Hey Mofos!

*note I wrote this in Dec--just didn't update it and hit post til now*

I started this blog 50'levum years ago to talk about my dating experiences with the worst of the worst. Along the way, I kept the stories close to the vest of the rare moments I fell hard for some questionable ones in hindsight. 

Everyone says dating is fun and I thought, my heart has been hurt so many times that maybe it's easier to date someone I already know. 

WRONG ANSWER! 

It's almost like they take it as a personal challenge to take your heart and stomp on it, twist it up then throw it back in your face. This last "relationship" had to be the 2nd craziest situation I found myself in. I had a crush on this man since I met him in the 90s. Enter Facebook and we reconnected and it was like the stars aligned and finally my crush liked me back! Getting to know him as an adult made me fall even harder. I think it also helped that he didn't run for the hills when I shared that I had fibroids, had to have iron infusions, couldn't wear heels because of fibroid surgery nerve damage and my weight was all over the place, plus, I couldn't have kids. He didn't care about any of that. 

We were long distance, so of course, I was okay with that, because I didn't want him to see my hair falling out, how exhausted I was from low ferritin/iron, the changes that took me thru, the uterus that made me look 7 months pregnant, and going for iron infusions like clockwork. When I finally decided to have the hysterectomy after another failed surgery, I didn't want anyone--not even friends to see me struggling to pick myself up and adjust to a new body with hormones bouncing all over the place. He asked me to be his girlfriend and it was all I had ever wanted to hear. We video called almost daily and we just clicked. 

Two days after my surgery-- he asked me to borrow some money--he was frantic, and while I barely had energy to get out of the bed and walk to the other end of my mama's house, I thought one time will be okay? Then I didn't hear from him again for weeks. Weird for a new boyfriend right? Why didn't he come visit after my surgery you ask? GOOD DAMN QUESTION.. not a flower, card, piss, boo, bye. NOTHING. 

He finally checked in around 3 weeks post op, told me he had quit his job blah blah blah and was in Florida. And no, he didn't pay me back. 

Long story short, that man had 50'levum jobs over the course of our 2 year relationship and I tried to be patient and understanding all while healing and building Check the Rhymes TV and soon Ladies Edition. But during the first year, we got closer, he got a job where he was on the road a lot, and  he was sending me money just cuz and there were promises of the future and  he kept telling me he loved me blah blah blah. Then, the worst happened, my granddeddy fell and things went downhill quick. During that time I was going back and forth to my hometown and he sent me gas money every time and made sure I had money to eat. But when my granddeddy passed in March 2023, my life changed and I was no longer the same person. I thought, my man will come and help me thru this right? NAWL. He kept running to Florida because of his house and his brother allegedly. Didn't come to the funeral-- which I didn't fault him for that since my family decided to have it literally 3 or 4 days after he passed, so a lot of people didn't get to come. BUT he managed to get his ass to Florida a couple weeks later. 

In July 2023, I had enough of the "I'm coming" and never seeing him. I was done. He then shows up with a layover on his way to go live in the Midwest. Yes, y'all I saw my boyfriend for a whole 15 minutes at the airport, a year into this ragglass relationship. 

Six months later, my niece was killed in a tragic car accident. Do you think this man comforted me at all? Nope, I found out a few weeks ago that while I was sitting in a church looking at my niece in a casket, he was busy cheesing and taking pics with some heffa in Florida. I kept asking him WHO is in Florida-- but it was always this house, my brother blah blah blah. 

Two years I kept listening to his promises of coming to visit or move back to NC. TWO DAMN YEARS. Actually more than that. 

I would get so excited and then disappointed. The roller coaster was too much. I was killing myself trying to look how I thought he wanted me to look and then he'd come. Spoiler alert-- he didn't.  He'd switch jobs, going to all other states, but avoided NC and me like the plague. 

My self esteem plummeted, but I had a show to do, Soulibration was born and I had to focus on that dream. I kept listening to his promises, and his borrowing of money became too much and he'd pay me back on the rare occasion. Then I heard from some others that he was doing the same thing to them (not other chicks-- but friends we had in common). I was concerned, but he kept on promising he was coming and would gaslight and manipulate me into believing he really wanted to be with me. 

