The Mofo Chronicles

A dose of mofo'n advice

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 05:43:00 +0000

Hello fam! 'Tis time for another guest blogger (well frankly, I just haven't had time to write so I'm letting you guys tell your stories/opinions ect..)
Antyhoo..let's welcome my latest guest blogger to the fold.. ENJOY! And of course, my comments are sprinkled throughout..
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Guest Blogger: The Good Doctor

...And an F was not given by all…

Sorry, that should be at the end of the story, right?

Everyone likes to say "they" whenever something bad happens to them. That's it, if there is no one else to blame but yourself, blame it on the Editorial THEY.

((I blame the mofos and Black Ty aka Tyrese for ish personally *shrugs*))

"None of this would've happened if THEY weren't walking down the
middle of the sidewalk," said the coke-n-smack fiend who mowed down a
group of school kids on a Tuesday afternoon when he saw bats flying
out of their book bags.

Or …

"You know, I could've been a doctor, but THEY say I should go into
porn because I have magnificent breasts," said the 50-year-old
leathery porn star to the nurse, just before her third breast
augmentation surgery and tummy tuck.

The Great and All-Powerful Editorial "THEY" is the cause of all our
problems. If THEY blah blah blah, then my life would be infinitely
better.

That logic is faulty, at best, and downright bullish, at worst.

And I'll believe it when my ish turns purple and smells of rainbow sherbet.
((* blink blink* and you might wanna find a doctor if that happens cuz you’re insides might be shot to hell and back ya know))

We had an interesting discussion the other night about peen moves on
dates by dudes.

It was a discussion that progressed from the earlier topic: Debunking
the urban myth that if you blew an air bubble into a woman's vagina,
it would form in her bloodstream, move quickly to her brain and she
would stroke out.

((pause. Now what now? *crosses legs foreverrrrrr*))

First, just a cursory look at the female anatomy, you can see there is
only one way out, and that is the vaginal opening. The muscles in the
vagina are designed to force things out of the body, not to keep it
in. This is why it really is a miracle babies are made.
((Thanks a lot.. I still was hoping Storks delivered em.))

Second, who besides curiously dumb 10-year-olds actually believe that?
Yet, there we were, grown-ass men, discussing this seriously FOR THE
THIRD TIME.
((well.. you already know how ree-donk-ulous it is..no need for my .08))

Ladies, if you didn't know by now, dudes never grow up. We will be in
wheelchairs at the nursing home, and whip out our old, wrinkly, hairy
balls to try and impress the hot blonde nurse who brings us our heart
medication before the 4:30 supper call. Get over it.
((why not the black nurse with the braids or the natural? HUH? ANSWER THAT ONE! Sorry.. I digress))

Anyway, we were discussing peen moves on dates.

One dude took a lady to a Chipotle for supper one time, decided it
wasn't going to work, got to the checkout, paid for his meal, then
turned to his date and said, "I'm gonna go grab a table."

HE BOLTED THE CHECKOUT WITHOUT PAYING FOR HER MEAL.

Peen move.
((----insert my Blanket Jackson blank stare. HE DID WHAT NOW??!!! I mean first one..it ain’t like Chipotle was gonna break this mofo’s wallet, so he couldn’t spare a $20 cuz it wasn’t gonna work. WOW. JUST WOWWWWWWWWW.. blink blink blink blink))

He said he knew that it wasn't going to work out, that he wasn't going
to get any action at the end of the night, and, frankly, he was moving
anyway, so what was the point?
((Again, when did dating just become all about sex? This new-fangled ish twerk team dances on my last good nerve))

LESSON: Valid points, but still, you pay for the lady's meal. That's
just courtesy. If you ask a lady to a meal, no matter the expectation
for sex after or not, even if it is just a friendly thing, you pay for
the meal.

((SCREEEEEEECH!!!!!!!! Pump the breaks, run over the peen. No, those are not valid points. He shouldn’t have gone on the date EXPECTING a got darn thing but a good time meaning good convo, laughs, and at best a handshake and a church hug with maybe a promise of a next date. If he was moving, his raggely arse shoulda said that and maybe just have gone dutch..now I’m mad for the poor girl. ))

I know women are strong, independent and are perfectly capable of
paying for their food and booze, however it's just common courtesy. If
you initiate the date, you pay for both meals.
((least we agree on that))

The inverse is also true. If a lady asks a dude out on a date, which
is very acceptable these days, the dude should expect the lady to pay.
He can offer, as he should, because that is also courteous. But
ladies, you ask a dude out, expect to pay.
((it’s courteous if he offers, but even sexier if he just does it and tells her not to worry about it. Don’t get it twisted.. women have no problem (well most of us) paying for the date..or even throwing in the tip))

THAT'S WHAT EQUALITY IS ALL ABOUT.

Dudes have hang-ups about ladies paying for ish when it's the dude's
place to pay. I can understand that. I've had that hang-up before. I
got over it. And you should, too. Nothing is more sexy than a lady who
can take care of herself.

((and a man that can appreciate it is sexy too *swoons*))

Have that conversation. It's awkward, I know, but man up and discuss it.

Now, onto the next peen move:

Have you ever been in the zone before? Like totally and completely in
the Wormhole of Concentration that everything around you melts away,
and nothing else matters in that moment in time?
((*I don’t like worms so I don’t know that I have a worm hole* I’m just sayin..))

And then someone walks up and invades your wormhole with their
presence and threatens to collapse it in an epic display of cosmic
proportions, like a sun going supernovae and filling the night sky
with bright streams of radiation.

Yet all you can see are pretty pictures of rage in your eyes.

"I really need to go out," she said. "I need to go out on a date."

This is code for "I NEED TO GET LAID SUMTHIN' AWFUL!"
((pause. When I say I need to go out on a date, I mean I need to go out on a date, I need a companion, good convo, laughs, and just someone to hang out with..WITHOUT the expectation of giving away my cookies..hell this bakery is CLOSED until further notice..but that’s another story))

To which I replied, "Well I would, but I'm too busy."

And I turned back to what I was doing, re-entered the Wormhole and
engaged the warp drive.

The poor girl turned around and walked away. Hours later, I realized
what I had done: I had shut that poor girl down in her moment of need
and denied myself what could have been a good time with a cute lady.

The first step in fixing a problem is admitting your faults.
((**nods..right right..))

LESSON: Always be aware of what's going on around you and don't shut
yourself off to possibilities. It's fine to get cold feet, or if
you're just not feelin' it. Be honest about it.
((wow..I agree again!))

But the worse thing you can do is to let things get in the way of a
good time, and good people. Work will be there in the morning. Go out,
have a good time. See people. Eat. Drink. Be merry. Get laid. If not
that, have fun anyway.

The only thing bein' a career dude or lady will get you is more money
and an empty house.

((yep, I’ve learned that the hard way..no one to share ish with is a lonely existence *sniff sniff*))

Some other thoughts: Even if your one-night stand wasn't that great,
be courteous anyway and respect their dignity. Don't make it more
awkward than it already is. Offer breakfast. If they just want to go
home, offer a ride back if they don't have their car. Or call a cab.

The sex may have been turrible, but if you are courteous, they will
leave feel in' better about the whole thing, and about themselves.

MOST OF ALL: Don’t give an f.
((Well, I think my guest blogger has hit on some important lessons and summed it up quite nicely, don’t you think?))

Until Later,
Meik

Gone Too Soon

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 05:04:00 +0000

What's happenin fam?

This week has been tough. A man that I respected and thought of as a dear friend passed away this week. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around this, so for me the best way to do that is to write. So bear with me, I'll be rambling, sniffing and snotting and laughing about my memories.
Now, some folks may be thinking why is this man so important... well, if it weren't for him, The Mofo Chronicles probably wouldn't exist..

Stroll with me down memory lane for a min, back to 1998. Xavier Timothy Hall puts the word out on the street that he is casting for a fashion show. Well, hell, that's right up my alley, so of course I went to the meeting and being the great guy Tim was, he just let whoever showed up at that meeting be in the show. That first fashion show is key for a few reasons:
1. I met the man that I thought I was going to marry and have lil brown babies and skip off into the sunset with aka KING MOFO *blink blink blink blink* (find past blogs for that info..I'm not rehashing that story right now)
2. I learned my way around a stage
3. I became more comfortable with myself
4. I was able to stop thinking so much on stage, and just let it flow
5. Most importantly, I learned how to not take things so seriously, and to just have fun and LAUGH

I can remember for that first show begging Tim to let me be in the bridal portion of the show..I wanted to sashay across that stage with a dress and get my model on ..ya'll don't hear me lol. Tim only had 3 or 4 dresses..and 6 girls, well, I won that round LOL.. (guess he taught me how to go for what I want and not to give up til I get it)

Next up Tim wrote a play.. A tribute to Black History -at the time I didn't really grasp the magnitude of this thang, and being silly college students, we didn't really even learn our lines.. rehearsals in Tim's apartment, me being bossy wanting to rewrite stuff, but in the end, the show turned out well.. let me tell you why.. because Tim was so easy going, and he encouraged us to ad-lib, just get the point across that we are paying a tribute to black history, we rattled off names of blacks that impacted the world and paved the way for us (and had no clue who any of them were..sad I know), but this particular show,it was a play and a fashion show, but Tim incorporated local talent, young girls that he was trying to help build their self esteem, keep them from hanging out with the wrong crowds, and allow them to see black people that they can look up to, again, all that went over my head back then. Anyway, we did tributes to the Motown greats, the Four Tops, Smokey Robinson, and The Supremes. I recall right before I was supposed to go out on stage as Diana Ross, Tim says, we have the wrong music, but don't let that stop you.. again, I learned how to roll with it, and this particular show, I started to learn that I like talking out the side of my neck and making people laugh. We tackled topics such as segregation, racism and the list goes on and on. I can honestly say, when I look back on my college experience, those productions are part of the highlights and helped shape who I became.

I can recall the many talks that Tim and I had about my goals and dreams and he always encouraged me. Of course as life goes on, people lose touch with each other, but I reconnected with Tim via Facebook a few years ago. I discovered he was still crazy, and learned that he was doing big things himself, he was following another dream of his as a comedian. He worked his full time job, took care of his children, and still hit the road to do what he loved, and that passion allowed him to work with the likes of Steve Harvey and other comedians that have been on BET etc..

The last time I saw Tim, he was performing for our alumni reunion, but I missed his performance munking around with King Mofo (again, a whole nutha story) but I did catch him before he left and got the chance to give him a big ole hug and tell him how crazy he was and that I'm proud of him.

Over the past couple of years, we just talked on fb, leaving crazy comments on each others statuses, and as much as I blink blink blink.. I met my match cuz he'd blink my arse right back down lol. He also loved Michael Jackson just like I do and would go to a mofo's throaK yes.. THROAK if they talk out of pocket about him. He would come up with the most craziest things for me to ask some of the artists that I have interviewed for Soul Train, but chile I ain't even bout to fix my lips to ask some of the things he wanted to know lol. The past few days, I keep waiting on Tim to post that he was just kidding..that he's not really gone, and I keep posting the most ridiculous statuses, waiting on him to call me out and blink at me, but of course, he's not going to.

In December, Tim had a brain tumor removed and he was fighting his way back to being well again so he could return to the stage. Unfortunately, he lost..no.. no..he didn't lose, because he beat the odds, doctors didn't expect him to make it this long.. and with the grace of God, Tim was able to celebrate his birthday, and see just how loved he was, so for that I am glad. Read about his experience here..his last interview just 2 weeks before he died: http://douglassalumni.blogspot.com/2012/03/xavier-tim-hall-sometimes-you-just.html?m=1

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I know that Tim is in heaven on a stage telling jokes, and maybe just maybe MJ is in the audience cracking up at him. If I had the chance to talk to him one more time, I would tell him Thank You. (then I'd ask him why didn't he intervene and keep me away from King Mofo ..I kid, but I would....blink. blink. blink..) My heart breaks for his children, his family, fiance, and all of his friends and fans, but I do know this.. he wouldn't want folks crying, he would want folks laughing ..because as he says "Laughter is good for the Soul".. so I leave y'all with this.. no matter what you are going through in your life, never lose your sense of humor.. it's the best medicine that you can get for free :-) well.. never mind..Imma leave that alone. Tim has inspired me, in the short time he was on this earth he managed to accomplish his goals and dreams and maintain a positive attitude despite his health problems. I will always try to remember his outlook on life the next time (which will probably be in a few hours) I feel the urge to complain and whine about my job, or any other issues that I have going on. Thank you Tim for reminding me to stay positive.

RIP Xavier Timothy Hall.. You will be missed dearly, but never forgotten!

Meik..

Can you Feel It? Michael Jackson: The Immortal World Tour

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 04:09:00 +0000

Hello Fam!

Wow. Where to start? As I told you in the last post, I went to Cali a few weeks ago and one of the things that was on my to-do list was to visit Michael Jackson's resting place. Now if you know me, then you ALREADY know..this was something I had to do. So without going into too much detail, I just want you to remember this as I jump into this blog. It was one of the most surreal unexplainable moments I have ever felt. If you go back through my blogs, you will understand how much I looked up to Michael Jackson and the impact he had on me and my own career.

BUT ANYHOO... This blog ain't about all that.. but what it is about is a tribute to the King of Pop.

