being called.. F. Who the hell knows me up here..I specifically picked a PT so I wouldn't run into anyone. F. F. AND F.

I slowly turn around........................actually hoping..wishing..praying it could be someone ...perhaps even my crush has come to his senses..but since this is Meik..naw..bruh.. naw sis.. it didn't go down like that.. INSTEAD......

I see Grey speed walking towards me with a big grin on his face, gray chest hairs just blowing in the wind tangled up in that medical alert necklace.

Ain't this about a mofo and a half?!

So I roll my eyes and say "Oh hey".. He catches up to me and starts rambling and stuttering about how good I look (Let me give you a visual..I had on a red MJ Tee, Reebok gym shorts, and white/gray sneakers and my hair was pulled back in a raggely ponytail..I'm not here for his lies) ....

Sir..I'm gonna be late..so...........

Grey: Well, listen I was just wondering why you didn't want to go out with me again. I thought we had fun at breakfast at Bob Evans and the convo was good.

Me: *Blanket Jackson Blank Stare* and then I looked at his hands while he was talking..this ninja's nails are longer than mine!!! WTF?!!!!!!!

*sigh* Sir... No.. WE didn't have fun.. YOU had fun. I don't want to go out with you because I'm not interested and the age difference is entirely too great.

****now for anyone else that has some sense..you would think that answer would suffice right?!***

Grey: I don't understand. I like you and I want to go out again. What you doing later?

Me: I'm gonna be late for PT and I'm busy and we aren't going out..ever.

Grey: Well you know some people your age act like people my age, or people my age act like people your age, so don't knock it til you try it.

*in my head I am thinking..oh I would try it if Jackie Jackson came knocking at my door..or even Denzel..but YOU SIR ARE NOT SESSY! OR ENTERTAINING*

Me: Well, that's not for me, I'd prefer to stick to folks my own age that I have something in common with. Again, I have to go. Nice to see you again..take care.

Grey: Well wait, what are you doing here, you look good tho.

Me: I just told you physical therapy. I had surgery. I gotta go. Wait. Are you going in the same building?!

Grey: You don't look sick. You look good tho.

If this ninja say that ish ONE MORE TIME LIKE I'M GONNA CHANGE MY MIND!

Grey: Actually I'm going to the chiropractor..I got in a car accident,totaled my car, but I'm okay tho. You know I still go to Atlanta every other weekend, so I'm here this weekend if you want to go out.

Me: I don't. But.. well I gotta go .. take care.

I limp off into the building to find the directory so I can figure out where the PT office is..

THIS MOFO................

slides in front of the directory...KNOWING DAYUM HAYLE WELL I AM TRYING TO READ IT!

Grey: So what you doing later.. you like football?

Me: I'm busy. I don't like anything. I am busy. Can you move?!

Grey: Listen, I was thinking about going to a sports bar tonight to watch the game, why don't you meet me there for drinks.

Blink Blink Blink

Clearly that gray hair in his ears is blocking his hearing.. NO NINJA!!!

I find the office location and limp off to the elevator..thinking he finally left.

*ring ring ring*

I start digging in my purse for my phone.. and hear "Hey.. That's me calling you so you have my number! Call me when you get done with your therapy and I'll tell you where I'm watching the game so you can come!"

ldfkjasd;jflakdjfg;kladjfja;kladjsfkds;fljs MOFO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just start punching the button for the elevator praying..hoping..wishing..calling on God and all his heavenly angels for this elevator to show up and save me.

I see him walking towards me..and YES the elevator is here.. I limp on and hit the close button before he can even say one more word.

I think I hate him.

Oh, you think that was the end? Noooooooo of course not..someone that persistent doesn't give up that easily. I left therapy and saw he had called 2 more times and left a message saying to call him. I see why he is "allegedly single"... tho I still think he has a wife down in the A.

Of course the weekend didn't go by without several calls (each one sent to ignore.. like this mofo can't even be thrown in the friendship prison..he is in solitary no chance in hell of parole..leave me be!).. even text messages have gotten ignored.

At what point does a mofo just give up and realize I AM NOT INTERESTED IN YOUR OLD ARSE?!

Lawd just typing this has my blood pressure boiling.. I swear tho..I could hear my grandma's laughter in my ear the entire time..


The epitome of a bug-a-boo:




Lesson Learned: Continue showing up late to ish.. cuz showing up early only got my nerves twisted up. On a more serious note, I think the lesson here is to pay attention to the red flags and not give out my mofo'n number or accept any more dates from someone that's "nice".. Dating outchea is rough but doggone it..I'd rather be by myself than deal with a wormy mofo.

What would you guys have done in this situation? How should I handle his continued calls aside from blocking?

Until Later..
Meik

Ya'll know I can't stand you right?

*sigh* here we go.. Fast forward to...THE DATE.




Well.. Grey calls me and leaves me a message asking if I'd like to go to church together and then go out to eat after.

1. I know he saw all that alcohol that I had in my cart at the grocery store.
2. I know I told him I was going to a party
3. WTF I LOOK LIKE GOING TO CHURCH WITH HIM.. granted, that's prob a safe place to go on a date, but jeeeezus I just can't do it..for me, I just couldn't do that, maybe because God would know that I was really not feeling him..shoot I don't know, but I do know that wasn't the place to go on a date.