I started to get embarrassed of always talking about a boyfriend and realized, this man could barely remember my birthday, wouldn't say ish on any holiday, never introduced me to anyone but random people. I was becoming more and more frustrated, and I kept praying and hoping things would turn around. 

Then I found out this house he kept talking about belonged to an ex and it was an ex in the photos I saw, and even the car he was driving and showing off on Facebook, wasn't even his. It's interesting how on social media, all of his followers think he is some millionaire and he ain't got a pot to piss in, and has to borrow $5 just to get a slice of pizza--allegedly. It's sad that a man that's almost 50 years old has to play in y'alls faces too online to let you think he's something he totally isn't and hasn't been for awhile.  

How did I get here? Well, once all of that came out that he had no time to visit me but could see this chick and he admitted he didn't tell her about me because SHE is insecure. Bitch, you need to worry about ME. But anyhoo, once he said he was coming here to surprise me for the 100000000th time I said don't worry about it, you ain't been coming. I sent a text the next day breaking it off and realizing I deserve better than being someone's layaway telephone girlfriend. His response was that I was overreacting. I asked for my money back and 7 months later, I still don't have it.  Months went by before he finally apologized. It came after he thought showing his support of my career was a thumbs up on an IG post.  It sounded like he struggled with more than a mental health issue, but the thoughts of some kind of addiction started to appear in my mind. We spoke on the phone here and there, until the day of my Soulibration anniversary, he asked me for money right before I went live. I was LIVID. He knew this show meant a lot to me and I was beyond hype that I poured my heart and soul into a show that helped others. He didn't even congrats, nothing, just I NEED... 

Some other stuff happened and if I share that, then some of you will know who it is lol 

Memorial Day it hit the fan, he tried buttering me up all day long, with this speech of wanting to make it work, and going to handle the loser that sexually assaulted me in 2008 as a way to protect me, and blah blah. Little did he know, I found a therapist that got my ass together which is how I even had the strength to walk away and build my self worth months prior. I was ready this time. I knew how to spot the holes in his stories at this point. He asked me for $5, I fired back and asked why he always needs money?

The gaslighting response: "You look for any opportunity to keep an n-word down, and you just hate men."

Oh? I hate men now because I won't give into your demands now? Okayyyy sir. That comment fired me up and I lit into him and he threw back some hateful stuff even throwing the assault in my face. I remembered during his apology a few backs back, he shared that he wanted me to hate him. Game on. He succeeded. 

What pisses me off even more is that I allowed this to go on so long, and I didn't even go into ALL of the things. Maybe grief prolonged it so I was focused on that and work, or maybe a tiny part of me felt like things could change for the better. I want to get married so maybe it was the fact that he kept yapping about that that gave me a mustard seed amount of faith. 

I deserve better. No more bare minimum, no more narcissists, addicts, liars, ect.. and I'm throwing in athletes, personal trainers, and truck drivers just cuz. 

I'm tired of choosing wrong y'all. I literally don't have it in me to do this again. 

So I'm hanging up my dating hat for a while. I'm picking my crown back up and realizing my worth. Hell the one before that was verbally abusive and an alcoholic that went to jail for 30 days, but that's another blog. BUT how dare these ragglass mofos treat me like trash? I really just try to be their cheerleader and treat them the way I want to be treated and it's like they can't handle someone treating them right. They always go back to the toxic hell they love being dragged back to. 

Anyhoo, I wish this last mofo and the "ex" well --tho she prob never was an ex. I was just the dumb ass ATM and you know, she prob is too. Also, I'm not saying I'm the best looking but why come they always wanna run to someone that looks dusty?

As I look back on the relationship, it never really was one. It was a 90s crush that went down a wrong windy road and a reminder that sometimes you can't circle back cuz mofos may be the same, or they may have had a hard life and take it out on you. My wish for him is that he gets the help he needs before he wrecks someone else's life and bank account. I also wish he'd run my coins back. Now, he didn't get me for thousands upon thousands, I'm just grateful I woke up before that happened. 