I had the opportunity to check out Michael Jackson: The Immortal World Tour by Cirque Du Soleil and I have one thing off the top to say: THIS IS HOW YOU DO A TRIBUTE! Everyone that has tried.. and plans to do one..see the show and take notes!!

I'm not going to give the show away, but I wanted to tell ya'll a couple things about the show.

Michael Jackson.

This show embodied his spirit. His essence. His message. His music.

The show reminds me of a story, a very familiar story. The story of magic, the story of wonderment, the story of curiosity, the story of life.

What do you mean Meik?

I'm glad you asked! Stick with me on this..

The show revolves around MJ's music, dances, videos, just everything MJ. Throw in some acrobatics, some theatrics, with a little dash of walking down memory lane, and you have a magical performance.

I'm gonna hit some highlights that stood out for me.

The show centers around a Mime, and everyone has their own interpretation of his presence, but to me, he represents the spirit of the King of Pop. He takes you on a journey from outside the gates of Neverland, to inside where the magic happens. From celebrating MJ's love of animals, to reminiscing on the Jackson 5, to his strong plea to help save mother earth, the show is jam packed. The show reminds me of going down the yellow brick road to see The Wiz or if you're extra fancy, The Wizard of Oz...except you never get to see the Wiz, instead you just hear his voice throughout the ranch aka show. Each performance is like looking into different rooms at Neverland and seeing an interpretation of those MJ classics we all know and love.

If you've seen "This is It" then a lot of the scenes in this show will be very familiar. I can't tell you how many times I had to blink away the tears upon realizing just how awesome this show is and how some of the scenes he created for the tour were supposed to look, but one thing is missing. Michael.

For me, this show hit home, because just a couple of weeks ago, I was clinging to the door of the Mausoleum where he was laid to rest, and then at the show, I realized, he is physically gone from us, but his spirit lives on. His music lives on. I looked around and as the song "Black or White" played, I noticed, everyone of all shades, were united, singing and crying. MJ's music did that.. he united people from different backgrounds. Michael's message of LOVE was also present, with artists from the show holding red glowing hearts that conjured up MJ's spirit on stage as his image appeared on screen as he sang "I'll be There"..I tell you what...there wasn't a dry eye in the house. Just thinking about it now has me about to ugly cry again.

Here are some other quick highlights:

BUBBLES. Now you know darn well you can't pay tribute to MJ without showing Bubbles the Chimp some love, and I thought this was done tastefully with a slight comedic tone..I absolutely loved this addition,especially when Bubbles and the Mime embraced at the end.

"Human Nature" -one of my favorite songs, but I didn't quite get why the childhood MJ on the screen was Asian...if the paper I'm reading says MJ as a child sitting on the moon. blink. I'm just saying..*shrugs* and it hurt my soul to the core to hear a child ask his mother "Ain't this Chris Brown's song?" I just knew lightening was about to strike him down.

"Thriller" - this was another hard one for me to watch, because I could remember where MJ was trying to take it in the "This is It" show, but it just wasn't quite there yet, probably because MJ wasn't in it :-/

Scream- I thought they could have done more, but they didn't so I am just going to leave it alone.

My FAVORITE performances of the night: "Smooth Criminal," "I Just Can't Stop Loving You," and "They Don't Care About Us."

"Earth Song" and "Will you be there" started the waterworks for me, and "I'll be There" finished it off. I loved these performances also.

Another highlight: A one legged dancer. You have to see it to believe it and when I tell you he WENT IN HARD.. whew.. he was one of my favorite dancers!

It was also exciting to see another familiar face...if you watched "The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty" reality show or have paid attention in their concerts in the past, including MJ, then you know this drummer: SUGARFOOT Moffett! That man is a beast on the drums! GET IT GET IT!!

I oh so wished Orianthi was on guitar, but the chick that was on guitar Desiree Bassett..she and Tina Guo on Cello were the ish! Loved em!

Lastly, if you have ever played the video game: "The Michael Jackson Experience" then you are good to go, you will recognize a lot of the dances, and have to literally contain yourself like I did to not bust out in the aisles and just twerk it hard like nobody's watching.

My only real complaint for the evening: A lot of the crowd just sat there like lumps on a log, can you nod your head? Clap? Sing? SOMETHING?! The crowd didn't get it popping until after intermission and THAT is not how an MJ show is supposed to go. If I was flexible, and could dance without all my ailments, and could turn flips, or even hum halfway decent I swear fo gawd I would have auditioned for this show..

My advice: If the show comes to your city..GO SEE IT! It's worth every expensive penny to see a tribute fitting for a King.

I love you MJ! *muah*

Until Later..

Meik.

A Wet Winter Nightmare

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 06:23:00 +0000

What's up fam?
I hope everyone is well, it's been a bit of a sad year thus far with the loss of a former coworker, Don Cornelius, and then Whitney Houston just to name a few. May they all RIP.

However, this blog isn't about to be a sad boo hoo sort of post. I just got back from the City of Angels aka LA and let me just say...I LOVED IT! Of course, you know it didn't go off without some drama tho right? Come on now..this is Meik.

Travel with me down memory lane..all the way to last week ..see I didn't take you as far back as I normally do..but antyhoo.. picture this.. me, in a hotel room all by my lonesome ..and no.. if your nasty rabbit arse minds are thinking of something dirty then you probably want to stop reading b/c you're about to be sorely disappointed. I digress.

Anyway, I have a habit at home of turning the water on in the sink and letting it run until it's the right temp..and most times, I walk away to do something else for the next minute or so, I'm impatient, ADD, or whatever you want to call it, I just figure I can multi-task.

So, I go into the bathroom.. turn the water on..it's ice cold. I figure, it should heat up in a couple minutes right? So I had EVERY intention of standing there and curling my hair, but ring ring ring..the phone rang.. ooooh lemme go see who it is..

Well...my phone convo lasts about 5 minutes..(water still running right?) I hang up, and I bet you can't even guess what happens next.

I'll wait.

blink.

blink.

blink.

I walk around the corner and Niagara Mofo'n Falls greets me!

I mean the water had overflowed from the sink..washed away everything I had on the sink.. floated down it's own lil river to the floor..and the water has even seeped out of the bathroom..into the room..under the door..and into the room across the hall.

I AM MORTIFIED.

I AM THE BIGGEST MOFO!!!

So I do what any proud mofo does.. LIE.

First, I turned the water off of course after my panic moment, then I grab sheets, blankets, towels, any and everything to sop up the water..then I rescue my things throw em in the suitcase..then I think...wait.. I gotta call the front desk..so I call and tell them..SOMETHING has flooded the bathroom..and water is everywhere! (I swear fo gawd I could've won an Oscar my dayum self with this performance)..antyhoo.. I then come up with the bright idea that water CANNOT be in the sink..and I clean up the water on the sink counter.. then take a cup and am dipping the water out tossing it in the toilet.. I gotta hurry before the janitor comes...and the remaining water isn't draining in the sink fast enough. f. So just as the janitor knocks at the door, I scoop the last lil bit of water into the toilet..whew. I am hoping to NOT get charged for this ish. After all that, my baby hairs have parted and rolled up and are plastered to my head..hell, who needs gel when sweat works just fine? LOL.

I open the door..and my performance gets even better.. tears welling up in my eyes "Sir I don't know what happened..I was in here minding my own business and went in to the bathroom and water was everywhere!!!" blink blink blink..

don't ya'll judge me.

Thank gawd the room across from me was empty.. hell it was 11am at this point, they must have left already and I was about to check out anyway, but this just made the process a lil soggy..

So janitor man says "no problemo" and promises to fix it. whew. he fell for it.

Then my ride calls.. I tell them to come up and help me get my ish so we can get like MJ and Beat It.. and here he comes wanting to ask questions.. what happened..I don't understand where all this water came from etc.. SIR.. pick up that bag and let's GOOOOOOOOOO....

I never told him what happened.. but I guess he knows now LOL..

I checked out.. and to my utter shock.. I wasn't charged for the mess. God is good.

BUT in my defense..that water shouldn't have done rose up like it had bass in it n ish..hell it should have been draining like a normal mofo'n sink, but clearly it was clogged up with gawd knows what..

Lesson Learned: Stay in the bathroom while the mofo'n water is running...and continue to perfect the art of crying on cue..since it works so well.
That is all.

Until Later..
A dry and sane Meik..

Love, Peace, and Soul: My Thanks to an Icon

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 16:06:00 +0000

Hey fam,
I honestly don't even know where to start..so forgive me if I ramble a bit.
I guess the best place to start is RIP Don Cornelius. Innovator. Trailblazer. Icon. Legend. The list goes on and on.

I woke up this morning to the news that Don Cornelius had died. For those of you that don't know..Don is the creator and the original host of the show Soul Train.
I sat here in shock for several minutes then boo hoo'd my face off as if I had lost a family member. I guess technically I have. Many of you know I am a contributor/writer to the soultrain.com website, so in my head at least, I am a part of the Soul Train family..in a distant cousin kind of way? maybe? Just go with it.

Everyone has Soul Train memories of some sort. I always ask the artists that I interview to tell me about Don, what was he like? What kind of advice did he give? I also always ask them to tell me their favorite memories of the show. I always LOVE their answers.

So, I thought what better way than to honor a man that paved the way for so many than to answer my own question.

So, Meik.. What is your favorite Soul Train memory?

I'm so glad you asked.

I can recall that growing up Saturday morning was "clean up" time at our house. My sister and I would split it up, one take the upstairs, the other take downstairs.. I'd always want downstairs so I could sneak and watch Soul Train and pretend I'm cleaning with no one around..I mean, yeah mama (I know she's reading)...it really took me an hour to dust and vacuum.. I'd vacuum during the commercials. LOL. But I'd stand in front of the TV..and I'm talking right up on the damn thing and I'd watch and listen to Don's interview style and I'd take in the responses the artists gave, and of course I loved to watch the performances and the dancers. I LOVED the Soul Train line, shoot, I still love doing it now.(Ya'll know how WE do lol) Then when Shemar Moore started hosting my focus changed to drooling over him, but that's another story..and this ain't the time for that.

But, I have to say my favorite episodes of all time is when the Jackson 5 performed Dancing Machine and Michael did the robot on ya'lls arses and it was like WHOAAAAA...Did he just?? He did!! That was a sign right there..that he was about to change the dance game foreverrrrrr Moonwalk anyone? (of course I saw that episode in reruns) and I also loved the episode when Marvin Gaye was on there ..1974 (I wasn't born yet..so again, reruns) but his honesty and candid responses to the interview questions Don and the Soul Train gang threw his way made me love him even more, and I realized..he was absolutely hilarious in addition to being talented. I could go on and on with the episodes that I love, but we'd be here all day.

Even today, every time Centric or Bounce TV shows a Soul Train episode, I stop what I'm doing and stand right up on the TV as if I'm 12 years old all over again, mesmerized that people that look like me (black that is) are on television on a music based show. Now if you recall my blog back when MJ died in 2009, I told ya'll that I was always interested in interviewing people, shoot, ask my sister, she was who I practiced on..and if she didn't want to play right, I'd interview my damn self LOL. But, I say all that to say.. here I am nearly 20 years later, still mesmerized by the groundbreaking show that Don Cornelius had the foresight to create. I thank him for giving our artists a place to showcase their music, fam, not every African American artist could just run over to American Bandstand back then (learn your history), I thank Don for laying down the foundation and building a show that everyone could enjoy and talk about for years to come, I thank Don for his vision, because soultrain.com wouldn't even exist today without him. I especially thank him because without him, I wouldn't have the opportunity to write for the website. Writing for Soul Train has been one of the most rewarding experiences in my career thus far. I get to interview some of the same artists that Don once interviewed, some of the artists that appeared on the show, it's totally surreal. Talking to the artists that I watched on television growing up, the artists that only Don would lend his spotlight to and allow them to show the world their talent..I can't really explain to ya'll how it feels, except to say that every interview that is published to the website, I would often wonder if he was reading them and hoping that I did them justice just as he did years ago. I am grateful to artists like Kashif,Betty Wright, Lenny Williams, Cherrelle, Alexander O'Neal, Christopher Williams, and the list goes on and on..I thank you guys for sharing your memories of Soul Train and Don Cornelius with me. A lot of people often ask me why I interview "old school" artists, and my answer is 1. Because I mofo'n want to and 2. For those that don't know a lot of the artists, and don't know their story, I want to tell their stories so they aren't forgotten and so that people know where the music today comes from, Don didn't give these artists an outlet for them to be forgotten about, why not talk to them, and learn more about how they got to where they are and what they think of music today.

Anyway, after all this rambling, it boils down to one thing: Thank you Don Cornelius for breaking down racial barriers and allowing us to come along for a funky soul filled ride. You will be missed, but because of you, Soul Train lives on. Love, Peace, and Soul..

Shameika Rene'

Share your favorite Soul Train memories with me!

Chatty Cathy Mofos

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 16:14:00 +0000

What's happenin fam?

Seems I have another guest blogger this week! (this is where you get excited)...As usual..my comments will be sprinkled throughout.. ENJOY!

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Guest Blogger: Ashley Poag is a Marketing Specialist and Blogger for InsigniaGroup.com.

Since when did it become ok for you to violate all social norms and human decency just because you are on the dayum internet! It looks like there are a lot of grown ass men out there that need to take an internet etiquette course. Why do I say that?
Well, I was minding my own business, working late and yes signed into Facebook when suddenly I heard the little “BOOP” sound indicating that I had a message. Great! Nothing like some late night chit chat to break up the monotony. Well, is it bestie? long time whoever? Or cousin so and so? Nope, it’s a random ass dude from high school (RADFHS). What does he want? Never really talk to him, barely even know him.