Then again, church dates could be cute, if you both have the same beliefs and there's no ulterior motive..but I digress.

Soooooooo when I finally get around to returning his call the next day, I inform him that I just can't do church but I'm willing to go eat. This is when I should have just turned my hungover arse over and went back to sleep and stayed that way, but NOOOOOOOOO I just had to be hungry, and nosy and wanna know wtf this dude wanted from lil ole me. I blame y'all.

So he says.......are u ready for this one...... before I tell you.. let it be known that I'm not the type of chick that has to go to an expensive arse spot the first date.. I'm not like that at all.. but when I told my friends where we went the laughter was beyond endless. I hate them too.

So he says ... "Let's meet at Bob Evans." (now the date was at noon, so this isn't like it was a night time date or anything and who wouldn't want some dried up eggs and cardboard tasting pancakes and french toast to ease the hangover woes?!)

Bob. Evans. Restaurant. Now the few times I have been there, there have been nothing but senior citizens in there but that's another story..

Now, I'm not the best at remembering faces, so when I walk in, I'm looking around for who I thought I had met the day before..a guy that is prob in his 40's, and remember, I still wasn't attracted to him.

The man that stands to greet me *whispers* looks like he went to school with my deddy n'em. This is gonna go fast so keep up..


Suede Vest.

MOM Jeans. (If you don't know what that is.. ask someone or look down at wtf you might be wearing)

Medical Alert Necklace. (Ok I'm prob exaggerating that one but it did look like my grandma's necklace)

Me: EXPRESSION IS PRICELESS. I have been catfished right in my own got dayum face *faints*

So, I'm not THAT much of a bish.. (and I'm sure many of you think I am one for writing this blog, but hell, this my ish and you ain't got to read it you know)..but I figure I gotta make the best of it and hell, he is a nice guy.. so far. After all, while we are clearly probably not compatible, there's nothing wrong with being friendly...right? RIGHT? RIGHTTTTT? *help a sista out and just agree with me!!*

So we order and have the most awkward one sided convo ..and why I texted my friend boy under the table I shall never know cuz his one text of "You know he was probably listening to 'I Be Strokin' on the way up there' had me bout to piss on myself. All I could think about was my grandma's warning that I didn't heed as usual. WHY WONT MEIK MEIK LISTEN?!!!!

So after we ate, I'm thinking good, I can get the hell outta here, cuz I really felt like I was sitting there eating with my deddy. I have a huge headache and I'm just hella uncomfortable. While I know you shouldn't worry about what other people think, I couldn't help but notice people staring and me feeling like they were talking and laughing at us. I tell him that we should go since the waitress probably wants the table for other guests...he stands up, looks around and says, nope..nobody else is waiting. GAAAWD.. JEEZUS HELP ME.....

My phone is being lit up at this point from friend boy and his jokes, and some other friends. I'm plotting my way outta there. Then finally I put my coat on..and he says.. do you like jazz.. NO. Do you like spoken word...NO.. look, I have ish to do.

So we walk out..he walks me to my car, telling me about his daughter who is probably closer to my age when I finally ask him how old he is.

*shakes head fast* nope. I don't wanna tell you.

NOPE.

NOPE.

YOU CANT MAKE ME TELL YOU.

But let's just say the age difference is too great for me. He's closer to my deddy's age, and he's in his early 60's.

****PAUSE. The only men that I'm willing to risk worms for as my friends say are well..that's none of your biznass but Jackie Jackson, Billy Dee Williams chileeeeeeee and ...well let's just say I need the man to not look like he is that age and not make me feel like they are my deddy*****

So we get to my car and the first thing out his mouth is the exact same ish my dad ALWAYS says.. "you need to keep this car cleaned, it's nice..... you need to shine them tires up...you blah blah blah blah"


******SCREEEEEECH******* WHAT IN THE HELL?!!!

Did my deddy send this man to torture me?! All I wanted was some breakfast ...not a mofo'n lecture on the fine art of putting armour all on your tires to make them shine. I've heard that lecture since I learned how to drive, so for this man to repeat this ish to me word for word as I have heard it from my deddy was my last f'n straw.


While some women want to find a man like their deddy to date.. I DONT WANNA DATE MINE! Or any man like him! Gawd, I'm staying in the house from now on.

So after ignoring his text messages, I finally told him that this just ain't gonna work. I can't do an age gap of that big, we have nothing in common. I wanna listen to 2 Chainz, and he wanna listen to Miles Davis. I wanna twerk and dance on a bar, he probably gonna need a hip replacement sooner rather than later, It just won't work. Not to mention he goes out of town every other week to "check on his house" and I didn't think anything of that until my deddy said, girl that man is probably married. *mouth hangs open* now that dayum after Valentine's Day ish makes sense!!!

Lesson Learned: Quit giving out my number, ESPECIALLY to men I'm NOT attracted to or remotely interested in, ask a person's age UP FRONT, and run from anyone that reminds me of my deddy. After all, I don't need two deddy's. I got one that has worked just fine for all of my life. thank yewww and amen. Y'all can quit treating me like this is a drama on television. Here is your part 2. :)

Until Later...
~Meik