Lesson Learned: Pay attention to the red flags. Actions speak louder than words. If they can't even do the bare minimum, fuck em. I have since revisited my deal breakers and boundaries because  I'm too old to be being a dummy like this even if it was the crush I always wanted. 

Sadly or maybe luckily, I no longer have a crush on this man or anybody from the past. (well I'm not counting my General Hospital crush). 

Picking up my feelings.. so until later.. 

~Meik

Hey Mofos! 

 I hate when the truth hits mid-scroll.

You’re sipping your iced coffee, minding your business, thinking you’re healing. Then boom, your brain throws a flashback into the ring like it’s the main event. And suddenly, you’re sitting there, remembering everything he said, everything he didn’t do, and wondering how you ever mistook that chaos for love.

Let’s just call it what it is:
He never loved me.
And real talk? He probably didn’t even like me.

I know. That’s a hard pill to swallow without wine.

Because when you look back, it’s all there in plain sight. The gaslighting wrapped in “I was just being honest.” The constant taking without giving. The weird little digs at your confidence, your body, your choices, dressed up like jokes. The way he only got soft when he wanted something, and sharp or ghost the second you needed support.

He said he’d fight for me.
Said I was special.
Said I was the one.
But chile, he asked for money more than he asked about my day.

He didn’t show up when it mattered. He didn’t protect me from the world, or even from himself. He used my pain as a punchline. Brought up things I only told him in whispers and turned my trauma into ammunition when he ran out of ways to win an argument.

That’s not love.
That’s not even basic decency.
That’s someone who wanted access to the benefits of me without ever truly respecting the reality of me.

You can’t tell me you love me and then make me question my worth. You can’t say I’m your peace and then turn around and become my storm.

The truth is, he liked what I could do for him.
How I made him feel.
How I showed up.
How I held it down.

But me? The real me?
He never sat with her long enough to even see her.

And once you realize that, really feel it in your bones, it shifts everything.

You stop replaying old messages hoping they meant more.
You stop rewriting red flags into love letters.
You stop begging memories to make sense.

Because now you know. It wasn’t love.
It was convenience.
It was ego.
It was survival for him, not for me.

And yeah, it hurts. It’s okay to cry about it. It’s okay to grieve what you thought you had. But when the tears dry, you get up. You get wise. You get free.

And next time, you won’t just be asking, “Does he love me?”
You’ll be asking, “Does he even like who I am when I’m not pouring into him?”

Because if the answer’s no, you already know what to do.

CUT THAT MOFO OFF and BLOCK!

~Meik

 Hey Mofos!

When I heard the 40th anniversary tour of The Four Tops and The Temptations was making a stop in Charlotte at Ovens Auditorium, I knew I had to be in the building. But after the passing of Duke Fakir in 2024, I honestly wasn’t sure what kind of energy the Four Tops would bring. Would it still hit the same? Chile, let me tell you, they did Duke and the audience proud.

The crowd was as diverse as the setlist. Senior citizens were shoulder to shoulder with Gen Z, all vibing like it was 1965 and we were rocking our finest set of bell bottoms and headbands. That’s the kind of power music has. It unites us. Doesn’t matter your age or your era. When the music is this timeless, everybody shows up.

The Four Tops lit up the stage with all their classics like “Reach Out I’ll Be There,” “Bernadette,” “Baby I Need Your Loving,” and “Ain’t No Woman (Like the One I’ve Got).” Lawrence Payton Jr., son of original member Lawrence Payton, has clearly inherited both the vocal chops and the charisma. Longtime member Ronnie McNeir added his smooth touch as always. And Theo? Whew. Theo’s voice on “I Believe in You and Me” gave me chills. I had no idea Whitney’s version was nearly identical to the original. Both versions are flawless. Talent, baby.

It was bittersweet though. No Duke singing “My Way” as their set was coming to a close. That moment used to hit different. I found myself missing how powerful that moment used to be when he sang that. I miss him always remembering who I was when I'd see him. It was my absolute honor to interview him for SoulTrain.com years ago. Rest well, Duke. You are missed.