((Meik: now see.. this ain't finna go good at all. If it's a random dude you don't know or barely talk to.. RUN.. listen to auntie Meik.. I've learned my lesson about idle chit chat ish with mofos))

RADFHS: Hey how do I know you?

I thought this was strange but, maybe he is doing some late night, clean out my friends’ list type of stuff. Hey! I do it from time to time. You know, get rid of the mofos you don’t actually know, or want to know, the spammers etc. So, I proceed with the conversation. We discover yes, we went to the same high school, rode the same bus, had some mutual friends and then…

RADFHS: Yes, wow! You do look familiar Cute (**side eye** hmm k)

((Meik: blink. blink. blink. now see, if he didn't know you, WHY are you entertaining this mofo??!! Why jog his rabbit arse memory .. his game is wack))

Me: uh Thanks, you have a beautiful wife and kids too (Don’t start nothing won’t be nothing right? Smdh, so very wrong)

((Meik: blink. blink. blink.))

RADFHS: I’m bored (At this point you’d think I would know to exit the conversation. But, I didn’t)

Me: Well, I’m taking a break from work, so you’re cool

RADFHS: I’m actually doing something but I can’t say..I’m ashamed (**record skip**)

Me: (*PAUSE*) WELL, I hope it’s legal

RADFHS: not smoking or drinking but if you really want to know. I’m sorry but I’m beating off.

((Meik: *spits drink out* now what now?!!! Heck's naw.. LOG OFF IMME-JET-LEY!! He needs to go handle his bodily functions with his wife.. whew chile hellz nawl.. this calls for a UNFRIEND and BLOCK!))

Me: Wow that’s so disrespectful and gross and I can clearly see you are married.. So do me a favor and delete this before your wife checks your messages..And I will pretend you were either drunk or someone hacked your profile and this conversation never happened.

((Meik: Ma'am. Girl. HELLLURRRRRR.. why are you still talking to this nasty arse mofo??!! Why are you telling him how to protect himself from the wrath of his wife?! You should have BEEN done logged off the dayum internet!))

And then ish got real different…

RADFHS: Oh this not (RADFHS) this his home boy, he’s not on, he left. This his friend **hee-honk** I hope I didn’t offend you but you asked but any way let’s start over hell (RADFHS) left is Facebook open and I thought I would browse for beautiful women.

((Meik: Bye MOFO...that arse is LYING.. DELETE. BLOCK. THE END))

People what kind of jack arse does something like this? I will tell you, someone that simply don’t know how to act! Just because you on the dayum internet does not mean you can say and do whatever the hell you wanna do. Being the Dick Tracy type of chick that I am, I had to investigate RADFHS’s friends list to see if the name that he gave me was on there. And, sure enough either this donkey was so dumb he gave up the little bit of anonymity that he had and gave me his name OR the “W” word scared the ish out of RADFHS and he threw his homeboy under the bus. Men do me and all innocent women, who are minding their own business out there on the World Wide Web, a favor: if this is you or your home boy please go get yourselves some netiquette.

Meik: I do believe the lesson learned here is F that idle chit chat ish with random folks..if it's THAT important, tell em to inbox you wtf they wanna say. If you don't know HOW we know each other, that's fine.. just don't take it to that next level with all that nasty dirty talk and you got a wife in the other room. Sir. BYE. I leave you with this: Would you want your significant other online trying to holla at other people and talking dirty to them? No? Oh. RESPECT is still a virtue that mofos have yet to learn. *sigh*

Stay Classy with some sense please!
~Meik

The Boo Boo Bandit

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 05:27:00 +0000

What's up Fam? I have decided to try something new.. and allow guest bloggers..

WHAAAAAT???

Yes, you heard me right.. I'm finding out that others have MOFO stories they want to share, and frankly, I don't have the time to write THEIR stories for them, so why not just let these folks tell their own stories? Geez Meik..that's so smart.. ooooh I know.

So I'll stop rambling for now and let you enjoy the first installment.. I warn you.. this ish is HEE-LARIOUS! and of course.. my comments are sprinkled throughout.. LOL..

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Guest Blogger: Gangsta Princess

Hell dates don’t really happen? At least that’s what I used to think, until I actually went on one myself.

It was Summer 2011, one of my homeboys from out of town was in town for the weekend, so why not have a party? In traditional house-party fashion, someone had to make a beer run, so 2 of my boys, one of my best friends, and myself decided to make the run to the store. We decide to go to the gas station that is literally 1 minute away from the house. Run in, run out, no problems!

There are two lines at the gas station, I get in one line, and my girl gets in the other line. I finish up before her, and as I’m about to exit the store she yells, “This man just said that he thinks you are beautiful.” So I turn around to see who said this, and it’s the cashier. So of course, I say thanks, shoot him a smile, and proceed to exit out of the store. When my friend makes it to the car, she has his name and phone number written on the back of a receipt, and tells me I should call him.

Shallow is thy name at times, and I completely understand that is wrong, but hell, he works at a gas station, I’m not feeling that. So my friends give me the lecture of “don’t judge him yet, it could be his part-time job, you never know, give him a chance..blah, blah.” We all know that alcoholic beverages give us liquid coverage, so I decided I would go ahead and give him a call and play with his mind. I call him up, we chit chat, he asks if he can take me out to dinner sometime, I say okay, we ended the conversation.

((Meik's comment: Now YOU know this aint finna go well atall.. playing with someone's mind = some munked up mess.. but do what you do boo))

Next day, he called me and we had the opportunity to talk more and I had a sober mind to ask the important questions, and instead of going with my gut feeling, I go with what my friends said, “be open.” He tells me he is 23 (too young), has 2 jobs and the gas station is his part-time (okay friends were right about the part-time gig), has a college degree (plus), has a car (plus), and has an apartment and lives down the street from me (double plus). So we make plans to have dinner the following day.
So far, so good, right?

Originally he was going to cook me dinner, but got delayed, so decided upon going out to dinner somewhere. We decided I would meet him at his place cuz I didn’t want him knowing where I lived, and we’d just ride together to the restaurant. I opted to drive b/c I like to have control over the situation, if I’m ready to go I can leave, and if you are crazy I can leave you.

((Meik's comment: PAUSE. why couldn't his arse just meet you at the restaurant? I'm betting that this is a situation that you FINTA regret.. but lemme keep reading..))

Called him up, let him know I was outside, he gets in the car, and things got confusing immediately….
He has on shorts and support socks/hose that come all the way up, sneakers, and a plaid shirt. Totally confused on the compression socks, clueless as to why he doesn’t have jeans on instead, and also taking into consideration how confused others will be as well. So I say “I’m not really that hungry, so we can just go to Applebees.” Why did I pick Applebees??? Because nobody hardly ever goes to that joint!! Lol

((Meik's comment: blink. blink. blink. Com-who-socks? FUH WHAT? and I woulda left his arse right there at his house and went the hell on somewhere errrr I like Applebee's.. but I digress.. ))

We get to Applebees, and the waitress offers a table with stools, I say cool, he says no I need a booth. I ask WHY, he says “I’ll tell you at the table.” Really confused at this point because I didn’t know it was a huge ordeal about seating arrangements. But okay, we sit down and order, I get water and a $7 salad. He orders a steak, sprite and sweet tea, which totals about $25 (these prices are important). After ordering the food, I have to steer the convo back to why we had to sit in a booth. He then explains that he has severe diabetes and has to give himself insulin multiple times a day, and just recently got out of the hospital for knee swelling and fluid on his knees. So this of course explains the compression/surgical socks, or whatever. Of course at this point, I do feel bad for judging his outfit choice, and sympathize with his health issues, so everything is explained and should go well from this point forward…until…..

((Meik's comment: wayment..I get the mofo has issues..but he couldn't cover them joints up.. throw on some sweats, jeans, long johns..SOMETHING????))

The check comes!! He pulls out his credit card and asked me if I wanted to split it 50/50…I flat out said NO, however I have no problem leaving a tip…but seriously? Did I eat a steak? Did I even have a soft drink? Hell NO I am not paying half of anything! So he looks at me like I was speaking a foreign language, and reluctantly paid for the meal.

((Meik's comment: blink. blink. blink. now forgive me if I'm missing something..but didn't he ASK YOU out? AND you drove?! *blank stare* ))

Needless to say, the next stop is to drop his cheap butt off at home. So on the way to his house, he tells me he enjoys hanging out with me, and would love to watch a movie. All signs have already pointed that I don’t need to be bothered, but I say, ok, sure we can watch a movie.

Let me explain that his apartment is basically a college campus based type of apartment where there are 4 bedrooms that each have their own bathrooms, and the roommates all share the common areas (laundry area, kitchen, and living room). No television in the living room, so we had to watch the movie in his room….he opens the door, to disorganization, and a messy room (just as I thought).

I sit on his bed to watch his 15-inch flat screen TV that I can barely see, he hands me the remote, and excuses himself to the restroom. I take this opportunity to text and tweet my friends to let them know that I am not sure if I can trust their judgment ever again and our friendships will be reevaluated, lol. As I’m tweeting and texting, I finally notice that not only has time flown by, but I’ve heard a numerous amount of flushes, water running, a fan on blast, and interval sprays of air freshener being doused in the air.

((Meik's comment: *sniggle*))

I then realized that about 15 minutes have elapsed, and this fool is still in the restroom. This mission needs to be aborted ASAP. So I start planning my escape, and as I’m about to collect my keys and my purse, I get a text message.... live from the bathroom, from this fool, and it says “I am sooo sorry, I am just going to be a few more minutes, this is taking longer than I expected.”

((Meik's comment: *sniggle harder*))

Oh.Wow. Welllp.. against my better judgment yet again, I wait for him to come out…After about 10 more minutes, he finally emerges from the bathroom spraying behind him, and apologizing. Earlier at dinner I had offered some hand sanitizer to him b/c I am all about clean hands, and he had declined, which is gross. But when this man left the bathroom, he then says “Hey, do you still have that hand sanitizer…umm…can I get some please?”

((Meik's comment: But.....*raises hand* umm... nevermind just.....))

Soooooo you mean to tell me, that this nasty grown man just had a massive bowel movement and does not have any soap to wash his nasty hands???? Thoroughly disgusted!!!!!!! But I do share my hand sanitizer cuz if he tries to give me a goodbye hug I do not want boo-boo residue on me!!

Now the plot to vacate the scene is on ten times more. We watch TV for about 10 minutes, and I say “I completely forgot I am working overtime tomorrow…I need to head home and wind down so I can be ready to get up at 5am,” (it was about 7pm at this time). He looks at me in disbelief but goes along with the story, and tells me I can stay a few more minutes, so I oblige, unfortunately. About 5 more minutes pass, and he then says, “So what time are you leaving, because I have to go back to the bathroom, and I’m afraid that I am going to be a lot longer this time.”

That is all the information I need sir, I’m going home NOW! I tell him goodbye, he rushes me out the door, and I jet to the car to call my friends to give them hell!!!! 30 minutes later, after his second diarrhea session, I receive a text saying he had a great time, and can’t wait to hang-out with me again. Were we on the same date?

He tried aggressively for a few weeks to score a second date, and I avoided him like the plague because I could not believe his actions from the first date…that ish was just beyond disgusting. I understand we all have to go when nature calls, but at least be discrete about the situation!! This dude’s name starts with a B and I so lovingly like to remember him as Boo Boo B….

Moral of the story, Immodium AD might be something that everybody need to keep in their wallets, and NEVER run out of soap at your house, cuz you never know when you might need both!
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Jeeeezus take this wheel because THIS was pure d-dayum comedy..
Lesson learned: if you have bubble guts.. cut the date shawt and be done with it.. ain't no point in trying to prolong ish lol..when nature calls..answer it, but just let those around you know so they can leave you in peace!

Stay classy and germ free!
Meik..

Double Trouble: 2nd Chances

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 05:03:00 +0000

Happy New Year fam!

Now most of you have been along for the ride through my downs, and even lower than low dating experiences, notice I didn't say "ups and downs".. and the final straw for me has been getting stood up for the gazillionth time, but that's neither here nor there, I chalk it up to mofos being trife and keep it moving..

But let's go back a little further in my dating life and look at the downfall of it all..

King Mofo and I fall in love, King Mofo and I shack up and play house in a new city like we're crazy, King Mofo eventually cheats, I throw his arse out, King Mofo comes crawling back, I forgive him and give him another chance.

This week on The Social Hour we are discussing whether or not cheaters should get a second chance?

Now if my own situation had worked out for the greater good, I'd say heck yea give folks a second chance.. BUT..this ain't the El Debarge story..so let's continue on with the story shall we...

King Mofo and I move back closer to his fam, King Mofo and I are back in love and all is right with the world allegedly, King Mofo starts acting crazy again, and lo and behold.. his arse is cheating again.. with not one, but at least 2 chicks (that I know of)..

blink.
blink.
blink.

Over 7 years and this is how this negroid does me??!!!...so my answer is simple.. HELL to the MOFO'N NAW.. No second chances will be given over cheaaaa...

Why not Meik?

Well besides the long drawn out saga I simplified for you, and the complete utter disrespect and having my heart ripped out of my chest and tossed back at me..oooh I don't know.. perhaps it's the fact that most cheaters realize they got away with the ish once, so they can do it again and again. I have no tolerance for that ish.

Now I know you're asking well why did you give him a second chance??!!

Simple. I loved him and didn't want to be alone, and besides, I actually felt in my heart of hearts he would change.

Now.. why didn't I give him one more chance after that?

*blank stare* you can't possibly be serious asking me that?!

I do know this, I don't want to ever be the person that I was back then, accepting that the mofo totally disregarded our commitment, disrespected me, lied to me, and made me feel like everything was my fault.. NO THANK YOU.. besides, if they feel the need to cheat, they can kick rocks and keep on keepin on with the heaux they started creeping with. She (or He.. however you get down) can have his trife arse..

It's not worth being in a relationship where the trust is gone, and the constant nagging in the back of your mind wondering if that person is up to no good when they aren't around you, questioning every little thing they say, etc.. that alone is enough to drive someone insane.

Ultimately, it comes down to one thing.. do you respect yourself enough to realize that if he/she didn't love you enough to stay faithful, do you think they will change when you give them a second chance? Granted I am sure there are some cheating arse mofos that allegedly change, I just don't plan on sticking around after they cheat to find out..well unless he's pullin in the Kobe Bryant money LMAO.. jk. kinda.

The road to recovering from a cheater is a long one, trust me..it takes a long time to find yourself and love yourself again, but I do know this..I love me more than some mofo that can easily stick his peen in someone else's cookie box without a second thought about me and my feelings.

So Mofo Chronicle Readers.... do you think cheaters should get a second chance?

Tune into The Social Hour every Tuesday on Urban Soul Radio.. just log onto www.thesocialhr.com 7p to 9p PST or 10p-Midnight EST and call in!

Until later,
Meik..

Tick Tick BOOM mofos

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Sat, 31 Dec 2011 23:06:00 +0000

What's up fam?

In just a few hours we'll say goodbye to 2011 and ring in 2012.. and it is my sincere hope that the new year will knock some sense into some mofos.

BUT... I'm also pretty sure it probably won't.

I also hope that in the new year that mofos learn one thing: RESPECT.

There's a thin line apparently between RESPECT and TIME.

What you mean Meik?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

I have touched on this topic before in 2009 if I'm not mistaken and it's a shame that as mofos get older, they still cannot respect people's time.

For example: Boy asks girl out, girl accepts, they make plans for the following day at a specific time, next day girl is ready and waiting....and waiting.....and waiting.....and well you get the point. Mofo is a no-show. In the workplace what does that mean ya'll...

FIRED.

My point is this.. all of this waiting n ish could have been AVOIDED if the mofo had picked up a phone, sent a pigeon, tweeted, face booked, BBM'd or whatever method he had to use to tell the chick that he 1)had something come up and would reschedule 2) didn't really dayum wanna go in the first place 3)He ain't ish.

Now I could make this blog personal and start pointing fingers and calling out names, but you know who you are and if you are guilty of this ish, male or female, then you need to think about how you'd feel if someone did the ish to you.

Not a great feeling huh?

It may be an oversight *sideeye* or it maybe you just have no respect for others and the time they have spent waiting on your trifling arse, or you may have just not been raised correctly.. either way..the ish is just rude and disrespectful. It doesn't take but a minute to cancel plans. Trust me, folks will appreciate the effort alot more than they will take the *crickets* and no call no show.

So as we countdown to midnight and ring in the new year.. let's toast to the hope that standing folks up is a thing of the past and learning how to RESPECT people's TIME and feelings is something EVERYONE will make an effort to do.

Happy New Year Dear Readers! I appreciate you all and am glad you are here and am grateful for your support!

Stay Classy!
Meik

Red Flag Alert

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 16:08:00 +0000

What’s up Mofoville!

Once again, I decided to venture out into the big ole world of dating...don't look at me like that..I already know I should have left this ish alone.

You ever meet someone that you instinctively KNOW that they aren’t for you and no matter how hard you try to keep an open mind and not judge them right off the bat, it just doesn’t work?

What you mean Meik?

Lemme give you an example. I met this guy a couple of weeks ago while he was working at an event. He seemed to be a really nice guy, very helpful since I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off trying to find publicists and managers, but my eyebrow raised a bit when he escorted me to the bathroom and stood outside the door waiting on me to come out.. But I pushed that *red flag* out of my head.

Don’t judge me just yet.

So fast forward to the end of the event and I’m frustrated, frantic, etc.. And he comes up and asks to exchange info, we do.. I don’t think ish else about it.

The next day..which is a Sunday.. He calls me 4 times and not really to get to know each other, but to just say, hi. Blink. Blink. Another *red flag* that I ignored.
I asked him about what he does full time, and to this day I still don’t know..he couldn’t fully explain what he does, all I got was he worked in advertising. Hmm. Mmk. DOING WHAT? *crickets* hmm mmm.

Monday.. He calls and texts me several times throughout the day, which if I was interested, it might be cute, but its becoming an annoyance, especially since I work in news and have told him what times of the day are the busiest.. He asks if I’d like to go out Saturday.. I said okay, because after all, a girl has to get back into dating right? Then he asks if I am looking to have a family and get married soon or if I’m all about my career? *red flag* do men ask that ish before the first date? I mean at this point my nerves are a lil rattled..

Tuesday.. He tells me how crazy he is about me and sends me pics of himself, requests me on face book and then informs me that he went through ALL of my pics. Now, if you know me, you already know I have over 1000 pics probably on there.. WHO in the right mind has that kind of time? He also asks if I’d like to go to Charleston, SC for the weekend. *red flag*

Wednesday… After a series of ignate texts that I can’t decipher, I just decide I’m too busy at work to even respond to this foolishness. He calls me when I get off work and says he can’t wait to meet my parents and that we should go to the mountains for a romantic getaway. Blink. Blink. Blink. *red flag* I quickly shut that ish down, and he begs and pleads and tells me that if I don’t like that idea, then he’d take me to Las Vegas. Blink. Blink. Blink. I shut that down, then he lays out his plans for our date. 7pm.. A walk in the park. Screeeeeeech.. Slam on the brakes… IT IS DECEMBER MOFO.. IT IS COLD OUTSIDE!!! Anyhow.. Then go get cocktails at Fridays (his words not mine) and then to the movies. Now for me, a first date should not include all this togetherness.. I don’t know if I even want to move past the drinks part let alone spend hours and hours together. So at this point I have had ENUFF.. I ask him what he’s looking for ….are ya’ll ready for this one?

He says, a chick to go out of town with.. That will turn into a friendship that evolves into a relationship then get married and have kids. *RED FLAG!!!!*

Blink.
Blink.
Blink.

Now don’t get me wrong.. I want to get married as much as the next gal, but I’ll be damned if a ninja gonna force me into some ish when I don’t even know them.. So I politely informed him of my plans of moving to Cali as soon as possible and it was pure *crickets* and he stuttered and carried on for a few minutes then got off the phone neverrrrrr to be heard from again..UNTIL the next Monday.. when I get "good morning" text messages. Is he for real right now? Technically he stood me up, (don't matter that I had no intention of going) but the point is.. is this dude like for real for real with this ish?

Lawd, I go from one extreme to the next don’t I?! This is what I get for trying to have an open mind. Never. Again.

Ok moving onto one of my key things that I always preach to ya’ll about.. SCREENING A MOFO..granted I got a lil lax because I haven’t had to do the ish in a while, but thanks to my home girls.. I logged right onto the jail website and BAM!!! Mofo’s mugshot looking right back at me..

What he do Meik?

This ninja here was arrested for writing bad checks.

Now how the hell was he gonna offer to take someone on some vacay type ish? Ninja bye. The scary part .. Is he was doing all this trying to woo me and never once said ish about ever being arrested.

Lesson Learned: STOP IGNORING RED FLAGS! period. the end.

Which brings me to this week’s Social Hour Topic.. If your significant other is whisked off to the “jailhouse” as some country bumpkins call it, are you going to wait for them to get out?? Or you gonna pull a Mya and be Movvvvvinnnnn OOOOnnnnnnn?

I have to say.. I’ll take not waiting on a mofo for 100 Alex.. I’m getting old, my biological clock keeps making strange noises..I don't have time for this ish..not now, not tomorrow, not next year..not ever! Tho I do wonder if any of Conrad Killa Murray’s boo’s and baby mama’s are waiting on him to serve his time..hmmm.. I'm thinking he bout to Bend it like Beckham.. But anyhoo...

So fam, what would you do?

As always, Tune into the Social Hour every Tuesday evening from 7-9p PST just log onto thesocialhr.com and listen in.. we ‘preciate ya!

Stay Classy!
Meik

Game for Mofos

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 29 Nov 2011 05:01:00 +0000

What's happening Mofo Chronicle-ites?!
I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving Holiday if you celebrate it!

Now you know I like to school you on some old school music sometimes right? Does this song look familiar?

"Break up to make up, that's all we do
First you love me then you hate me
That's a game for fools
Break up to make up that's all we do
First you love me then you hate me
That's a game for fools

When I come home from workin', you're on the phone
Talkin' about how bad I treat you, now tell me I'm wrong
You say it's me who argues, I'll say it's you
We have got to get together or baby, we're through"

That's "Break up to Make up" by the Stylistics.. does that situation sound atall familiar to you tho?

We've all had that one relationship that you know is bad for you, but you can't help but stay in the ish..

You know what I'm talkin about..that relationship that you fight fight fight.. break up.. pout.. one of ya'll comes crawling back.. then the make up part ensues.. repeat.

OOOOOh that vicious cycle!

This week on The Social Hour...we're talking about that same cycle and asking the question does the black family have what it takes to stay together?

I thought about this long and hard.. and I can honestly say, the potential is there.. but folks run at the sign of any trouble.

I hate to bring up King Mofo again, but since we shacked up and did everything but seal the deal in front of God and everyone with a marriage certificate.. he's the best example I have.. so everytime we would fight.. which towards the end was ALOT, one of us would declare ITS OVER.. even go so far to pack ish up, and storm out.. hell one time I moved my ish out just to see if he'd come running.. he didn't.. but that's a whole nother story..

Another example, I broke up with a guy because the mofo KNEW I was sick, but didn't bother to check on me.. not even a "can I leave you some orange juice in front of your door and not come in and catch your germs" message! I broke up with him via text, but the making up part that came later was wooooooooo chile.. but that set us on the course of the roller coaster of doom and the original issue was never dealt with.

After a while, that cycle gets realllllllll old..in my opinion, I mean seriously, once you get to a certain age, WHO has the energy for all that ish? I certainly don't, I got other ish to worry about.. but my point is this.. notice, each time, the easiest solution was just to break up and run away and not deal with the issue at hand. After a while of not dealing with the issue, you continue to add on to each layer.. placing a band aid on it every time and eventually what happens is.. no communication =no resolved issues=fail.. and then you're sitting there looking at each other like boo boo the fool wondering why it won't work..and the cycle continues.

I think the best answer to the question at hand.. are black families..or hell families in general equipped to succeed? I think so, if they utilize their mouths that God gave them and COMMUNICATE. Why run at the first sign of trouble? So what a mofo didn't make your plate, or glanced at a chick, or she glanced at a guy walking by, or she didn't buy your fav drink, or didn't call you within the allotted time or he poked someone on facebook..or she tweeted that rapper? Really.. are those petty arse arguments worth the drama? Maybe if you're in high school and college.. but grown arse adults should have other ish to worry about.. if you break up one damn time over petty ish.. then maybe you should stay broken up.. what's the point in going back and forth?

I think it's time we put on our grown folks drawz (leave the holey ones in the drawer or better yet toss them shyts out) and stop all this breaking up and making up.. hell.. wouldn't you rather just be in make up mode all the time.. you know what I mean.. the kissing n huggin n rubbin n ...well you get the point..

Tune into The Social Hour e'ry Tuesday 7-9p PST on Urban Soul Radio.. just head on over to www.thesocialhr.com to tune in!

So I pose the same question to you guys.. Break up to Make up: Does the black family have what it takes to stay together?

Stay Classy!
Meik

Non-healing Mofos

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 00:42:00 +0000

What’s up fam?
I hope you guys have been tuning into The Social Hour every Tuesday on Urban Soul Radio or check us out at TheSocialhr.com, if you haven’t then wtf you waiting on?!
This week’s topic we are looking at “Men don’t heal, they hoe”..

YES LAWD.. Can I get an AMEN?!!!

How many times have ya'll heard this line ladies?
" all women are crazy"
or
"I don't trust women"
or
"I don't do relationships now, just friendships aka booty calls"

So many times we hear men say that women hold grudges against all men once our hearts are broken, OK.. True maybe we do, but at least we RECOGNIZE what we are doing and we ATTEMPT to correct it. I admit, after I got my heart stomped on and ground into a pile of ash, I went through the “compare” phase of always comparing everything my date was doing to everything my ex did, and it boiled down to one thing, I needed to step back from the dating scene and focus on lil ole me..

So how did you do that Meik?

I turned to blogging..writing, focusing on becoming a better me.. And getting to know me, and what I will and won’t put up with.

Does anyone else feel like they almost always meet a brotha AFTER that one chick he LOVED-DED has taken his heart and shredded it into a thousand pieces? It's like from that point on.. the good women are always fighting an invisible war with this heffa..we will never get ahead cuz she's always there...because he won't freaking FORGIVE, HEAL, and MOVE THE HELL ON!