Now let’s talk about that lighting. The flashing lights were enough to trigger my mom’s migraine into overdrive, and my own eyes were doing ping-pong loops trying to follow the action. Overstimulation much? I have to wonder how the rest of the audience was managing. I assume they either had to close their eyes, they have cataracts, or they just didn't mind the headache/eye ache. 

But let me give flowers where they’re due. Lawrence Payton Jr. was funnier than I’ve ever seen him. I’ve been to several of these collab shows over the years and maybe Duke had him reined in before, but this time he was on fire. His audience engagement had everyone clapping, laughing, and singing along.

Then came the Tempting Temptations. We all came to see Mr. Otis Williams. I don’t care what David Ruffin (in the television movie) says. Otis is the anchor, the heartbeat, the history. At 83 years old, this man was dancing, twirling, singing, two-stepping, and sitting down when needed, all while keeping pace with his younger counterparts. 

Shout out to NC Music Hall of Fame inductee Ron Tyson and his perfect falsetto. Still heavenly. Remind me to tell y’all about the time he walked me to my car after a show. Sweetest man ever. And then there’s the newest addition, actor and singer Tony Grant. Charlotte’s own. With Tyson and Grant in the mix, that Queen City and Monroe combo sang the roof off Ovens Auditorium.

Let me tell you, the Temptations have a new album out. They performed one of the new singles and it sounded so good I had to do a double take. They’re not just legends. They’re still evolving and creating. Of course they gave us the hits too. “Just My Imagination,” “The Way You Do the Things You Do,” “Papa Was a Rollin’ Stone,” and my forever jam, “Treat Her Like a Lady.” I just about hurt myself trying to stand up and two-step with my elders. No regrets. Totally worth it.

Otis kept it real as always, sharing history with humor and telling stories about what artist development looked like under Motown. I may have yelled “WE NEED THAT NOW” a little too loudly. Oops.

I brought my mom as my guest for her birthday and she had an absolute ball. We sang, danced, clapped our steps in, and took a joy ride through memory lane with two of the most legendary groups in soul music.

Also, can we talk about how it didn’t take long to get out of the parking lot? We left with the crowd and still got out in under 10 minutes. That alone deserves a standing ovation.

If you get the chance to see these icons when they roll into your city, go. You won’t regret it. Worst case, you’ll sweat out your hairline from singing and dancing. Best case, you’ll feel the soul of music in your bones all over again.

~Meik

One year ago, I hit “go live” on something that wasn’t just a show, it was a leap of faith.
I was grieving the loss of my grandfather and my niece, trying to navigate a world that suddenly felt heavier and a lot lonlier. I was also going through a chaotic confusing complicated errrr toxic relationship, burnout from ALL the things, and I didn’t know it at the time, but in creating Soulibration, I wasn’t just making space for others to heal, I was creating space for myself to begin healing too.

What started as a show rooted in wellness, joy, and real conversations has become a full-on Soulibrationa celebration of the soul, mind, body, and spirit.

My very first guest was Dr. Boogie, the celebrity hairstylist and host of My Mane Problem. I asked him a question that was soul filling:
“What do you do that’s good for your soul?”
His response still gives me chills.

“I go to the battered women’s shelters and do hair free… makeup, photo — all by myself… That just makes me feel so good.”

That moment set the tone for everything that followed.

Since then, Soulibration has grown into a space where healing meets honesty, purpose meets empowerment, and the conversations are always rooted in wellness within the Black community. We’ve talked about fibroids, menopause, mental health, grief, burnout, body image, and even vision boards. Each guest has brought their story, their expertise, and their truth—and in doing so, poured into all of us.

And now… we’re celebrating.

If you’ve been with me since day one, thank you.

If you’re just discovering Soulibration, welcome.

This platform has become a sacred space—where we fill our cups, tend to our souls, and remind ourselves that joy, rest, and healing are revolutionary.

So meet me Wednesdays on BlackDoctor.org's Facebook & YouTube Live. Let’s celebrate. Let’s reflect.
And most of all, let’s keep soulibrating.

~Meik