Stroll with me down memory lane for a min..
I believe this was in 2007, I met a guy at an event, and we started chit chatting, and I’m thinking he’s cute, intelligent, can hold a convo, older, and seems like he has some sense.

You already know how this is gonna go don’t ya? After all, I don’t call this The Mofo Chronicles for nuthin.

He asks me that dreaded question of “so, why are you single?” (which brings me to another question.. WHY does it matter WHY I’m single as long as I am and available to sit here and chat with you?!) Antyhoo.. I replied that I just haven’t met anyone..that’s the safe answer versus going into the WHY men get on my mofo’n nerves cuz they can’t even figure out wtf chivalry n ish means, but I digress.. So I flip the question and ask him the same question, ‘why are you single?”

WHYYYYYY can’t I just sit there silently and nod?! WHYYYYY must I ask questions I don’t really wanna know the answer to?

What happened Meik?
I’m oh so glad you asked.

Welllp.. after a few drinks he spilled his heart out and that struck again..He told me that he was introduced to this chick and felt like he had the best looking "stripper" ever..(umm I dont know if i find that as a compliment or what but it ain't none of my biznass)..but he said that after the first date, she put it on him so good, he had his nose wide open, she even told him that he was nothing but a paycheck to her.

Let's stop right here. Process what I just said. HE AIN'T NUTHIN BUT A PAYCHECK. mmk. let's proceed shall we?

Anyway, this brotha was so hooked on this chick that he tells me that he proposed 4 months later....with a $10,000 ring.

Let's stop right here and process this yet again. He's a paycheck, she's got the good good.. and now she has a 10 thousand damn dollar engagement ring.

Where did I go wrong in my life? Sorry.. I'm back I had a moment..let's proceed.

So he tells me that was 9 months ago, and where is this heffa now? Boo'd up with a thug named Rollo (I made that name up lol) with that big arse diamond ring and this brotha walking around pouring his heart out to whoever will listen..damn shame..Then fixes his lips at the end of the night to ask me out and for my number.. No sir, we can email. Good nite. *runs screaming like hell..**

So if I was dumb enough to jump on this rollercoaster with this mofo, can you even imagine the drama that would’ve ensued? He probably would have dogged me the f out, constantly going back to the stripper to get some, lying to me, etc.. NO THANK YOU.. I'm good chillin right where I am.. single and headache free.

Fellas, it’s a simple process.. take that ish up with ole girl, HEAL, then get back out into the big old world of dating. Do NOT pass go until you are over that heffa! Keep ya peen to yourself..hell you got 2 hands use em!

As I’m writing this blog, I am thinking about my own situation and why my ex did the things he did, he too was hurt in a previous relationship, so I guess the best way to deal with that for men is to take it out on the next chick and the next one and so forth..

How does satisfying that physical part make the hurt go away?

It doesn’t. In fact my dear men, you are just creating a web of mofo ish, that will turn into lies, deception, hurt feelings, and if you pick the right chick, windows busted out ya car, tires slashed, car keyed, ect.. Don’t you watch SNAPPED?

The easiest solution is this.. And it goes both ways for men and women, if you JUST got out of a relationship and got your face cracked, do the world a favor and HEAL first before you get out cheaaa causing havoc and hoeing with every mofo with whatever hole you prefer.
Disease is real. You can heal your hurt but you dayum sho can’t get rid of AIDS.. Think about it.

Tune in e’ry Tuesday from 7-9PST to The Social Hour on Urban Soul Radio (thesocialhr.com)
　
Stay classy and drama free!
Meik

The Blame Game

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 04:43:00 +0000

“Now I’m the kind of guy who don't believe
That chivalry is dead, no
'Cause I believe a woman should be treated
With the utmost respect,
Don't be afraid, don't turn and walk away
I wanna get to know ya, well
Don't be ashamed, don't say that love's to blame
Just come and look me over
You'll find a heart that you've always been looking' for
How could anybody ask for much more,
Now I like opening' doors
Picking' up [Yeah] her hanky [Yeah] off the floor
Treat her like a lady [Treat her like lady]
Light her cigarette if she smokes
Even [Help her with her coat], well
Treat her like a lady [Treat her like lady]
In this world of liberation
it’s so easy to forget
that it's so nice to have a man around
to lend a helping hand, you can bet, bet you can, baby
When I was young, my mama used to say, Boy
A woman's like a flower, with love on her you shower
Ever since that day, her words never went away
I always will remember to treat my baby tender

You'll find a heart that you've always been looking' for
How could anybody ask for much more …”

Do these lyrics look familiar? It’s from the song Treat her like a lady by the Temptations. If you don't know it.. find it on youtube and take a listen.. for the rest of us that are up on our old school music game..let's continue shall we?

This week on The Social Hour we are discussing whether or not chivalry is dead, and in fact, who killed it? Was it the liberated, independent woman? Or was it the lazy arse men that just don’t give a got darn anymore about putting forth their best effort?

Personally, I think chivalry is on life support, and Conrad Killa Murray ain't too far behind it ready to finish it off.. I'm just saying..

It’s funny as I’ve re-entered the dating world with baby steps I’m reminded daily from men I encounter, whether it’s in person or online on Twitter, Facebook, or blogs, that a lot of them don’t give a got doggone darn about chivalry, in fact, they don’t quite seem to know the definition.

I was thinking about dating in high school and college versus now and it’s sad to say, that my experiences in my teens and early 20’s were much more “chivalrous”. Maybe it’s the geographical location of being in smaller cities back then, I don’t know... for example, one guy that I went out with in college, didn’t come at me off the bat with the “lemme get them panties blah blah bullshittah”.. Instead he took the time to get to know me, by dating me, and while we were dating, he always treated me with the utmost respect.

How Meik?

Well, you know I'm oh so glad you asked! First of all, no matter where we were he would always open doors, he would open my car door FIRST and close it, he would even care about whether or not it was too hot or too cold in the car, or his home etc.. He would always let me order first at restaurants, always pull my chair out, in fact, he would help me with my jacket, it boiled down to one thing... he had manners and he was raised to treat women with respect.

Now some of you are saying, girl you were grown, why couldn’t you do that ish yourself?

Well hell, now days you have to. Can I tell you how many times I have gone out over the past few years and mofos will walk straight through a door and will damn sho not even bother to notice that the ish slammed in my face, they will order first b/c they are hungry, and if it’s cold outside, you betta hurry up and get yo arse in the car because he ain’t got time to wait out in the cold, and lawd don’t let it be raining and he has the umbrella..Consider your hair WET and F’d.

I was at a Waffle House in Atlanta last year and a bunch of guys were standing outside the door, not ONE mofo moved a muscle to open the door. I had to f’n say, “sooooo ya’ll see a lady approaching and nobody is going to open the door?!” One responded, “Ooooh my bad, nobody has EVER said anything so I just don’t think about that”.. ninja opened the door, and I thanked him, when I came back out, same thing, opened the door and I thanked him again. Now what does he mean NOBODY ever said a thing?!

WHY is this?

OOOOOOOOOh according to some comments from my Facebook page and twitter:
“Chivalry is dead, and women nowadays don’t deserve it”

“Chivalry is all about being romantic, and we want to feel appreciated, and when we aren’t we just stop putting forth the effort”

“Chivalry, ain’t that dealing with horses and shyt?”

“Women are the ones that should be doing all the chivalry stuff”

Blink.
Blink.
Blink.

SMH WHY LAWD WHYYYYYYYY Didn’t I snatch up one of those men that knew how to act right when I had the chance?!

Sorry. I had a moment. I’m back now, but honestly, I don’t have the answer as to why folks have just decided to toss all good sense out the window.

Imagine if our parents, grandparents, great grandparents had this attitude of why even bother? Hell, most of us probably wouldn’t be here. Growing up, my deddy wouldn’t even let a nucca sit outside blowing the horn for me to come out, if a mofo didn’t have enough respect for me to get his black arse out the car and come to the door, then I wasn’t allowed to go outside to meet him, much less go on the date. Even the thuggish ruggish bone thugs in our city opened doors n ish.. So I ask you fellas, WHY can’t you open doors and just do what should be a form of manners and stop placing emphasis on who deserves it? If you can throw dollars at a chick sliding up and down a stripper pole, and then pick the dollars up to make sho she see em, why the f can’t you open a mofo’n door?!

Would you want your mother or sister getting a door slammed in their face? No, you’d want them to be treated like a lady. All this bs about women not deserving to be treated like a lady is absolute ridiculousness, and THAT is why the independent woman has to be independent and take matters into her own hands. In 2011, women don’t have time for you to sit there and come up with janky arse reasons as to WHY you can’t pull out her chair, open a door, and light her cigarette/cigar/blunt or whatever she smokes, so instead, they do it themselves. Why bother with listening to a brotha moan and groan about what she doesn’t do for him? Tha hell? When did it become all about keeping score? I swear I don’t understand, maybe parents quit teaching these types of things or maybe we as women stopped demanding and expecting these types of things.

On the flip side, women have got to let the men be men. If women continue to step into the man role by doing the pursuing, chasing, opening doors, pulling his mofo’n chair n ish out, what the f else do you expect him to do but start acting girly and not wanting to put forth an ounce of effort?! Then when it’s time for him to move onto the next one, he’s expecting that from every chick he meets... and I tell ya right now, he won’t get far ova cheaaaa with that ish.

Is chivalry really dead? Or has it just phased into every man and woman for themselves? I vote we resurrect the ish before Murray gets a hold of it.. *shrugs*

I don’t know fam, life would probably be a lot simpler if mofos would let go of these ‘new age’ ideas and we go back to the days of the things they sang about just like the Temptations, Treat her like a lady.. I still EXPECT and DEMAND to be treated like one, and one day, maybe I’ll find that rare guy that knows how to treat a woman like she is supposed to be treated.

So what do you think? Shall we continue pointing fingers at each other to determine who KILT the ish? Or shall we find a solution to bring chivalry, respect, expectations, and standards back to the forefront? Or just let the ish continue to die a slow triflin death?

Tune into The Social Hour on Tuesdays from 7-9pm PST check us out on thesocialhr.com and weigh in on the topic.

Until Later,
Meik

Mofo'n Heart on Ice

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 04:45:00 +0000

What's up fam?

This week's topic on The Social Hour (on Urban Soul Radio) poses the question: Are new-age women bred to be anti-relationship?

Of course I thought, why is it that WE as women have to be the anti-relationship mofos? Then I thought, well wait a minute, I'm sure most of us, both women AND men can attest to running like hell away from the commitment chains.. but have you ever thought about WHY?

Of course for some it could be how you were raised, the type of environment you were around, or you just might be trife. On the flip side, it could be a relationship gone all kinds of wrong that sends you running for the hills of solitude with an occasional booty call/jumpoff.

For me, I was never ever ever (u hear me?) EVERRRRRRR getting married.. I haven't witnessed the type of relationships you see on TV, and frankly, I don't know if those exist, so at the age of 10, it was pretty much declared ..I AINT DOING IT. I started to go into explaining why, but I'm not ready to share that but just know the actions of your parents can affect you in so many ways.

ANTYHOO....

I've never had a lot of boyfriends, and never really dated a whole lot, in fact the majority of my 20's were spent with the one man that made me change my views on marriage.. UNTIL.. his arse cheated.. not once.. but twice that I know about and have proof of..

WHAAAATTTTT? Yes I said this mofo cheated. If you have been following my blog, then you already know most of the story..but what you don't know is the story about the first time I caught his arse.

Stroll with me down memory lane, around 2002.. we had been together about 4 or 5 yrs .. at this point we were shacking up, playing house in a city where we didn't know a whole lot of folks, but anyhoo.. I could tell things weren't 100% cuz hell he got on my nerves half the time and we did nothing but argue, but there were some times when he'd tell me he was going to workout at the apartment complex fitness center..and around 11pm...his arse is nowhere to be found, going on trips out of town, mofo'n hangups to the house phone when I answer, hush hush phone convos, ect...but in true "I love he oh so much there's no way he'd lie to me" fashion I chose to ignore the very ish that I KNEW wasn't adding up. Then one day, I'm doing laundry and checking his pockets b/c he had a habit of leaving ish in em..and lo and behold.. a receipt for somewhere that was in the opposite direction of where he told me he was going.. I asked him about it, got some ole bs answer which I accepted and kept in the back of my mind.. next thing that pops up is my best friend hears rumors that he has a jumpoff in Atlanta.. and I notice the same number keeps popping up on our caller id.. but i confront him yet again, and am told that I'm letting people try to break us up.. again, filed to the back of my mind.

Now trust me, I could kick my own arse at this point but hey, I was a dumb arse young girl in love so he could do no wrong. **insert Conrad Murray lip quiver**

Until I talk to a friend and she says check his email. Moi? Be Nosey? NEVERRR ehhh ok.. he went out of town, and I checked and BAM.. evidence right there.. emails back and forth between him and some chick that KNEW he was in a relationship and was so desperate for a man she was kool with being a side piece.. so I called her.. and she confirmed, and we called him and ninja was BUSTED. Needless to say..we broke up.. BUT ole Meik loved that man right down to his dirty draws and gave him another shot..even moved back to the great state of Tennessee for him where we'd spend another couple years together until the verbal abuse set in and the constant lying and eventually I found out he was sleeping with one of my MARRIED sorors that lived in the same apartment complex. (see a previous blog for that story)

Needless to say.. THAT was my final straw and I vowed to never let anyone get close..ever. If you have had your heartbroken then you know what I'm talking about when you put 100% trust in someone and even when you give them a second chance, they stomp on your heart and hand it back to you and dare you to trust them again. THAT mofo is another reason for why I replaced a big ole block of ice in place of my heart..thus making me anti-relationship.

My foray into the dating pool hasn’t been the greatest hence The Mofo Chronicles, but it also appears that women aren’t the only ones that have deep scars making them “anti-relationship”.. I can't tell you the number of men that have resorted to the “non-chasing, non-courting” rule because of ish they’ve been through. They no longer put forth the effort to do ish, but sit their arse there and wait for women to do all the work.

So I stepped away from it all and I decided its best to chuck the deuces before things get too close for comfort and almost 7 years later, I’m still single and look back wondering if I jinxed myself. As I get older, the biological clock is setting in (I'm bout to break the damn thing its ticking so f’n loud) and the thought of growing old alone and never experiencing true unconditional love, without a mofo cheating and lying n ish scares the piss out of me. Seeing one of my best friends marriage up close made me FINALLY realize that, not all marriages or relationships turn out to be drama filled, and that there are couples that truly love each other because they put God first in their relationship.

AH HA! Lightbulb.. THAT is what had been missing all along. God wasn’t a major presence in that raggedy relationship I was in, or any that I had seen, or heard about growing up.. so with that knowledge over the past few years, I can honestly say, I’m not 100% anti-relationship anymore, but I am and will always remain anti-mofo. I'd say the ice is slowly melting away.. but it's a work in progress.

So what makes you anti-relationship?

Tune into The Social Hour EVERY Tuesday from 7-9pm PST! We’ll dig into this topic a little further and take your calls and read your comments on the air! www.thesocialhr.com

Until Later..
Meik

Beautiful Mofos

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 04:36:00 +0000

Welcome back to Mofo's World aka The Mofo Chronicles! If this is your first time visiting, I'm warning you now.. I'm not responsible for ish you do while reading this blog...ENJOY!

Now, I told you guys in the last blog about The Social Hour show on Urban Soul Radio..and each week we will discuss a topic, so this week's topic focuses on beauty..what do you do when your "beautiful" self no longer looks the same to you when you look in the mirror? Now we've all had that moment when one minute you are the ish and everyone's trying to holla, etc.. to the next minute, you look in the mirror and realize something ain't the same.. in the words of H-Town.."the thrill is gone".. your looks have faded into oblivion.. OK, I'm exaggerating, but you get the point..
What you talkin bout Meik? Why.. I'm oh so glad you asked!

Stroll with me down memory lane..

Once upon a time, ole Meik had a bad breakup (with that King Mofo-refer to past blogs for that mutha freakin story..) but I digress.. and some other ish going on in my life, stress + alcohol + lots of partying like its 1999 + no sleep atall = weight gain city and no hopes of it falling the hell off..

However, just like any other hard headed mofo, I didn't pay it any attention, until I went to the doctor and got on the scale and bout had my first Fred Sanford style "I'm coming to join ya 'Lizabeth" type of heart attack.. Anyhoo, so at this point I joined the gym, and I worked out, and drank, and worked out, and drank some more, and worked out..OK you get the point here..and moved to a new city, and partied, and worked out.. never slept etc.. a roller coaster of pure de-damn-struction..then finally.. I sobered up and looked in the mirror.. and realized.. this is not me..this is not the Meik that I know.. this is not the Meik that can walk out of this house CONFIDENTLY.. because.. I am no longer what I deemed as "beautiful."

Now don't get misty-eyed and start acting like T.O.on me just yet fam..but what I'm about to say may seem crazy and extreme to some, but to me, it had to be done... to make a long story short, in 2007 I decided to answer an ad for an audition for a weight loss reality show.. which is how I ended up on CMT's show "I Want to Look Like a High School Cheerleader Again".. it's a spin off of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders: Making the Team show, and if you have watched and seen the likes of Jay Johnson then you already know.. I was scurred. LOL

The show was about 10 former cheerleaders that someone thought would be a good idea to take a spin on cheer camp and have us in the mofo'n desert in a cabin for 8 weeks, cut off from the world, hell civilization, and all we had to do was work out, eat right, and play nice for the cameras.. WELLLLP if you watched the show.. it was definitely an experience that I will never forget, nor will I ever forget the taste of raw cabbage with thousand island salad dressing (vomi-gag dry heaving over here..)..anyhoo while I was out in Cali, literally sweating my arse off (cuz chile we worked out 3-4x a day..yes I said DAY not week..DAY) and trying to find ways to escape like I had been kidnapped or some ish.. I realized that I had learned some valuable lessons..

1. Weight does not define beauty unless you're one of those scrawny arse models getting paid a helluva lot even then its still sketchy lol.

2. My beauty was not all about how I looked, it was what was within and I discovered then that I had other strengths to focus on like my writing, or making people laugh etc..

3. Meik ain't made to be working out in 108 degree weather or living in no damn cabin with 9 heffas in the middle of nowhere LOL..

4. I'm too old to be trying to get remotely close to my anorexic high school weight..I have jacked up knees, and ankles from years of cheerleading, but I finally have tittays.. I should embrace them.

5. The scale is the debbil's invention. As long as I'm healthy, my clothes fit and I don't look like a vienna sausage in em, I'm gucci..<---- see my attempt at hood slang? lmao

But I say all that to say.. it took me going on a national TV show to realize that I have to be happy with who I am no matter how much I weigh..granted on the show that ya'll got to see, I only lost a couple of pounds, but for those of you that saw me in person.. you know I came home feeling confident, sexier than a mofo and a force to be reckoned with.. fast forward to 2011.. OF COURSE I gained a few of those pounds back, but because I am confident in who I am and love myself, it's okay..I'm Beautiful inside and out! (minus my bouts of moodiness but that ain't what we talm bout right now)

Lesson Learned: Love yourself for more than just what you look like, dig deep within them nooks and crannies and find out what makes you special.. because after all, looks fade away, but what's within your heart stays forever.. Tell me.. (or call into the show on Tuesday!).. Does your beauty define who you are?

Stay Classy..
Meik

Mofo Checkin in and Catchin Up

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 04:04:00 +0000

Helllurrrrr my dear Mofo Chronicle-ites! It's been a minute, but I'm back. Let me catch you up on a couple of things before I dig my heels back into blogging...

1. You can catch me on twitter @mofochronicles where the foolishness is always ongoing!

2. I write for Soultrain.com so you can make sure you peep out my interviews with some of your favorite old school artists such as Cherrelle, Lenny Williams, Dave Tolliver, H-Town or some of the newer artists such as El Debarge Jr. and Jason Weaver.. yes.. I said Jason Weaver.. aka lil MJ.. aka Teddy from ATL...aka Marcus from Smart Guy.. you get the point.. anyhoo.. that's what has been keeping me hella busy..

3. My newest venture.. Every Tuesday, you can check me out on The Social Hour (website is www.thesocialhr.com get over there and sign the guestbook and show some love!!) The Social Hour can be heard every Tues from 7-9pm PST (adjust accordingly for your time zone) and its just real talk, grown folks conversation, no holds barred on Urban Soul Radio (that website is www.urbansoulradio.fm) so make sure you hit us up, call in and chat with us.. I should tell you, because of the time difference I'm NOT on there the entire show, just a portion, but that shouldn't stop you from tuning in.. there will be a pop quiz! lol. Make sure to like The Social Hour page on facebook too!

Stay Tuned.. its about to get crraaaaazy round cheeaaaaa!!

Meik..

Without a Trace

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 04:58:00 +0000

Heyyyy Mofo Chronicle-ites!

The good news is I have FINALLY graduated from grad school! YAY..
The bad news is....well.. you might wanna sit down for this one and promise you won't laugh.

Once-ta-pon a time.. I came up with the bright idea that in honor of my idol, future ex uncle in law the late great Michael Jackson I would do something just extra-specialastic.

On August 29th in honor of his 53rd birthday, I took my non cooking arse to the store, bought all the makings of what was gonna be "a healthy dessert"...

eh.. you already know this didn't go the way it should have right?

What happened Meik?

As usual..I'm oh so glad you asked.

KNOWING damn full well, I had a headache, I decided that since I promised MJ in my head that I would make birthday cupcakes in his honor..I MUST forge ahead.. I would hate to disappoint the King of Pop.. (yes I know he wouldn't be able to enjoy the cupcakes..but after you read this..well nevermind.. just keep reading..)

So.. I mix up the ingredients.. Angel Food Cake Mix.. just add water.. stir... my fav kind of recipe. Now, I know some of you are wondering WHY I picked this cake mix.. well.. the box said fat free..that's all I needed to know and I figured with a lil sugar free frosting..this would be semi healthy..right? *shrugs*

So the instructions on the box say that if you make cupcakes you'll end up with 30-35 cupcakes.. hell I might as well have a bake sale, but anyhoo.. I decide I'm only making 12 and throwing the rest of the batter out.. YES I WASTED FOOD AND WHAT?
Don't give me that look.. I have ish to do rather than sit here baking all got doggone night.

So anyhoo.. I put the ish into the lil cupcake thingies and slide into the oven..
moonwalking in the kitchen..sliding around in my socks..singing about cupcakes and Billie Jean.. but, I keep checking to make sure its not overflowing b/c Angel Food cake rises higher than MJ's pants..so, after 20 minutes, I'm thinking ok..this should be ready to come out soon.. I check again.. and what do I find..

sigh..

blink..

blink..

blink...

the cupcake thingies.. empty. No that's not true.. not completely empty.. a lil cupcake residue is left. 12 mofo'n cupcakes..GONE into THIN MOFO'N AIR!!!

You see the pic..the evidence dontcha? Some of my twitter tweepz said put frosting on it and eat the cupcakes anyway.. look closely.. AINT ISH TO FROST!!

If this ain't the debbil's work I don't know what is.

Unless God just knew, I wasn't supposed to eat 12 cupcakes, cuz I dang sho nuff wasn't planning on sharing.

But WHERE ...WHY...HOW..WHAT FURRRRR? WHERE ARE MY CUPCAKES?!

I like to think MJ just got greedy and swooped down when I wasn't looking and carried em back to heaven with his angel wings.. otherwise I'd be at the grocery store tomorrow demanding my money back for these lying ass Angel Food cake mix box instructions that say I can make cupcakes with this ish.

Lesson Learned:
Angel Food cake mix AIN'T to be used for cupcakes..not even for MJ. Next time I'm sticking to wtf I know.. going to the bakery where the ish is already made. Please don't tell my future ex husband..he might think I don't know my way around a kitchen..and trust me.. I know where to hide the ish that's pre-made. LOL..

Happy Birthday MJ .. You are missed!

With L.O.V.E

Meik..

The Problem Solving Mofo

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Thu, 11 Aug 2011 05:54:00 +0000

Hellurrrr my lovely MOFO Chronicle-ites! It's been a crazy few weeks over here...

Have you ever just had one of those days where nothing seems to go right? Car runs out of gas on I-77 during rush hour traffic; you spill your red Kool-Aid (yes I said red) all over your new white shirt; your hands are ashy, baby hair done rolled up and parted ways; you come home to find out the lights and water have been cut off because you forgot to pay the bill; and you just got laid off, and your man is hunching some lil hussy down the street.

Ah yes, the joys of everyday life in the Queen City (or wherever the hell you reside)..

So you pray, fast, meditate, scream, cry, and shout, send out a few tweets ... then on last impulse ... you turn to your group of friends — or with the new Twitter/Facebook craze, you turn to 1,000 of your closest friends.

What to do???

Well, I'm sure everyone knows someone who thinks they know the answer to everything — whether it’s male or female — their answer for EVERYTHING is always the same:

Call the "problem solver"!

Who is that Meik? I'm glad you asked!

Well, lo and behold, it's a bird, it's a plane, no wait, it's Captain Save-A-Hoe's lil brother Captain Long Stroke or his twin sister Princess Puss in (thigh-high) Boots.

Their specialty?

Yep, you got it: Sex you down — problem solved.

Now, I don't know about you my dear readers, but if I tell you that my eyeball just fell out into my hand, a mofo better not fix their lips to tell me that sex is going to solve that. Instead, I'm gonna need someone to call 9-1-1 or drive a sista to the hospital! Let me get my ish re-attached before you have someone getting their freak on!

It amazes me how sex has relaxed beyond it’s "casual" means. Don't get me wrong, sex is a beautiful thing, but come on, can it really solve the fact that coolant is leaking from the car and onto the driveway? Can it REALLY solve the fact that a mofo doesn't know how they are gonna make ends meet and still have food on the table?

Well, on second thought, if you play that gold-digger card it just might get it fixed. But I digress..

At what point in our lives is it time to realize that the "problem solvers" can't actually SOLVE the problem? All it does is makes you forget for a little while, it's purpose is to throw a Band-Aid on it and become a TEMPORARY solution over the real problem.

My advice?

I always follow the rules of the corporate world: business before pleasure.

If you handle your business, things can be solved. Then afterwards, if you wanna call the problem solver to clear out the cob webs, then do you boo boo!

Until later..
Meik..

Survival of the Fittest

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Mon, 25 Jul 2011 04:21:00 +0000

Hey Fam!! *blows the cobwebs off the blog* I AM BACK! I don't know if you missed me, but I sure missed you guys! Anyhoo.. I felt like this blog posting was appropriate since the crazy arse that inspired it was just found guilty of murder on Friday..

The blog is a throwback from 2009 when I was blogging for Creative Loafing Charlotte.. but the message is still an important one..Enjoy!

***************************************

Boy meets girl. Boy invites girl over to his house. Girl goes over there and is never heard from again.

Sadly, this scenario occurs most often than not, and most recently in the news with one of the mofos of the year in Cleveland, Ohio.

Oh come on now, if you haven’t been getting your daily dose of CNN, then I suggest you run to the nearest TV: but here’s a Meik version recap, pay attention this is gonna go fast:

An ex marine, convicted rapist/sex offender lures 11 (or more) women to his crib, kills them all, buries them in and around the house like they are nothing but pieces of home decor.

Caught up now? Good. Let’s proceed.

I get that it’s cute and gives you the sniggles when you meet a new Romeo or Juliet and you click, sparks are flying everywhere and all you want to do is spend time with them.

Now, that’s all fine and good, but with the way folks are raising crazy mofos like farmers are growing veggies and ish, you gotta be careful with who you spend time with. I spoke it on it before and all I can do is hope you go back and read the blog called Screening is Essential.

Now, Meik is one cautious chick, granted I think everyone and their mammy is crazy until proven otherwise, but until I’ve had the chance to screen you, there will be NO visiting the house; mine or yours mmk?!

And as for buying me a drink? You got a sista munked up if you think I’m sending you to the bar ALONE to get me a Bacardi and sprite — date rape drug — HELLO??!!!

Going back to the case of the crazy mofo in Cleveland, I, for the life of me cannot understand how or why even women under the influence of crack, alcohol, or any damn thing could remotely listen to his ass and follow him back to his house. Has anyone seen what he looks like?! Granted looks aren’t everything but come on, really?! Further more, I’m not understanding how his small ass (stench and all, because you know that house was funkier than hell and I’m almost positive the smell was coming out his nasty lil pores, but I digress) but I’m not getting why on first sniff, these women didn’t run like hell or try to drown his ass in some soap and water.

Again, I digress, clearly this case has struck a nerve and a half with me.

But if you just HAVE TO please remember the following important things if you don’t listen to shit else I ever say or read another word I write:

1. Always tell someone where you are going, and if you have no friends or fam to speak of, keep your cell phone handy to call 911.

2. Just like my grandma told me, I’m telling ya’ll — Never leave home without your best friend: MACE.

3. If you just have to go to the person’s house. Don’t go alone, take someone with you. However, I just wanna know what happened to meeting folks in public places when you haven’t known each other very long?

4. Google is another good friend, and hell nowdays so is all the social networking sites, you know someone is gonna know his/her crazy ass. Do your research ahead of time so you don’t get caught up in no crazy situations.

5. This one is just for future reference: if you go to a mofos house and it smells rotten as hell in there oh let’s say like decomposing bodies. It probably ain’t the damn trash that stinks — that mofo probably been up to no good — don’t you watch Lifetime Movie Network?!

Lesson Learned: Stay alert, and always notify someone of where you are going. But if all else fails, kick that mofo where the sun don’t shine and RUN! Be safe out there fam

Love ya'll!
Meik

L.O.V.E. Letter

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Fri, 24 Jun 2011 16:48:00 +0000

What's happenin fam? Many of you that follow my blog know I posted a Letter to My First Love after MJ passed away in 2009. With it being 2 years on 6/25 I felt like writing another one. It's kind of rough, but I wanted to share it with you..
With the L.O.V.E
Meik..

***********************************************

Dear MJ,

It’s been two long years since God called you home, and you were Gone too Soon.
I Remember the Time when I first fell in love..
I was a PYT when I first heard your voice through my parents stereo, every note, lyric and the beat made me want to Rock With You and Blame it on the Boogie. I couldn’t help but ask Who Is It and I learned very quickly that you were about to be responsible for forever changing the world of music as we knew it at the time.
As I sat glued to the television watching you debut the infamous moonwalk across the stage. I dreamed that just maybe I could one day be a Dancing Machine.. then I realized me with my accident prone self trying to slide across the floor in my socks could be Dangerous.
I respected your hustle, because your diligence, creativity, persistence, and phenomenal talent broke down barriers and paved the way for the future. I thank you for that, because who knows where the state of music and music videos would be today.
I still can't watch Thriller without remembering the sleepless nights I had wondering if a mummy was going to bust out of the floor and snatch me up. But that never stopped me from wanting to be the object of your affection in your short films aka videos, but that’s just The Way You Make Me Feel, like I could be your Liberian Girl changing the world just like in the movies. Sometimes, I often thought to myself, I Wanna be Where You Are, but then again, in my head I was your Girlfriend. Sounds Off the Wall doesn’t it?
I love that there is no other performer that could bring an entire crowd to tears with just their mere stage presence without uttering a single word…that uncanny ability is Bad.
No matter how big of an international sensation you became, you took the time to try to Heal the World and make sure that we knew that it was time to make a change by starting with the Man in the Mirror.
When others tried to imitate you, I wanted them to just keep it In the Closet because it just wasn't the same.
While some wondered about your eccentric ways, I knew better. Game recognizes game. You knew just how to strike a chord with your finely tuned public relations savvy..but when it got out of hand and the tabloids kept hitting you below the belt, seems like they always Wanna be Starting Something, but you didn't let that deter you. Instead you retaliated and told them in only a way that you can, Leave Me Alone...
Al Sharpton called it like it was.. you were never what they referred to as a freak, you just learned how to deal with a freakish situation. No one could possibly understand being in the public eye for more than 40 years. Then again, it’s the media, They Don’t Care About Us, so I don’t blame you one bit for wanting to have to Scream! I would have told all of those mofos to Beat It!

As I got older, I felt I had to Ease on Down the Road but I never strayed too far. I began my affair with hip hop, and R&B. Say, Say, Say, I found out the hard way, none of them could hold a candle to you. I came back, and This Time Around, I wasn’t going anywhere. My love for you was Unbreakable.
As the years went by, I barely recognized you, but, it never really mattered to me if you were Black or White because you still gave me Butterflies. Every song, every video, every dance step made me want to Jam and to this day, I still do.

Finally, at 50 years old you uttered the words I longed to hear... you announced your comeback tour, I knew that at that moment, the King of Pop was back and I could once again Smile... music was about to return to the way it should be, the way I remembered...
But before you could hit the stage, the unthinkable happened.
Your final curtain call came sooner than expected. This is it.
June 25, 2009 my heart shattered into pieces as I watched the news in absolute horror..all I could do was blink and blank stare at the TV and at my twitter timeline..and whisper Tell me I’m Not Dreaming.

Because just like that..
Another Part of Me now gone from my Childhood.
A world without MJ means there Ain’t no Sunshine.. And I can’t continue to question Why so I just have to chalk it up to Human Nature. I suppose there’s no exact way to tell the angels that Heaven Can Wait, because You Can’t Win that battle.
Besides, God needed you to entertain his heavenly angels. Don’t you worry, I no longer Cry but instead I celebrate the legacy you left behind because I Just Can’t Stop Loving You.One thing is for certain,
I Never Can Say Goodbye to my first love...especially to a man that crooned to me I’ll be There.. if only we had One More Chance.
You will be in my heart Forever Michael..
RIP Michael J. Jackson, King of Pop

Love,
Meik

More of the Real Dealz

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Fri, 06 May 2011 04:49:00 +0000

What’s happening fam? I hope you got the opportunity to check out Dealz and his father Jackie Jackson on the Monique Show on May 4th, if you didn’t you missed a helluva interview and performance. First, Jackie has got to be the finest 60 year old I’ve ever seen, he’s so got doggone smooth and laid back its ridiculous. I love him. Second, I always knew Dealz was a cutie, but forget that, he is beyond FINE. The Monique show was Dealz first national television performance and I was impressed, granted I already love the song “That’s How I Feel,” but seeing him actually perform it with no lip synching ish going on and his lil two step, well let’s just say he had me about to tell him how I feel LOL. But seriously, Dealz did a great job for his first performance and I’m extremely proud of him, my mother on the other hand can’t stop talking about him, and that’s huge, she doesn’t listen to rap and doesn’t like it, but you throw on a Dealz track and she is grooving. I love that he has a sense of humor, if you caught the interview with Monique, then you know exactly what I mean.
Anyway, I just wanted to give Dealz his props for his performance before I jump into Part II. I also want to take a second to thank each and every one of you that have read the blogs on this site as well as my guest blog entry on www.sound-savvy.com, I appreciate it more than you can ever know. Enough mushy stuff.. here's Part II. Enjoy!

***************************************

Poetry In Motion: More of The Real Dealz By Shameika Rene’

As you’ve already read, Dealz is certainly a man that stands out, but what you don’t know is despite his last name, he’s pretty grounded. “I’ve been through alot and being in this business has taught me a whole new level of patience,” says Dealz. I’m a very normal guy, I didn’t moonwalk, my uncle did.” (Should I mention here that I still can’t moonwalk despite all my efforts at sliding across the kitchen floor in my socks?)

Just like his aunts and uncles, Dealz appreciates everyone that supports his music, “using the word fans is so degrading, I prefer to call them friends that I just haven’t met yet.” He’s very approachable, as long you don’t come out the side of your neck with some mess, so a word of advice, if you see him out, be respectful, he’s human just like you are. Treat people the way you want to be treated. That's the end of my sermon.

Now some of you may be scratching your heads trying to figure out where you’ve seen Dealz before. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you. Remember that swexxy man on the Harley at the end of Aaliyah’s “One in a Million” video? Yep, that’s Dealz. (I’ll wait while you run to YouTube to check. I ain’t lying, that’s him!) Or maybe you’ve seen him in the movie “Biker Boyz”, or more recently, maybe you’ve seen him on my favorite reality show “The Jacksons: A Family Dynasty.” Regardless of where you may have seen him, you definitely haven’t seen the last of Dealz. He is a force to be reckoned with and intent on bringing “good music” back to the forefront. “My uncle Michael gave a piece of his soul every time he wrote a song or stepped onto the stage to sing, and that’s what I aim to do every time I perform. The day I give up giving a piece of my soul, is the day I’ll stop doing music,” says Dealz. (THIS is why I luv he.)

Dealz is also all about the spreading the message of L.O.V.E. just like his uncle, “It’s all about sending a message and being able to help. People have forgotten how to live and realize that it’s okay to help people, its okay to be kind to those that are in trouble. My uncle always said there is nothing like being able to help others.” *cues “Heal the World”*

When Dealz isn’t in the studio or performing, you can find him following his other passion, “anything that burns gas, motorcycles, muscle cars, you name it.” While he’s no stranger to burning up the road himself, he’s also an avid race fan that enjoys watching everything from Rally Racing to NASCAR.

Dealz is also good with his hands (oh the things I want to say, but can’t since I’m being a respectable southern gal), but he even builds cars! “I’ve always been into cars and bikes, my father used to race in celebrity races, and when my cousins were off playing, I’d be the one with my Uncle Tito building carburetors. I love anything that burns gas and goes fast,” says Dealz. (Somehow I don’t think he means fast girls, I’m just saying)

Dealz is also fueling his passion for cars by honoring Michael Jackson’s memory, “We just built a custom dedication vehicle to my Uncle Michael named Melody. It’s a 2005 black and red Mustang with custom interior, with about 550 Horsepower under the hood.” I’m sure Michael would have loved it since that car is Bad! (Pun totally intended!)

Oh yeah ladies, Dealz is single, but he’s married to the music business right now. (I just love me a man that’s about his business don’t you?) So, for now, (or right after you run to iTunes and purchase his single “That’s How I Feel”) you can follow him on twitter @OfficialDealz or check out his website www.officialdealz.com. Tell him Meik sent ya.

The Real 'Dealz'

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Tue, 03 May 2011 02:09:00 +0000

Hellurrrr Lovebugs!
I know it's been a minute, but trust me, this blog post means more to me than you can ever know. I swore I was done with spotlighting non-mofos until this opportunity fell into my lap.

If you follow me on twitter, or hell pay close enough to my blogs, then you already know that I am a huge fan of the black folks royal fam.

Still clueless?

Lemme give you another hint.. without the vision of a crane operator from Gary, Indiana and a woman of strength, wisdom and nurturing, today’s entertainment world would be completely different. **ill wait while you think about that**

Still clueless?

Well, for those of you that aren’t on the shawt bus, yes you got it..I’m talking about THE JACKSONS!<------ insert an ear piercing squeal here!

First let me explain why this is huge to me, growing up I knew there was one thing that I wanted to do more than anything in this world and that was to work in television or radio. I also knew that my goal was to one day interview one of the Jacksons, more specifically, Michael Joseph Jackson. He's the man that showed every last one of us that hard work, dedication and talent can make dreams come true. The man that showed us that its possible to break down barriers and make a name for ourselves, and to help those that are less fortunate. On a more personal level, MJ showed me that its okay to be creative and to follow your vision despite the naysayers. Look at all of his groundbreaking short films, dance moves, his life in general. So for that alone, that man meant a lot to me and it pushed me every time someone called me (and ya’ll mofos still do) weird, or crazy, or whatever.. As any budding journalist, I did the research on the entire family, but unfortunately, I never got the chance in this lifetime to meet or talk to the man I admired. So with that being said, being able to talk to one of his family members is HUGE..

Needless to say, I got my networking on and I got the opportunity to chat with one of the Jacksons, and let me tell you, I was a complete nervous wreck ALL DAY.. but once we got the ball rolling on the convo, I felt completely at ease (after all, in my head we're family...). Since this blog is a bit longer than the guest blog I did for www.sound-savvy.com, (make sure you check it out) this one will be a 2 part blog. So without further ado.. Here's part one:

********************************************************************

Poetry In Motion: The Real Dealz by Shameika Rene'

Allow me to introduce to you a man that has effortlessly captured the essence of what it means to pour your heart and soul into your craft. He’s not the soft spoken type of Jackson that we are all used to, instead, Siggy Jackson better known as Dealz is probably that one Jackson that they don’t want you to know about. He’s the Jackson that you just never know what he might say, but ultimately, Dealz is one of the nicest, most down to earth type of guys that I’ve EVER had the pleasure of talking to, and actually enjoyed the conversation.

Dealz is the son of Jackie Jackson, yes, ya’ll...that means the late undisputed King of Pop, Michael Jackson is his uncle, but slow ya roll, that’s not the point of the blog.

Who is Dealz?

I’m glad you asked..

Dealz Jackson is a talented rapper and songwriter, motorcycle and car enthusiast, and a pretty normal guy. (and if I can help it..nevermind….this ain't about that right now..I digress..)

In a family full of singers, Dealz was the one that ventured into his own lane, “when we did talent shows when I was a kid, in front of my aunts and uncles, that’s nerve wracking enough, but everyone else was singing and I always rapped. Singing has never been my strong suit, and I won’t hide behind a façade and say it is. Besides, rap is in my heart, to me it’s more poetic,” says Dealz. “Rap has always been considered as gangsta music, but it’s actually just more passionate than anything.”

And boy does Dealz have a way with words. His new single “ That's How I Feel” features his father Jackie and his uncle Jermaine Jackson. (if you know what I know, you’ll run to iTunes right now and purchase it cuz its fiyyyaaaahhhh!!) Combined with their smooth sultry timeless vocals, Dealz adds lyrics that give off a sensual poetic vibe “My father and uncle came to me with the song already finished, they said they didn’t know what else to do with it, so I said, let me have it, I know exactly what to do with it. The song is me basically telling my father how I feel about women. You don’t have to call women names and demean and degrade them just to have a song.”

I swear this song has me feeling some kind of way every time I listen to it, and no I won’t share those feelings, that’s between me and God and Dealz (yes I told him, don’t judge me). He also writes all of his songs, “there’s no Milli Vanilli stuff going on over here, I do it all.” *swoon*

Dealz is one lucky guy, he has the opportunity of a lifetime that most artists will never get to witness up close and personal, and that is the Jackson magic in the studio, “It’s a great feeling watching my father and uncle work together again after all these years, seeing them being able to pull everything together is awesome.”

His album isn't expected to drop until sometime over the summer, but a few more singles will be released first. (no I'm not telling you which ones.. you have to WAIT for it like the rest of the world).. However, Dealz promises me that a hot video for the single, “That's How I feel” is on the way. (Dang it..I was hoping I could make a cameo and be his video chick, eh well…maybe next time )

Don’t think that Dealz just hopped into the music game because of who his family is, “Music has always been a part of me, but I decided to pursue it because I wanted to bring a change to music. It’s not about the money or material things, for me music is more about helping others, if they get something out of the music, then I’ve done my job”...spoken like a man that knows how to follow his heart and passion.

Despite being a Jackson, Dealz is all about paving his own way. “Nothing has ever been handed to me; I have worked hard for everything that I have. I went through a lot to get here. I started out doing street promotions for artists and have worked my way up from there, it’s important that I do continue to represent my family, but more importantly continue to respect the name and brand that they have worked to build.”

Dealz listens to all kinds of music, and just like me, he loves old school music, but for who he’d like to work with in the future he says, “it’s hard to pick out a couple of artists because there is so much talent out there. It comes down to who wants to work with me, and who the Lord picks to work with me.” lawd ya'll.. that man.. just .. whew.. fine, talented, and loves the Lord **passes out**

This my friends..is the end of part one.. but until I post part deux (that's 2 for the shawt bus folks) you can follow Dealz on twitter @OfficialDealz and catch him and his father Jackie on the Monique Show on May 4th at 11pm on BET...

Ya'll stay classy!

Meik..

Purple Rain with Thunder n' Lightning

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 04:43:00 +0000

What's happening sweet peas?! First let me start by saying this: IF you have the opportunity to see Prince in concert.. GO!!!! You won't regret it! I am still in shock that I was breathing the same air as his purple badness but that's not the point of this blog.. what happened after the concert is. This is why I should learn to not make eye contact with folks or speak when spoken to.

What you mean Meik?

oooooooh I'm glad you asked!

I went to the concert with two of my gal pals and as we were leaving, what I thought was a sweet 62 year old gentleman (sn: he's white) smiles at us, and of course, we have manners so we smile back.. I'm gonna call him "NYC" ..make it a lil easier..

Now hold on.. put your drink down..this is gonna go fast and I can't be responsible if you choke on whatever's in your red plastic cup..

Good? Ok keep reading..

Mr. NYC says.. "hey, do ya'll like pink?"

Blink blink blink.. now if you know me.. you already know my mind went completely left and I have the "say what now" look on my face until I realize..he has on a pink shirt, with pink cuff links.. OH. he means his outfit..not what's down below. blink.

He even boiled his diamond earrings in water so they'd shine. hey.. don't get mad at me.. I don't make this ish up..that's what his arse told us.. but them thangs was shining like hell.. I'm just saying.

So he informs us that this is his second time seeing Prince and he offers to buy us some tshirts after rambling on and on about how he loves to dance and black women love to see him dance (I swear I think he said that ish for my benefit..cuz I was the only obvious black girl standing there..my one friend can pass either way, and the other girl was white)..

So.. we head to the tshirt table..and everything in my soul is saying DON'T DO IT RECONSIDER..TAKE YO AZZ HOME.. next thing I know.. ole NYC is feeling willy nilly and unbuttoning his shirt.. gray chest hairs swirling all out in the open and he RETCHES down in his MURSE and pulls out some cologne and squirts the ish all over his neck, and probably half of my friend's face..he whips open his wallet to pay for our tshirts..and then he announces "I hope I get something for these $40 tshirts I just bought and I don't mean a thank you"..

Oh gawd..

I'm hyperventilating..and my soul is still screaming.. TAKE YO AZZ HOME.. but the two heffas I'm with have now become buddy buddy with NYC's sidekick that I just noticed was standing there along with 2 other chicks.. geez.. we have a whole lil private party huh?

So we figure..what's the harm in one drink at Mez? Nothing is wrong..specially since he said he'd pay for it LOL..

hey.. don't judge.. you know damn hell well you'd be all about this mofo too.. tho red flags are popping up left and right..

Especially the lil flag when he cracked open his murse and said " hey I got some joints in here..ya wanna smoke?" uh no sir..no ma'am no girl.. no way.

Fast forward to Mez..those heffa bishes sit on the other side of the table so I am the lucky one that gets to sit beside NYC.. so you ALREADY KNOW this ain't even about to go down like it should.

He leans over and asks for some gum.. oh ok..kool so I RETCH in my purse and pull out a stick of gum and hand it to him.. he shakes his head.

Oh..silly me.. so i unwrap it..and try to toss it in his wide open mouth.. and just when I think I'm in the clear....

SCHLLLLLLLLURRRRRRRPPPP..

Yeah.. mouth closed on my finger..sucking it.

omg.

omg.

I can't breathe.

I manage to get my finger back and just as I'm about to get my ass up to flee to the bathroom THIS MOFO unbuttons his shirt even more..informs me that he doesn't wear underwear and reaches over and runs his finger all up under my chin and licks his finger.

*faints* eww. just ewww.

He then jumps up and says..wait.. I swear fo gawd.. I am not making this ish up..

He says: I WANT A MENAGERIE.

blink.
blink.
blink.

hmmm. Now.. I ain't claiming to be a damn genius..but a menagerie is where the hell you keep got dayum animals. The poor dear pointed at the three of us and repeated the ish..MENAGERIE! I HOLLARED. I said ya'll he means ménage à trois and his arse ain't getting that ish from over cheaaaaa..

Two of us make our escape to the bathroom..and I being the country mofo-tastical heffa I can be kicked off my glitter boots and sat my lil self on the sink to drink my margarita as we plotted on how to get out of this situation.. welllllp.. I'm a resourceful gal ya know.. so I showed some chick in the bathroom a pic of my other friend (since the heffa wasn't responding to my text messages of RET TA GO NOW) and finally got her away from NYC..

Funny thing is.. NYC had to leave anyway.. apparently his wife told him to bring his arse home.

Oh and don't you worry.. I washed my hand and face REPEATEDLY until I dang near rubbed the color off..

So the moral of this story is this.. don't talk to strangers or accept gifts like Prince tshirts and drinks.. eh well...maybe that part was worth it? LOL..I blame Prince.. he got mofos thinking ish like this is sexy. that is all.

Until later..

Stay classy!
Meik

Dolla Dolla Billz Ya'll

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Fri, 18 Mar 2011 04:35:00 +0000

HELLLLURRRRRRR **in my Madea voice** I have heard I've been missed and guess what suga dumplings? I've missed you too!!
I started to write about one thing tonight, but something is just pulling and tugging at my soul right now.. maybe its leftover propofol (that's another story).. I don't know..

But I was chatting with a friend about places to meet folks and this ish popped up in my head and I've been dying laughing ever since.

Stroll with me down memory lane.. (I told ya'll I bout got Conrad Murray'd so I can't recall the date or year right now).. antyhoo..

I'm minding my own lil biz-nass chatting it up with a friend of mine over 3 dollar martinis.. (oh how I miss a good ole glass of alcohol..I digress)..

First lemme stop right here.. lemme set this scene.. two single chicks.. sipping on drinks kee-kee'ing it up.. and a mofo slinks his way over trying to holla at ONE of the chicks.. the one in question of course is me. ooh happy joy joy!

The conversation is awkward, as it is when one tries to holla at one chick with 2 sitting there.. which reminds me, ya'll mofos are bold as hell aintcha?

Anyway.. to make a long story short.. I being the good drunk I was raised to be have already downed a couple martinis working on a couple more.. we ask for the checks.. cuz we're ready to wrap this ish up and make this mofo kick rocks ya heard?

I just can't.

I can't tell ya'll the AUDACITY of a mofo right now..

ok you twisted my arm..

This ninja.. in the words of my auntie RETCHES his hand under the table to hand me some wadded up cash.

Oh yes..u heard me right..

He leans over and says.. "that's for your drinks..."

now.. I'm no mathematician and can barely balance a checkbook but what I do know is 3 or 4 $3 martinis don't equal $5.

blink

blink

blink

For the life of me.. I don't understand his logic... but I aint but so got dayum crazy.. I just took it, thanked him and paid the rest myself LOL..

Lesson Learned: hell ain't one.

Ya'll be good..

Meik

Mingling with Mofos

noreply@blogger.com (~Meik) — Fri, 11 Feb 2011 03:31:00 +0000

What up fam? With CIAA approaching us in the Queen City.. I thought now would be a good time to dig into my blog bag.. this post was the first one I wrote for Creative Loafing in 2009.. Enjoy!

*************

Remember the days of those middle school dances … boys on one side of the room, the girls on the other?

Your favorite jam comes on … you sway, maybe even two step a lil’ bit … hoping and praying and wishing upon every star there is that one of them mofos on the other side of the room will step to you?

Both sides of the room start staring each other down, then bashfully looking away, then taking a chance to take a sneak peek to see if they might be looking?

Well, the social scene in the Queen City as a grown-ass adult … is no different.

For the life of me I cannot understand why its so hard to mingle with folks at social events. I thought maybe it’s a fluke, but after hitting up a few parties over the past couple of years — same ole ish, different day/party

Some say it’s because of the cliques that have formed, others say its because, simply put, it is what it is.

So I just had to put together a list of helpful hints so that mixing and mingling is a lil’ less Queen City Middle School-esque:

1. Fellas: If a female walks up to you and says hello … there’s absolutely no need for you to start displaying bitchassness qualities by freaking out like she’s trying to propose. All the mofo said was “HELLO” … a simple “HELLO” in response is all we are asking for.

2. Ladies: If a man buys you a drink, it don’t mean you have to give up the drawz. Take the drink and keep it moving. And men, if we accept the drink, that DOES NOT mean we are now damn-near engaged and you are going to the crib for the night. It is what it is. You bought the drink. Thanks.

3. Staring is just rude. At least do the 3 second rule: Look, hold three seconds, then turn ya damn head. Or put on your big boy boxers or your big girl thongs and open your mouth and speak.

4. I get that you came to the party/event with your crew, but cliques are soooooo 90s. Break out of the group and mingle! Networking is so NOW!

5. And lastly, if you finally make that move to mingle and you are met with a blank stare and a rapid succession of blinks (as I’m known to give folks), don’t give up. Just say nice meeting you and take your ass on to the next person…

Lesson Learned: Fam, we are grown. Time to ditch the security blanket called your clique once we enter a social event. Hell, you never know who you might meet